Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are no longer the most important woman in your son’s life. You remain the most important woman in your daughters life.

You win, this right here sums it up perfectiy.

Ok but can't he still remain her son?

Duh! Of course he is still her son. But she’s no longer #1

Are you that obsessed with being "#1" in your daughter or son's life, for ALWAYS? I'm not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I sure hope this isn't true. I have two boys and I would be heartbroken if they no longer considered me part of their family. Also, because I don't have a daughter, I hope that when/if they marry I will have that opportunity with DIL.

How do you know they won't end up single, or gay? Why do you think you have this all mapped out?

Moron. Note to self - make sure ds' marry a woman that has good reading comprehension.

[Anonymous]

My mom and dad are much closer to my husband than they are to my brother. They really rely on him and totally love him. Granted that my brother (and his wife) has/ve issues but my parents are about as comfortable with my husband as they are with any of me or my sisters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are no longer the most important woman in your son’s life. You remain the most important woman in your daughters life.

You win, this right here sums it up perfectiy.

Ok but can't he still remain her son?

Of course he does but it seems the MIL's don't think so and start acting in a competitive way. I'm not sure what drives the fear but the trouble in my experience mostly starts with the MIL.

This saying isn't true in our family. I'm not close to my MIL after horrendous treatment in the beginning but my DH is still very close to her. I have never interred in their relationship although my MIL has tried to interfere in our marriage, including lying about me. I have found that if a mother says that she is close with her son then trouble will follow after the marriage. There seems to be a fear that things will change or the son will be more distant or she can't let go of being her son's main influence. DH handles all communication with her including gifts. We don't do dinners, vacations or holidays with them though. We would have if MIL hadn't been so nasty in the beginning, it set up a very tense relationship that never recovered.

BIL doesn't have anything to do with MIL or FIL. However his wife, so their DIL has been very good with seeing them often and taking the grandchildren to see them.

I think times have changed where women are expecting men to handle their own family relationships, I think this will continue to be the way it is now that women are working and don't have as much time and energy to take on all the responsibility.

So if the son isn't interested then that's on him, take it up with him, it's not on your DIL to force relationships. How many men facilitate the relationship between their wife and MIL, practically none, they aren't blamed if there isn't a visit or gift, I think older women will have to accept that times have changed.

[Anonymous]

No. I know a lot of families that are closer to his family of origin than hers. It varies from family to family. The key is to raise your son to respect all family and when he is grown, he will choose a partner who does the same. The ones I find who most resemble this cliche are the ones where the mother had a very strained relationship with her in-laws. You live it, you teach that it is acceptable or normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.

It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?

Spoken like another ignorant American.

This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.

My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not at all. Pathetic thing girl moms say as an excuse to over-insert themselves.

LOL! I think you mean pathetic thing boy moms say as an excuse why the sons they raised are 100% disinterested in extended family life.

Who are you talking about? Sorry you married a douche. Classy guys respect and love their moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.

It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?

Spoken like another ignorant American.

This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.

My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.

Sad, but true. As someone from latin America this is my observation as well. We are all close to our parents, men and women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.

It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?

Spoken like another ignorant American.

This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.

My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.

I’ve lived in several developing countries in Latin America and Asia. I have observed there how stressed and depressed middle class young married women and mothers are. And they are unable to complain or seek medical assistance. Many would accept medication to help them cope if their husbands and in-laws would allow them to do so. A good friend had a nervous breakdown because her MIL put herself in charge of her postpartum diet with the goal of making sure that she could breastfeed and be back at her pre-pregnancy weight by 2 months to keep her DH’s attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.

It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?

Spoken like another ignorant American.

This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.

My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.

If Americans, American culture and American families are so terrible, why oh why do you put up with us? Life is so much better elsewhere, clearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not at all. Pathetic thing girl moms say as an excuse to over-insert themselves.

LOL! I think you mean pathetic thing boy moms say as an excuse why the sons they raised are 100% disinterested in extended family life.

Who are you talking about? Sorry you married a douche. Classy guys respect and love their moms.

No, my husband is great and is connected with his family. Sorry you can't handle your mean-spirited sweeping generalization being challenged, but I just did. You want to say "pathetic girl moms" cause this dynamic? Fine. Handle it better when someone turns it around and says it's "pathetic boy moms."

You can dish it out, but you can't take it. Cuts both ways, sweetie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.

It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?

Spoken like another ignorant American.

This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.

My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.

Sad, but true. As someone from latin America this is my observation as well. We are all close to our parents, men and women.

So why oh why do you endure the horrid United States, with all of its broken families? Why not go live in these wonderful places where families are close and perfect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.

It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?

Spoken like another ignorant American.

This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.

My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.

You need to get out more. My family on both sides is loving, functional, close knit, helpful and caring and this is true for my friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.

It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?

Spoken like another ignorant American.

This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.

My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.

That's great that you have a loving family, just like billions of other people all around the world. I agree that it does help when you have dozens of people you can lean on.

However haven't you read the horror family threads that are Asian related. There are some really crazy stories about Asian MIL's as well. I doubt it's just an American thing, I would say it's just a human thing considering so many people of different nationalities suffer the same problems all over the world.

And some Asian countries are up there for anti-depressant use and extremely high suicide rates so perhaps there are issues there as well. It's a worldwide problem in which many countries including Europe, UK and elsewhere have seen a massive rise in the use of anti-depressants in the past few years. Before you go to say other countries are happier, it's often the case that developing countries don't have the medical care available to people or they don't have the money to fund the medication they need or there is a stigma in taking it. The reasons for the rise vary as well, including the fact that doctors are now prescribing them for things that in the past they didn't, the fact that some people stay on medication when they no longer need it and that education means that people are now seeking help for mental health related issues and that's only a couple of the reasons why. Considering this is a worldwide issue I doubt it relates to American culture alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.

It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?

Spoken like another ignorant American.

This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.

My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.

You sound very needy and subservient. Must be a cultural thing?