Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is your DD a daughter for life in a way that your DS is not? That's the part to focus on.

Because when son marries his wife is #1 priority and he forgets about his mom. If mom and dil do not get along then mom will be toast.

I pity you if you married a man like that.

Some of us married fully-formed, grown-ass men who know how to balance. He stays connected with his family, which requires some time and effort and care and planning. He stays connected with me and with our kids, which requires time, effort, care and planning. He also makes gestures to connect with my family. This is how adults go through life with family and friends.

No need to pity me. Husbands mom was dead before we met. Just an observation outside my own experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you find this statement to be true ?

In some cultures, the sentiment is the exact opposite.

Yes. Traditionally in India women were so happy to have a son, because the sons were thought to always be part of the family, get inheritance and give elderly parents financial support. Daughters on the other hand are viewed as a liability and will be married off to join their husbands family. This is what my Indian Mil told me. Except what I see in the Indian American community is that the sons hardly ever even call their moms and the daughters don’t give their inlaws the time of day! They look out for their own parents. Go figure.

Maybe in the past not anymore. Even then, daughters end up being the main caretakers for the most part.

Yep, my Mil said that daughters are the main caretakers of their inlaws.

She may be in for a surprise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very true. Even to the extent that my MIL doesn’t help us but says she’ll help her daughter.

Why do you EXPECT help? You are not her daughter. Whether she helps her daughter or not is none of your business.
Be an adult and take care of your own life.

Because you should equally help and visit both of your children. It hurts dhs feelings and he’s gotten closer to my parents as a result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you find this statement to be true ?

In some cultures, the sentiment is the exact opposite.

Yes. Traditionally in India women were so happy to have a son, because the sons were thought to always be part of the family, get inheritance and give elderly parents financial support. Daughters on the other hand are viewed as a liability and will be married off to join their husbands family. This is what my Indian Mil told me. Except what I see in the Indian American community is that the sons hardly ever even call their moms and the daughters don’t give their inlaws the time of day! They look out for their own parents. Go figure.

I don’t see this at all. Most Indian-American sons I know are very close to their parents. Additionally, I *often* hear stories from my (Indian) MIL about the wonderful sons her friends have, and how good they are to their mothers: taking them traveling, fixing things in their homes, buying generous gifts, etc.

I think she’s just dropping hints, but I think much of it is true!

[Anonymous]

Not at all. Pathetic thing girl moms say as an excuse to over-insert themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you find this statement to be true ?

In some cultures, the sentiment is the exact opposite.

Yes. Traditionally in India women were so happy to have a son, because the sons were thought to always be part of the family, get inheritance and give elderly parents financial support. Daughters on the other hand are viewed as a liability and will be married off to join their husbands family. This is what my Indian Mil told me. Except what I see in the Indian American community is that the sons hardly ever even call their moms and the daughters don’t give their inlaws the time of day! They look out for their own parents. Go figure.

I don’t see this at all. Most Indian-American sons I know are very close to their parents. Additionally, I *often* hear stories from my (Indian) MIL about the wonderful sons her friends have, and how good they are to their mothers: taking them traveling, fixing things in their homes, buying generous gifts, etc.

I think she’s just dropping hints, but I think much of it is true!

PP here. My mil does this all the time! I don’t think these perfect sons actually exist though. It’s just a way for her to guilt trip my husband into doing things for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not at all. Pathetic thing girl moms say as an excuse to over-insert themselves.

LOL! I think you mean pathetic thing boy moms say as an excuse why the sons they raised are 100% disinterested in extended family life.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is largely true.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who is a family therapist and she hears issues involving DIL and MIL's all the time, but says she has never once heard a man complaining about problems with his father in law or vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you find this statement to be true ?

In some cultures, the sentiment is the exact opposite.

Yes. Traditionally in India women were so happy to have a son, because the sons were thought to always be part of the family, get inheritance and give elderly parents financial support. Daughters on the other hand are viewed as a liability and will be married off to join their husbands family. This is what my Indian Mil told me. Except what I see in the Indian American community is that the sons hardly ever even call their moms and the daughters don’t give their inlaws the time of day! They look out for their own parents. Go figure.

I don’t see this at all. Most Indian-American sons I know are very close to their parents. Additionally, I *often* hear stories from my (Indian) MIL about the wonderful sons her friends have, and how good they are to their mothers: taking them traveling, fixing things in their homes, buying generous gifts, etc.

I think she’s just dropping hints, but I think much of it is true!

PP here. My mil does this all the time! I don’t think these perfect sons actually exist though. It’s just a way for her to guilt trip my husband into doing things for her.

Oh yes! My MIL regularly tries to lay guilt-traps.....but, luckily, she is wonderful otherwise and we are clever to her tactics. I just have a good laugh and enjoy her other, more positive, attributes....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.

It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.

It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?

Perhaps, but do you get that that has nothing to do with who your DIL/SIL is, and everything to do with who your son/brother is? Why the "until he takes a wife" bit? It's like, no, my brother was useless before he met his wife, and he's still useless. It had nothing to do with him "taking a wife" and everything to do with him leading his own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.

It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?

Perhaps, but do you get that that has nothing to do with who your DIL/SIL is, and everything to do with who your son/brother is? Why the "until he takes a wife" bit? It's like, no, my brother was useless before he met his wife, and he's still useless. It had nothing to do with him "taking a wife" and everything to do with him leading his own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s review: if this is true, it’s a reflection of who YOUR SON is, not who your DIL is.

My brother was not into birthdays, holidays, phone calls or general family closeness in his 20s and beyond. So it’s not like that had anything to do with “taking a wife” in his 30s.

And even if a guy is close to his family, but that changes after he marries? That’s. On. Him.

Or, more precisely, it's a reflection of the son's relationship with his mother.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is absolutely true in our family and fully aligns with my mothers expectations