Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage

[Anonymous]

Do you find this statement to be true ?

[Anonymous]

No, if anything I preferred my mil to my own family.

[Anonymous]

So it seems from my observations.

[Anonymous]

Pretty much. My own mom (daughter here) didn't understand this.

[Anonymous]

Let’s review: if this is true, it’s a reflection of who YOUR SON is, not who your DIL is.

My brother was not into birthdays, holidays, phone calls or general family closeness in his 20s and beyond. So it’s not like that had anything to do with “taking a wife” in his 30s.

And even if a guy is close to his family, but that changes after he marries? That’s. On. Him.

[Anonymous]

Let's see...my mom lives in McLean, I live in Reston, my inlaws live in Oakton. Thanksgiving I'm hosting my inlaws, my siblings (brother and sister) and friends and NOT my mom. I see my inlaws a few time a month, I swallow down my mom a few times a year.

Myself and DH and very close to his parents. Even my siblings are close to my inlaws.

If you are a crap parent you won't be close to any of your sons or daughters.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is true. I've witness this in my family.
My brother and all my male cousins pulled away from their moms after they married. None of their wives get along with their MIL. Over the years, there are on going greivances between them. The men pretty much follow their wives lead and become less close with their moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s review: if this is true, it’s a reflection of who YOUR SON is, not who your DIL is.

My brother was not into birthdays, holidays, phone calls or general family closeness in his 20s and beyond. So it’s not like that had anything to do with “taking a wife” in his 30s.

And even if a guy is close to his family, but that changes after he marries? That’s. On. Him.

Yes I agree with this. And most modern people handle things fairly. I don’t know anyone who just spends time with one set of parents for the holidays- everyone trades off.

[Anonymous]

Not at all true in my family. DH and his brother are very close with their mom; she has been unwell over the past few years and they have been very active in her care. There’s a lot of love there.

My own brothers, while close with their IL’s, are very close with my mom. There are many family gatherings and they are very connected and involved in their life.

But both my mom and MIL are very wonderful people. Better mother’s than I’ll ever be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not at all true in my family. DH and his brother are very close with their mom; she has been unwell over the past few years and they have been very active in her care. There’s a lot of love there.

My own brothers, while close with their IL’s, are very close with my mom. There are many family gatherings and they are very connected and involved in their life.

But both my mom and MIL are very wonderful people. Better mother’s than I’ll ever be.

Sorry for typos!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you find this statement to be true ?

In some cultures, the sentiment is the exact opposite.

[Anonymous]

Not at all true in my family. We have balf boys and half girls. In my family I’d say it’s an even split between who is an absentee child. One of my brothers and his wife are now my parents primary caregivers and take them to their doctors aplpointmenrs, hello with finances, etc. it has to do with tube individual kid and their spouse more than anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is true. I've witness this in my family.
My brother and all my male cousins pulled away from their moms after they married. None of their wives get along with their MIL. Over the years, there are on going greivances between them. The men pretty much follow their wives lead and become less close with their moms.

Well, then your brothers suck. Sorry! Because even if my husband didn't particularly get along with my mom? *I* would still be picking up the phone.

There's a red flag that none of your SILs get along with your mom. There might be something that they all take issue with that you don't see.

[Anonymous]

Not true in our family. We have three boys and two girls. All grown. Two are married. My son and DIL visit several times a year. I talk to them at least twice a week. Same with my daughter and SIL. They’ll all be here for Christmas again this year.

[Anonymous]

At the end of the day, it's up to your son/brother/husband how he chooses to treat and interact with his own family.

That said, if you treat your DILs like peers rather than either enemies or "MY OWN DAUGHTER" (when they don't want that kind of relationship), they will be more likely to nudge husbands toward family closeness.