Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who is a family therapist and she hears issues involving DIL and MIL's all the time, but says she has never once heard a man complaining about problems with his father in law or vice versa.

Did she have a theory for why this is?

[Anonymous]

You are no longer the most important woman in your son’s life. You remain the most important woman in your daughters life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who is a family therapist and she hears issues involving DIL and MIL's all the time, but says she has never once heard a man complaining about problems with his father in law or vice versa.

I totally believe it. I’d also be curious why she thinks this is!

The few times I’ve heard of men/FIL issues it I had always been about $$. Usually a FIL with $ who picks on the SIL who isn’t high achieving. Just a pattern I have seen

[Anonymous]

No.

My sister is hosting 2 DILs. Three boys 2 married. All of them come for the Holidays. The girls spend more time with my sister than their own mothers.

My MIL is coming with us to my sister’s Thanksgiving dinner.

A lot depends on the relationships and traditions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is your DD a daughter for life in a way that your DS is not? That's the part to focus on.

Because when son marries his wife is #1 priority and he forgets about his mom. If mom and dil do not get along then mom will be toast.

Many girls don’t get along with their mothers.

That is why the DILs end up with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is your DD a daughter for life in a way that your DS is not? That's the part to focus on.

Because when son marries his wife is #1 priority and he forgets about his mom. If mom and dil do not get along then mom will be toast.

Many girls don’t get along with their mothers.

That is why the DILs end up with us.

+1, I got along far better with my MIL who listed, was kind to me and tried. I took care of her till her death. There is a reason why I prefer her.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I sure hope this isn't true. I have two boys and I would be heartbroken if they no longer considered me part of their family. Also, because I don't have a daughter, I hope that when/if they marry I will have that opportunity with DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are no longer the most important woman in your son’s life. You remain the most important woman in your daughters life.

One of my DDs is a lesbian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I sure hope this isn't true. I have two boys and I would be heartbroken if they no longer considered me part of their family. Also, because I don't have a daughter, I hope that when/if they marry I will have that opportunity with DIL.

I think a lot of it is parenting and expectations. My MIL was great. She was far from perfect, but neither am I. We made it work and I was the one who took care of her till death. Raise your sons to be good men who pick decent women and it should be fine.

[Anonymous]

No. Not at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.

It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?

Not in my circle, no. My friends and extended family all either split their time and attention between both sides of the family equally, or they choose the nicer set of parents to focus on. I know as many women who dislike their moms as I do those who dislike their MIL’s. And a lot who love both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are no longer the most important woman in your son’s life. You remain the most important woman in your daughters life.

You win, this right here sums it up perfectiy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are no longer the most important woman in your son’s life. You remain the most important woman in your daughters life.

You win, this right here sums it up perfectiy.

Ok but can't he still remain her son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I sure hope this isn't true. I have two boys and I would be heartbroken if they no longer considered me part of their family. Also, because I don't have a daughter, I hope that when/if they marry I will have that opportunity with DIL.

How do you know they won't end up single, or gay? Why do you think you have this all mapped out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are no longer the most important woman in your son’s life. You remain the most important woman in your daughters life.

You win, this right here sums it up perfectiy.

Ok but can't he still remain her son?

Duh! Of course he is still her son. But she’s no longer #1