Sister is pissed at me because I can’t do a girls weekend

[Anonymous]

A PP here. Sister should come visit. It sounds to me like the sister is trying to make into a litmus test of love whether the OP is able to do a ski trip with her. Why can’t a grown woman understand that a working parent cannot get away for as many weekend trips as he or she wants? Hell, I SAH and it’s hard for me to get weekends away also. It requires coordinating with the other parent. And I’ve been an attorney, like OP, and depending on your caseload it can really be impossible to carve out as much time off as you like ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

I doubt the sister is pissed so much as hurt. Her mother is dead and all she has is OP who has made it very clear where sister fits in her life—-way down the pecking order after college friends and mom friends. WTF?! I’d be sad-mad too!

[Anonymous]

Can you offer to pay sister's airfare to come for a weekend visit sooner than the summer? Or is the point of this the drama and boundaries?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound fed up with being your sister’s primary family support. It’s obvious you really want to take a step back from this relationship, but you don’t want to be the “bad guy.” I sense guilt over your mother’s death and resentment of your sister.

I think you’ve probably felt this way for a long time but your sister is only just realizing that you spend time with her out of obligation. That has to sting. Of course she’s hurt.

I don’t think either of you is necessarily in the wrong, it’s just an unfortunate situation. She wants her family and you want space.

I agree with this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cancel the mom one and do one with with your sister. Sounds like she needs you.

+1

So you think OP should call up a group of women who she's been friends with for 6+ years, and tell them she's not going away with them, because her sister wants to go away and she can't do both trips?

If you got that call, you wouldn't be pissed? It's not a family emergency, it's not a schedulign snafu, it's just, "Oh, my sister wants this, so I'm bailing on you."

Do you have *any* friends?

Nope, the advice was not to cancel the college friends weekend but the one with the mom from her kids' school. Yes I have friends, and yes I have a sister. I know where my priorities are, and I would absolutely place my sister's needs (she sounds like this is a rough patch for her) above a mom at my kids' school. And if a friend had to cancel on me because something came up with family, I would understand and say "lets do it another time."

She has been friends with the parents from her oldest's school for 6+ years - from the time they started kindergarten to now, their last year in elementary school. And this isn't sister's "needs" - where do you get the "rough patch" stuff? Just making it up? She's been invited to spend the weekend, or do a weekend in the summer, and neither of those are sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I doubt the sister is pissed so much as hurt. Her mother is dead and all she has is OP who has made it very clear where sister fits in her life—-way down the pecking order after college friends and mom friends. WTF?! I’d be sad-mad too!

Another reading challenged PP. So you think that Op should cancel one of her trips - trips that were planned before the sister moved - to prove to her sister that she loves her more?

That is so dysfunctional.

[Anonymous]

I already have two girls weekend planned for next year, one with some college friends and another with mom from my kids school

Your sister should be your priority

She knows she's not your priority. Your friends are your priority. And you are telling her this. This isn't really about this particular trip, exactly. I don't think there are many "shoulds" in this world but a good relationship with her is a should. Stop measuring what/how much she asks of you and try to open your heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I already have two girls weekend planned for next year, one with some college friends and another with mom from my kids school

Your sister should be your priority

She knows she's not your priority. Your friends are your priority. And you are telling her this. This isn't really about this particular trip, exactly. I don't think there are many "shoulds" in this world but a good relationship with her is a should. Stop measuring what/how much she asks of you and try to open your heart.

Again - you think OP should cancel preexisting plan because her sister wants to take a trip, so she can demonstrate her sister is her priority?

I never knew there were so many crazy people out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt the sister is pissed so much as hurt. Her mother is dead and all she has is OP who has made it very clear where sister fits in her life—-way down the pecking order after college friends and mom friends. WTF?! I’d be sad-mad too!

Another reading challenged PP. So you think that Op should cancel one of her trips - trips that were planned before the sister moved - to prove to her sister that she loves her more?

That is so dysfunctional.

if the circumstances were different it might be dysfunctional, but the circumstances aren’t different. Mom is dead. OP is sisters only family right now. OP doesn’t need to cancel anything but she should make more of an effort to include sister in her life, even if the compromise is a one day ski trip or something. Don’t be so hyperbolic; there’s nothing wrong with my reading comprehension but there’s plenty wrong with your emotional intelligence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I already have two girls weekend planned for next year, one with some college friends and another with mom from my kids school

Your sister should be your priority

She knows she's not your priority. Your friends are your priority. And you are telling her this. This isn't really about this particular trip, exactly. I don't think there are many "shoulds" in this world but a good relationship with her is a should. Stop measuring what/how much she asks of you and try to open your heart.

Again - you think OP should cancel preexisting plan because her sister wants to take a trip, so she can demonstrate her sister is her priority?

I never knew there were so many crazy people out there.

DP but yes, I do think she should prioritize her sister.

[Anonymous]

Again - you think OP should cancel preexisting plan ...

It's not about this trip! Big picture here. Whether Op goes on this trip, yes or no, is of little importance. Op has a bigger problem. Op and sister must make sure that they value each other and express it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cancel the mom one and do one with with your sister. Sounds like she needs you.

+1

So you think OP should call up a group of women who she's been friends with for 6+ years, and tell them she's not going away with them, because her sister wants to go away and she can't do both trips?

If you got that call, you wouldn't be pissed? It's not a family emergency, it's not a schedulign snafu, it's just, "Oh, my sister wants this, so I'm bailing on you."

Do you have *any* friends?

Nope, the advice was not to cancel the college friends weekend but the one with the mom from her kids' school. Yes I have friends, and yes I have a sister. I know where my priorities are, and I would absolutely place my sister's needs (she sounds like this is a rough patch for her) above a mom at my kids' school. And if a friend had to cancel on me because something came up with family, I would understand and say "lets do it another time."

She has been friends with the parents from her oldest's school for 6+ years - from the time they started kindergarten to now, their last year in elementary school. And this isn't sister's "needs" - where do you get the "rough patch" stuff? Just making it up? She's been invited to spend the weekend, or do a weekend in the summer, and neither of those are sufficient.

The rough patch is from the move and the way she reached out to her sister wanting to get together. It's not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Preexisting plans get canceled all the time! Friends understand and move on. If a kid got sick, dog needed to be put down, dad had a health scare - there are all kinds of reasons preexisting trips get rescheduled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can you do something for just a weekend? Then you wouldn’t need to take time off of work?

OP is this an option?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I already have two girls weekend planned for next year, one with some college friends and another with mom from my kids school

Your sister should be your priority

She knows she's not your priority. Your friends are your priority. And you are telling her this. This isn't really about this particular trip, exactly. I don't think there are many "shoulds" in this world but a good relationship with her is a should. Stop measuring what/how much she asks of you and try to open your heart.

Again - you think OP should cancel preexisting plan because her sister wants to take a trip, so she can demonstrate her sister is her priority?

I never knew there were so many crazy people out there.

DP but yes, I do think she should prioritize her sister.

Do you think she should cancel her plans?