Sister is pissed at me because I can’t do a girls weekend

[Anonymous]

It's ok for her to be upset and have feelings and take a break from texting with you. It doesn't mean she is going to be upset forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your priorities are screwed up.

Says an entitled boundary stomping family member.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing OP is a wife and mom & that getting away for multiple girls weekends away can be challenging.

[Anonymous]

Team OP here.

My hunch is that the "right sizing" of your relationship w/ your sister, moving from an almost parental role to one of peers and friends, isn't where you would actually like it to be. You both probably have decades of patterns underlying how you communicate and what you expect with and of each other.

You don't have or want to devote additional get away weekends w/ your sister this year and that is totally ok. She wants a fun weekend w/ you and that is also ok. Your goal should be getting to a place where you can each be direct enough w/ each other, without guilt/evasion/manipulation tactics to talk about how you see each other regularly.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound fed up with being your sister’s primary family support. It’s obvious you really want to take a step back from this relationship, but you don’t want to be the “bad guy.” I sense guilt over your mother’s death and resentment of your sister.

I think you’ve probably felt this way for a long time but your sister is only just realizing that you spend time with her out of obligation. That has to sting. Of course she’s hurt.

I don’t think either of you is necessarily in the wrong, it’s just an unfortunate situation. She wants her family and you want space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing OP is a wife and mom & that getting away for multiple girls weekends away can be challenging.

And yet she somehow made it work for everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing OP is a wife and mom & that getting away for multiple girls weekends away can be challenging.

Her sister is also a wife and a mom. OP specifically says that her youngest is the same age as her sister’s oldest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sounds kinda crappy you didn't think twice about doing it with others and excluded her.

Both of these trips were planned before I even knew she was moving. My college roommates and I go on a trip every year and it’s my oldest last year in elementary school, so a group of us who have been friends since our kids were in K are taking a trip. It has nothing to do with me not wanting to see her, I just can’t fit it in this year. She’s more than welcome to come visit.

Sorry, but none of these friends are more important than your sister. Why is it so easy for you to say no to her but not to these other folks? Do you resent having to play mom to her?

NP here - do you have trouble reading?

Here is the chronology:

Sister lives near OP.
OP plans two trips with old friends.
Sister moves.
Sister wants to do trip with OP.
Op can't do trip because of work, family life, and yes, preexisting obligations. (*Important* preexisting obligations with old friends.)
Sister gets pissed.
Comprehension deficient DCUM poster accuses OP of having resentment towards sister.

Seriously, what is the solution here? OP cancels a trip with friends because sister wants to go? OP uses magical time expander to make time for trip with sister?

As always the simplest answer is often the best one - sister grows the eff up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing OP is a wife and mom & that getting away for multiple girls weekends away can be challenging.

And yet she somehow made it work for everyone else.

So?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one believes that out of 52 weekends next year you already can’t spare a single extra one to spend with your sister.

Yeah - as an added bonus, the ski weekend in mid-July should be really cheap!

[Anonymous]

If your husband wanted to go away for multiple guy weekends a year, would you be pleased?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. Why is everyone dumping on OP? She made plans and shouldn't have to change them because mid-November sister wants to go on a ski trip...

Suggestion for OP: make it a true weekend trip, rather than a long weekend, with your sister. Meet Friday night somewhere and go after work (even if you arrive very late), and head home Sunday later afternoon.

Agreed. Do all of you put your life on hold for a family member's whims?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't cancel any plans already committed to.

Don't invite her as a tag-a-long to already planned trips.

Do provide her with alternatives for getting together. She can accept or decline from there.

All this.

There's nothing wrong with the OP having plans already. She can figure out another time to focus on her sister. It likely won't be a ski trip, but they can be together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. Why is everyone dumping on OP? She made plans and shouldn't have to change them because mid-November sister wants to go on a ski trip...

Suggestion for OP: make it a true weekend trip, rather than a long weekend, with your sister. Meet Friday night somewhere and go after work (even if you arrive very late), and head home Sunday later afternoon.

Agreed. Do all of you put your life on hold for a family member's whims?

Yes, much better to rearrange your schedule for friends.

All you family haters suck. And you’ll be crying later that your kids don’t visits you.

[Anonymous]

All of you saying the OP should cancel plans she made BEFORE HER SISTER MOVED to do a ski weekend with her sister are nuts. The sister is the one being unreasonable by not being ok with considering an alternate plan to get together.