Sister is pissed at me because I can’t do a girls weekend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Preexisting plans get canceled all the time! Friends understand and move on. If a kid got sick, dog needed to be put down, dad had a health scare - there are all kinds of reasons preexisting trips get rescheduled.

Sure. You think "my sister wants to go on a ski trip" is a good reason to cancel another trip?

[Anonymous]

What a weird thread. Why is everyone assuming OP is sister's only family? At 13 yrs apart there could be many other kids. Where is dad? Is there a step mom?

What I don't get is, why aren't you seeing sister for the holidays? That's a time when many are already off work and generally reserve for family. Why not invite sister and her family to visit for the winter holidays? Or, fly out and see her?

I don't think you should have to cancel your existing plans. I'd call her or write her a note saying you love her tons and you're sorry your schedule is so packed. Then ask her what's really going on & how you can help. She's probably lonely in the new place.

FWIW I'm also a lawyer and older sister to much younger sister who lost her dad at age 14. Situation is not the same obviously, but I can maybe understand a bit of the dynamic you're dealing with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Preexisting plans get canceled all the time! Friends understand and move on. If a kid got sick, dog needed to be put down, dad had a health scare - there are all kinds of reasons preexisting trips get rescheduled.

Sure. You think "my sister wants to go on a ski trip" is a good reason to cancel another trip?

If I felt that the sister was going through a hard time because of a move and is reaching out because OP is her remaining family and sister feels she needs family now - then absolutely yes. If sister just wants to vacation and is otherwise upbeat and doing well and loving her new abode, then no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt the sister is pissed so much as hurt. Her mother is dead and all she has is OP who has made it very clear where sister fits in her life—-way down the pecking order after college friends and mom friends. WTF?! I’d be sad-mad too!

Another reading challenged PP. So you think that Op should cancel one of her trips - trips that were planned before the sister moved - to prove to her sister that she loves her more?

That is so dysfunctional.

if the circumstances were different it might be dysfunctional, but the circumstances aren’t different. Mom is dead. OP is sisters only family right now. OP doesn’t need to cancel anything but she should make more of an effort to include sister in her life, even if the compromise is a one day ski trip or something. Don’t be so hyperbolic; there’s nothing wrong with my reading comprehension but there’s plenty wrong with your emotional intelligence.

First off, the sister is married with kids. Op isn't her only family. Second, as for "make more of an effort to include sister in her life," OP has (i) suggested that the sister come to visit, and (ii) offered to go on a trip over the summer. Those apparently aren't sufficient? Third, the fact that their mother is dead does not give OP's sister right of first refusal on her leisure time. Finally, emotional intelligence includes healthy boundaries - and you apparently think OP should acquiesce to her sister's temper tantrum (she's refusing to text back)? Physician, heal thyself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Preexisting plans get canceled all the time! Friends understand and move on. If a kid got sick, dog needed to be put down, dad had a health scare - there are all kinds of reasons preexisting trips get rescheduled.

Sure. You think "my sister wants to go on a ski trip" is a good reason to cancel another trip?

If I felt that the sister was going through a hard time because of a move and is reaching out because OP is her remaining family and sister feels she needs family now - then absolutely yes. If sister just wants to vacation and is otherwise upbeat and doing well and loving her new abode, then no.

OP has said nothing about her sister having a hard time.

[Anonymous]

So many doormats on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Preexisting plans get canceled all the time! Friends understand and move on. If a kid got sick, dog needed to be put down, dad had a health scare - there are all kinds of reasons preexisting trips get rescheduled.

Sure. You think "my sister wants to go on a ski trip" is a good reason to cancel another trip?

If I felt that the sister was going through a hard time because of a move and is reaching out because OP is her remaining family and sister feels she needs family now - then absolutely yes. If sister just wants to vacation and is otherwise upbeat and doing well and loving her new abode, then no.

OP has said nothing about her sister having a hard time.

That's the vibe I got from the way OP wrote her original post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many doormats on this thread.

Another thread, another accusation that anyone that tries to prioritize family is a doormat.

[Anonymous]

BROS' BEFORE HOS'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. Why is everyone dumping on OP? She made plans and shouldn't have to change them because mid-November sister wants to go on a ski trip...

Suggestion for OP: make it a true weekend trip, rather than a long weekend, with your sister. Meet Friday night somewhere and go after work (even if you arrive very late), and head home Sunday later afternoon.

+1. Some of these comments are absurd.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all of the responses but your sister really misses you. I'd either add a weekend or drop one of the other ones. You have played a very big role in her life and don't dismiss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sounds kinda crappy you didn't think twice about doing it with others and excluded her.

Both of these trips were planned before I even knew she was moving. My college roommates and I go on a trip every year and it’s my oldest last year in elementary school, so a group of us who have been friends since our kids were in K are taking a trip. It has nothing to do with me not wanting to see her, I just can’t fit it in this year. She’s more than welcome to come visit.

Sorry, but none of these friends are more important than your sister. Why is it so easy for you to say no to her but not to these other folks? Do you resent having to play mom to her?

NP here - do you have trouble reading?

Here is the chronology:

Sister lives near OP.
OP plans two trips with old friends.
Sister moves.
Sister wants to do trip with OP.
Op can't do trip because of work, family life, and yes, preexisting obligations. (*Important* preexisting obligations with old friends.)
Sister gets pissed.
Comprehension deficient DCUM poster accuses OP of having resentment towards sister.

Seriously, what is the solution here? OP cancels a trip with friends because sister wants to go? OP uses magical time expander to make time for trip with sister?

As always the simplest answer is often the best one - sister grows the eff up.

Winner winner chicken dinner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for the sister. She’s understanding for the first time that her sister doesn’t actually like spending time with her. It’s just another obligation.

That has to suck. Obviously, the sister is hurt that pretty much the only family she has doesn’t really like her. It’s also crappy for OP, it must have been exhausting to go through the motions out of obligation for all those years.

Now the gig is up. Both sisters have to face the truth.

Your family hates you, I'm sure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t cancel and of my trips and would not invite my sister (because as someone else mentioned, it changes the dynamics). Let your sister pout. She’ll eventually get over it. I don’t understand why she can’t just come visit you for a weekend. Why is she so hung up on a girls only weekend?

This. Adults understand that sometimes it don't swing your way. They deal.

[Anonymous]

All you crazy women make me glad I don’t have any sisters.