Sister is pissed at me because I can’t do a girls weekend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. Why is everyone dumping on OP? She made plans and shouldn't have to change them because mid-November sister wants to go on a ski trip...

Suggestion for OP: make it a true weekend trip, rather than a long weekend, with your sister. Meet Friday night somewhere and go after work (even if you arrive very late), and head home Sunday later afternoon.

Agreed. Do all of you put your life on hold for a family member's whims?

Yes, much better to rearrange your schedule for friends.

All you family haters suck. And you’ll be crying later that your kids don’t visits you.

Crying? More like jumping for joy!,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband wanted to go away for multiple guy weekends a year, would you be pleased?

Sure! Why not?

[Anonymous]

These responses are bonkers. Of course I don’t know anything about OP’s work as an attorney, but my attorney Dh once asked me in December to plan a trip for January because he wouldn’t be able to take a vacation with the family for the rest of the coming calendar year. He’d been working on a case for 3.5 years and he was bogged down with depositions and briefs and motions and court dates (all out of state) as he and several dozen other lawyers geared up for an out of state trial that was expected to last several months. Multiple billions of dollars were at stake for his client. Dh wasn’t kidding that he couldn’t take time off. I trust that OP knows her schedule better than we do.

Also, the suggestion that OP invite her sister to the other girls’ weekends that were previously planned is not realistic. Put yourselves in the younger sister’s shoes. Younger sister is 13 years younger than OP, so she was probably in kindergarten when OP went off to college. Younger sister and OP’s college friends wouldn’t know each other and were never peers. A bunch of college friends are getting together to reminisce and catch up on each other’s lives. How would younger sister fit in? She's supposed to enjoy herself while a bunch of strangers talk to older sister about people younger sister doesn’t know? Listen to a bunch of references and inside jokes she doesn’t understand? Who would want to do that?

OP, stretch yourself to fit your sister in your life as best you can. Let her know that you enjoy spending time with her and you’re trying to make time for her, just like everyone else. Put a ski trip in your calendar for next winter, even if she visits this summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cancel the mom one and do one with with your sister. Sounds like she needs you.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sounds kinda crappy you didn't think twice about doing it with others and excluded her.

Both of these trips were planned before I even knew she was moving. My college roommates and I go on a trip every year and it’s my oldest last year in elementary school, so a group of us who have been friends since our kids were in K are taking a trip. It has nothing to do with me not wanting to see her, I just can’t fit it in this year. She’s more than welcome to come visit.

Sorry, but none of these friends are more important than your sister. Why is it so easy for you to say no to her but not to these other folks? Do you resent having to play mom to her?

NP here - do you have trouble reading?

Here is the chronology:

Sister lives near OP.
OP plans two trips with old friends.
Sister moves.
Sister wants to do trip with OP.
Op can't do trip because of work, family life, and yes, preexisting obligations. (*Important* preexisting obligations with old friends.)
Sister gets pissed.
Comprehension deficient DCUM poster accuses OP of having resentment towards sister.

Seriously, what is the solution here? OP cancels a trip with friends because sister wants to go? OP uses magical time expander to make time for trip with sister?

As always the simplest answer is often the best one - sister grows the eff up.

This. Sister should, if not grow up necessarily, feel disappointment but then work with OP to figure out how they can spend time together. Sister should visit, for example, and she and OP can hit the town for those couple of nights. And/or find a time later in the year. But OP can’t bail on other trips she made before sister moved. Sister will come around. She may be having separation issues and feel like OP doesn’t miss her the way she misses OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sounds kinda crappy you didn't think twice about doing it with others and excluded her.

Op is not required to pity invite her sister. Her sister’s presence would change the dynamic of the get away because she is not part of these groups. Sister needs to act like an adult. OP has a demanding life outside of her. Op I would ignore her pettiness and continue with your plans.

+1. This is ridiculous and I can't believe so many people are siding with the entitled sister here. Maybe those of you complaining don't have jobs/kids and sit around desperately looking for something to fill all your lonely leisure time, but in homes where there are full-time working parents (and yes, SAHMs are doing real work) and kids, weekends for downtime are absolute gold. Planning a trip that involves leaving right after work on Friday and returning late on Sunday, when there's no time to relax, there's cleaning to be done, your kids will be demanding your attention because they missed you and same with your spouse, and then you have a full week of work ahead of you starting the next morning, that's a big deal. OP, you're not doing anything wrong and you should not feel guilty at all. You've already said you invited her out for a weekend and she's not responding to your texts, which is a clear indicator that she's just being a spoiled brat. Enabling that behavior will just make it worse.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for the sister. She’s understanding for the first time that her sister doesn’t actually like spending time with her. It’s just another obligation.

That has to suck. Obviously, the sister is hurt that pretty much the only family she has doesn’t really like her. It’s also crappy for OP, it must have been exhausting to go through the motions out of obligation for all those years.

Now the gig is up. Both sisters have to face the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sounds kinda crappy you didn't think twice about doing it with others and excluded her.

Op is not required to pity invite her sister. Her sister’s presence would change the dynamic of the get away because she is not part of these groups. Sister needs to act like an adult. OP has a demanding life outside of her. Op I would ignore her pettiness and continue with your plans.

+1. This is ridiculous and I can't believe so many people are siding with the entitled sister here. Maybe those of you complaining don't have jobs/kids and sit around desperately looking for something to fill all your lonely leisure time, but in homes where there are full-time working parents (and yes, SAHMs are doing real work) and kids, weekends for downtime are absolute gold. Planning a trip that involves leaving right after work on Friday and returning late on Sunday, when there's no time to relax, there's cleaning to be done, your kids will be demanding your attention because they missed you and same with your spouse, and then you have a full week of work ahead of you starting the next morning, that's a big deal. OP, you're not doing anything wrong and you should not feel guilty at all. You've already said you invited her out for a weekend and she's not responding to your texts, which is a clear indicator that she's just being a spoiled brat. Enabling that behavior will just make it worse.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cancel the mom one and do one with with your sister. Sounds like she needs you.

+1

So you think OP should call up a group of women who she's been friends with for 6+ years, and tell them she's not going away with them, because her sister wants to go away and she can't do both trips?

If you got that call, you wouldn't be pissed? It's not a family emergency, it's not a schedulign snafu, it's just, "Oh, my sister wants this, so I'm bailing on you."

Do you have *any* friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for the sister. She’s understanding for the first time that her sister doesn’t actually like spending time with her. It’s just another obligation.

That has to suck. Obviously, the sister is hurt that pretty much the only family she has doesn’t really like her. It’s also crappy for OP, it must have been exhausting to go through the motions out of obligation for all those years.

Now the gig is up. Both sisters have to face the truth.

You have spun this scenario out of whole cloth. It's complete fiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs you. Make it work. Who cares if your are a lawyer? Be a sister. Surely you can find one weekend out of whole year! Come on, no one is that important .

From the OP:

"I told her she is more than welcome to come up for a weekend this summer"

But the sister wants a ski trip, and now won't respond to texts because she isn't getting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for the sister. She’s understanding for the first time that her sister doesn’t actually like spending time with her. It’s just another obligation.

That has to suck. Obviously, the sister is hurt that pretty much the only family she has doesn’t really like her. It’s also crappy for OP, it must have been exhausting to go through the motions out of obligation for all those years.

Now the gig is up. Both sisters have to face the truth.

You have spun this scenario out of whole cloth. It's complete fiction.

Read the OP again. She talks about playing mom to her sister (out of guilt.) She says she’s needy and she’s trying to pull back and recalibrate the relationship to be more of a peer one and less of a parental one. That’s a nice way of saying OP REALLY wants space from this relationship. She outlines all the ways she keeps in touch with her sister. It seems like she’s tallying all she does to make sure she can still be “a good person” when she wants nothing more than distance from her sister.

The only thing I’m reading between the lines is that the sister is starting to notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for the sister. She’s understanding for the first time that her sister doesn’t actually like spending time with her. It’s just another obligation.

That has to suck. Obviously, the sister is hurt that pretty much the only family she has doesn’t really like her. It’s also crappy for OP, it must have been exhausting to go through the motions out of obligation for all those years.

Now the gig is up. Both sisters have to face the truth.

You have spun this scenario out of whole cloth. It's complete fiction.

Read the OP again. She talks about playing mom to her sister (out of guilt.) She says she’s needy and she’s trying to pull back and recalibrate the relationship to be more of a peer one and less of a parental one. That’s a nice way of saying OP REALLY wants space from this relationship. She outlines all the ways she keeps in touch with her sister. It seems like she’s tallying all she does to make sure she can still be “a good person” when she wants nothing more than distance from her sister.

The only thing I’m reading between the lines is that the sister is starting to notice.

This is the sum total of the OP's discussion about her earlier relationship with her sister:

"My little sister is 13yrs younger than me. Our mother passed away when she was 15 so I’ve always been kind of a mother figure to her. That has slowly changed somewhat as we both became moms (her oldest and my youngest are the same age) but she’s always been a bit needy."

No mention of guilt. No mention of Op recalibrating her relationship - just that it is changing. Yes, the sister has been "a bit needy."

And from that, you ascertain that Op is "trying to pull back" and " OP REALLY wants space from this relationship."

You have a very active imagination.

Again, the simplest answer - and one supported by the actual information we know - is that OP's sister has moved, and misses the daily constant they had, and wants to schedule a trip, but OP has preexisting obligations that don't allow for that until the summer. And that's not good enough for the sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cancel the mom one and do one with with your sister. Sounds like she needs you.

+1

So you think OP should call up a group of women who she's been friends with for 6+ years, and tell them she's not going away with them, because her sister wants to go away and she can't do both trips?

If you got that call, you wouldn't be pissed? It's not a family emergency, it's not a schedulign snafu, it's just, "Oh, my sister wants this, so I'm bailing on you."

Do you have *any* friends?

Nope, the advice was not to cancel the college friends weekend but the one with the mom from her kids' school. Yes I have friends, and yes I have a sister. I know where my priorities are, and I would absolutely place my sister's needs (she sounds like this is a rough patch for her) above a mom at my kids' school. And if a friend had to cancel on me because something came up with family, I would understand and say "lets do it another time."

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t cancel and of my trips and would not invite my sister (because as someone else mentioned, it changes the dynamics). Let your sister pout. She’ll eventually get over it. I don’t understand why she can’t just come visit you for a weekend. Why is she so hung up on a girls only weekend?