Sister is pissed at me because I can’t do a girls weekend

[Anonymous]

My little sister is 13yrs younger than me. Our mother passed away when she was 15 so I’ve always been kind of a mother figure to her. That has slowly changed somewhat as we both became moms (her oldest and my youngest are the same age) but she’s always been a bit needy. This summer she moved away due to her husbands job. We still text frequently and talk on the phone when we can. She suggested we do a sister ski trip this winter and I simply can’t. I already have two girls weekend planned for next year, one with some college friends and another with mom from my kids school. I am a lawyer and I simply can’t take more time off of work. She’s pissed and now won’t even respond to my texts. I told her she is more than welcome to come up for a weekend this summer, but unfortunately a girls weekend is not something I can plan for next year.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you invite along to one of your already planned girls weekends?

[Anonymous]

That sounds kinda crappy you didn't think twice about doing it with others and excluded her.

[Anonymous]

Your priorities are screwed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds kinda crappy you didn't think twice about doing it with others and excluded her.

Both of these trips were planned before I even knew she was moving. My college roommates and I go on a trip every year and it’s my oldest last year in elementary school, so a group of us who have been friends since our kids were in K are taking a trip. It has nothing to do with me not wanting to see her, I just can’t fit it in this year. She’s more than welcome to come visit.

[Anonymous]

How far away does she live now? Can she come to where you are? Are you saying you can’t have a third free weekend next year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sounds kinda crappy you didn't think twice about doing it with others and excluded her.

Both of these trips were planned before I even knew she was moving. My college roommates and I go on a trip every year and it’s my oldest last year in elementary school, so a group of us who have been friends since our kids were in K are taking a trip. It has nothing to do with me not wanting to see her, I just can’t fit it in this year. She’s more than welcome to come visit.

Sorry, but none of these friends are more important than your sister. Why is it so easy for you to say no to her but not to these other folks? Do you resent having to play mom to her?

[Anonymous]

It seems like you view spending time with your sister as “work” in the sense that taking care of kids is work. From your post it doesn’t seem like you recharge with her in the same way that you might with other friends. Do you feel like you have to be “on” with her? Even after all these years? Even after you’re both adults?

I can see why she’s mad. She is very hurt. And she can probably sense your hesitation and reluctance towards her. She knows you think she’s needy. She feels rejected by you - like you keep her at arms length.

[Anonymous]

She needs you. Make it work. Who cares if your are a lawyer? Be a sister. Surely you can find one weekend out of whole year! Come on, no one is that important .

[Anonymous]

Hope some day you are left out. Maybe then you will feel the pain. Be a nice sister.

[Anonymous]

OP, you seem almost relieved that you have an excuse to say no to your sister. This reluctance was probably always there but was easier to hide when your sister was local. Now that she moved away, it’s becoming more obvious where she stands with you.

Is your dad still alive?

[Anonymous]

Team OP. Why is everyone dumping on OP? She made plans and shouldn't have to change them because mid-November sister wants to go on a ski trip...

Suggestion for OP: make it a true weekend trip, rather than a long weekend, with your sister. Meet Friday night somewhere and go after work (even if you arrive very late), and head home Sunday later afternoon.

[Anonymous]

Why can you do something for just a weekend? Then you wouldn’t need to take time off of work?

[Anonymous]

Why did you offer for her to visit in the summer? Why can’t she come sooner?

[Anonymous]

Your excuse is really thin. I’m a lawyer too, and I go away for multiple weekends each year. You made an excuse not to do a trip with her, and you pushed your consolation prize offer that she could come visit you (even though you’ll apparently be toiling away at the office) out as far as you could. It’s clear to us and to her that what’s really going on is that you don’t want to spend time with her. You are entitled to make that choice, but she’s entitled to have her own feelings about that and you don’t get to control her.