How do resolve - husband I disagree over childcare

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think you'll need or want 24/7 coverage. However, I don't see any reason not to have someone overnight for several nights per week, plus help during the day.

I disagree that caring for a baby and a toddler is "no big deal". It is very difficult, and if you can afford the help (and have a useless husband), then you should go for it.

[Anonymous]

OP, if your husband makes $775K and works 12 hours a day and you are SAHM then it makes sense for you to be in charge of the household and be able to spend what you need to to make it run well. If your husband doesn’t agree with this and doesn’t trust you to do this, then that is the problem. Try to come to an agreement with him on amount you can spend yearly on household help. Then you stay within the amount and he doesn’t comment on how it is spent.

Being home with two kids under three with no childcare and only once a week cleaning help at that income level is ridiculous, in my opinion.

BTW, I pay for 24/7 aids for my dying mother. It costs $3,500 per week but baby nurses would likely be more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a troll. Nobody I know at this earning level bats an eye at hiring help with a new baby.

NP. Mine did! I wanted to hire a night nurse and he thought it was a waste of money.

To his credit though, he did split shifts with me at night (he did early evening to 2 and I did early morning).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a troll. Nobody I know at this earning level bats an eye at hiring help with a new baby.

I'm the mom. DH makes this type of money. He asked if we should hire a night nurse for our second. I told him it was a waste of money. I would be on maternity leave and was fully capable of handling infant and toddler duties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a troll. Nobody I know at this earning level bats an eye at hiring help with a new baby.

No one you know. There are lots of rich, cheap, miserly, people.

[Anonymous]

I was in a similar circumstance. Husband works a lot and was super busy when our last baby was born. He really had very little bandwidth to help. He is very much supportive of me hiring whatever help I need. So, the older kids went to their normal preschool, I hired someone for about 15 hours/week during the day time (mostly so I could spend some time with the older ones) and had a night nurse 2-3 nights a week for about 3 months. It felt both luxurious and really doable. I was not overwhelmed at all and I feel like I got to spend enough time with each child. Maybe try something like this?

[Anonymous]

Why do women have babies with this type of man? How can the money possibly be worth it???

[Anonymous]

I agree with PPs who said this is a fake post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do women have babies with this type of man? How can the money possibly be worth it???

Pretty sure op is a stereotype of a dumb trophy wife. Probably has never done much on her own and isn't able to make many thoughts on her own. I see a few of them when we have to go to functions for DH's company. They don't have much to offer beyond their looks

[Anonymous]

I would find this to be a complete waste of money and, frankly, absurd. Our HHI is well beyond the OP’s, as us that if many of our friends with kids, and nobody (literally nobody) hires this type of care when having a second (or third or fourth) child. Some had parents come (though that was rare and largely because the parents wanted to). And even the most helpful parents were there as a second pair of hands, or when both spouses were at work. Never using Parents as an overnight baby nurse.

OP, I do not doubt that you may have wider issues, whether marital or possibly psychological Given your inflated sense of the additional care needed for your second child. I am very sorry for that. This solution, though, strikes me as not addressing these fundamentals. I wish you well, but I don’t think this is the answer.

[Anonymous]

I just had a second and we both WOHM. We couldn't afford a night nurse but we did keep paying a daycare bill for our first so his routine wasn't disrupted. It took two months for him to get used to the idea of a sibling and now loves his little brother.

If I had your HHI, I would definitely hire help. Do you need to make a three-month commitment up front? Also, you might want to choose someone who can also take care of your first child so you can physically recover and bond with your baby.

If your husband doesn't want to hire anyone, he should take at least three months' paternity leave and take over first child duties and partial night duties with the baby. My husband did one month of this, which is all we could afford as neither of us have paid parental leave in the government. I couldn't have handled that first month without his help, and we had daycare for our older child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think hiring a night nurse is a sensible compromise. Having 24/7 care for three months probably means hiring three or four baby nurses to cover, which seems excessive.

OP here. I want someone there during the day too so I can spend one on one time with my toddler and not disrupt her routine, etc.

Basically it would allow me to come and go as needed.

I know it is expensive but it'll make the transition so much easier. We can afford it so I don't see what the issue is.

So that's the real reason. You want to be able to go out and get your nails done and hair blown out occasionally. News flash: There are babysitters that you can hire for an hour or two to do this.

[Anonymous]

If I had your HHI I would get a night person at least 5 nights a week and then hire a sitter for a few hours a day twice a week. If you are well rested you should be able to manage a baby and a toddler most days. But if you hire someone twice a week you can have one day to yourself and one day with just your toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would find this to be a complete waste of money and, frankly, absurd. Our HHI is well beyond the OP’s, as us that if many of our friends with kids, and nobody (literally nobody) hires this type of care when having a second (or third or fourth) child. Some had parents come (though that was rare and largely because the parents wanted to). And even the most helpful parents were there as a second pair of hands, or when both spouses were at work. Never using Parents as an overnight baby nurse.

OP, I do not doubt that you may have wider issues, whether marital or possibly psychological Given your inflated sense of the additional care needed for your second child. I am very sorry for that. This solution, though, strikes me as not addressing these fundamentals. I wish you well, but I don’t think this is the answer.

I know so many people who hire a baby or night nurse. I had never heard of it when I lived in flyover country. But since moving here, I have learned it is very common. Everyone where my husband works does it. Literally everyone who has had a baby in the last 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Night nurse here- I love clients like op! My 3 month assignments usually turn into 6+ months because the mom never gets used to waking up at night or taking card of both kids at once, so they ‘need’ me (at $40/hr, 24hrs) for up to a year. Best clients ever!!