How do resolve - husband I disagree over childcare
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Anonymous
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So I'm pregnant with our second child. With our first I tried to be "super mom" and did not hire anyone until a few weeks in when I finally broke down and hired a night nurse a couple nights a week. My husband put up a big fight about this but I overruled him since he wasn't getting up at night (I nursed).
Anyway, this time around, I want to hire a 24/7 baby nurse for at least 3 months since we'll have a toddler to take care of too. My husband doesn't want to hire anyone even though we can afford it. When I point out that I'm the one who is going to be doing all the work so I don't think it is something he should be able to just veto, he says "I'll help out more this time." But realistically I don't see that happening. Our HHI is ~ 775k so we can afford this luxury. I'm really anxious about what it's going to be like taking care of a toddler and a baby at the same time. I think knowing that I'll have this level of support will help calm me down. H doesn't want to spend the money on it though and says that we should just "power through." How should we resolve this? |
Anonymous
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I think you need to grow up. An infant and a toddler is no big deal. I would not waste my money on a 24/7 baby nurse. Maybe hire a nanny for the toddler.
But honestly OP, this is a very normal part of having children. Team DH. |
Anonymous
| hire someone to talk this through with who will be fiscally obligated not to point out the obvious |
Anonymous
| I think hiring a night nurse is a sensible compromise. Having 24/7 care for three months probably means hiring three or four baby nurses to cover, which seems excessive. |
Anonymous
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What would it cost to do this, like 50k?
I'd do it for that. |
Anonymous
| Lot of parents manage having a toddler and a baby at the same time. WHy do you feel you are less competent than them? If there’s mental health issues or similar in play, that would change my thinking on this. |
Anonymous
OP here. I want someone there during the day too so I can spend one on one time with my toddler and not disrupt her routine, etc. Basically it would allow me to come and go as needed. I know it is expensive but it'll make the transition so much easier. We can afford it so I don't see what the issue is. |
Anonymous
| Who provides the childcare for your first child? If your first is in daycare, then continue to send him/her to daycare. Hire a postpartum doula or night nurse for the hours when you need the most help. You won’t need someone 24/7. |
Anonymous
| Compromise? I'd aim to have someone in from 10 or 11pm until 6 or 7am. |
Anonymous
me |
Anonymous
24/7 for 3 months? Probably more like $65-70k. |
Anonymous
| Ask him how many hits a day he will take care of the oldest completely by himself. including weekends. It's so much harder with 2 especially while the oldest is little. All hands on deck and making dinner and doing all the laundry etc is a lot. My baby is 2 months an a good sleeper and it's still rough. If she was colicky or at all More maintenance and it would be even harder. My oldest is completely potty trained and still naps and is generally well behaved. And thankfully still goes to all day preschool. Mornings are tough and 5-9 at our house is a chaotic marathon with dinner and baths and getting ready for the next day. |
Anonymous
| Does your husband take care of the toddler? For our second child, DH took care of the toddler and I essentially camped out and coslept in the baby’s room for a month. |
Anonymous
+1 24/7 for three months is ridiculous. 3 nights a week, plus day nanny is reasonable |
Anonymous
| Honestly, if you’re a SAHM who wants to hire 24/7 help for 3 months, I’d balk at that too. |