How do resolve - husband I disagree over childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think hiring a night nurse is a sensible compromise. Having 24/7 care for three months probably means hiring three or four baby nurses to cover, which seems excessive.

OP here. I want someone there during the day too so I can spend one on one time with my toddler and not disrupt her routine, etc.

Basically it would allow me to come and go as needed.

I know it is expensive but it'll make the transition so much easier. We can afford it so I don't see what the issue is.

I find it interesting that no part of your consideration is spending time with your baby. If you’re feeling ambivalent about your second child, it’s might Ben healthier to talk to a therapist rather than slap a bandaid on the situation.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I should have mentioned that my husband works long hours (at least 10 but often as much as 12) and never gets up with the baby at night.

With our first baby, he planned to take a week off but went back after 3 days.

That's a big part of it.

And no I don't believe he will help at all, despite his claims. It is what it is. I have to hire help so I will do that. fortunately, we can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Can your husband take some paternity leave?

[Anonymous]

Team DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask him how many hits a day he will take care of the oldest completely by himself. including weekends. It's so much harder with 2 especially while the oldest is little. All hands on deck and making dinner and doing all the laundry etc is a lot. My baby is 2 months an a good sleeper and it's still rough. If she was colicky or at all More maintenance and it would be even harder. My oldest is completely potty trained and still naps and is generally well behaved. And thankfully still goes to all day preschool. Mornings are tough and 5-9 at our house is a chaotic marathon with dinner and baths and getting ready for the next day.

he won't do any of this stuff.

He does next to no childcare, no cleaning, no cooking, no laundry, etc. Never gets up at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can your husband take some paternity leave?

no

I don't know if he can or not but I know he won't.

[Anonymous]

Do you hire out other services like cleaning?

[Anonymous]

I would go for it, especially since your husband does nothing at home.

Just tell him he doesn't get a say on this unless he dramatically steps up his efforts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you hire out other services like cleaning?

We do have a weekly cleaning service but I also clean in between. DH does nothing. I mean, literally nothing. He doesn't even load his dirty dishes into the dishwasher or put his dirty clothes in the hamper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should have mentioned that my husband works long hours (at least 10 but often as much as 12) and never gets up with the baby at night.

With our first baby, he planned to take a week off but went back after 3 days.

That's a big part of it.

And no I don't believe he will help at all, despite his claims. It is what it is. I have to hire help so I will do that. fortunately, we can afford it.

Is your Dh a big law partner? Brace yourself because you will be parenting alone for the next 18 years. Thank your lucky stars that unlike truly single moms, at least you don’t have to worry about paying the bills.

[Anonymous]

It would probably be cheaper to hire these people separately.

Hire a night nurse for 3 nights a week. Tell DH he has to take a night himself. He can do Friday night so he can sleep in Saturday morning. You do the rest.

Then hire a nanny for daytime to help you juggle the toddler and baby's needs.

[Anonymous]

Normally I hate when people make this sort of unhelpful comment, but what on earth made you decide to have a second if you feel so incapable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Normally I hate when people make this sort of unhelpful comment, but what on earth made you decide to have a second if you feel so incapable?

I'm not sure why you have to be so rude. But to answer your question, DH really wanted a second (hoping for a son) and pressured me into it sooner than I would have wanted. Luckily our baby is a boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can your husband take some paternity leave?

no

I don't know if he can or not but I know he won't.

Honestly, if he’s making 775/year, it’s more financially prudent to hire help than use his leave. It’ll be so much cheaper, it’s not even worth the angst.

[Anonymous]

After reading all your replies, I think your husband is being an ass about this.

He sounds like a control freak who wants everything his way.