I slapped my teen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

I'm not saying that DD made the best choice. I just think that Mom handled this strictly as a warden of the phone rather than as a concerned parent.

She asked for the phone and Dd refused. What would have been your next step?

I have been in that situation. But my ds is 14 and is much bigger than I am by this point. I am not going to get in to a physical battle with him. I start leveling consequences. No screen time on your computer for the next two days. I am turning off the router. I am turning off the cell service on your phone. For my younger ds, I stated the consequences and he did not get off his computer when he was supposed to. I turned off the router and then when he was not home, I took the power adapter for his computer. And we kept it for a week because that was the consequence that he was up to by then.

You start leveling consequences. That is what you do.

She did (lose the phone).
Look you can go on and on about leveling consequences and pile on to the OP. It’s a completely different situation in the middle of the night when your child calls you a bitch. You had to wait for him to leave the house to take the power adapter? Um ok. I don’t think your parenting is effective then.

I'm not piling on OP. I was sharing what you do instead of getting in to a physical confrontation with your child, since someone said that she had already asked, and refused, and what should OP have done next? So I shared what I had done. For the record, once I turned the router off, he got off his computer. I waited to take the power cable because I didn't want the confrontation right then. He was already off the computer. My parenting was plenty effective. And I haven't had that come up again because he knows that we will follow through with the consequences.

There are ways to handle it without striking your child or trying to wrestle them in to something. OP's dd is only 14 and may not be very big yet. But her strategy was a bad one - middle of the night or not. We all make mistakes but REALLY it doesn't matter what someone says to you, or when, you don't hit them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked that any teen would call their mother a "bitch". This kind of behavior does not come out of no-where. It is a result of bad, negligent and lax parenting from the get go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

I'm not saying that DD made the best choice. I just think that Mom handled this strictly as a warden of the phone rather than as a concerned parent.

She asked for the phone and Dd refused. What would have been your next step?

I have been in that situation. But my ds is 14 and is much bigger than I am by this point. I am not going to get in to a physical battle with him. I start leveling consequences. No screen time on your computer for the next two days. I am turning off the router. I am turning off the cell service on your phone. For my younger ds, I stated the consequences and he did not get off his computer when he was supposed to. I turned off the router and then when he was not home, I took the power adapter for his computer. And we kept it for a week because that was the consequence that he was up to by then.

You start leveling consequences. That is what you do.

So basically you don't have the balls to take the device away and have to wait until he's gone. Well obviously that makes avoiding confrontation a lot easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

I'm not saying that DD made the best choice. I just think that Mom handled this strictly as a warden of the phone rather than as a concerned parent.

She asked for the phone and Dd refused. What would have been your next step?

I have been in that situation. But my ds is 14 and is much bigger than I am by this point. I am not going to get in to a physical battle with him. I start leveling consequences. No screen time on your computer for the next two days. I am turning off the router. I am turning off the cell service on your phone. For my younger ds, I stated the consequences and he did not get off his computer when he was supposed to. I turned off the router and then when he was not home, I took the power adapter for his computer. And we kept it for a week because that was the consequence that he was up to by then.

You start leveling consequences. That is what you do.

So basically you don't have the balls to take the device away and have to wait until he's gone. Well obviously that makes avoiding confrontation a lot easier.

I turned off the router and he got off the computer then. I took the power adapter because he at that point had gone from just losing computer time for a week at that point. There was no need to take the power adapter when he was already off the computer, and I am not going to have a physical confrontation with my child for no reason at that point.

Op had the luxury of slapping her kid because her dd is only 14 and may be the same size as OP, or smaller. What would have happened if her her dd were already 6 inches taller and outweighed her by 40 lbs? Is that a good idea? What happens if her dd escalates it by hitting her back? I can tell you who is at fault - OP because she hit her dd first.

It is crappy parenting to hit your teenager AND it is incredibly short sighted. OP knows this and is not arguing that it isn't crappy parenting. We are giving her alternatives if this situation happens again.

It isn't okay to hit someone because they called you a bitch, even if it is in the middle of the night. It is not a successful parenting strategy. OP has other options now from this thread for the future and people have given her advice on how to handle this incident with her dd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

I'm not saying that DD made the best choice. I just think that Mom handled this strictly as a warden of the phone rather than as a concerned parent.

She asked for the phone and Dd refused. What would have been your next step?

I have been in that situation. But my ds is 14 and is much bigger than I am by this point. I am not going to get in to a physical battle with him. I start leveling consequences. No screen time on your computer for the next two days. I am turning off the router. I am turning off the cell service on your phone. For my younger ds, I stated the consequences and he did not get off his computer when he was supposed to. I turned off the router and then when he was not home, I took the power adapter for his computer. And we kept it for a week because that was the consequence that he was up to by then.

You start leveling consequences. That is what you do.

So basically you don't have the balls to take the device away and have to wait until he's gone. Well obviously that makes avoiding confrontation a lot easier.

Why would I increase the drama of the confrontation at the time if I don't have to? He lost the privilege of USING it and he was no longer using it. I don't need to rub it in and take the adapter right in front of him and just make the fight worse. Why? He lost access for a week. Period. Whether the computer was in his room, and the power adapter was in his room or not. He wasn't going to use it. I didn't HAVE to take the power adapter right in front of him because the situation was over and he was off his computer.

This is exactly the kind of thing that pp was talking about above with being a concerned parent vs a warden- instead of having her dd come and making her tea, addressing her not being able to sleep (the cause of why her dd had gotten her phone), instead it became authoritarian and making it a huge confrontation that spun out of control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I am sorry that I lost my temper and hit you last night. I was wrong. I apologize.

I will still be keeping the phone for a week as a consequence of you not minding me when I told you to leave it downstairs. You will also be grounded this weekend for calling me a name which is completely unacceptable."

Good advice But I think taking it away for today and there’s good punishment. A day in a teen’s world is like an eternity. I would tell her the punishment for the phone is because she called you a bitch. I wouldn’t take her phone away without a first warning because she was watching the videos. I would be mad about the name. I think one day is enough for a first offense. On the weekend at this age maybe she has put the phone downstairs by midnight. Also would check in with her and make sure all is okay with her. She may have been up for a reason.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the replies, but having been on the other end of a similar incident, I don't think this is a big deal. My mother slapped me once in my entire life, when I was teenager. We were having an argument; I ran out of reasoned responses and said something disrespectful and left the room; she followed me and slapped me in the face. I was surprised, but I didn't think she was wrong; I took the slap as confirmation that I had gone too far. We moved on with no impact on our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

I'm not saying that DD made the best choice. I just think that Mom handled this strictly as a warden of the phone rather than as a concerned parent.

She asked for the phone and Dd refused. What would have been your next step?

I wouldn't enter into a middle of the night slapping contest with a kid described as a really good kid. Perhaps go back to bed and talk about it in the morning?

How old are your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

I'm not saying that DD made the best choice. I just think that Mom handled this strictly as a warden of the phone rather than as a concerned parent.

She asked for the phone and Dd refused. What would have been your next step?

I have been in that situation. But my ds is 14 and is much bigger than I am by this point. I am not going to get in to a physical battle with him. I start leveling consequences. No screen time on your computer for the next two days. I am turning off the router. I am turning off the cell service on your phone. For my younger ds, I stated the consequences and he did not get off his computer when he was supposed to. I turned off the router and then when he was not home, I took the power adapter for his computer. And we kept it for a week because that was the consequence that he was up to by then.

You start leveling consequences. That is what you do.

She did (lose the phone).
Look you can go on and on about leveling consequences and pile on to the OP. It’s a completely different situation in the middle of the night when your child calls you a bitch. You had to wait for him to leave the house to take the power adapter? Um ok. I don’t think your parenting is effective then.

I'm not piling on OP. I was sharing what you do instead of getting in to a physical confrontation with your child, since someone said that she had already asked, and refused, and what should OP have done next? So I shared what I had done. For the record, once I turned the router off, he got off his computer. I waited to take the power cable because I didn't want the confrontation right then. He was already off the computer. My parenting was plenty effective. And I haven't had that come up again because he knows that we will follow through with the consequences.

There are ways to handle it without striking your child or trying to wrestle them in to something. OP's dd is only 14 and may not be very big yet. But her strategy was a bad one - middle of the night or not. We all make mistakes but REALLY it doesn't matter what someone says to you, or when, you don't hit them.

OP had a phone I believe, so she couldn't just turn the router off. You seem very proud of your parenting, but in the real world when a teacher or someone asks him to turn it over, they aren't going to play this little game that you are willing to play. That's what I mean when I say it's not effective. Effective parenting to me is getting the device handed over when I ask for it. Not some game of playing turn off the router because Larlo won't listen to me and then I win because I eventually out maneuver him.
The only thing I agree with you on is that she shouldn't have slapped which OP clearly stated. But your situation isn't at all comparable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has nothing to fix.

Slapping someone needs fixing.

Nope, she did what every parent until 15 years ago would have done. Now, we think this is abuse? I think not. Enough is enough with producing entitled douche bags for teens.

Amen. The kids are horrible these days because the parents are trying to be friends instead of parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a quick reply but I worked in a school where CPS was called to get involved and CPS took a slap very seriously. Parent had to do parenting classes and they kept coming to the school to check in with the parents.

I don't know about your state - I am not in the DMV. I did not know that the fallout would be so serious.

Parenting is hard, OP, I have a 14yr old and have found him on his phone when he wasn't supposed to be. The phones and internet are like crack to these kids.

However, if this ends up with CPS just face the consequences. Don't tell your dd to lie to the school.

Sorry, they kept coming in to the school to check in with the student.

Freaking ridiculous. CPS gets money from the federal government for every child they supervise, and more for the ones they take into custody. CPS destroy families and relationships. So they intruded on this family for a damn slap, embarrassed the kid at school, etc. what would have happened if this family was like some of the families who said just take her, if you think you can do a better job, just have at it. More money for CPS and another kid ruined, tossed from one foster home to another until the kid ages out of the system and no more money from the feds. All that investigation because of a smack, but they couldn’t keep track of a kid like Relisha Rudd who needed looking after. System is whack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

I'm not saying that DD made the best choice. I just think that Mom handled this strictly as a warden of the phone rather than as a concerned parent.

She asked for the phone and Dd refused. What would have been your next step?

I have been in that situation. But my ds is 14 and is much bigger than I am by this point. I am not going to get in to a physical battle with him. I start leveling consequences. No screen time on your computer for the next two days. I am turning off the router. I am turning off the cell service on your phone. For my younger ds, I stated the consequences and he did not get off his computer when he was supposed to. I turned off the router and then when he was not home, I took the power adapter for his computer. And we kept it for a week because that was the consequence that he was up to by then.

You start leveling consequences. That is what you do.

So basically you don't have the balls to take the device away and have to wait until he's gone. Well obviously that makes avoiding confrontation a lot easier.

Basically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a quick reply but I worked in a school where CPS was called to get involved and CPS took a slap very seriously. Parent had to do parenting classes and they kept coming to the school to check in with the parents.

I don't know about your state - I am not in the DMV. I did not know that the fallout would be so serious.

Parenting is hard, OP, I have a 14yr old and have found him on his phone when he wasn't supposed to be. The phones and internet are like crack to these kids.

However, if this ends up with CPS just face the consequences. Don't tell your dd to lie to the school.

Sorry, they kept coming in to the school to check in with the student.

Freaking ridiculous. CPS gets money from the federal government for every child they supervise, and more for the ones they take into custody. CPS destroy families and relationships. So they intruded on this family for a damn slap, embarrassed the kid at school, etc. what would have happened if this family was like some of the families who said just take her, if you think you can do a better job, just have at it. More money for CPS and another kid ruined, tossed from one foster home to another until the kid ages out of the system and no more money from the feds. All that investigation because of a smack, but they couldn’t keep track of a kid like Relisha Rudd who needed looking after. System is whack.

No. The case was done after the parenting classes were finished. The parent learned other strategies. Would you prefer the parent keep hitting the kid and then the kid hits back and they both end up with domestic violence charges?

[Anonymous]

I called my mom a bitch when I was 14 or 15 and she did the same exact thing. It didn't change the dynamic of our (already not-close) relationship, and I never did it again. But I did plenty of other bad things because it happened and that was that. No further discussion. And no consistent rules and consequences.

OP, keep the phone for at least a week. Your daughter needs to learn about consequences for her actions -- breaking the rules AND being disrespectful. You can say sorry for slapping her but please make it clear she cannot flout rules, especially those made for her own good. Have conversations. Work through it together. But be firm and stay firm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

I'm not saying that DD made the best choice. I just think that Mom handled this strictly as a warden of the phone rather than as a concerned parent.

She asked for the phone and Dd refused. What would have been your next step?

I have been in that situation. But my ds is 14 and is much bigger than I am by this point. I am not going to get in to a physical battle with him. I start leveling consequences. No screen time on your computer for the next two days. I am turning off the router. I am turning off the cell service on your phone. For my younger ds, I stated the consequences and he did not get off his computer when he was supposed to. I turned off the router and then when he was not home, I took the power adapter for his computer. And we kept it for a week because that was the consequence that he was up to by then.

You start leveling consequences. That is what you do.

She did (lose the phone).
Look you can go on and on about leveling consequences and pile on to the OP. It’s a completely different situation in the middle of the night when your child calls you a bitch. You had to wait for him to leave the house to take the power adapter? Um ok. I don’t think your parenting is effective then.

I'm not piling on OP. I was sharing what you do instead of getting in to a physical confrontation with your child, since someone said that she had already asked, and refused, and what should OP have done next? So I shared what I had done. For the record, once I turned the router off, he got off his computer. I waited to take the power cable because I didn't want the confrontation right then. He was already off the computer. My parenting was plenty effective. And I haven't had that come up again because he knows that we will follow through with the consequences.

There are ways to handle it without striking your child or trying to wrestle them in to something. OP's dd is only 14 and may not be very big yet. But her strategy was a bad one - middle of the night or not. We all make mistakes but REALLY it doesn't matter what someone says to you, or when, you don't hit them.

OP had a phone I believe, so she couldn't just turn the router off. You seem very proud of your parenting, but in the real world when a teacher or someone asks him to turn it over, they aren't going to play this little game that you are willing to play. That's what I mean when I say it's not effective. Effective parenting to me is getting the device handed over when I ask for it. Not some game of playing turn off the router because Larlo won't listen to me and then I win because I eventually out maneuver him.
The only thing I agree with you on is that she shouldn't have slapped which OP clearly stated. But your situation isn't at all comparable.

Of course it was a different situation. I did not say it wasn't. Op did not slap her kid for not giving her the phone. She slapped her for calling her a bitch. PP was asking how to continue - the answer is never to get in to a wrestling match with your kid. You keep removing privileges until they hand it over.