I slapped my teen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a quick reply but I worked in a school where CPS was called to get involved and CPS took a slap very seriously. Parent had to do parenting classes and they kept coming to the school to check in with the parents.

I don't know about your state - I am not in the DMV. I did not know that the fallout would be so serious.

Parenting is hard, OP, I have a 14yr old and have found him on his phone when he wasn't supposed to be. The phones and internet are like crack to these kids.

However, if this ends up with CPS just face the consequences. Don't tell your dd to lie to the school.

Sorry, they kept coming in to the school to check in with the student.

Freaking ridiculous. CPS gets money from the federal government for every child they supervise, and more for the ones they take into custody. CPS destroy families and relationships. So they intruded on this family for a damn slap, embarrassed the kid at school, etc. what would have happened if this family was like some of the families who said just take her, if you think you can do a better job, just have at it. More money for CPS and another kid ruined, tossed from one foster home to another until the kid ages out of the system and no more money from the feds. All that investigation because of a smack, but they couldn’t keep track of a kid like Relisha Rudd who needed looking after. System is whack.

No. The case was done after the parenting classes were finished. The parent learned other strategies. Would you prefer the parent keep hitting the kid and then the kid hits back and they both end up with domestic violence charges?

Also the kid was not embarrassed to get this help. She was the one who had gone to the school because the relationship with her parents was causing her a huge amount of stress that carries over to school. She was hooked up with an organization with resources and opportunities for teens for counseling outside of school. The situation was resolved positively. I don't live in DC but my understanding is that Relisha Rudd was kidnapped from a family shelter by an employee.

So it wasn't just the one slap then that caused CPS to get involved? I've never hit/slapped one of my kids and I don't ever intend to, but I don't think my kids would report me to CPS if I ever slapped them. They have friends whose parents consider corporal punishment appropriate discipline and their friends don't view it as abuse because it's their normal. Because they've never been hit, my kids would be incredibly upset, though. CPS should not get involved in anything because of a slap. That can be disrupted to the family on many levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Sounds like you're afraid to discipline your kids.

+1, it is not ok to slap your child but its allowed and legal. It was one slap. People are acting like it was pure abuse and no one at CPS or anywhere else is going to care. Get over yourselves. Child was really out of line. Cell phone is the issue as well as child's behavior. OP should apologizing for the slap/not handling it the best way but taking the cell phone and more consequences is appropriate.

I don't know what state are you are in, but this is really state specific advice. In my state, I have seen CPS take action over that.

Whichever CPS employee takes action over a one off slap should be fired. CPS in your state is also either over funded over woefully mismanaging their limited resources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, I have apologized for slapping her and told her that was not the correct response. She apologized for what she said as well. Her excuse was, that’s what her friends say to each other when they are really mad. We talked about that is not an appropriate response to anyone, an adult, a friend, and enemy or a stranger. She seemed remorseful about that but is VERY upset about losing her phone for the week. She thinks I’m being unreasonable and too strict.

Thanks for all the responses, I read each and everyone. My daughter is definitely still upset with me, but I don’t think our relationship has been damaged permanently.

I have a teen, and of course, was a teen.

I told my mother at about that age that she was "acting" like a bitch. (In my mind there was a difference). My mother also slapped me across the face--my teen sublety clearly lost on her. Haha. Anyway, she apologized as did I. My parents never hit me. In fact, my mother is a psychologist, so obviously knew better. It happens to people. But you can bet I chose my words more carefully after that.

FF 30 yrs, and a similar incident with my teen. I apologized, he apologized, life moved on. He's 21 now, and has sometimes reminded the youngest to watch his mouth though. Just in case.

My point is that you shouldn't beat yourself up over it, and that it's good to sit down and explain what happened as you did. It didn't ruin my relationship with my mother back then, nor did it with my DS. Wasn't a great move from anyone, but it was how the aftermath was handled that made the difference IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

I'm not saying that DD made the best choice. I just think that Mom handled this strictly as a warden of the phone rather than as a concerned parent.

She asked for the phone and Dd refused. What would have been your next step?

I have been in that situation. But my ds is 14 and is much bigger than I am by this point. I am not going to get in to a physical battle with him. I start leveling consequences. No screen time on your computer for the next two days. I am turning off the router. I am turning off the cell service on your phone. For my younger ds, I stated the consequences and he did not get off his computer when he was supposed to. I turned off the router and then when he was not home, I took the power adapter for his computer. And we kept it for a week because that was the consequence that he was up to by then.

You start leveling consequences. That is what you do.

So basically you don't have the balls to take the device away and have to wait until he's gone. Well obviously that makes avoiding confrontation a lot easier.

So what are you going to do when he comes home and calls you a ________ for taking it?

Also, OP didnt slap her in order to get the phone away from her. Clearly you can't follow along too well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet she won't call you a bitch again.
Stick with the consequence of the lost phone for the week too.
I would not mention the slap unless she brings it up again.

This. What the heck is wrong with most of you? The current parenting generation has handed over control to the children. They know they can play off your guilt and win even more concessions. If any of us had called our mothers “bitch” when we were teens we would have been slapped into next Tuesday. Except that most of us did not because we had been punished when we mouthed off to our parents when we were younger.

Only apology needs to be from child to parent here.

Plus 1. No apology necessary from Mother.

Either slapping is OK, or it is not. It is not.

Either one should apologize when one makes a mistake/loses temper, or one should not. One should.

[Anonymous]

I would have done the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you caught her watching some non-g-rated vids online. That's probably why she resisted giving you the phone at first. Needed to close out of them. Maybe she was in the middle of "something" and when you took the phone away, her "frustration" got the better of her and she exploded with calling you a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. Of course OP needs to apologize for slapping her daughter. And to never do it again. OP, don’t let yourself off the hook because DCUM is filled with abusers.

No wonder some women stay with abusive partners. They are taught at home by their parents that they deserve it. Disgusting.

+100. "I drove my mom to hit when I called her a bitch. She didn't apologize, because I was wrong. He hit me because I wouldn't listen..."

No. Not even close. How dare you insinuate otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Sounds like you're afraid to discipline your kids.

+1, it is not ok to slap your child but its allowed and legal. It was one slap. People are acting like it was pure abuse and no one at CPS or anywhere else is going to care. Get over yourselves. Child was really out of line. Cell phone is the issue as well as child's behavior. OP should apologizing for the slap/not handling it the best way but taking the cell phone and more consequences is appropriate.

I don't know what state are you are in, but this is really state specific advice. In my state, I have seen CPS take action over that.

Whichever CPS employee takes action over a one off slap should be fired. CPS in your state is also either over funded over woefully mismanaging their limited resources.

CPS is not going to get involved with one slap with no marks or bruises. Parent made a mistake. May be referred for counseling but case would be closed. There is probably far more to the story if CPS is opening up a case. Corporal punishment is not illegal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Sounds like you're afraid to discipline your kids.

+1, it is not ok to slap your child but its allowed and legal. It was one slap. People are acting like it was pure abuse and no one at CPS or anywhere else is going to care. Get over yourselves. Child was really out of line. Cell phone is the issue as well as child's behavior. OP should apologizing for the slap/not handling it the best way but taking the cell phone and more consequences is appropriate.

I don't know what state are you are in, but this is really state specific advice. In my state, I have seen CPS take action over that.

Whichever CPS employee takes action over a one off slap should be fired. CPS in your state is also either over funded over woefully mismanaging their limited resources.

CPS is not going to get involved with one slap with no marks or bruises. Parent made a mistake. May be referred for counseling but case would be closed. There is probably far more to the story if CPS is opening up a case. Corporal punishment is not illegal.

It is not illegal to slap your kid. In fact this came up in the state and the judge ruled that the parents had the right to discipline a kid. I can’t recall the name of it now but there is a law that exists. I don’t condone hitting and I have never hit my kids but in this case calling her mother this name I think it was warranted. I would give her her phone back today or tomorrow. I think a week is too long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Sounds like you're afraid to discipline your kids.

+1, it is not ok to slap your child but its allowed and legal. It was one slap. People are acting like it was pure abuse and no one at CPS or anywhere else is going to care. Get over yourselves. Child was really out of line. Cell phone is the issue as well as child's behavior. OP should apologizing for the slap/not handling it the best way but taking the cell phone and more consequences is appropriate.

I don't know what state are you are in, but this is really state specific advice. In my state, I have seen CPS take action over that.

Whichever CPS employee takes action over a one off slap should be fired. CPS in your state is also either over funded over woefully mismanaging their limited resources.

CPS is not going to get involved with one slap with no marks or bruises. Parent made a mistake. May be referred for counseling but case would be closed. There is probably far more to the story if CPS is opening up a case. Corporal punishment is not illegal.

It is not illegal to slap your kid. In fact this came up in the state and the judge ruled that the parents had the right to discipline a kid. I can’t recall the name of it now but there is a law that exists. I don’t condone hitting and I have never hit my kids but in this case calling her mother this name I think it was warranted. I would give her her phone back today or tomorrow. I think a week is too long.

Why? I don't think it's too long. She won't die without it.

[Anonymous]

Op sorry I have not read everything but a few things. My daughter has called me a b word (can’t bring myself to write it). I was so upset and then I talked to a few friends who admitted that yes their kid has called them this in a moment of anger. My kid and all these kids were all good kids with good grades etc and ages 13-15. I think we need to understand that with the Internet world that curse words have become sadly normalized and although still inappropriate a whole lot different then if we called our mom a b word. Too many parents are deluded and do not realize these kids use bad words from time to time. You got mad and slapped your daughter -many have done the same thing. My worry for you would be if slapping became normalized. I am glad you realize that slapping is wrong. I also think you should maybe tone down what you get so mad about. Your rules on the phone are your rules but honestly this is not worth getting so mad over unless you found bad content. Maybe moving forward a discussion on what feels good for both of you on phone rules. 14 is starting to get in the range where they need to self regulate. My almost 14 year has her phone and I allow it on on weekends late and ask that it go off when she goes to bed during the week and she has followed through because it is not a tough rule to follow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to have the phone taken away for a bit.

Kids that break rules with the phone, don’t get the privilege of the phone.

Be a bitch. It’s called parenting.

In this case, OP was being a bitch.

Such a holy over-reaction to a small event.

A kid who snuck down to get a phone forbidden from having in room at night and on it at 4am—that’s a big deal to me.

The phone would be taken for at least a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you caught her watching some non-g-rated vids online. That's probably why she resisted giving you the phone at first. Needed to close out of them. Maybe she was in the middle of "something" and when you took the phone away, her "frustration" got the better of her and she exploded with calling you a bitch.

Or sexting-face timing a dude, more likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet she won't call you a bitch again.
Stick with the consequence of the lost phone for the week too.
I would not mention the slap unless she brings it up again.

Agree. No apology necessary (from you).