I slapped my teen!

[Anonymous]

I would have reacted the same way but the next day after everyone calms down I’d have a talk with her. I don’t think hitting was the answer but understand why you did it. She should have followed the rules and should have never called you a bitch. I think calling you a bitch was the worst part and she needs to understand that you reacted that way because of what she did and said. You both should have acted differently. I would then talk about the no phone in rule and why it’s in place and what the consequences will be if she breaks the rules again.

[Anonymous]

Don't give in on the phone because you slapped her. Yes, you lost your temper and slapped your DD. It was obviously not the way you choose to parent- so you do need to provide an unconditional apology.

"Larla, I was upset that you called me a b*tch. It was no excuse for slapping you. I lost my temper and I am very sorry." (btw, OP, the only time I've come dangerously close to slapping my teen is time he called me b*tch, and it was in broad daylight an no one was tired, so I hear you sister).

Larla tries to guilt you into the phone- "No Larla, I am owning up to my behavior. You need to own up to yours. You broke the rules and will not get the phone back until..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

I'm not saying that DD made the best choice. I just think that Mom handled this strictly as a warden of the phone rather than as a concerned parent.

She asked for the phone and Dd refused. What would have been your next step?

I wouldn't enter into a middle of the night slapping contest with a kid described as a really good kid. Perhaps go back to bed and talk about it in the morning?

I asked what would you do. Not what wouldn’t you do. You seem very able to pass judgement. You would have let the kid keep the phone or what? She was not handing it back. Op has been very clear she feels badly for slapping her teen.

DP here. OP already had the phone when she slapped her kid. I think walking away with the phone and increasing the punishment would gave been more appropriate than slapping her. If you are advocating slapping (you’re insinuating that there was nothing else that could be done), then I guess you just parent differently than I do.

Not one person has said it’s ok to slap. Not even in the original post. Get off your high horse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Worst advice ever.

Agree with pp, consequences stay. Apologize for the slap, but that’s it.

[Anonymous]

Give her time to think.

Let her approach and talk first today.

My no nonsense face and voice would be on for the day. No raised voice, no rambling on and pick the words you use wisely.

[Anonymous]

Lets see, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I use my phone to read or listen to music.

So I would not have been a lunatic about finding her with her phone. I probably would have just laid down with her and tried to get us both back to sleep.

[Anonymous]

My kids are grown. My youngest is 18. Oldest is almost 30. None of them have ever called me “a bitch”. They wouldn’t fuking dare. This thread is a everything wrong with so many parents today. OP, Slapping was not the best way to respond. We don’t always handle parenting decisions perfectly, especially in the middle of the night. Your daughter shouldn’t get that phone back at all until she can demonstrate more respect, self-discipline, and obedience. As for the slap, she’ll get over it. If she calls the wrong person a bitch, she could end up with much worse than a slap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lets see, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I use my phone to read or listen to music.

So I would not have been a lunatic about finding her with her phone. I probably would have just laid down with her and tried to get us both back to sleep.

So you are not only raising a child who has no consequences for breaking a rule, but then physically coddling them when they do? This girl is almost an adult not a four year old.

[Anonymous]

Excellent. You did right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14yr old daughter and I are very close, she’s a great kid, despite her moodiness. I got up in the middle of the night (about 4am) to go to the bathroom and noticed noise coming from my daughters room. I open her door and she’s watching videos on her cell phone that is supposed to be plugged in downstairs. She must have snuck downstairs and got it. I told her to hand me the phone, and she refused. I told her the phone is mine until further notice, and she lost her shit. She started screaming, saying I was a horrible mother, all of her other friends keep their phones in their room. I told her I don’t care if she thinks I’m a horrible mother, it’s not healthy to be on the phone all night, and it’s not up for discussion. She stood up and handed me the phone and looked me in the eyes and said “bitch.” In my already pissed off, sleep deprived state, I smacked her cheek. She was shocked and just threw herself on the bed crying(I think far more upset about losing the phone then the smack) How do I fix this?! I was obviously wrong to smack her but I know she’s going to try and use this as an excuse to get phone back, which isn’t happening either. Parent is hard y’all, and clearly I’m not doing such a great job.

Find her after the emotions are past the heat of the moment. “I wanted to apologize for slapping you last night. No matter how angry I get, that reaction is wrong. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” I love you so much. You are the world to me and I’m so sorry that I lost control. Give her w chance to respond and talk about this.

Then, “Separately, there will be a consequence for having sneaked your phone in the night.” There should have already been a predetermined consequence for breaking this rule but if not, “What do you think is a fair consequence for breaking this rule?” Many times kids will come up with something harsher than you had in mind. “Okay, that sounds like a good punishment, and also x.” (Come to an agreement making her part of the process. “Okay, what do you say to making this the consequence if this ever happens again?” Have a set consequence for the future so that if this happens again you can avoid the drama. You’ll just remind her of the predetermined consequence and take the phone.

Let her name calling of you go. Worry more about your relationship. Trust me, she already feels bad about doing it and may apologize on her own.

I would then open up the conversation to talk about why she was up in the first place. “Hey, I’m just curious - why were you awake at that time anyway?’ Is she stressed about something? Is her sleep cycle off? Is something weighing on her mind? Don’t try to fix whatever she tells you unless she asks. Just listen and empathize. “That sounds so frustrating! I’m sorry that X is going on. That sounds hard.”

Good luck. You can fix this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lets see, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I use my phone to read or listen to music.

So I would not have been a lunatic about finding her with her phone. I probably would have just laid down with her and tried to get us both back to sleep.

So you are not only raising a child who has no consequences for breaking a rule, but then physically coddling them when they do? This girl is almost an adult not a four year old.

Mom is the one acting like a 4 year old, going ballastic over a phone.

My son has plenty of consequences. He did want to stay on his phone all night, so I simply linked his phone to mine via app and it turns off every night at 10 and turns on at 5:45 in the morning. Weekends he has 24 hour access. So, a nice balance of him learning to control his phone usage on his own and getting enough rest for school.

And even though he could have been on his phone all night, instead he is downstairs getting ready for church.

We are a no drama household.

[Anonymous]

OP has nothing to fix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has nothing to fix.

Slapping someone needs fixing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has nothing to fix.

Slapping someone needs fixing.

Nope, she did what every parent until 15 years ago would have done. Now, we think this is abuse? I think not. Enough is enough with producing entitled douche bags for teens.

[Anonymous]

At least you didn't beat the crap out of her, op. Which some 20 years would have been the right thing to do.