I slapped my teen!

[Anonymous]

My 14yr old daughter and I are very close, she’s a great kid, despite her moodiness. I got up in the middle of the night (about 4am) to go to the bathroom and noticed noise coming from my daughters room. I open her door and she’s watching videos on her cell phone that is supposed to be plugged in downstairs. She must have snuck downstairs and got it. I told her to hand me the phone, and she refused. I told her the phone is mine until further notice, and she lost her shit. She started screaming, saying I was a horrible mother, all of her other friends keep their phones in their room. I told her I don’t care if she thinks I’m a horrible mother, it’s not healthy to be on the phone all night, and it’s not up for discussion. She stood up and handed me the phone and looked me in the eyes and said “bitch.” In my already pissed off, sleep deprived state, I smacked her cheek. She was shocked and just threw herself on the bed crying(I think far more upset about losing the phone then the smack) How do I fix this?! I was obviously wrong to smack her but I know she’s going to try and use this as an excuse to get phone back, which isn’t happening either. Parent is hard y’all, and clearly I’m not doing such a great job.

[Anonymous]

I bet she won't call you a bitch again.
Stick with the consequence of the lost phone for the week too.
I would not mention the slap unless she brings it up again.

[Anonymous]

"I am sorry that I lost my temper and hit you last night. I was wrong. I apologize.

I will still be keeping the phone for a week as a consequence of you not minding me when I told you to leave it downstairs. You will also be grounded this weekend for calling me a name which is completely unacceptable."

[Anonymous]

Mom of an almost 14 year old dd here.

Get some sleep. Sit down with her in a few hours and apologize for slapping her. Tell her you lost control, and that was not okay. And it won’t happen again.

When she says that she should get her phone back because you slapped her, you can say: “So you think that one way I can show remorse is by returning your phone. I can see how you might think that. The issues are unrelated. Your phone will be in my possession because you’re struggling with how to regulate your use of it. It’s my job as a parent to ensure you get sleep. That’s not happening when you have your phone at night. You disregarded our rules by sneaking down and getting it. The phone will be in my possession from 7pm- 7am from this point forward. With regard to the slapping, I messed up and I have apologized. Giving your phone back will not undo that.”

Each night, the phone gets charged in your room. My daughter’s phone is plugged in each night on my nightstand.

[Anonymous]

I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh cmon. Daughter could have gotten some tea and read a book. She knows the policy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

[Anonymous]

Tell her you were wrong and apologize. Tell her you expect an apology for what she said. Phone is completely separate. Since you say she’s a good kid, Might want to think about allowing her more control though, especially on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

I'm not saying that DD made the best choice. I just think that Mom handled this strictly as a warden of the phone rather than as a concerned parent.

[Anonymous]

What time does the phone have to be downstairs? My DD negotiated a later hour of phone removal at about that age. Might be an area to compromise after your appropriate phone lossage consequence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

I'm not saying that DD made the best choice. I just think that Mom handled this strictly as a warden of the phone rather than as a concerned parent.

She asked for the phone and Dd refused. What would have been your next step?

[Anonymous]

PP here— you can also consider turning off the router when you go to bed if you think she will be smart enough (or unable) to run up late night data charges.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing. She shouldn’t get the phone back until Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

I'm not saying that DD made the best choice. I just think that Mom handled this strictly as a warden of the phone rather than as a concerned parent.

She asked for the phone and Dd refused. What would have been your next step?

I wouldn't enter into a middle of the night slapping contest with a kid described as a really good kid. Perhaps go back to bed and talk about it in the morning?

[Anonymous]

Y'all are weird. No child should be calling their mother a bitch after the child is the one breaking the house rule.

Apologize that you lost your temper but tell her she's to have her phone taken away for the rest of the day for disrespecting you and the house rule.