I slapped my teen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

I'm not saying that DD made the best choice. I just think that Mom handled this strictly as a warden of the phone rather than as a concerned parent.

Yes, after a full night's sleep and in the light of day, you do seem to be handling this better than someone who was called a "bitch" for enforcing sensible rules in her own home at 4 a.m.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet she won't call you a bitch again.
Stick with the consequence of the lost phone for the week too.
I would not mention the slap unless she brings it up again.

This. What the heck is wrong with most of you? The current parenting generation has handed over control to the children. They know they can play off your guilt and win even more concessions. If any of us had called our mothers “bitch” when we were teens we would have been slapped into next Tuesday. Except that most of us did not because we had been punished when we mouthed off to our parents when we were younger.

Only apology needs to be from child to parent here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

I'm not saying that DD made the best choice. I just think that Mom handled this strictly as a warden of the phone rather than as a concerned parent.

She asked for the phone and Dd refused. What would have been your next step?

I wouldn't enter into a middle of the night slapping contest with a kid described as a really good kid. Perhaps go back to bed and talk about it in the morning?

I asked what would you do. Not what wouldn’t you do. You seem very able to pass judgement. You would have let the kid keep the phone or what? She was not handing it back. Op has been very clear she feels badly for slapping her teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should apologize for the whole incident.

Your daughter couldn't sleep and watched videos on her cellphone. You way overreacted and you instigated some middle of the night showdown over cellphone use that was totally unnecessary.

She shouldn't have called you a bitch but you really assumed a great deal here -- that she was on the phone all night, that there was nothing bothering her or keeping her up. Do you always approach every situation guns blazing like this? Is the cell phone really the issue?

Oh, so kids can break rules at a certain time of night? They don't need to follow rules and guidelines after midnight? What a great example and lesson, good to know.

If a teen or anyone can't sleep, the answer isn't to go get a phone. How about a book, a meditation, a shower or bath, or something else that isn't a screen? A screen is literally the worst thing you can engage with if you can't sleep.

I'm not saying that DD made the best choice. I just think that Mom handled this strictly as a warden of the phone rather than as a concerned parent.

She asked for the phone and Dd refused. What would have been your next step?

I wouldn't enter into a middle of the night slapping contest with a kid described as a really good kid. Perhaps go back to bed and talk about it in the morning?

I asked what would you do. Not what wouldn’t you do. You seem very able to pass judgement. You would have let the kid keep the phone or what? She was not handing it back. Op has been very clear she feels badly for slapping her teen.

DP here. OP already had the phone when she slapped her kid. I think walking away with the phone and increasing the punishment would gave been more appropriate than slapping her. If you are advocating slapping (you’re insinuating that there was nothing else that could be done), then I guess you just parent differently than I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet she won't call you a bitch again.
Stick with the consequence of the lost phone for the week too.
I would not mention the slap unless she brings it up again.

This. What the heck is wrong with most of you? The current parenting generation has handed over control to the children. They know they can play off your guilt and win even more concessions. If any of us had called our mothers “bitch” when we were teens we would have been slapped into next Tuesday. Except that most of us did not because we had been punished when we mouthed off to our parents when we were younger.

Only apology needs to be from child to parent here.

I had to laugh at this. It is so true. I would have been royally punished, not for the phone, but for the gross blatant attitude. I am not saying slapping your DD was the right decision, but you can bet I would have gotten one for calling my mother a "bitch" or my dad a "dick". The most I ever said was, "I can't wait until I turn 18 and go off to college!" Some children these days are just horrible to adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet she won't call you a bitch again.
Stick with the consequence of the lost phone for the week too.
I would not mention the slap unless she brings it up again.

This. What the heck is wrong with most of you? The current parenting generation has handed over control to the children. They know they can play off your guilt and win even more concessions. If any of us had called our mothers “bitch” when we were teens we would have been slapped into next Tuesday. Except that most of us did not because we had been punished when we mouthed off to our parents when we were younger.

Only apology needs to be from child to parent here.

So your teen son can hit another student at school if he is called a name, and he should expect no consequences? How very confused he will be when he is expelled.

It's either OK to hit, or it's not. And it's not.

That said, it's not just OP apologies, end of story. It's OP apologies, and consequences are still laid down over the phone, and new consequences are laid down over the "bitch" remark.

[Anonymous]

You're alright, op. Not an ideal situation, but not a situation caused by you. Steady forth and don't cave about the consequences. Let the kid apologize about the name calling before you apologize about the slap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're alright, op. Not an ideal situation, but not a situation caused by you. Steady forth and don't cave about the consequences. Let the kid apologize about the name calling before you apologize about the slap.

Sure. Because making a power play with regard to an apology is the mature way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet she won't call you a bitch again.
Stick with the consequence of the lost phone for the week too.
I would not mention the slap unless she brings it up again.

This. What the heck is wrong with most of you? The current parenting generation has handed over control to the children. They know they can play off your guilt and win even more concessions. If any of us had called our mothers “bitch” when we were teens we would have been slapped into next Tuesday. Except that most of us did not because we had been punished when we mouthed off to our parents when we were younger.

Only apology needs to be from child to parent here.

So your teen son can hit another student at school if he is called a name, and he should expect no consequences? How very confused he will be when he is expelled.

It's either OK to hit, or it's not. And it's not.

That said, it's not just OP apologies, end of story. It's OP apologies, and consequences are still laid down over the phone, and new consequences are laid down over the "bitch" remark.

Umm no, my teen son can't take away the other persons phone either, that would be theft, and he can't ground and send them to their room either. There is a difference between parenting and friending PP

[Anonymous]

OMG. Of course OP needs to apologize for slapping her daughter. And to never do it again. OP, don’t let yourself off the hook because DCUM is filled with abusers.

No wonder some women stay with abusive partners. They are taught at home by their parents that they deserve it. Disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I am sorry that I lost my temper and hit you last night. I was wrong. I apologize.

I will still be keeping the phone for a week as a consequence of you not minding me when I told you to leave it downstairs. You will also be grounded this weekend for calling me a name which is completely unacceptable."

This and also focus on practicing what you will say before you walk away next time to cool off. Tell her of your plan to walk away for a cooling off period so she knows how we can improve our reactions when angry.

My dad chased me with a belt once when I was her age! Hang in there! It gets better.

Signed - Mom of a now delightful 20 yo DD and maddening 18 yo DS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet she won't call you a bitch again.
Stick with the consequence of the lost phone for the week too.
I would not mention the slap unless she brings it up again.

This. What the heck is wrong with most of you? The current parenting generation has handed over control to the children. They know they can play off your guilt and win even more concessions. If any of us had called our mothers “bitch” when we were teens we would have been slapped into next Tuesday. Except that most of us did not because we had been punished when we mouthed off to our parents when we were younger.

Only apology needs to be from child to parent here.

So your teen son can hit another student at school if he is called a name, and he should expect no consequences? How very confused he will be when he is expelled.

It's either OK to hit, or it's not. And it's not.

That said, it's not just OP apologies, end of story. It's OP apologies, and consequences are still laid down over the phone, and new consequences are laid down over the "bitch" remark.

Umm no, my teen son can't take away the other persons phone either, that would be theft, and he can't ground and send them to their room either. There is a difference between parenting and friending PP

It's not OK to hit. It's just not. And if you teach sons and daughters that it is OK to do so under X and Y circumstances, you set up kids who think hitting is an option, and who will accept hitting as part of a disagreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet she won't call you a bitch again.
Stick with the consequence of the lost phone for the week too.
I would not mention the slap unless she brings it up again.

This. What the heck is wrong with most of you? The current parenting generation has handed over control to the children. They know they can play off your guilt and win even more concessions. If any of us had called our mothers “bitch” when we were teens we would have been slapped into next Tuesday. Except that most of us did not because we had been punished when we mouthed off to our parents when we were younger.

Only apology needs to be from child to parent here.

So your teen son can hit another student at school if he is called a name, and he should expect no consequences? How very confused he will be when he is expelled.

It's either OK to hit, or it's not. And it's not.

That said, it's not just OP apologies, end of story. It's OP apologies, and consequences are still laid down over the phone, and new consequences are laid down over the "bitch" remark.

When I was young and was smacked for some infraction (not often, but it happened), I was smart enough to know that I was being punished by my parents, and was NOT being taught that I was now allowed to hit anyone I wanted.

What a stupid argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. Of course OP needs to apologize for slapping her daughter. And to never do it again. OP, don’t let yourself off the hook because DCUM is filled with abusers.

No wonder some women stay with abusive partners. They are taught at home by their parents that they deserve it. Disgusting.

+100. "I drove my mom to hit when I called her a bitch. She didn't apologize, because I was wrong. He hit me because I wouldn't listen..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet she won't call you a bitch again.
Stick with the consequence of the lost phone for the week too.
I would not mention the slap unless she brings it up again.

This. What the heck is wrong with most of you? The current parenting generation has handed over control to the children. They know they can play off your guilt and win even more concessions. If any of us had called our mothers “bitch” when we were teens we would have been slapped into next Tuesday. Except that most of us did not because we had been punished when we mouthed off to our parents when we were younger.

Only apology needs to be from child to parent here.

So your teen son can hit another student at school if he is called a name, and he should expect no consequences? How very confused he will be when he is expelled.

It's either OK to hit, or it's not. And it's not.

That said, it's not just OP apologies, end of story. It's OP apologies, and consequences are still laid down over the phone, and new consequences are laid down over the "bitch" remark.

When I was young and was smacked for some infraction (not often, but it happened), I was smart enough to know that I was being punished by my parents, and was NOT being taught that I was now allowed to hit anyone I wanted.

What a stupid argument.

Teach your daughters to accept hitting in the home. Go ahead. That's not what I choose to do.