Anyone horny but don't want sex with DH/DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, very high drive but I don't have sex with my wife. It's been 3 months, and it's not worth making a move because it will either be rejected or she will agree and be annoyed. Interestingly, after a while I really don't see her as sexual now although I can see her as attractive in a platonic way.

I am sure her lack of interest is a good combination of boredom and resentment but I don't take it personally. I get lots of attention from other women.

For now, I stay but in a few years when last kid is gone, I will leave.

Not to hijack the thread but this will not be easy on your kids even then.

So, you have other options for me? I often think cheating is the better option and you kinda confirm that.

Talk to your wife. Don’t lie to her. It’s one thing if there is an agreement. If your introspective enough to recognize her resentment and boredom, do something small for her to show you see her, recognize it, and want to help. If those things aren’t true, leave, but your next partner is going to have the same issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, very high drive but I don't have sex with my wife. It's been 3 months, and it's not worth making a move because it will either be rejected or she will agree and be annoyed. Interestingly, after a while I really don't see her as sexual now although I can see her as attractive in a platonic way.

I am sure her lack of interest is a good combination of boredom and resentment but I don't take it personally. I get lots of attention from other women.

For now, I stay but in a few years when last kid is gone, I will leave.

Not to hijack the thread but this will not be easy on your kids even then.

NP here. I often wonder if they feared “impact on the kids” thing is really case by case. I remember when I was a teenager my parents would fight and yell. My mother was controlling and hurtful and my father a difficult personality. I started to wish they’d divorce. I think if they did they would have thrived as people.

[Anonymous]

I love how when women don't want to have sex its is her fault.
When she wants to have sex its also her fault for not being attracted to the man she is supposed to have sex with.


NO one is ever going to find someone 100% attractive at all times, especially when you take personality into account and marriage definitely brings out different personalities.
Where men can just push that aside and still move on with the act, women do have a more difficult time getting into it or wanting it from someone who they are not attracted to.
But instead of taking ownership in why your wife may not want to engage with you, you just blame her.
Perhaps if you look at your own personality, you will find the answers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP one more time.
Listen, i get that a lot of men here like to think that women are being mean and punitive by not having more frequent sex. I don't want or need everything to be 100% perfect to get it on with my husband but when your partner does something that alters the way you view them. The way your body responds to them and not for the better?
Am I supposed to just ignore that?
I do have sex with him becuase i enjoy sex but honestly not so much with him anymore. It almost makes me angry. I could go at it a few times a day easy if i felt supported and prioritized by him but instead I feel marginalized and unimportant.
Those are not feelings that turn most women on.

I have tried to move past it for 3 years and have talked to him many many times.
So, i am stuck here with this drive for more and only myself to satisfy it.

I think you should separate or tell him you want a separation. He needs to see that for you, this thing 3 years ago is a relationship killer and you have to make that clear to him. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how when women don't want to have sex its is her fault.
When she wants to have sex its also her fault for not being attracted to the man she is supposed to have sex with.


NO one is ever going to find someone 100% attractive at all times, especially when you take personality into account and marriage definitely brings out different personalities.
Where men can just push that aside and still move on with the act, women do have a more difficult time getting into it or wanting it from someone who they are not attracted to.
But instead of taking ownership in why your wife may not want to engage with you, you just blame her.
Perhaps if you look at your own personality, you will find the answers.

Man here, whose wife doesn't want to have sex. I used to blame her, I don't anymore. It's not a problem I can fix, if she wants to we can try together. If not, I won't die without sex and it's not that hard to find an AP as a backup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, very high drive but I don't have sex with my wife. It's been 3 months, and it's not worth making a move because it will either be rejected or she will agree and be annoyed. Interestingly, after a while I really don't see her as sexual now although I can see her as attractive in a platonic way.

I am sure her lack of interest is a good combination of boredom and resentment but I don't take it personally. I get lots of attention from other women.

For now, I stay but in a few years when last kid is gone, I will leave.

Not to hijack the thread but this will not be easy on your kids even then.

Exactly what I was thinking. Divorce at any age is difficult for the family, more so for older kids who will see and feel everything. He may just be venting, but it's much easier to have family get togethers in one home. It sucks having to visit a parent and being stuck with their new partner and all the baggage they will bring.
Then having to divide up the holidays between divorced mom and dad. There's a reason most 2nd marriages end in divorce, and why most 2nd marriages that last are miserable. From looking at all my friends in 2nd marriages....I'd carefully weigh that one. You'll trade one set of problems for another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you've been stewing about this for 3 years. make a freaking decision - let it go and see him as you did before or let him go and move on.

This.

Yes, because it’s just that easy.

If they have kids and decent finances I'd say fake it. Move on and stop dwelling on what he did. Don't make him such a central part of your existence OP. I doubt he's worth all that oxygen you're wasting. Put all that into your kids and hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, very high drive but I don't have sex with my wife. It's been 3 months, and it's not worth making a move because it will either be rejected or she will agree and be annoyed. Interestingly, after a while I really don't see her as sexual now although I can see her as attractive in a platonic way.

I am sure her lack of interest is a good combination of boredom and resentment but I don't take it personally. I get lots of attention from other women.

For now, I stay but in a few years when last kid is gone, I will leave.

Not to hijack the thread but this will not be easy on your kids even then.

NP here. I often wonder if they feared “impact on the kids” thing is really case by case. I remember when I was a teenager my parents would fight and yell. My mother was controlling and hurtful and my father a difficult personality. I started to wish they’d divorce. I think if they did they would have thrived as people.

I so often hear that the wives are surprised when husbands want to divorce after kids leave home. This tells me that there's a communication issue here. Why not communicate to your wife in a way she understands how important sex is for you. You also need to clear on what you want out of sex life because it can't be like New relationship sex.

Many women don't know how important sex is for men and so don't let her be surprised if you ask her for divorce. That's on you if that happens.

Also, you'll have to work towards making sex happen the st you want it and sex therapist might be helpful.

You sound like you are somewhat aware of what can cause these issues and so also make yourself aware of communication issues as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, very high drive but I don't have sex with my wife. It's been 3 months, and it's not worth making a move because it will either be rejected or she will agree and be annoyed. Interestingly, after a while I really don't see her as sexual now although I can see her as attractive in a platonic way.

I am sure her lack of interest is a good combination of boredom and resentment but I don't take it personally. I get lots of attention from other women.

For now, I stay but in a few years when last kid is gone, I will leave.

Not to hijack the thread but this will not be easy on your kids even then.

NP here. I often wonder if they feared “impact on the kids” thing is really case by case. I remember when I was a teenager my parents would fight and yell. My mother was controlling and hurtful and my father a difficult personality. I started to wish they’d divorce. I think if they did they would have thrived as people.

I so often hear that the wives are surprised when husbands want to divorce after kids leave home. This tells me that there's a communication issue here. Why not communicate to your wife in a way she understands how important sex is for you. You also need to clear on what you want out of sex life because it can't be like New relationship sex.

Many women don't know how important sex is for men and so don't let her be surprised if you ask her for divorce. That's on you if that happens.

Also, you'll have to work towards making sex happen the st you want it and sex therapist might be helpful.

You sound like you are somewhat aware of what can cause these issues and so also make yourself aware of communication issues as well.

Actually wives initiate divorce much more often.

Many men don't realize how important communication is, or being a equal partner in terms of the kids and household chores. They shouldn't be surprised if the DW asks for a divorce. Especially if they haven't made strikes in those areas, or cheated in the past.

Men need to value the more important aspects of the marriage. Over prioritizing sex to the point they disregard more important issues is what leads to a lot of divorces. When a pp says they can just find a AP I already assume they've already cheated. Probably another reason why the sex has stopped or diminished.

Many women divorce after the kids are gone because they are tired of the man child who won't ever grow up. If counseling or therapy won't work then it's probably best to get divorced.

[Anonymous]

I've got a friend who has told everybody that she's divorcing her husband once the kids are out of the house. She is completely uninterested in him any longer. I feel bad for him.

[Anonymous]

I'm so horny I'd have sex with your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I so often hear that the wives are surprised when husbands want to divorce after kids leave home. This tells me that there's a communication issue here. Why not communicate to your wife in a way she understands how important sex is for you.
. . .

Many women don't know how important sex is for men and so don't let her be surprised if you ask her for divorce.

This is not the first time I've heard something like this. How can the high importance of sex to men be surprising? It's such a cliche and women are always accusing men of only wanting sex. Do these wives not think this is true? Or maybe they think that their husband is a special eunuch for some reason?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, very high drive but I don't have sex with my wife. It's been 3 months, and it's not worth making a move because it will either be rejected or she will agree and be annoyed. Interestingly, after a while I really don't see her as sexual now although I can see her as attractive in a platonic way.

I am sure her lack of interest is a good combination of boredom and resentment but I don't take it personally. I get lots of attention from other women.

For now, I stay but in a few years when last kid is gone, I will leave.

Not to hijack the thread but this will not be easy on your kids even then.

So, you have other options for me? I often think cheating is the better option and you kinda confirm that.

Talk to your wife. Don’t lie to her. It’s one thing if there is an agreement. If your introspective enough to recognize her resentment and boredom, do something small for her to show you see her, recognize it, and want to help. If those things aren’t true, leave, but your next partner is going to have the same issues.

PP here and you are myopic. Exactly how do you think this conversation goes? DH: Sex is important to me, and I can tell you don't want to have it. DW: Yes, I know it's important to you, sorry, I am not into it, but if you really need it then fine, just pick I night and I will lie there but don't take too long. DH: I don't want to be another chore on your list, it's ok. DW: Sorry, I can just be in the mood for sex, I have a constant ticker tape in my head and I can't enjoy sex with the kids in the house. Maybe in 3 months when we have a night off. DH: Ok, what about an agreement to open the marriage? DW: (grabbing fry pan as a weapon)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I so often hear that the wives are surprised when husbands want to divorce after kids leave home. This tells me that there's a communication issue here. Why not communicate to your wife in a way she understands how important sex is for you.
. . .

Many women don't know how important sex is for men and so don't let her be surprised if you ask her for divorce.

This is not the first time I've heard something like this. How can the high importance of sex to men be surprising? It's such a cliche and women are always accusing men of only wanting sex. Do these wives not think this is true? Or maybe they think that their husband is a special eunuch for some reason?

It's like men who claim they didn't know it was important to continue to plan dates. They don't actually exist, they just pretend to be shocked - SHOCKED - when they get cheated on and claim their spouses owed them at least another hundred conversations about the most basic element of a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Monogamy kills women’s drives. Wives should be able to call up anyone from their past to have sex with them. It doesn’t increase their number!