Anyone horny but don't want sex with DH/DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes resentment is used as an after-the-fact explanation for loss of libido. The libido was going anyway. The wife tells herself it's because of this or that transgression by the husband. But it's really just a hormonal shift from diminishing novelty, aging, pregnancy or the like.

Nope. I thought I lost my libido from having kids. But really it was because of resentment towards DH and the stress our marriage caused. Once we split, my libido came back stronger than ever.

Novelty is sexy.

Nope. I’m very satisfied with my current long-term partner.

Just because you are very satisfied with your current* long-term partner doesn't mean that novelty isn't sexy. (*current ... tells me it isn't all THAT long term). The two are not mutually exclusive.

Agree that novelty is sexy.

I'm countering the original statement that women lose libido due to hormones and then blame resentment. In my case, it was absolutely resentment that killed my libido, not hormones or lack of novelty. In a healthy relationship I have no issue with libido whatsoever.

But that's not easy for many men to hear. It's easier to blame the woman.

+1 I didn't want sex with DH when I had years of built up resentment, so I took it in hand myself, so to speak. I still had the urge, just not with DH at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP one more time.
Listen, i get that a lot of men here like to think that women are being mean and punitive by not having more frequent sex. I don't want or need everything to be 100% perfect to get it on with my husband but when your partner does something that alters the way you view them. The way your body responds to them and not for the better?
Am I supposed to just ignore that?
I do have sex with him becuase i enjoy sex but honestly not so much with him anymore. It almost makes me angry. I could go at it a few times a day easy if i felt supported and prioritized by him but instead I feel marginalized and unimportant.
Those are not feelings that turn most women on.

I have tried to move past it for 3 years and have talked to him many many times.
So, i am stuck here with this drive for more and only myself to satisfy it.

OP, I don't think some men will ever get it. Some men just don't get that the libido for women are in their brains, not their genitals.

I hear you about how your perception of your DH has changed and that alters how you feel about him, hence your sexual attraction to him has changed too.

[Anonymous]

you've been stewing about this for 3 years. make a freaking decision - let it go and see him as you did before or let him go and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you've been stewing about this for 3 years. make a freaking decision - let it go and see him as you did before or let him go and move on.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you've been stewing about this for 3 years. make a freaking decision - let it go and see him as you did before or let him go and move on.

This.

Yes, because it’s just that easy.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this, right down my raging libido and simmering resentment. No solutions, OP, just commiseration. Meet for a drink?

[Anonymous]

Man here, very high drive but I don't have sex with my wife. It's been 3 months, and it's not worth making a move because it will either be rejected or she will agree and be annoyed. Interestingly, after a while I really don't see her as sexual now although I can see her as attractive in a platonic way.

I am sure her lack of interest is a good combination of boredom and resentment but I don't take it personally. I get lots of attention from other women.

For now, I stay but in a few years when last kid is gone, I will leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you've been stewing about this for 3 years. make a freaking decision - let it go and see him as you did before or let him go and move on.

This.

Yes, because it’s just that easy.

of course, rather than confront the issue head one, it's easier to come on an anonymous internet forum to complain and find commiseration to make yourself feel better. THAT always solves the problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you've been stewing about this for 3 years. make a freaking decision - let it go and see him as you did before or let him go and move on.

This.

Yes, because it’s just that easy.

of course, rather than confront the issue head one, it's easier to come on an anonymous internet forum to complain and find commiseration to make yourself feel better. THAT always solves the problem

+1
Three years is quite a while to be struggling with this

[Anonymous]

What would happen if you check out a book about polyamory and left it lying around? What would your husband say if you told him you think about having sex a lot and having sex with other men?

You might be surprised. Try opening up about your feelings. They are normal and even if you’ve had hard things happen, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a conversation with him about what makes you feel alive and excited.


It’s not even to say you will end up sleeping with someone else, but maybe you can find some new levels of intimacy with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you've been stewing about this for 3 years. make a freaking decision - let it go and see him as you did before or let him go and move on.

This.

Yes, because it’s just that easy.

of course, rather than confront the issue head one, it's easier to come on an anonymous internet forum to complain and find commiseration to make yourself feel better. THAT always solves the problem

+1
Three years is quite a while to be struggling with this

And it’s easy to go on anonymous Internet forums and be the “suck it up or move on” poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes resentment is used as an after-the-fact explanation for loss of libido. The libido was going anyway. The wife tells herself it's because of this or that transgression by the husband. But it's really just a hormonal shift from diminishing novelty, aging, pregnancy or the like.

Nope. I thought I lost my libido from having kids. But really it was because of resentment towards DH and the stress our marriage caused. Once we split, my libido came back stronger than ever.

Novelty is sexy.

Nope. I’m very satisfied with my current long-term partner.

Just because you are very satisfied with your current* long-term partner doesn't mean that novelty isn't sexy. (*current ... tells me it isn't all THAT long term). The two are not mutually exclusive.

Agree that novelty is sexy.

I'm countering the original statement that women lose libido due to hormones and then blame resentment. In my case, it was absolutely resentment that killed my libido, not hormones or lack of novelty. In a healthy relationship I have no issue with libido whatsoever.

But that's not easy for many men to hear. It's easier to blame the woman.

+1 I didn't want sex with DH when I had years of built up resentment, so I took it in hand myself, so to speak. I still had the urge, just not with DH at the time.

Are you still with DH and did you find it again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here, very high drive but I don't have sex with my wife. It's been 3 months, and it's not worth making a move because it will either be rejected or she will agree and be annoyed. Interestingly, after a while I really don't see her as sexual now although I can see her as attractive in a platonic way.

I am sure her lack of interest is a good combination of boredom and resentment but I don't take it personally. I get lots of attention from other women.

For now, I stay but in a few years when last kid is gone, I will leave.

Not to hijack the thread but this will not be easy on your kids even then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would happen if you check out a book about polyamory and left it lying around? What would your husband say if you told him you think about having sex a lot and having sex with other men?

You might be surprised. Try opening up about your feelings. They are normal and even if you’ve had hard things happen, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a conversation with him about what makes you feel alive and excited.


It’s not even to say you will end up sleeping with someone else, but maybe you can find some new levels of intimacy with him.

Male poster upthread and I would love to open our marriage. So if my wife who resents me wanted to sleep with others I would be a ok with this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, very high drive but I don't have sex with my wife. It's been 3 months, and it's not worth making a move because it will either be rejected or she will agree and be annoyed. Interestingly, after a while I really don't see her as sexual now although I can see her as attractive in a platonic way.

I am sure her lack of interest is a good combination of boredom and resentment but I don't take it personally. I get lots of attention from other women.

For now, I stay but in a few years when last kid is gone, I will leave.

Not to hijack the thread but this will not be easy on your kids even then.

So, you have other options for me? I often think cheating is the better option and you kinda confirm that.