Anyone horny but don't want sex with DH/DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me.

I feel resentful that I’m supposed to just get over my emotional needs. I’ve really tried to clearly ask for a few, small actions that would help. But he isn’t bothered, and honestly doesn’t seem that bothered by the lack of sex. Which feeds the cycle.

Sucks for both of us.

What were the actions? If my wife started talking about "emotional needs," I'd kind of go blank since the concept seems fuzzy and undefined. But if she asked for me to do some specific things, I think I'd do them to make her happy. (And if they made her more interested in sex, so much the better.")

DP.. I think this is part of the problem. Husbands think the wives' needs are 1. put away dishes 2. do laundry... etc.... Those are needs, yes, but it's not just those specific things.

You are right.. it's hard to define. I guess I would say that as a wife, I want my husband to show that he loves his family by being engaged, and that means helping out and actively showing that he loves his family. That does translate to the mundane house chores, but if you only do it because your wife asked you to do it, then that's not showing you are actively engaged. Take an active role and not just do it half-a$$ because a lot of the times that comes across as "I don't care". And then there's the attitude when you do it or are asked to do it.

I know some men complain that their efforts are good enough and wives don't appreciate it when they don't do it the way she wants it done, and I guess I would say that perhaps when you get down to it, deep down maybe she feels that way because it's a reflection of you not really caring. Maybe it comes down to her insecurity about how you feel about your kids, and indirectly her. This is just my opinion. I don't know how other women feel.

My DH does a lot, but there were times in the past when I didn't feel he really loved being a dad to our kids, and by extension, that made me feel like he didn't love me. And that made me not want to have sex with him. It's taken me years to sort this out, I think. To me, how my DH treats his children is a reflection of how he feels about me.

Tonight at dinner my wife volunteered to our PR kids how much she appreciates me. Random weekday night Tyra I had dinner on table ready - again - as she walked in door from her workout. As I type this I'm tucking in one of our kids while she is off to another yoga class. Will there be any sex? No way. She just admitted over the weekend to losing the lingerie I bought her months ago.
I am an extremely supportive husband. One of friends just called me out at a party as the model man she wants to marry. But our marriage is sexless. Don't tell me I need to be more supportive. My wife flat out lost her libido and doesn't care. She will when I leave her when kids are older. NP, BTW

[Anonymous]

It sucks, guys, but women lose interest in sex with the same old thing after a few years. I think the only thing you can really do is keep treating her the same way you did when you were dating. No, you won't have the bandwidth for all that, BUT... stop farting in front of her, start initiating with some game/finesse, let her know you want her (fake it if you have to), do something new with her 1x/mo, talk dirty to her, and do the minimal chores. Then you're golden. Honestly, if my DH did those things and barely helped around the house I wouldn't care because I'd still be aglow from what he gave me last night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me.

I feel resentful that I’m supposed to just get over my emotional needs. I’ve really tried to clearly ask for a few, small actions that would help. But he isn’t bothered, and honestly doesn’t seem that bothered by the lack of sex. Which feeds the cycle.

Sucks for both of us.

What were the actions? If my wife started talking about "emotional needs," I'd kind of go blank since the concept seems fuzzy and undefined. But if she asked for me to do some specific things, I think I'd do them to make her happy. (And if they made her more interested in sex, so much the better.")

DP.. I think this is part of the problem. Husbands think the wives' needs are 1. put away dishes 2. do laundry... etc.... Those are needs, yes, but it's not just those specific things.

You are right.. it's hard to define. I guess I would say that as a wife, I want my husband to show that he loves his family by being engaged, and that means helping out and actively showing that he loves his family. That does translate to the mundane house chores, but if you only do it because your wife asked you to do it, then that's not showing you are actively engaged. Take an active role and not just do it half-a$$ because a lot of the times that comes across as "I don't care". And then there's the attitude when you do it or are asked to do it.

I know some men complain that their efforts are good enough and wives don't appreciate it when they don't do it the way she wants it done, and I guess I would say that perhaps when you get down to it, deep down maybe she feels that way because it's a reflection of you not really caring. Maybe it comes down to her insecurity about how you feel about your kids, and indirectly her. This is just my opinion. I don't know how other women feel.

My DH does a lot, but there were times in the past when I didn't feel he really loved being a dad to our kids, and by extension, that made me feel like he didn't love me. And that made me not want to have sex with him. It's taken me years to sort this out, I think. To me, how my DH treats his children is a reflection of how he feels about me.

Tonight at dinner my wife volunteered to our PR kids how much she appreciates me. Random weekday night Tyra I had dinner on table ready - again - as she walked in door from her workout. As I type this I'm tucking in one of our kids while she is off to another yoga class. Will there be any sex? No way. She just admitted over the weekend to losing the lingerie I bought her months ago.
I am an extremely supportive husband. One of friends just called me out at a party as the model man she wants to marry. But our marriage is sexless. Don't tell me I need to be more supportive. My wife flat out lost her libido and doesn't care. She will when I leave her when kids are older. NP, BTW

Stop investing effort doing anything your wife appreciates. Treat her like the platonic room mate she wants to be. Invest all of your relationship efforts towards your affair partners. Another sexless marriage saved by opening it!

[Anonymous]

Surprisingly, this is me, man with no desire for my wife. Although she is in shape and attractive. Years and years of rejection, really a decade or so of sex being something she would allow on occasion but never really wanted. Which was a shock because we had a scorching sex life pre kids.

It's been 4 months and while I take care of myself nightly, I just don't see her in a sexual way. Sort of like a close cousin. She raised it occasionally, I politely decline and that is that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surprisingly, this is me, man with no desire for my wife. Although she is in shape and attractive. Years and years of rejection, really a decade or so of sex being something she would allow on occasion but never really wanted. Which was a shock because we had a scorching sex life pre kids.

It's been 4 months and while I take care of myself nightly, I just don't see her in a sexual way. Sort of like a close cousin. She raised it occasionally, I politely decline and that is that.

That’s lame

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprisingly, this is me, man with no desire for my wife. Although she is in shape and attractive. Years and years of rejection, really a decade or so of sex being something she would allow on occasion but never really wanted. Which was a shock because we had a scorching sex life pre kids.

It's been 4 months and while I take care of myself nightly, I just don't see her in a sexual way. Sort of like a close cousin. She raised it occasionally, I politely decline and that is that.

That’s lame

Why is that lame? She doesn't want to have sex but is willing to, he doesn't want to so no one is having sex they don't want to have. Win-win?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprisingly, this is me, man with no desire for my wife. Although she is in shape and attractive. Years and years of rejection, really a decade or so of sex being something she would allow on occasion but never really wanted. Which was a shock because we had a scorching sex life pre kids.

It's been 4 months and while I take care of myself nightly, I just don't see her in a sexual way. Sort of like a close cousin. She raised it occasionally, I politely decline and that is that.

That’s lame

Why is that lame? She doesn't want to have sex but is willing to, he doesn't want to so no one is having sex they don't want to have. Win-win?

Self-respecting men aren't interested in pity sex. PP declining makes sense to me.

[Anonymous]

I wish some of the PP's would cite what their spouses do that is a 'turn-off'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprisingly, this is me, man with no desire for my wife. Although she is in shape and attractive. Years and years of rejection, really a decade or so of sex being something she would allow on occasion but never really wanted. Which was a shock because we had a scorching sex life pre kids.

It's been 4 months and while I take care of myself nightly, I just don't see her in a sexual way. Sort of like a close cousin. She raised it occasionally, I politely decline and that is that.

That’s lame

Why is that lame? She doesn't want to have sex but is willing to, he doesn't want to so no one is having sex they don't want to have. Win-win?

Self-respecting men aren't interested in pity sex. PP declining makes sense to me.

Self-respecting men with uninterested wives have hot monkey sex with other women. So it's lame for PP to just take care of himself, politely decline her advances, and pretend "that is that".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish some of the PP's would cite what their spouses do that is a 'turn-off'

Here are a few:

-- Moping around the house
-- Rarely engaging in conversation
-- Rarely telling me I'm pretty, until he wants sex
-- Loud burping, farting, etc.