SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP here.

I am so sick and tired of seeing the same arguments on DCUM. have high achieving, self motivated, independent kids in highly selective STEM magnet programs in public high school. We are DC MC, 300k HHI, have retirement and college squared away.

DH and I are in agreement that with this kind of affluence (maybe in our own mind...since we are not wearing Prada), our teens are better served to have a highly educated mom available to them 24/7.

A lot of parents work very hard and I am very impressed with them. I have a cushy life and my kids and family get me as their support. I am lucky that my stress level is low and that I am ok financially. I do not need to be super rich with lots of money and very little time. I am ok with a comfortable lifestyle with ample time and a MC lifestyle. Maybe I do not have any ambition. I have my hobbies and causes, and only the people who don't know me are flapping their hands that I need to find my calling. My calling is to be able to leverage the money that my DH earns and build a comfortable, balanced and secure life for my family.

Do my kids need me? Yup. Without a doubt. More now than when they were babies? Well, I am not changing their diapers or nursing them on demand, but it has given them an edge to have an educated personal assistant on their beck and call, so that they are on the straight and narrow, secure and healthy, and meeting their social, emotional, health, academic goals. Yes, we are doing everything by ourselves and not paying money to get admitted to elite colleges, but, so what? We are immigrants, Asians, no hook, not legacy, but we are educated, with intact family, without health problems and can figure out the rest of things if we continue to be lucky.

If you and your kids do not need a parent at home then good for you. Maybe, most of you are super parents who can do it all? Great marriages, great health, great high achieving straight A kids, super organized homes, pillars of society, amazing careers where you are indispensable, high earners, globe trotting influencers and Illuminati? I am neither that high energy nor that ambitious for myself or my kids.

You do not have to mock parents who work, idiot. Your last paragraph sucks. With this attitude your kids are not going to be unscathed.

No one is mocking anyone. I know people who are all of these things. Friends who have their own Wikipedia pages; CEOs of companies; and people who really love and enjoy their lives and their career. They are ambitious and high energy. They feel their lives are balanced based on their needs and priorities. Their idea of balance may not be my idea of balance, their journey may not be my journey and if all of that is true, how can I be envious of them? I am not them, I do not have their drive, I am perfectly fine taking a nap on the weekend and then watching a movie. I love my life. And frankly, they are actually the last people who will get into the SAHM/WOHM debate or parenting debate, since they are too busy living their lives as 1%ers.

For my own life, I had valued living a normal and average life, that was balanced and happy, where I could afford my present and future. I feel that I got more than that because I never thought out HHI will ever cross more than 100K, never thought we will have kids, never thought we will be living in the US. So at 350K, we feel rich. We feel blessed to give our children a relaxed home environment because we feel that their academic life and the modern life is hard enough, and they need a safe harbor and support at home. Will that serve them or hamper them? Who knows? Most of us are doing the best, with the circumstances that we have been given. If I have more than what I thought I would ever have - I owe it to the higher power be thankful and be grateful.

[Anonymous]

None of us on DCUM have it bad. We are not starving, we are not living without water, food, security, electricity or medical facilities. We are not being bombed or assassinated or sold into slavery or locked into detention facilities. We are full of options. In such a case, lets not all become assholes and create first world problems to fill these pages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP here.

I am so sick and tired of seeing the same arguments on DCUM. have high achieving, self motivated, independent kids in highly selective STEM magnet programs in public high school. We are DC MC, 300k HHI, have retirement and college squared away.

DH and I are in agreement that with this kind of affluence (maybe in our own mind...since we are not wearing Prada), our teens are better served to have a highly educated mom available to them 24/7.

A lot of parents work very hard and I am very impressed with them. I have a cushy life and my kids and family get me as their support. I am lucky that my stress level is low and that I am ok financially. I do not need to be super rich with lots of money and very little time. I am ok with a comfortable lifestyle with ample time and a MC lifestyle. Maybe I do not have any ambition. I have my hobbies and causes, and only the people who don't know me are flapping their hands that I need to find my calling. My calling is to be able to leverage the money that my DH earns and build a comfortable, balanced and secure life for my family.

Do my kids need me? Yup. Without a doubt. More now than when they were babies? Well, I am not changing their diapers or nursing them on demand, but it has given them an edge to have an educated personal assistant on their beck and call, so that they are on the straight and narrow, secure and healthy, and meeting their social, emotional, health, academic goals. Yes, we are doing everything by ourselves and not paying money to get admitted to elite colleges, but, so what? We are immigrants, Asians, no hook, not legacy, but we are educated, with intact family, without health problems and can figure out the rest of things if we continue to be lucky.

If you and your kids do not need a parent at home then good for you. Maybe, most of you are super parents who can do it all? Great marriages, great health, great high achieving straight A kids, super organized homes, pillars of society, amazing careers where you are indispensable, high earners, globe trotting influencers and Illuminati? I am neither that high energy nor that ambitious for myself or my kids.

You know this makes total sense to me. You don’t have any desire to work, your husband is on board, and you believe your being home is in the best interest of your family. Looks like you hit the trifecta - your choices seem to work well for you.

I do want to know what you mean when you say “our teens are better served to have a highly educated mom available to them 24/7”. Do you believe all teens would be thus served, or are you talking specifically about your own kids? If the latter, I have no argument (how could I). If the former, we can have a debate.

[Anonymous]

I would try to do some volunteering in your kids school to get the real scoop on teachers, classes, students, and what your kids daily life is like. And hopefully help the school too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would try to do some volunteering in your kids school to get the real scoop on teachers, classes, students, and what your kids daily life is like. And hopefully help the school too!

My kid would have preferred to die than to see me volunteering during the school day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP here.

I am so sick and tired of seeing the same arguments on DCUM. have high achieving, self motivated, independent kids in highly selective STEM magnet programs in public high school. We are DC MC, 300k HHI, have retirement and college squared away.

DH and I are in agreement that with this kind of affluence (maybe in our own mind...since we are not wearing Prada), our teens are better served to have a highly educated mom available to them 24/7.

A lot of parents work very hard and I am very impressed with them. I have a cushy life and my kids and family get me as their support. I am lucky that my stress level is low and that I am ok financially. I do not need to be super rich with lots of money and very little time. I am ok with a comfortable lifestyle with ample time and a MC lifestyle. Maybe I do not have any ambition. I have my hobbies and causes, and only the people who don't know me are flapping their hands that I need to find my calling. My calling is to be able to leverage the money that my DH earns and build a comfortable, balanced and secure life for my family.

Do my kids need me? Yup. Without a doubt. More now than when they were babies? Well, I am not changing their diapers or nursing them on demand, but it has given them an edge to have an educated personal assistant on their beck and call, so that they are on the straight and narrow, secure and healthy, and meeting their social, emotional, health, academic goals. Yes, we are doing everything by ourselves and not paying money to get admitted to elite colleges, but, so what? We are immigrants, Asians, no hook, not legacy, but we are educated, with intact family, without health problems and can figure out the rest of things if we continue to be lucky.

If you and your kids do not need a parent at home then good for you. Maybe, most of you are super parents who can do it all? Great marriages, great health, great high achieving straight A kids, super organized homes, pillars of society, amazing careers where you are indispensable, high earners, globe trotting influencers and Illuminati? I am neither that high energy nor that ambitious for myself or my kids.

You know this makes total sense to me. You don’t have any desire to work, your husband is on board, and you believe your being home is in the best interest of your family. Looks like you hit the trifecta - your choices seem to work well for you.

I do want to know what you mean when you say “our teens are better served to have a highly educated mom available to them 24/7”. Do you believe all teens would be thus served, or are you talking specifically about your own kids? If the latter, I have no argument (how could I). If the former, we can have a debate.

It is the latter. My kids are better served having me around. I also want to add here - ALL parents make this sort of calculations, ALL the time. They weigh - their financial needs, family needs, career health needs, marriage needs, kids needs and that is included in their calculus.

I have never ever found men bad-mouthing SAHMs or WOHMs for their career or parenting choices. The only thing men complain on DCUM is the lack of sex and intimacy in their marriage. The women on the other hand - OMG!! They are such jealous nasty PABs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP here.

I am so sick and tired of seeing the same arguments on DCUM. have high achieving, self motivated, independent kids in highly selective STEM magnet programs in public high school. We are DC MC, 300k HHI, have retirement and college squared away.

DH and I are in agreement that with this kind of affluence (maybe in our own mind...since we are not wearing Prada), our teens are better served to have a highly educated mom available to them 24/7.

A lot of parents work very hard and I am very impressed with them. I have a cushy life and my kids and family get me as their support. I am lucky that my stress level is low and that I am ok financially. I do not need to be super rich with lots of money and very little time. I am ok with a comfortable lifestyle with ample time and a MC lifestyle. Maybe I do not have any ambition. I have my hobbies and causes, and only the people who don't know me are flapping their hands that I need to find my calling. My calling is to be able to leverage the money that my DH earns and build a comfortable, balanced and secure life for my family.

Do my kids need me? Yup. Without a doubt. More now than when they were babies? Well, I am not changing their diapers or nursing them on demand, but it has given them an edge to have an educated personal assistant on their beck and call, so that they are on the straight and narrow, secure and healthy, and meeting their social, emotional, health, academic goals. Yes, we are doing everything by ourselves and not paying money to get admitted to elite colleges, but, so what? We are immigrants, Asians, no hook, not legacy, but we are educated, with intact family, without health problems and can figure out the rest of things if we continue to be lucky.

If you and your kids do not need a parent at home then good for you. Maybe, most of you are super parents who can do it all? Great marriages, great health, great high achieving straight A kids, super organized homes, pillars of society, amazing careers where you are indispensable, high earners, globe trotting influencers and Illuminati? I am neither that high energy nor that ambitious for myself or my kids.

You know this makes total sense to me. You don’t have any desire to work, your husband is on board, and you believe your being home is in the best interest of your family. Looks like you hit the trifecta - your choices seem to work well for you.

I do want to know what you mean when you say “our teens are better served to have a highly educated mom available to them 24/7”. Do you believe all teens would be thus served, or are you talking specifically about your own kids? If the latter, I have no argument (how could I). If the former, we can have a debate.

It is the latter. My kids are better served having me around. I also want to add here - ALL parents make this sort of calculations, ALL the time. They weigh - their financial needs, family needs, career health needs, marriage needs, kids needs and that is included in their calculus.

I have never ever found men bad-mouthing SAHMs or WOHMs for their career or parenting choices. The only thing men complain on DCUM is the lack of sex and intimacy in their marriage. The women on the other hand - OMG!! They are such jealous nasty PABs.

You don’t hear what they say in the office! So many men with SAHWs are complete assholes.

[Anonymous]

Do you mean that they are just assholes in general or that they are assholes because they complain about their SAHWs? They are complaining to female co-workers who are WOHMs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP here.

I am so sick and tired of seeing the same arguments on DCUM. have high achieving, self motivated, independent kids in highly selective STEM magnet programs in public high school. We are DC MC, 300k HHI, have retirement and college squared away.

DH and I are in agreement that with this kind of affluence (maybe in our own mind...since we are not wearing Prada), our teens are better served to have a highly educated mom available to them 24/7.

A lot of parents work very hard and I am very impressed with them. I have a cushy life and my kids and family get me as their support. I am lucky that my stress level is low and that I am ok financially. I do not need to be super rich with lots of money and very little time. I am ok with a comfortable lifestyle with ample time and a MC lifestyle. Maybe I do not have any ambition. I have my hobbies and causes, and only the people who don't know me are flapping their hands that I need to find my calling. My calling is to be able to leverage the money that my DH earns and build a comfortable, balanced and secure life for my family.

Do my kids need me? Yup. Without a doubt. More now than when they were babies? Well, I am not changing their diapers or nursing them on demand, but it has given them an edge to have an educated personal assistant on their beck and call, so that they are on the straight and narrow, secure and healthy, and meeting their social, emotional, health, academic goals. Yes, we are doing everything by ourselves and not paying money to get admitted to elite colleges, but, so what? We are immigrants, Asians, no hook, not legacy, but we are educated, with intact family, without health problems and can figure out the rest of things if we continue to be lucky.

If you and your kids do not need a parent at home then good for you. Maybe, most of you are super parents who can do it all? Great marriages, great health, great high achieving straight A kids, super organized homes, pillars of society, amazing careers where you are indispensable, high earners, globe trotting influencers and Illuminati? I am neither that high energy nor that ambitious for myself or my kids.

You know this makes total sense to me. You don’t have any desire to work, your husband is on board, and you believe your being home is in the best interest of your family. Looks like you hit the trifecta - your choices seem to work well for you.

I do want to know what you mean when you say “our teens are better served to have a highly educated mom available to them 24/7”. Do you believe all teens would be thus served, or are you talking specifically about your own kids? If the latter, I have no argument (how could I). If the former, we can have a debate.

It is the latter. My kids are better served having me around. I also want to add here - ALL parents make this sort of calculations, ALL the time. They weigh - their financial needs, family needs, career health needs, marriage needs, kids needs and that is included in their calculus.

I have never ever found men bad-mouthing SAHMs or WOHMs for their career or parenting choices. The only thing men complain on DCUM is the lack of sex and intimacy in their marriage. The women on the other hand - OMG!! They are such jealous nasty PABs.

You don’t hear what they say in the office! So many men with SAHWs are complete assholes.

Maybe in your experience. The men I work with whose wives are SAHMs are great. Always understanding about family issues and just far more empathetic in general.
-DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do everything that needs to get done for the house or for yourself when they are at school so you are home, driving carpools, having dinner and just being in the same house (even if you just surf DCUM while they are in their rooms).

So hit the gym, meetup with friends, tidying the house, and making dinner is about it? Okay I thought there was something else I was missing. I’m doing that!

Maybe get a hobby or start up something that you are interested in for yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP here.

I am so sick and tired of seeing the same arguments on DCUM. have high achieving, self motivated, independent kids in highly selective STEM magnet programs in public high school. We are DC MC, 300k HHI, have retirement and college squared away.

DH and I are in agreement that with this kind of affluence (maybe in our own mind...since we are not wearing Prada), our teens are better served to have a highly educated mom available to them 24/7.

A lot of parents work very hard and I am very impressed with them. I have a cushy life and my kids and family get me as their support. I am lucky that my stress level is low and that I am ok financially. I do not need to be super rich with lots of money and very little time. I am ok with a comfortable lifestyle with ample time and a MC lifestyle. Maybe I do not have any ambition. I have my hobbies and causes, and only the people who don't know me are flapping their hands that I need to find my calling. My calling is to be able to leverage the money that my DH earns and build a comfortable, balanced and secure life for my family.

Do my kids need me? Yup. Without a doubt. More now than when they were babies? Well, I am not changing their diapers or nursing them on demand, but it has given them an edge to have an educated personal assistant on their beck and call, so that they are on the straight and narrow, secure and healthy, and meeting their social, emotional, health, academic goals. Yes, we are doing everything by ourselves and not paying money to get admitted to elite colleges, but, so what? We are immigrants, Asians, no hook, not legacy, but we are educated, with intact family, without health problems and can figure out the rest of things if we continue to be lucky.

If you and your kids do not need a parent at home then good for you. Maybe, most of you are super parents who can do it all? Great marriages, great health, great high achieving straight A kids, super organized homes, pillars of society, amazing careers where you are indispensable, high earners, globe trotting influencers and Illuminati? I am neither that high energy nor that ambitious for myself or my kids.

You know this makes total sense to me. You don’t have any desire to work, your husband is on board, and you believe your being home is in the best interest of your family. Looks like you hit the trifecta - your choices seem to work well for you.

I do want to know what you mean when you say “our teens are better served to have a highly educated mom available to them 24/7”. Do you believe all teens would be thus served, or are you talking specifically about your own kids? If the latter, I have no argument (how could I). If the former, we can have a debate.

It is the latter. My kids are better served having me around. I also want to add here - ALL parents make this sort of calculations, ALL the time. They weigh - their financial needs, family needs, career health needs, marriage needs, kids needs and that is included in their calculus.

I have never ever found men bad-mouthing SAHMs or WOHMs for their career or parenting choices. The only thing men complain on DCUM is the lack of sex and intimacy in their marriage. The women on the other hand - OMG!! They are such jealous nasty PABs.

You don’t hear what they say in the office! So many men with SAHWs are complete assholes.

Maybe in your experience. The men I work with whose wives are SAHMs are great. Always understanding about family issues and just far more empathetic in general.
-DP

My experience too. They know they have it easier and that their family life balance gives them an edge.

[Anonymous]

So what do the SAHMs who are educated and have the money to fund college and retirement think about the SAHM families that lack the funds to pay for college? Do you only support the SAHM lifestyle if you can truly afford it without burdening your kids financially?

[Anonymous]

People keep referring to "staying at home WITH their teens" but most teens aren't home during the day. And most WOHMs are home during the evenings when the teens are home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what do the SAHMs who are educated and have the money to fund college and retirement think about the SAHM families that lack the funds to pay for college? Do you only support the SAHM lifestyle if you can truly afford it without burdening your kids financially?

I don’t really care about other families’ finances. Why would you?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP here.

I am so sick and tired of seeing the same arguments on DCUM. have high achieving, self motivated, independent kids in highly selective STEM magnet programs in public high school. We are DC MC, 300k HHI, have retirement and college squared away.

DH and I are in agreement that with this kind of affluence (maybe in our own mind...since we are not wearing Prada), our teens are better served to have a highly educated mom available to them 24/7.

A lot of parents work very hard and I am very impressed with them. I have a cushy life and my kids and family get me as their support. I am lucky that my stress level is low and that I am ok financially. I do not need to be super rich with lots of money and very little time. I am ok with a comfortable lifestyle with ample time and a MC lifestyle. Maybe I do not have any ambition. I have my hobbies and causes, and only the people who don't know me are flapping their hands that I need to find my calling. My calling is to be able to leverage the money that my DH earns and build a comfortable, balanced and secure life for my family.

Do my kids need me? Yup. Without a doubt. More now than when they were babies? Well, I am not changing their diapers or nursing them on demand, but it has given them an edge to have an educated personal assistant on their beck and call, so that they are on the straight and narrow, secure and healthy, and meeting their social, emotional, health, academic goals. Yes, we are doing everything by ourselves and not paying money to get admitted to elite colleges, but, so what? We are immigrants, Asians, no hook, not legacy, but we are educated, with intact family, without health problems and can figure out the rest of things if we continue to be lucky.

If you and your kids do not need a parent at home then good for you. Maybe, most of you are super parents who can do it all? Great marriages, great health, great high achieving straight A kids, super organized homes, pillars of society, amazing careers where you are indispensable, high earners, globe trotting influencers and Illuminati? I am neither that high energy nor that ambitious for myself or my kids.

You had me until the bolded. You consider yourself your kids' personal assistant at their beck and call?