SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depression is rampant among teens now. Is it due to the fact that the world is stressful? social media? broken families? pressure cooker environment at school? environmental pollution? I don't know.

Adult supervision and support at home is crucial, but realistically how many people can afford that?

A lot of people on this web site can afford it but they get shamed by other posters who think it is "useless" for parents to stay home during the teen years. Whenever I see that, I wonder if they remember what it is like to BE a teen or have met any teens lately. Teens are not adults. They may look like they are, but psychologically and emotionally they are far from grown.

Some are responsible and mature and can make good decisions for themselves but many (probably most) are not. They still need a lot of guidance, support, and supervision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depression is rampant among teens now. Is it due to the fact that the world is stressful? social media? broken families? pressure cooker environment at school? environmental pollution? I don't know.

Adult supervision and support at home is crucial, but realistically how many people can afford that?

A lot of people on this web site can afford it but they get shamed by other posters who think it is "useless" for parents to stay home during the teen years. Whenever I see that, I wonder if they remember what it is like to BE a teen or have met any teens lately. Teens are not adults. They may look like they are, but psychologically and emotionally they are far from grown.

Some are responsible and mature and can make good decisions for themselves but many (probably most) are not. They still need a lot of guidance, support, and supervision.

Stop it. Working parents can be supportive, provide guidance and supervision. Stop with this argument that all teens need a stay at home mother. They don't. They need involved parents and activities outside of school that engage them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I can give you the flip side. I developed what became a life long eating disorder at 14 (eating disorders are a form of addictive behavior that you never really "get over" completely but you can learn to manage it to live functionally). At that time, it was really really bad. I'm 5'7 and I got down to ~ 90 lbs. Looking back on it now, I probably should have gone into an inpatient facility but there were none around where we lived. Therapists specializing in eating disorders were also nonexistent.

I really needed my mom at that time but she had just gone back to work at a very intense, time consuming job.

I'm sorry this happened to you. That was about your particular mom and your particular dynamic with your mom, not about the fact that she worked.

My point is that many teens have mental health issues and need their parents at that age. She went back to work when I was 13 because they needed the money. But ideally she would have stayed home with us during those years because her kids could have benefited from it.

My younger brother also got into a lot of trouble (drinking, drugs, girls) in those years. It can't even be blamed on me and my issues because I was away at college by the time he was in middle school.

Again, many working parents are able to help their teens through these difficult times and issue. Your problem was your own family situation. Please stop trying to use your one experience to tell all moms they need to stay at home during the teen years.

And why don't you put any blame on your father???

I think you have a reading comprehension issue. The OP asked about staying home during the teen years. Many posters tell her it is useless. I pipe up to provide the flip side which is, if you happen to have a teen with mental health issues (not uncommon) it can be beneficial for the child to have a parent around. I am telling you that as a teenager, I actively remember wishing my mother was home with me after school. I needed her support. I don't blame her at all for working, we needed the money. But ideally she would have continued staying at home because I had serious health issues.

In these kinds of threads, I think most posters with young children are envisioning the "ideal" teen who takes 6 AP classes, is class president, has tons of friends, plays sports after school every day then races home to do homework for 3 hours and has no mental health issues like anxiety, depression, cutting, eating disorders, drugs, drinking, etc. etc. Those kids exist but so do kids with problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depression is rampant among teens now. Is it due to the fact that the world is stressful? social media? broken families? pressure cooker environment at school? environmental pollution? I don't know.

Adult supervision and support at home is crucial, but realistically how many people can afford that?

A lot of people on this web site can afford it but they get shamed by other posters who think it is "useless" for parents to stay home during the teen years. Whenever I see that, I wonder if they remember what it is like to BE a teen or have met any teens lately. Teens are not adults. They may look like they are, but psychologically and emotionally they are far from grown.

Some are responsible and mature and can make good decisions for themselves but many (probably most) are not. They still need a lot of guidance, support, and supervision.

Stop it. Working parents can be supportive, provide guidance and supervision. Stop with this argument that all teens need a stay at home mother. They don't. They need involved parents and activities outside of school that engage them.

New Poster. That is not what that poster is saying. You need to stop being so defensive about working and READ the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depression is rampant among teens now. Is it due to the fact that the world is stressful? social media? broken families? pressure cooker environment at school? environmental pollution? I don't know.

Adult supervision and support at home is crucial, but realistically how many people can afford that?

A lot of people on this web site can afford it but they get shamed by other posters who think it is "useless" for parents to stay home during the teen years. Whenever I see that, I wonder if they remember what it is like to BE a teen or have met any teens lately. Teens are not adults. They may look like they are, but psychologically and emotionally they are far from grown.

Some are responsible and mature and can make good decisions for themselves but many (probably most) are not. They still need a lot of guidance, support, and supervision.

I work from home, so my teens have adult supervision and support, but you know what...we've still dealt with teenage depression, and a whole slew of other teen issues. Having a stay at home parent doesn't prevent any of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depression is rampant among teens now. Is it due to the fact that the world is stressful? social media? broken families? pressure cooker environment at school? environmental pollution? I don't know.

Adult supervision and support at home is crucial, but realistically how many people can afford that?

A lot of people on this web site can afford it but they get shamed by other posters who think it is "useless" for parents to stay home during the teen years. Whenever I see that, I wonder if they remember what it is like to BE a teen or have met any teens lately. Teens are not adults. They may look like they are, but psychologically and emotionally they are far from grown.

Some are responsible and mature and can make good decisions for themselves but many (probably most) are not. They still need a lot of guidance, support, and supervision.

I work from home, so my teens have adult supervision and support, but you know what...we've still dealt with teenage depression, and a whole slew of other teen issues. Having a stay at home parent doesn't prevent any of that.

Of course it doesn't prevent it. That's not how these issues work. Something like depression is often chemical. But the extra support most likely helps. It can't hurt. My best friend in high school was a secret cutter and tried to slit her wrists once. Luckily her mom found her before she bled out.

I am a working mom by the way! I don't think it is wrong to work at all. Just that some teens next extra guidance and support. Who knew this would be a controversial stance?! It seems obvious to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depression is rampant among teens now. Is it due to the fact that the world is stressful? social media? broken families? pressure cooker environment at school? environmental pollution? I don't know.

Adult supervision and support at home is crucial, but realistically how many people can afford that?

A lot of people on this web site can afford it but they get shamed by other posters who think it is "useless" for parents to stay home during the teen years. Whenever I see that, I wonder if they remember what it is like to BE a teen or have met any teens lately. Teens are not adults. They may look like they are, but psychologically and emotionally they are far from grown.

Some are responsible and mature and can make good decisions for themselves but many (probably most) are not. They still need a lot of guidance, support, and supervision.

I think it all depends on your pain threshold. People want and wish for the best for their children, but may not want to upend their lives working to make it happen.

I know a person who is probably a very strong woman. Her DD was sexually abused by several male care takers for prolonged periods and multiple times when she was a child. Yet, this child was put in similar situations all the time. In her teens this kid acted out in terrible ways - performing sex acts for money, older men, multiple partners etc. In all of these, the neighbor who could afford to stay home and guide the kid, chose not to halt her life. Maybe she was not capable of it, maybe her circumstance did not permit it. I am sure she did not want these terrible things to happen to her child, but life goes on for her. And no, this person did not have a great career. She is in the service industry.

To be at home can be something that takes a financial or mental toll on people, just like going to work can. How do you embrace your state of being happily? How do you prioritize? Should you stay home for teens, so that you can be ready to prevent all the bad things that may happen to them? What about the cost to do that to your own well being and finances?

No easy answers here.

[Anonymous]

I think the only thing we all can agree on is that all parents want the best for their children. They WISH the best for their children. They can also be at different circumstances and stages of life. This may impact significantly what they prioritize, what they accept, how much knowledge they have about issues and ways and means to resolve them.

[Anonymous]

Does having a SAHM helps this child who is a teen?

1) The child is failing in Math and is struggling in school.
2) The child is depressed and cutting herself
3) The child is into porn, sex, vaping and alchohol
4) The child is being bullied
5) The child is SN
6) The child has 4 hours of homework after school
7) The child has acne and low self-esteem
8) The child is incapable of cleaning his room and is very rude with the parents
9) The child is a straight A student and needs to study a lot
10) The child has to cook dinner and feed his siblings
11) The child has to work or has an internship
12) The child has to be picked up from various places due to sports, competitions, group projects.
13) The child is obese or thin, needs to be on special diet, meds and exercise.

Bad things happen to kids all the time - they are kidnapped and murdered, they are shot by gang members, they are raped in school bathrooms and locker rooms, they are shot in mass shootings, they are given foods with allergens that kills them, they are sexually abused by family, friends, coaches, teachers, priests.

Teens drown each year, regularly get killed in automobile accidents, they commit suicide because they are being bullied. How does having a SAHM or WOHM parent help with this at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I can give you the flip side. I developed what became a life long eating disorder at 14 (eating disorders are a form of addictive behavior that you never really "get over" completely but you can learn to manage it to live functionally). At that time, it was really really bad. I'm 5'7 and I got down to ~ 90 lbs. Looking back on it now, I probably should have gone into an inpatient facility but there were none around where we lived. Therapists specializing in eating disorders were also nonexistent.

I really needed my mom at that time but she had just gone back to work at a very intense, time consuming job.

I'm sorry this happened to you. That was about your particular mom and your particular dynamic with your mom, not about the fact that she worked.

My point is that many teens have mental health issues and need their parents at that age. She went back to work when I was 13 because they needed the money. But ideally she would have stayed home with us during those years because her kids could have benefited from it.

My younger brother also got into a lot of trouble (drinking, drugs, girls) in those years. It can't even be blamed on me and my issues because I was away at college by the time he was in middle school.

Again, many working parents are able to help their teens through these difficult times and issue. Your problem was your own family situation. Please stop trying to use your one experience to tell all moms they need to stay at home during the teen years.

And why don't you put any blame on your father???

I think you have a reading comprehension issue. The OP asked about staying home during the teen years. Many posters tell her it is useless. I pipe up to provide the flip side which is, if you happen to have a teen with mental health issues (not uncommon) it can be beneficial for the child to have a parent around. I am telling you that as a teenager, I actively remember wishing my mother was home with me after school. I needed her support. I don't blame her at all for working, we needed the money. But ideally she would have continued staying at home because I had serious health issues.

In these kinds of threads, I think most posters with young children are envisioning the "ideal" teen who takes 6 AP classes, is class president, has tons of friends, plays sports after school every day then races home to do homework for 3 hours and has no mental health issues like anxiety, depression, cutting, eating disorders, drugs, drinking, etc. etc. Those kids exist but so do kids with problems.

There is nothing wrong with my reading comprehension. Your first PP presented your singular experience as an argument that teens with mental health issues need a stay at home mom. Stop using your personal experience as an argument for what "many" families need. You are in no position to judge that. You believe that YOU needed your mom to stay at home for you. It is entirely possible that had your mother stayed at home, your outcomes may have been no different. You really can't say. In addition, there are a whole spectrum of working situations that can accommodate what you are talking about. It's not all work-60-hours-a-week vs. stay home full time. I don't think the majority of respondents are saying it is "useless", but they may be arguing as to whether it is necessary. There is a big difference.

I still see that you say nothing about your father. Why do people make this all about the mothers as though fathers have no hand in outcomes for their children?

I'm sorry for your struggles, I truly am, but stop using your disappointment with regard to your own mother's choices and behavior to shame working moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depression is rampant among teens now. Is it due to the fact that the world is stressful? social media? broken families? pressure cooker environment at school? environmental pollution? I don't know.

Adult supervision and support at home is crucial, but realistically how many people can afford that?

A lot of people on this web site can afford it but they get shamed by other posters who think it is "useless" for parents to stay home during the teen years. Whenever I see that, I wonder if they remember what it is like to BE a teen or have met any teens lately. Teens are not adults. They may look like they are, but psychologically and emotionally they are far from grown.

Some are responsible and mature and can make good decisions for themselves but many (probably most) are not. They still need a lot of guidance, support, and supervision.

Stop it. Working parents can be supportive, provide guidance and supervision. Stop with this argument that all teens need a stay at home mother. They don't. They need involved parents and activities outside of school that engage them.

New Poster. That is not what that poster is saying. You need to stop being so defensive about working and READ the thread.

Read it again. A PP says who can afford to be home, i.e, how many people can afford to be a stay-at-home parent. The second PP says, oh they can afford it but they've been convinced it's useless, they've forgotten what is like to be a teen and teens need lots of guidance, in other words, they need a stay at home parent. If they agreed with the first PP they would have said so. We all agree teens need guidance. The argument is here is whether you have to stay at home to provide it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depression is rampant among teens now. Is it due to the fact that the world is stressful? social media? broken families? pressure cooker environment at school? environmental pollution? I don't know.

Adult supervision and support at home is crucial, but realistically how many people can afford that?

A lot of people on this web site can afford it but they get shamed by other posters who think it is "useless" for parents to stay home during the teen years. Whenever I see that, I wonder if they remember what it is like to BE a teen or have met any teens lately. Teens are not adults. They may look like they are, but psychologically and emotionally they are far from grown.

Some are responsible and mature and can make good decisions for themselves but many (probably most) are not. They still need a lot of guidance, support, and supervision.

I think it all depends on your pain threshold. People want and wish for the best for their children, but may not want to upend their lives working to make it happen.

I know a person who is probably a very strong woman. Her DD was sexually abused by several male care takers for prolonged periods and multiple times when she was a child. Yet, this child was put in similar situations all the time. In her teens this kid acted out in terrible ways - performing sex acts for money, older men, multiple partners etc. In all of these, the neighbor who could afford to stay home and guide the kid, chose not to halt her life. Maybe she was not capable of it, maybe her circumstance did not permit it. I am sure she did not want these terrible things to happen to her child, but life goes on for her. And no, this person did not have a great career. She is in the service industry.

To be at home can be something that takes a financial or mental toll on people, just like going to work can. How do you embrace your state of being happily? How do you prioritize? Should you stay home for teens, so that you can be ready to prevent all the bad things that may happen to them? What about the cost to do that to your own well being and finances?

No easy answers here.

What a bizarre post.

There are not only two choices here. Staying at home doesn't guarantee nothing bad will ever happen to your children. Most people who work aren't putting their own interests ahead of their children's; they have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does having a SAHM helps this child who is a teen?

1) The child is failing in Math and is struggling in school.
2) The child is depressed and cutting herself
3) The child is into porn, sex, vaping and alchohol
4) The child is being bullied
5) The child is SN
6) The child has 4 hours of homework after school
7) The child has acne and low self-esteem
8) The child is incapable of cleaning his room and is very rude with the parents
9) The child is a straight A student and needs to study a lot
10) The child has to cook dinner and feed his siblings
11) The child has to work or has an internship
12) The child has to be picked up from various places due to sports, competitions, group projects.
13) The child is obese or thin, needs to be on special diet, meds and exercise.

Bad things happen to kids all the time - they are kidnapped and murdered, they are shot by gang members, they are raped in school bathrooms and locker rooms, they are shot in mass shootings, they are given foods with allergens that kills them, they are sexually abused by family, friends, coaches, teachers, priests.

Teens drown each year, regularly get killed in automobile accidents, they commit suicide because they are being bullied. How does having a SAHM or WOHM parent help with this at all?

Yes, in all these situations, having a parent at home helps any one of these teens you listed. How is this even a question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does having a SAHM helps this child who is a teen?

1) The child is failing in Math and is struggling in school.
2) The child is depressed and cutting herself
3) The child is into porn, sex, vaping and alchohol
4) The child is being bullied
5) The child is SN
6) The child has 4 hours of homework after school
7) The child has acne and low self-esteem
8) The child is incapable of cleaning his room and is very rude with the parents
9) The child is a straight A student and needs to study a lot
10) The child has to cook dinner and feed his siblings
11) The child has to work or has an internship
12) The child has to be picked up from various places due to sports, competitions, group projects.
13) The child is obese or thin, needs to be on special diet, meds and exercise.

Bad things happen to kids all the time - they are kidnapped and murdered, they are shot by gang members, they are raped in school bathrooms and locker rooms, they are shot in mass shootings, they are given foods with allergens that kills them, they are sexually abused by family, friends, coaches, teachers, priests.

Teens drown each year, regularly get killed in automobile accidents, they commit suicide because they are being bullied. How does having a SAHM or WOHM parent help with this at all?

Yes, in all these situations, having a parent at home helps any one of these teens you listed. How is this even a question?

OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I can give you the flip side. I developed what became a life long eating disorder at 14 (eating disorders are a form of addictive behavior that you never really "get over" completely but you can learn to manage it to live functionally). At that time, it was really really bad. I'm 5'7 and I got down to ~ 90 lbs. Looking back on it now, I probably should have gone into an inpatient facility but there were none around where we lived. Therapists specializing in eating disorders were also nonexistent.

I really needed my mom at that time but she had just gone back to work at a very intense, time consuming job.

I'm sorry this happened to you. That was about your particular mom and your particular dynamic with your mom, not about the fact that she worked.

My point is that many teens have mental health issues and need their parents at that age. She went back to work when I was 13 because they needed the money. But ideally she would have stayed home with us during those years because her kids could have benefited from it.

My younger brother also got into a lot of trouble (drinking, drugs, girls) in those years. It can't even be blamed on me and my issues because I was away at college by the time he was in middle school.

Again, many working parents are able to help their teens through these difficult times and issue. Your problem was your own family situation. Please stop trying to use your one experience to tell all moms they need to stay at home during the teen years.

And why don't you put any blame on your father???

I think you have a reading comprehension issue. The OP asked about staying home during the teen years. Many posters tell her it is useless. I pipe up to provide the flip side which is, if you happen to have a teen with mental health issues (not uncommon) it can be beneficial for the child to have a parent around. I am telling you that as a teenager, I actively remember wishing my mother was home with me after school. I needed her support. I don't blame her at all for working, we needed the money. But ideally she would have continued staying at home because I had serious health issues.

In these kinds of threads, I think most posters with young children are envisioning the "ideal" teen who takes 6 AP classes, is class president, has tons of friends, plays sports after school every day then races home to do homework for 3 hours and has no mental health issues like anxiety, depression, cutting, eating disorders, drugs, drinking, etc. etc. Those kids exist but so do kids with problems.

There is nothing wrong with my reading comprehension. Your first PP presented your singular experience as an argument that teens with mental health issues need a stay at home mom. Stop using your personal experience as an argument for what "many" families need. You are in no position to judge that. You believe that YOU needed your mom to stay at home for you. It is entirely possible that had your mother stayed at home, your outcomes may have been no different. You really can't say. In addition, there are a whole spectrum of working situations that can accommodate what you are talking about. It's not all work-60-hours-a-week vs. stay home full time. I don't think the majority of respondents are saying it is "useless", but they may be arguing as to whether it is necessary. There is a big difference.

I still see that you say nothing about your father. Why do people make this all about the mothers as though fathers have no hand in outcomes for their children?

I'm sorry for your struggles, I truly am, but stop using your disappointment with regard to your own mother's choices and behavior to shame working moms.

+1