SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities

[Anonymous]

Teens are harder because when things go bad, they go really, really bad and it's all-consuming. If that's not happening to you at the moment, then enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do everything that needs to get done for the house or for yourself when they are at school so you are home, driving carpools, having dinner and just being in the same house (even if you just surf DCUM while they are in their rooms).

So hit the gym, meetup with friends, tidying the house, and making dinner is about it? Okay I thought there was something else I was missing. I’m doing that!

So what's the problem?

She just wanted to #humblebrag lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do everything that needs to get done for the house or for yourself when they are at school so you are home, driving carpools, having dinner and just being in the same house (even if you just surf DCUM while they are in their rooms).

So hit the gym, meetup with friends, tidying the house, and making dinner is about it? Okay I thought there was something else I was missing. I’m doing that!

So what's the problem?

She just wanted to #humblebrag lol

I took this thread as troll pretending to be a SAHM of teens just to mock their life and how little they actually have to do. They do the same stuff as working moms, but the working moms ha e those 8 hours with no time to beautify, exercise and lounge/lunch.

[Anonymous]

Exercise, cut and color, Botox, massage, mani pedi, clothes shopping, waxing, facials. When you have checked all these things off then start at the beginning again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do everything that needs to get done for the house or for yourself when they are at school so you are home, driving carpools, having dinner and just being in the same house (even if you just surf DCUM while they are in their rooms).

So hit the gym, meetup with friends, tidying the house, and making dinner is about it? Okay I thought there was something else I was missing. I’m doing that!

So what's the problem?

She just wanted to #humblebrag lol

I took this thread as troll pretending to be a SAHM of teens just to mock their life and how little they actually have to do. They do the same stuff as working moms, but the working moms ha e those 8 hours with no time to beautify, exercise and lounge/lunch.

This! Definitely this!

[Anonymous]

OP, what I notice is that my DD (now 16) really wants to feel HEARD by me. When we get home from school/work, she wants to sit and tell me everything for about an hour.

She wants eye contact and concentrated attention - I think this is how she processes her day. Then we eat, clean up, do homework/get ready for the next day, and then we lay in bed and talk for about another hour. Sometimes we're showing each other things online, but a lot of times, we're just talking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do everything that needs to get done for the house or for yourself when they are at school so you are home, driving carpools, having dinner and just being in the same house (even if you just surf DCUM while they are in their rooms).

So hit the gym, meetup with friends, tidying the house, and making dinner is about it? Okay I thought there was something else I was missing. I’m doing that!

So what's the problem?

She just wanted to #humblebrag lol

I took this thread as troll pretending to be a SAHM of teens just to mock their life and how little they actually have to do. They do the same stuff as working moms, but the working moms ha e those 8 hours with no time to beautify, exercise and lounge/lunch.

This! Definitely this!

So why don't you start a "working moms march" you f g martyrs. I am just as sick of hearing you spout off about how hard it is to be a working Mom. Our lives are what they are, wherever the cards may fall, and your job, as a woman, is to support other women no matter how different there situations are from yours. This Op is thinking out loud and a little worried about the next chapter of being there for her kids, I'm sure she would have good advice for you if you had a similar issue, not some junior high snarky response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do everything that needs to get done for the house or for yourself when they are at school so you are home, driving carpools, having dinner and just being in the same house (even if you just surf DCUM while they are in their rooms).

So hit the gym, meetup with friends, tidying the house, and making dinner is about it? Okay I thought there was something else I was missing. I’m doing that!

So what's the problem?

She just wanted to #humblebrag lol

I took this thread as troll pretending to be a SAHM of teens just to mock their life and how little they actually have to do. They do the same stuff as working moms, but the working moms ha e those 8 hours with no time to beautify, exercise and lounge/lunch.

This! Definitely this!

You can think that, but I was just feeling guilty that I wasn’t being enough of a tiger mom or something. My own mom was depressed and my dad an unemployed alcoholic — I have no idea what role a ‘normal’ parent has of teens, I was basically on my own by middle school.

Now that DD is in high school, I have so little to do all day I was thinking of getting a part time job, maybe on flexjobs or something, but found many threads saying teen years need so much. Wasn’t sure if i should be researching college, test prep, interviewing tutors or what?!

I would rather spend the time on something fun like the exercise class, and if that really is what most parents are doing I can relax that I’m doing right

[Anonymous]

Set a good example by working and contributing to society? Are you encouraging them to pursue college and professional dreams? What kind of example are you setting?

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM of teens and I do not think there are any extra responsibilities at all for most teens or their parents. I am sure most parents are giving their kids nutritious foods, clothes and a safe home environment. They keep the channels of communications open and are interested in what they are doing. This is what most teens require from their parents, SAH or WOH.

I have 2 kids in two different magnet programs in HS and it is pressure cooker for both of them academically. School is 30 minutes away by car, so I drive them every day. Most teens do not have the problem of a long commute or they drive or take the bus. My kids are in EC activities that requires travelling, so I making travel arrangements and travel with them. I arrange for practice, tutoring and making up work at school when they miss school. If your kids have different EC activities that does not require travelling, then what more responsibilities do you have towards them in this regard.

My kids do not have a dating life and apart from the conversation about safe sex, safe digital footprint etc, I have not had to deal with this part of teen life. Maybe some parents can chime in here about how much supervision their kids require because I do not have experience with this. I do know of a kid who got pregnant in a different HS...now that kid needed some responsible parenting that did not happen. How many of us have that kind of problems? Very few.

My kids are not into drugs, smoking, drinking, vaping, social media - so issues of bullying, drugs, risky behavior is not what I face as a parent. Is this a big problem with others? I don't know. What is the solution? Should parents quit their jobs and be there to guard their children 24/7? I don't think so. Lets not be alarmist!

My kids are also learning to drive through I drive smart. And I make them drive on weekends. I am sure most parents - WOH or SAH - do that. I host parties at my own house and I do not allow drinking or kids to drive drunk. I am not permissive and I do not take chances with someone else's kids lives. When my kids will graduate from their learner's license, they will be getting behind the wheels of the most safe and reliable new car that we can afford. That is the only one concession I have made and saved money for. They are new drivers and inspite of all the defensive driving training they get, they are not going on the road in an old clunker with balding tires and the newest safety features.

I also schedule dermatologist, ophthalmologist, pediatrician and orthodontic appointments, as well as flu shots and HPV vaccine etc. I keep them up to date with all school immunization - but then how is that different from what other parents are doing?

I have helped them for their general school requirements - SAT, APs, scholastic competitions, college visits, having a road-map and checklist to make sure they are fulfilling whatever they need for college applications and resume building. Do you think most parents are not doing that? Do I make their lives more pleasant by making sure that they do not have to do chores at home and meet all their basic needs - yes! But this whole summer I have taught them to do laundry, fold clothes, declutter, cook etc. They have to have these skills to function well when they go to college.

I also have started and managed their custodial Roth and made them put in their earned money in it and kicked in some contribution. My kids know quite a bit about money management and budgeting too. Again, not rocket science and most parents do that for their kids. Most teens are either working or interning by HS and all parents SAH or WOH have to deal with all that it entails - resume, work, commute, balancing school work, college visits etc.

As long as you do not have a dysfunctional family (abuse, neglect, drama) and have created a nurturing environment for them, your kids will be fine. Be there for them, talk to them and guide them. If you think that your kid has issues of self esteem, or they are depressed, please get them help. Teens of today face a lot of pressures and horrible terrible news - global warming, school shooting etc. - this is something that all of us worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do everything that needs to get done for the house or for yourself when they are at school so you are home, driving carpools, having dinner and just being in the same house (even if you just surf DCUM while they are in their rooms).

So hit the gym, meetup with friends, tidying the house, and making dinner is about it? Okay I thought there was something else I was missing. I’m doing that!

Other than this, many of us have elder care responsibilities for aging parents in their 70s/80s with chronic health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do everything that needs to get done for the house or for yourself when they are at school so you are home, driving carpools, having dinner and just being in the same house (even if you just surf DCUM while they are in their rooms).

So hit the gym, meetup with friends, tidying the house, and making dinner is about it? Okay I thought there was something else I was missing. I’m doing that!

So what's the problem?

She just wanted to #humblebrag lol

I took this thread as troll pretending to be a SAHM of teens just to mock their life and how little they actually have to do. They do the same stuff as working moms, but the working moms ha e those 8 hours with no time to beautify, exercise and lounge/lunch.

This! Definitely this!

You can think that, but I was just feeling guilty that I wasn’t being enough of a tiger mom or something. My own mom was depressed and my dad an unemployed alcoholic — I have no idea what role a ‘normal’ parent has of teens, I was basically on my own by middle school.

Now that DD is in high school, I have so little to do all day I was thinking of getting a part time job, maybe on flexjobs or something, but found many threads saying teen years need so much. Wasn’t sure if i should be researching college, test prep, interviewing tutors or what?!

I would rather spend the time on something fun like the exercise class, and if that really is what most parents are doing I can relax that I’m doing right

Contrary to what many here would have you believe, there is nothing wrong with enjoying yourself and your life. The "busiest", most miserable person does not win. Be the kind of parent your kids need when they need it. This will ebb and flow. When you are not doing that, enjoy yourself. You only get one life.

[Anonymous]

They aren't demanding during the school hours. I doubt anyone said that.

For us, it was more the after school activities. From about 3:00 to 8:30 every night, I am just a full on chauffeur picking up and dropping off (but we have 5 kids between 11 and 18). The evenings and weekends are hectic with school stuff, sports, social lives, activities, and just teen drama.

During the day, I do all the housework, shopping, and errands. I take kids to appointments as needed - doctors, dentists, eye appointments, specialists, etc. I cook meals and have dinner ready to go in the oven or on the stove before 3:00 so that whoever is home at dinner time can just follow instructions and get dinner ready.

I volunteer about 10 hours a week and also help out with aging parents and their needs. The last year we have been reno'ing the house so I am always letting someone in or responding to questions or going to pick up something.

I find I am pretty busy. Most days are full and I prefer it that way. It frees up the weekends and evenings so we aren't cramming that stuff in amongst all the family stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM of teens and I do not think there are any extra responsibilities at all for most teens or their parents. I am sure most parents are giving their kids nutritious foods, clothes and a safe home environment. They keep the channels of communications open and are interested in what they are doing. This is what most teens require from their parents, SAH or WOH.

I have 2 kids in two different magnet programs in HS and it is pressure cooker for both of them academically. School is 30 minutes away by car, so I drive them every day. Most teens do not have the problem of a long commute or they drive or take the bus. My kids are in EC activities that requires travelling, so I making travel arrangements and travel with them. I arrange for practice, tutoring and making up work at school when they miss school. If your kids have different EC activities that does not require travelling, then what more responsibilities do you have towards them in this regard.

My kids do not have a dating life and apart from the conversation about safe sex, safe digital footprint etc, I have not had to deal with this part of teen life. Maybe some parents can chime in here about how much supervision their kids require because I do not have experience with this. I do know of a kid who got pregnant in a different HS...now that kid needed some responsible parenting that did not happen. How many of us have that kind of problems? Very few.

My kids are not into drugs, smoking, drinking, vaping, social media - so issues of bullying, drugs, risky behavior is not what I face as a parent. Is this a big problem with others? I don't know. What is the solution? Should parents quit their jobs and be there to guard their children 24/7? I don't think so. Lets not be alarmist!

My kids are also learning to drive through I drive smart. And I make them drive on weekends. I am sure most parents - WOH or SAH - do that. I host parties at my own house and I do not allow drinking or kids to drive drunk. I am not permissive and I do not take chances with someone else's kids lives. When my kids will graduate from their learner's license, they will be getting behind the wheels of the most safe and reliable new car that we can afford. That is the only one concession I have made and saved money for. They are new drivers and inspite of all the defensive driving training they get, they are not going on the road in an old clunker with balding tires and the newest safety features.

I also schedule dermatologist, ophthalmologist, pediatrician and orthodontic appointments, as well as flu shots and HPV vaccine etc. I keep them up to date with all school immunization - but then how is that different from what other parents are doing?

I have helped them for their general school requirements - SAT, APs, scholastic competitions, college visits, having a road-map and checklist to make sure they are fulfilling whatever they need for college applications and resume building. Do you think most parents are not doing that? Do I make their lives more pleasant by making sure that they do not have to do chores at home and meet all their basic needs - yes! But this whole summer I have taught them to do laundry, fold clothes, declutter, cook etc. They have to have these skills to function well when they go to college.

I also have started and managed their custodial Roth and made them put in their earned money in it and kicked in some contribution. My kids know quite a bit about money management and budgeting too. Again, not rocket science and most parents do that for their kids. Most teens are either working or interning by HS and all parents SAH or WOH have to deal with all that it entails - resume, work, commute, balancing school work, college visits etc.

As long as you do not have a dysfunctional family (abuse, neglect, drama) and have created a nurturing environment for them, your kids will be fine. Be there for them, talk to them and guide them. If you think that your kid has issues of self esteem, or they are depressed, please get them help. Teens of today face a lot of pressures and horrible terrible news - global warming, school shooting etc. - this is something that all of us worry about.

You could do all of this...or nothing at all! No one is going to arrest you if you are super chilled!

[Anonymous]

I think it’s nice for parents to have their own accomplishments outside of just their kids and personal care. Like meaningful volunteer work, or gardening, or painting. Spending time on those kinds of pursuits will also mean you won’t make your kid’s social and academic life your “project” to obsess over.