SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities

[Anonymous]

This might be controversial but i use the time to snoop. I tidy up DS's room to see if i find anything like drugs, condom wrappers etc. Also i check his search history on our computers. Things like that. They just give me a now informed profile on him and help me better know where to direct our conversations

[Anonymous]

Take that exercise class, OP!

[Anonymous]

I am a disabled SAHM, and when my two teens are in school I take care of general household responsibilities and then do whatever I feel like doing. I play the piano, read, listen to music, talk to friends, pray, do a lot of thinking, do some writing.... pretty much just hang out around the house all day. Occasionally I walk somewhere. I cannot drive because of a medical condition. After school and on weekends, I hang out with my kids. I have four adults scattered about the country, so these last four years with my last two are precious to me. We have a lot of fun, a lot of great talks, and a lot of laughs. I have truly enjoyed parenting each of my children during their teenage years. You've got this, OP.

[Anonymous]

I am one of those pps that always posts teens need you more than toddlers! Emotional support, driving them to places, allowing them to go to concerts but driving them, like that club 9 30(prior to hearing what a slimo owned it). Even having before bed time talks with them, telling them to call you. I told my dd that I am happy to get her lunch at school, and I did. I quite my job when she was about to be junior as she was getting in trouble. Weekly mom and dd outings to movies or a restaurant, Ok I went back to grad school because it was boring too, but it was the evenings and nights that were exhausting. Museum on the weekends, doing things together, knowing her friends, just it was exhausting. But it was worth it, my dd told me she loved knowing that if she needs me I am there, I had no idea tat prior to that she kind of resented that she could call me but I couldn't come. Simple things like if she makes a team, you go and guy balloons and put them in her room, you make a nice team dinner for all teammates, you bring everyone snacks, you show up for every sporting events she/he is in. They really do care and they do want it even when they tell you, "I don't care."

[Anonymous]

^^quit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those pps that always posts teens need you more than toddlers! Emotional support, driving them to places, allowing them to go to concerts but driving them, like that club 9 30(prior to hearing what a slimo owned it). Even having before bed time talks with them, telling them to call you. I told my dd that I am happy to get her lunch at school, and I did. I quite my job when she was about to be junior as she was getting in trouble. Weekly mom and dd outings to movies or a restaurant, Ok I went back to grad school because it was boring too, but it was the evenings and nights that were exhausting. Museum on the weekends, doing things together, knowing her friends, just it was exhausting. But it was worth it, my dd told me she loved knowing that if she needs me I am there, I had no idea tat prior to that she kind of resented that she could call me but I couldn't come. Simple things like if she makes a team, you go and guy balloons and put them in her room, you make a nice team dinner for all teammates, you bring everyone snacks, you show up for every sporting events she/he is in. They really do care and they do want it even when they tell you, "I don't care."

You can do 80% of what you described while being a working mom. Even 100% if you have flexibility. I guess if you have a high needs / SN teen it makes sense, but if you have a normal kid, how are they ever going to adjust to life at college if they’re used to you being at their beck and call all day? If someone wants to SAH with their teens then go for it, but don’t pretend you’re doing it for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those pps that always posts teens need you more than toddlers! Emotional support, driving them to places, allowing them to go to concerts but driving them, like that club 9 30(prior to hearing what a slimo owned it). Even having before bed time talks with them, telling them to call you. I told my dd that I am happy to get her lunch at school, and I did. I quite my job when she was about to be junior as she was getting in trouble. Weekly mom and dd outings to movies or a restaurant, Ok I went back to grad school because it was boring too, but it was the evenings and nights that were exhausting. Museum on the weekends, doing things together, knowing her friends, just it was exhausting. But it was worth it, my dd told me she loved knowing that if she needs me I am there, I had no idea tat prior to that she kind of resented that she could call me but I couldn't come. Simple things like if she makes a team, you go and guy balloons and put them in her room, you make a nice team dinner for all teammates, you bring everyone snacks, you show up for every sporting events she/he is in. They really do care and they do want it even when they tell you, "I don't care."

You can do 80% of what you described while being a working mom. Even 100% if you have flexibility. I guess if you have a high needs / SN teen it makes sense, but if you have a normal kid, how are they ever going to adjust to life at college if they’re used to you being at their beck and call all day? If someone wants to SAH with their teens then go for it, but don’t pretend you’re doing it for the kids.

DD is a high needs social hyper ADHD kid. How old are your kids if I may ask? DD is adjusting great to college this year. I was legit doing it for her, but you can believe what you wish. Some kids need more, some need less, take my story for what it is, my and my dd's story.

[Anonymous]

I am with my teens because it makes our lives easier. I am helping with car pooling and other logistics that the kids of other parents in the group cannot volunteer for.

I know some of you might think that I am offering free services to kids who have WOH parents etc, but I don't mind. Every single working parent would love to spend more time with their kids and friends, which instead I get to enjoy. Plus the emotional security that my kids get is priceless.

If I had to work to put food on the table or fund college and retirement...it would absolutely be a different situation. Having a sahm is a luxury. My family loves to have that luxury. And yes, some WOHMS work way harder and have a more stressful life, IMHO.

On the other hand, Wohms have bragging rights to having a career and earning money. To imagine that any woman has it all is a fallacy. We all have our priorities. Being there for my kids is mine, meeting the basic needs of the kids could be that for someone else.

And, I do not have SN kids. I would never say something like, you should not sahm if you have "normal" kids!! That is not only completely PAB statement to make, but the truth is that there are sah and woh parents of SN and non-SN kids. So what? Live with the hand you are dealt with in the present day.

In my own personal situation, my and my family's life is better at the moment if I sahm. And all the PABs need to just STFU and live and let live. What is with all if this resentment??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is turning 15, and they are in school and team practice till about 5.

I hear many people say the teen years are even more demanding, that they need you more than when they were young.

I’m a little lost, I don’t know what to do while they are at school, other than continue making healthy dinners stocking wholesome snacks?

Is there something I am forgetting?

Maybe that's all that your kids need from you? It depends on the kids, parents etc. You do you.

[Anonymous]

I like this thread and the perspectives shared. Thank you.

Maybe it does not have to be a competition and people can just describe the role they have as moms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teens need you (and you want to) be home for them--- so make sure you are. I'm home with mine now - both of my teens are in their separate rooms but if I had to leave they would both be disappointed.

Also being home means I know their friends, invite them over, am involved.

Make sure you are home when they are --- that's the reason to stay home at this age.

(I'm not a SAHM but now that my kids are teens, I am home when they get home from school).

That is honestly concerning. By this time they should be able to handle you being g out of the house without feeling disappointed. Definitely not developmentally appropriate.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 teen boys. Both do year round sports. The bell rings at 3:48 and they head straight to practice until 5:15 and then walk home. I'm a working mom. I'm at home when they are home. Their primary need out of me is to keep their bellies full which is a struggle. Both work all summer.

I'm not sure what you should do all day? I guess cook, clean, workout, read books? There really is nothing you should be doing for them at this point, they can do their own laundry, clean their own rooms and should be able to manage their own course load. Be aware of behavior changes, be in tune with your kids. Mine are pretty easy. From their heavy course load (one of them is DE at NOVA) and their sports they are pretty busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those pps that always posts teens need you more than toddlers! Emotional support, driving them to places, allowing them to go to concerts but driving them, like that club 9 30(prior to hearing what a slimo owned it). Even having before bed time talks with them, telling them to call you. I told my dd that I am happy to get her lunch at school, and I did. I quite my job when she was about to be junior as she was getting in trouble. Weekly mom and dd outings to movies or a restaurant, Ok I went back to grad school because it was boring too, but it was the evenings and nights that were exhausting. Museum on the weekends, doing things together, knowing her friends, just it was exhausting. But it was worth it, my dd told me she loved knowing that if she needs me I am there, I had no idea tat prior to that she kind of resented that she could call me but I couldn't come. Simple things like if she makes a team, you go and guy balloons and put them in her room, you make a nice team dinner for all teammates, you bring everyone snacks, you show up for every sporting events she/he is in. They really do care and they do want it even when they tell you, "I don't care."

You can do 80% of what you described while being a working mom. Even 100% if you have flexibility. I guess if you have a high needs / SN teen it makes sense, but if you have a normal kid, how are they ever going to adjust to life at college if they’re used to you being at their beck and call all day? If someone wants to SAH with their teens then go for it, but don’t pretend you’re doing it for the kids.

I feel sorry for posters like this because I think you truly don’t get what you’re missing and what your kids are missing out of from just having a parental role in their lives while you’re at work. The most troublesome kids I know have parents that work a lot or are just So busy with their own social lives that they leave their kids either alone or with sitters more often than not and then those parents often go out for social obligations a few times a week as well at night so the kids are left fending for themselves. Teenagers need parental guidance even if it’s just occasionally sitting in the other room reading a book or doing your own work while they’re right next door in the other room or Giving them rides to and from their various activities. The most important conversations I’ve had so far have come when I least expected it and they opened up to me when I least expected which was during those times I was carting them around or talking in the kitchen making dinner or going out to dinner. OP I get the feeling you’re not really a stay at home mom because if you were you wouldn’t be posting this because you would know the various things you could or should be doing during the day. I don’t know any stay at home mom that just sits home all day looking around wondering what they’re supposed to be doing. They generally only have about six hours to themselves and during that time they have a variety of things they do and take care of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those pps that always posts teens need you more than toddlers! Emotional support, driving them to places, allowing them to go to concerts but driving them, like that club 9 30(prior to hearing what a slimo owned it). Even having before bed time talks with them, telling them to call you. I told my dd that I am happy to get her lunch at school, and I did. I quite my job when she was about to be junior as she was getting in trouble. Weekly mom and dd outings to movies or a restaurant, Ok I went back to grad school because it was boring too, but it was the evenings and nights that were exhausting. Museum on the weekends, doing things together, knowing her friends, just it was exhausting. But it was worth it, my dd told me she loved knowing that if she needs me I am there, I had no idea tat prior to that she kind of resented that she could call me but I couldn't come. Simple things like if she makes a team, you go and guy balloons and put them in her room, you make a nice team dinner for all teammates, you bring everyone snacks, you show up for every sporting events she/he is in. They really do care and they do want it even when they tell you, "I don't care."

You can do 80% of what you described while being a working mom. Even 100% if you have flexibility. I guess if you have a high needs / SN teen it makes sense, but if you have a normal kid, how are they ever going to adjust to life at college if they’re used to you being at their beck and call all day? If someone wants to SAH with their teens then go for it, but don’t pretend you’re doing it for the kids.

I feel sorry for posters like this because I think you truly don’t get what you’re missing and what your kids are missing out of from just having a parental role in their lives while you’re at work. The most troublesome kids I know have parents that work a lot or are just So busy with their own social lives that they leave their kids either alone or with sitters more often than not and then those parents often go out for social obligations a few times a week as well at night so the kids are left fending for themselves. Teenagers need parental guidance even if it’s just occasionally sitting in the other room reading a book or doing your own work while they’re right next door in the other room or Giving them rides to and from their various activities. The most important conversations I’ve had so far have come when I least expected it and they opened up to me when I least expected which was during those times I was carting them around or talking in the kitchen making dinner or going out to dinner. OP I get the feeling you’re not really a stay at home mom because if you were you wouldn’t be posting this because you would know the various things you could or should be doing during the day. I don’t know any stay at home mom that just sits home all day looking around wondering what they’re supposed to be doing. They generally only have about six hours to themselves and during that time they have a variety of things they do and take care of.

By the way I have been both a working mom and stay at home mom and I can tell you my kids, family, and I am much happier as a stay at home mom Because when I worked the free time I had was all spent on me alone. I had barely anything left to give to my kids or my husband and on the days I would do the reverse and spend all my time on my kids then I started to lose my sense of self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what I notice is that my DD (now 16) really wants to feel HEARD by me. When we get home from school/work, she wants to sit and tell me everything for about an hour.

She wants eye contact and concentrated attention - I think this is how she processes her day. Then we eat, clean up, do homework/get ready for the next day, and then we lay in bed and talk for about another hour. Sometimes we're showing each other things online, but a lot of times, we're just talking.

This sounds exactly like my relationship with my daughter. Love it.