SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities

[Anonymous]

My DD is turning 15, and they are in school and team practice till about 5.

I hear many people say the teen years are even more demanding, that they need you more than when they were young.

I’m a little lost, I don’t know what to do while they are at school, other than continue making healthy dinners stocking wholesome snacks?

Is there something I am forgetting?

[Anonymous]

I've heard that too. What I think teens need at that age is parents who are emotionally available and supportive. It's about making sure you keep up family dinners with them, talk with them in the car, etc. Plus parents who can drive them places. I was a SAHM when my kids were babies-k/2nd and then work full-time. I don't at all feel the need to be home the way I felt when they were little but I do feel it when I have a stretch of travel for my job. Doesn't happen often but my teens really don't like it when I'm gone much since they are more inclined to talk to me than DH and the household dinner routine is usually off-kilter when I'm not around.

[Anonymous]

Do everything that needs to get done for the house or for yourself when they are at school so you are home, driving carpools, having dinner and just being in the same house (even if you just surf DCUM while they are in their rooms).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do everything that needs to get done for the house or for yourself when they are at school so you are home, driving carpools, having dinner and just being in the same house (even if you just surf DCUM while they are in their rooms).

So hit the gym, meetup with friends, tidying the house, and making dinner is about it? Okay I thought there was something else I was missing. I’m doing that!

[Anonymous]

Teens need you (and you want to) be home for them--- so make sure you are. I'm home with mine now - both of my teens are in their separate rooms but if I had to leave they would both be disappointed.

Also being home means I know their friends, invite them over, am involved.

Make sure you are home when they are --- that's the reason to stay home at this age.

(I'm not a SAHM but now that my kids are teens, I am home when they get home from school).

[Anonymous]

I have a 15-year-old, too. She manages her own homework but she is involved in a sport and a few other activities that require driving.

Mostly, I offer behind-the-scenes emotional support and encouragement because we as a society have made high school a zero-sum, high-stakes endeavor with no margin for error. At least, that's the message the kids are receiving in various ways. I don't have to apply pressure, she is already stressed out all on her own by virtue of the pressure cooker she resides in, and she attends a decent, but not in a marquee, HS. The needs are different these days, but they are still there. We need a detente in the college arms race. It isn't helping anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teens need you (and you want to) be home for them--- so make sure you are. I'm home with mine now - both of my teens are in their separate rooms but if I had to leave they would both be disappointed.

Also being home means I know their friends, invite them over, am involved.

Make sure you are home when they are --- that's the reason to stay home at this age.

(I'm not a SAHM but now that my kids are teens, I am home when they get home from school).

Well yeah, most people have a holiday. My teens get home at 5 b/c of active EC activities.... so during the day I’m cool, right? I want to sign up for a SoulCycle pass and want to make sure it’s worthwhile.

[Anonymous]

Continue to socialize (coffee & lunch meetups) with friends who also have teens in the same school. I’m amazed sometimes at the stuff I find out that my kids would never have told me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Continue to socialize (coffee & lunch meetups) with friends who also have teens in the same school. I’m amazed sometimes at the stuff I find out that my kids would never have told me!

This.


This is also the time when you can take up a very time consuming hobby like marathon/Ironman training.

[Anonymous]

Volunteer?

That’s what I’ve always done while the kids were in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is turning 15, and they are in school and team practice till about 5.

I hear many people say the teen years are even more demanding, that they need you more than when they were young.

I’m a little lost, I don’t know what to do while they are at school, other than continue making healthy dinners stocking wholesome snacks?

Is there something I am forgetting?

Same stuff you did when you were younger, meals, shopping, cleaning, working out, visiting friends, maybe volunteering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do everything that needs to get done for the house or for yourself when they are at school so you are home, driving carpools, having dinner and just being in the same house (even if you just surf DCUM while they are in their rooms).

So hit the gym, meetup with friends, tidying the house, and making dinner is about it? Okay I thought there was something else I was missing. I’m doing that!

So what's the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Continue to socialize (coffee & lunch meetups) with friends who also have teens in the same school. I’m amazed sometimes at the stuff I find out that my kids would never have told me!

This.


This is also the time when you can take up a very time consuming hobby like marathon/Ironman training.

some other threads were adamant that teens are more time demanding and I was worried I was neglecting something

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Continue to socialize (coffee & lunch meetups) with friends who also have teens in the same school. I’m amazed sometimes at the stuff I find out that my kids would never have told me!

This.


This is also the time when you can take up a very time consuming hobby like marathon/Ironman training.

some other threads were adamant that teens are more time demanding and I was worried I was neglecting something

I think that would only be the case if they had intense involvement in some non-school activity that required a lot of parent driving. Teens aren't that much "work" from a time perspective but can much more demanding emotionally IMO (depends on the kid)

[Anonymous]

This really depends on where you are. I have friends who have to drive their kids to school and pick them up. Maybe they have one kid doing an EC at school and the other doing an EC somewhere else. It is a lot of driving. My teen only needs rides if it is rainy or too hot to bike, but I have to be available for that. Also I have to drive him to orthodontist appts which are every 6 weeks. Driving to other stuff, to see friends, all these things. I think it is easier to work FT when your kids need some one to drive them all the time, not just some of the time. Likewise easier with toddlers who don't really have activities to just find one caregiver who takes care of them 45 hrs a week. It is harder to piece together coverage for after school care, and then days the school is closed, etc when they are in elementary school.

I think emotionally the teen years are harder. I have found the thing about young kids needing *someone* and teens needing *you* to be accurate for my kids.