SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do everything that needs to get done for the house or for yourself when they are at school so you are home, driving carpools, having dinner and just being in the same house (even if you just surf DCUM while they are in their rooms).

So hit the gym, meetup with friends, tidying the house, and making dinner is about it? Okay I thought there was something else I was missing. I’m doing that!

So what's the problem?

She just wanted to #humblebrag lol

I took this thread as troll pretending to be a SAHM of teens just to mock their life and how little they actually have to do. They do the same stuff as working moms, but the working moms ha e those 8 hours with no time to beautify, exercise and lounge/lunch.

This! Definitely this!

You can think that, but I was just feeling guilty that I wasn’t being enough of a tiger mom or something. My own mom was depressed and my dad an unemployed alcoholic — I have no idea what role a ‘normal’ parent has of teens, I was basically on my own by middle school.

Now that DD is in high school, I have so little to do all day I was thinking of getting a part time job, maybe on flexjobs or something, but found many threads saying teen years need so much. Wasn’t sure if i should be researching college, test prep, interviewing tutors or what?!

I would rather spend the time on something fun like the exercise class, and if that really is what most parents are doing I can relax that I’m doing right

Contrary to what many here would have you believe, there is nothing wrong with enjoying yourself and your life. The "busiest", most miserable person does not win. Be the kind of parent your kids need when they need it. This will ebb and flow. When you are not doing that, enjoy yourself. You only get one life.

+1,000
Very well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those pps that always posts teens need you more than toddlers! Emotional support, driving them to places, allowing them to go to concerts but driving them, like that club 9 30(prior to hearing what a slimo owned it). Even having before bed time talks with them, telling them to call you. I told my dd that I am happy to get her lunch at school, and I did. I quite my job when she was about to be junior as she was getting in trouble. Weekly mom and dd outings to movies or a restaurant, Ok I went back to grad school because it was boring too, but it was the evenings and nights that were exhausting. Museum on the weekends, doing things together, knowing her friends, just it was exhausting. But it was worth it, my dd told me she loved knowing that if she needs me I am there, I had no idea tat prior to that she kind of resented that she could call me but I couldn't come. Simple things like if she makes a team, you go and guy balloons and put them in her room, you make a nice team dinner for all teammates, you bring everyone snacks, you show up for every sporting events she/he is in. They really do care and they do want it even when they tell you, "I don't care."

You can do 80% of what you described while being a working mom. Even 100% if you have flexibility. I guess if you have a high needs / SN teen it makes sense, but if you have a normal kid, how are they ever going to adjust to life at college if they’re used to you being at their beck and call all day? If someone wants to SAH with their teens then go for it, but don’t pretend you’re doing it for the kids.

I hate posts like this - especially the bolded. Seriously? I’ve stayed home with my kids for many years and the oldest ones, who are now in college, have had zero problem adjusting to independent life. It’s almost like wishful thinking on your part - you want to hear that kids with SAHMs are somehow paralyzed with fear/lacking in skills once they head to college. That’s just not true, and in fact, quite the opposite.
-DP

[Anonymous]

for me, the challenge of working during the teens years was that I was always worried to distraction about something and my kid needed a ton of parenting during the hours he wasn’t in school. Maybe yours won’t, but mine did. So I was pretty exhausted since I didn’t get to my own needs until late at night and hardly saw friends.

Also, a ton of time was spent managing some health issues and doctors appointments are during business hours.

If I had been able to work part time, I would have used the extra hours to rebalance my own life and sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those pps that always posts teens need you more than toddlers! Emotional support, driving them to places, allowing them to go to concerts but driving them, like that club 9 30(prior to hearing what a slimo owned it). Even having before bed time talks with them, telling them to call you. I told my dd that I am happy to get her lunch at school, and I did. I quite my job when she was about to be junior as she was getting in trouble. Weekly mom and dd outings to movies or a restaurant, Ok I went back to grad school because it was boring too, but it was the evenings and nights that were exhausting. Museum on the weekends, doing things together, knowing her friends, just it was exhausting. But it was worth it, my dd told me she loved knowing that if she needs me I am there, I had no idea tat prior to that she kind of resented that she could call me but I couldn't come. Simple things like if she makes a team, you go and guy balloons and put them in her room, you make a nice team dinner for all teammates, you bring everyone snacks, you show up for every sporting events she/he is in. They really do care and they do want it even when they tell you, "I don't care."

You can do 80% of what you described while being a working mom. Even 100% if you have flexibility. I guess if you have a high needs / SN teen it makes sense, but if you have a normal kid, how are they ever going to adjust to life at college if they’re used to you being at their beck and call all day? If someone wants to SAH with their teens then go for it, but don’t pretend you’re doing it for the kids.

I hate posts like this - especially the bolded. Seriously? I’ve stayed home with my kids for many years and the oldest ones, who are now in college, have had zero problem adjusting to independent life. It’s almost like wishful thinking on your part - you want to hear that kids with SAHMs are somehow paralyzed with fear/lacking in skills once they head to college. That’s just not true, and in fact, quite the opposite. :roll:

+1. Good response. I work full time out of the home. Being at a kid’s beck and call is possible after hours, too. Jeez Louise.

-DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those pps that always posts teens need you more than toddlers! Emotional support, driving them to places, allowing them to go to concerts but driving them, like that club 9 30(prior to hearing what a slimo owned it). Even having before bed time talks with them, telling them to call you. I told my dd that I am happy to get her lunch at school, and I did. I quite my job when she was about to be junior as she was getting in trouble. Weekly mom and dd outings to movies or a restaurant, Ok I went back to grad school because it was boring too, but it was the evenings and nights that were exhausting. Museum on the weekends, doing things together, knowing her friends, just it was exhausting. But it was worth it, my dd told me she loved knowing that if she needs me I am there, I had no idea tat prior to that she kind of resented that she could call me but I couldn't come. Simple things like if she makes a team, you go and guy balloons and put them in her room, you make a nice team dinner for all teammates, you bring everyone snacks, you show up for every sporting events she/he is in. They really do care and they do want it even when they tell you, "I don't care."

You can do 80% of what you described while being a working mom. Even 100% if you have flexibility. I guess if you have a high needs / SN teen it makes sense, but if you have a normal kid, how are they ever going to adjust to life at college if they’re used to you being at their beck and call all day? If someone wants to SAH with their teens then go for it, but don’t pretend you’re doing it for the kids.

NP here. What an obnoxious response. It sounds like this mom quit at a point her child faced challenges and managed to take a small problem and keep it from becoming a big one. I’m glad she was in a financial position to do that and that she has such a good relationship with her teen today.

I work full time with a flexible job. The teen years were tough. My own health and mental health would have been improved by cutting back my hours, but it wasn’t possible so I didn’t (it isnt everyone who can find an intellectually engaging well paying position that lets the hours ratchet up and down as life dictates... that’s the dream and not most people’s reality).

To the one who posted first, thank you for a comprehensive description.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those pps that always posts teens need you more than toddlers! Emotional support, driving them to places, allowing them to go to concerts but driving them, like that club 9 30(prior to hearing what a slimo owned it). Even having before bed time talks with them, telling them to call you. I told my dd that I am happy to get her lunch at school, and I did. I quite my job when she was about to be junior as she was getting in trouble. Weekly mom and dd outings to movies or a restaurant, Ok I went back to grad school because it was boring too, but it was the evenings and nights that were exhausting. Museum on the weekends, doing things together, knowing her friends, just it was exhausting. But it was worth it, my dd told me she loved knowing that if she needs me I am there, I had no idea tat prior to that she kind of resented that she could call me but I couldn't come. Simple things like if she makes a team, you go and guy balloons and put them in her room, you make a nice team dinner for all teammates, you bring everyone snacks, you show up for every sporting events she/he is in. They really do care and they do want it even when they tell you, "I don't care."

You can do 80% of what you described while being a working mom. Even 100% if you have flexibility. I guess if you have a high needs / SN teen it makes sense, but if you have a normal kid, how are they ever going to adjust to life at college if they’re used to you being at their beck and call all day? If someone wants to SAH with their teens then go for it, but don’t pretend you’re doing it for the kids.

NP here. What an obnoxious response. It sounds like this mom quit at a point her child faced challenges and managed to take a small problem and keep it from becoming a big one. I’m glad she was in a financial position to do that and that she has such a good relationship with her teen today.

I work full time with a flexible job. The teen years were tough. My own health and mental health would have been improved by cutting back my hours, but it wasn’t possible so I didn’t (it isnt everyone who can find an intellectually engaging well paying position that lets the hours ratchet up and down as life dictates... that’s the dream and not most people’s reality).

To the one who posted first, thank you for a comprehensive description.

Thank you so much for your kind post! I appreciate it. DD is doing great and I am glad that I was able to stay at home with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those pps that always posts teens need you more than toddlers! Emotional support, driving them to places, allowing them to go to concerts but driving them, like that club 9 30(prior to hearing what a slimo owned it). Even having before bed time talks with them, telling them to call you. I told my dd that I am happy to get her lunch at school, and I did. I quite my job when she was about to be junior as she was getting in trouble. Weekly mom and dd outings to movies or a restaurant, Ok I went back to grad school because it was boring too, but it was the evenings and nights that were exhausting. Museum on the weekends, doing things together, knowing her friends, just it was exhausting. But it was worth it, my dd told me she loved knowing that if she needs me I am there, I had no idea tat prior to that she kind of resented that she could call me but I couldn't come. Simple things like if she makes a team, you go and guy balloons and put them in her room, you make a nice team dinner for all teammates, you bring everyone snacks, you show up for every sporting events she/he is in. They really do care and they do want it even when they tell you, "I don't care."

You can do 80% of what you described while being a working mom. Even 100% if you have flexibility. I guess if you have a high needs / SN teen it makes sense, but if you have a normal kid, how are they ever going to adjust to life at college if they’re used to you being at their beck and call all day? If someone wants to SAH with their teens then go for it, but don’t pretend you’re doing it for the kids.

NP here. What an obnoxious response. It sounds like this mom quit at a point her child faced challenges and managed to take a small problem and keep it from becoming a big one. I’m glad she was in a financial position to do that and that she has such a good relationship with her teen today.

I work full time with a flexible job. The teen years were tough. My own health and mental health would have been improved by cutting back my hours, but it wasn’t possible so I didn’t (it isnt everyone who can find an intellectually engaging well paying position that lets the hours ratchet up and down as life dictates... that’s the dream and not most people’s reality).

To the one who posted first, thank you for a comprehensive description.

Thank you so much for your kind post! I appreciate it. DD is doing great and I am glad that I was able to stay at home with her.

You are quite welcome. I am glad to hear she is doing well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 teen boys. Both do year round sports. The bell rings at 3:48 and they head straight to practice until 5:15 and then walk home. I'm a working mom. I'm at home when they are home. Their primary need out of me is to keep their bellies full which is a struggle. Both work all summer.

I'm not sure what you should do all day? I guess cook, clean, workout, read books? There really is nothing you should be doing for them at this point, they can do their own laundry, clean their own rooms and should be able to manage their own course load. Be aware of behavior changes, be in tune with your kids. Mine are pretty easy. From their heavy course load (one of them is DE at NOVA) and their sports they are pretty busy.

This pretty much describes my life with kids. Only time I don't see them is mornings because I work out for an hour and half in our home gym and at in the basement to shower and get dressed.

We also happen to live walking distance to the high school so there is no excessive driving on our part.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the kids and your location, but lots of driving...and eventually teaching kid to drive

[Anonymous]

Take care of you, too. Parents of teens around here are usually late 40s and early 50s when many health problems start to show up.

[Anonymous]

DP here.

I am so sick and tired of seeing the same arguments on DCUM. have high achieving, self motivated, independent kids in highly selective STEM magnet programs in public high school. We are DC MC, 300k HHI, have retirement and college squared away.

DH and I are in agreement that with this kind of affluence (maybe in our own mind...since we are not wearing Prada), our teens are better served to have a highly educated mom available to them 24/7.

A lot of parents work very hard and I am very impressed with them. I have a cushy life and my kids and family get me as their support. I am lucky that my stress level is low and that I am ok financially. I do not need to be super rich with lots of money and very little time. I am ok with a comfortable lifestyle with ample time and a MC lifestyle. Maybe I do not have any ambition. I have my hobbies and causes, and only the people who don't know me are flapping their hands that I need to find my calling. My calling is to be able to leverage the money that my DH earns and build a comfortable, balanced and secure life for my family.

Do my kids need me? Yup. Without a doubt. More now than when they were babies? Well, I am not changing their diapers or nursing them on demand, but it has given them an edge to have an educated personal assistant on their beck and call, so that they are on the straight and narrow, secure and healthy, and meeting their social, emotional, health, academic goals. Yes, we are doing everything by ourselves and not paying money to get admitted to elite colleges, but, so what? We are immigrants, Asians, no hook, not legacy, but we are educated, with intact family, without health problems and can figure out the rest of things if we continue to be lucky.

If you and your kids do not need a parent at home then good for you. Maybe, most of you are super parents who can do it all? Great marriages, great health, great high achieving straight A kids, super organized homes, pillars of society, amazing careers where you are indispensable, high earners, globe trotting influencers and Illuminati? I am neither that high energy nor that ambitious for myself or my kids.

[Anonymous]

OP -

I work full time. I have responded to some of the rude people who don't like your choice.

My husband and I would both love to have a spouse who was happy and well-rested and who kept the house going. If that spouse also enjoyed some leisure time, we'd think that was a serious plus. Alas, our careers don't permit this, but the last person we would judge is you.

[Anonymous]

Nothing is preventing you from working. It's just that the job or other issues in your life are hopefully not too demanding, because you really need to tune into your teens' worries and goals and support them when they go through the potential hell that is College Board tutoring/testing and college applications.

So it's not the number of hours home. It's a kind of psychological and logistical support when they need it. The tricky part is that you don't know in advance when they'll need what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP here.

I am so sick and tired of seeing the same arguments on DCUM. have high achieving, self motivated, independent kids in highly selective STEM magnet programs in public high school. We are DC MC, 300k HHI, have retirement and college squared away.

DH and I are in agreement that with this kind of affluence (maybe in our own mind...since we are not wearing Prada), our teens are better served to have a highly educated mom available to them 24/7.

A lot of parents work very hard and I am very impressed with them. I have a cushy life and my kids and family get me as their support. I am lucky that my stress level is low and that I am ok financially. I do not need to be super rich with lots of money and very little time. I am ok with a comfortable lifestyle with ample time and a MC lifestyle. Maybe I do not have any ambition. I have my hobbies and causes, and only the people who don't know me are flapping their hands that I need to find my calling. My calling is to be able to leverage the money that my DH earns and build a comfortable, balanced and secure life for my family.

Do my kids need me? Yup. Without a doubt. More now than when they were babies? Well, I am not changing their diapers or nursing them on demand, but it has given them an edge to have an educated personal assistant on their beck and call, so that they are on the straight and narrow, secure and healthy, and meeting their social, emotional, health, academic goals. Yes, we are doing everything by ourselves and not paying money to get admitted to elite colleges, but, so what? We are immigrants, Asians, no hook, not legacy, but we are educated, with intact family, without health problems and can figure out the rest of things if we continue to be lucky.

If you and your kids do not need a parent at home then good for you. Maybe, most of you are super parents who can do it all? Great marriages, great health, great high achieving straight A kids, super organized homes, pillars of society, amazing careers where you are indispensable, high earners, globe trotting influencers and Illuminati? I am neither that high energy nor that ambitious for myself or my kids.

Hear, hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP here.

I am so sick and tired of seeing the same arguments on DCUM. have high achieving, self motivated, independent kids in highly selective STEM magnet programs in public high school. We are DC MC, 300k HHI, have retirement and college squared away.

DH and I are in agreement that with this kind of affluence (maybe in our own mind...since we are not wearing Prada), our teens are better served to have a highly educated mom available to them 24/7.

A lot of parents work very hard and I am very impressed with them. I have a cushy life and my kids and family get me as their support. I am lucky that my stress level is low and that I am ok financially. I do not need to be super rich with lots of money and very little time. I am ok with a comfortable lifestyle with ample time and a MC lifestyle. Maybe I do not have any ambition. I have my hobbies and causes, and only the people who don't know me are flapping their hands that I need to find my calling. My calling is to be able to leverage the money that my DH earns and build a comfortable, balanced and secure life for my family.

Do my kids need me? Yup. Without a doubt. More now than when they were babies? Well, I am not changing their diapers or nursing them on demand, but it has given them an edge to have an educated personal assistant on their beck and call, so that they are on the straight and narrow, secure and healthy, and meeting their social, emotional, health, academic goals. Yes, we are doing everything by ourselves and not paying money to get admitted to elite colleges, but, so what? We are immigrants, Asians, no hook, not legacy, but we are educated, with intact family, without health problems and can figure out the rest of things if we continue to be lucky.

If you and your kids do not need a parent at home then good for you. Maybe, most of you are super parents who can do it all? Great marriages, great health, great high achieving straight A kids, super organized homes, pillars of society, amazing careers where you are indispensable, high earners, globe trotting influencers and Illuminati? I am neither that high energy nor that ambitious for myself or my kids.

You do not have to mock parents who work, idiot. Your last paragraph sucks. With this attitude your kids are not going to be unscathed.