What to do when you get call from camp “I want to come home”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Director should have called you. It was irresponsible for a counselor to put your daughter on the phone when she was hysterical without an adult to talk with you after.

That said, I would get my child. They know they can call DH or me at any point and we are there for them. It is an incredibly important lesson as they enter their teen years. I was beyond stressed my senior year in college with my workload and I called my mom hysterical at 10:00pm, and at 6:00am she was at my apartment and it was a 4 hour drive. I will always be incredibly thankful because I just needed my mom.

You are so lucky to have a mom like that. I never could have relied on my mom like that and she was a single parent so I had no one else. I felt very alone a lot. I hope I can do better for my kids.

Disagree. The PP was 21-22 yo, and about to graduate college. Calling Mom to vent? Sure. Mom offering advice and sympathy? Absolutely.

Mom driving 4 hours in the middle of the night to . . . what? Offer advice and sympathy in person? That's excessive, counterproductive, and borderline co-dependent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Director should have called you. It was irresponsible for a counselor to put your daughter on the phone when she was hysterical without an adult to talk with you after.

That said, I would get my child. They know they can call DH or me at any point and we are there for them. It is an incredibly important lesson as they enter their teen years. I was beyond stressed my senior year in college with my workload and I called my mom hysterical at 10:00pm, and at 6:00am she was at my apartment and it was a 4 hour drive. I will always be incredibly thankful because I just needed my mom.

You are so lucky to have a mom like that. I never could have relied on my mom like that and she was a single parent so I had no one else. I felt very alone a lot. I hope I can do better for my kids.

Disagree. The PP was 21-22 yo, and about to graduate college. Calling Mom to vent? Sure. Mom offering advice and sympathy? Absolutely.

Mom driving 4 hours in the middle of the night to . . . what? Offer advice and sympathy in person? That's excessive, counterproductive, and borderline co-dependent.

Yeah that’s insane. I really appreciate what my mom did in a similar situation which was listen to me in my hysteria during a late night phone call and then she checked up on me (call or text) the next few days to make sure I was hanging in there. Much more appropriate.

[Anonymous]

I would have started driving the moment I heard my child sound inconsolable on the phone.

[Anonymous]

Wait, the kids can't call parents whenever they want (or at least at regularly scheduled times) while at camp? I remember phoning my parents nightly from overnight camp (and I also remember lining up with friends to use the phone after dinner).

--A European.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have started driving the moment I heard my child sound inconsolable on the phone.

Okay, helicopter mom, but you'd be doing your child no favors. The whole point of doing sleep away camp is to develop independence and self-reliance. If you confirmed with the director that something serious was going on, that would be a very different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, the kids can't call parents whenever they want (or at least at regularly scheduled times) while at camp? I remember phoning my parents nightly from overnight camp (and I also remember lining up with friends to use the phone after dinner).

--A European.

At most camps, no. The belief is that the phone calls make homesickness worse, not better. At our camp, we are allowed to send a daily one-way e-mail that is passed along at lunchtime. Parents of new campers get a phone call to check in during the first week. That seems to work well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have started driving the moment I heard my child sound inconsolable on the phone.

Okay, helicopter mom, but you'd be doing your child no favors. The whole point of doing sleep away camp is to develop independence and self-reliance. If you confirmed with the director that something serious was going on, that would be a very different story.

+1, this does not seem advised.

"The most common mistake parents make is the Pick-Up Deal. It's normal for children to ask, "What if I feel homesick?" Tell your child that some feelings of homesickness are normal and help him practice coping before camp starts. But never ever say, "If you feel homesick, I'll come and get you." This conveys a message of doubt and pity that undermines children's confidence and independence. Pick-Up Deals become mental crutches and self-fulfilling prophecies for children as soon as they arrive at camp."

https://www.acacamps.org/press-room/how-to-choose-camp/homesickness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I didn’t go get her last nite and yes, I’m completely frustrated that a counselor (she told me the camp director) gave her a phone to call. That was unacceptable. I have only my hysterical daughters pleas and nothing from leadership.
I’m going to call the phone number she called from and ask for an adult to call me.
I think my daughter is just not a kid who enjoys overnight camps. I’m starting to think it’s just personality. The camp is well known and many many friend go- I’m not concerned with abuse or anything like that because she’s been homesick before (hence why he took a break from overnight camps). Why she gets so homesick, I don’t get. Both of us work and travel so I feel like we don’t hover or over protect. But again, maybe just a personality thing.
SO much great advice from posters but I have decided to try and get her to last until tomorrow. I will try to pick her up extra early before the chaos so as to not embarrass her since I have a feeling she has been miserable all week.
Great advice to sit down over ice cream and discuss after the fact.

The camp situation could be many things, hard to know. I just want to kindly remind you that your kid getting homesick more easily than other kids or yourself/your spouse is not a failure of her character or your parenting. Like you said, maybe it's her personality--there's nothing wrong with being a homebody, just as there is nothing wrong with having wanderlust, it just is, now trying to make her feel bad about not wanting to do things that aren't in her comfort zone at this time--that seems like a good way to end up with the resentment that other posters said they had. I'm guessing she was (or seemed) excited when you signed her up because she senses your desire for her to do this and be more like you. A couple of your posts have a tone of disapproval about her not being like you in this regard, and that is what I'd be cautious of. Anyway, just something to think about.

NP here. I had terrible anxiety as a kid and would call hysterical from sleepovers, or even things that were only going on for a few hours, because I wanted to go home. My parents didn't do anything to cause me to be that way, I think it was just how I was wired. I'm sure you're doing everything right for her and in the end, I think keeping her there until the camp ends is the right call. You'll get a better sense of what happened when she gets home.

FWIW, with all my crazy anxiety, my own daughter is the kind of kid who doesn't even look back to say bye when she gets in a new situation and she happily went off to camp for several weeks this summer (go figure!). She told me there was a girl there who was so sad and miserable and she spent a lot of time trying to cheer her up. So I'm sure there are also some kind campers who are looking out for her too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have started driving the moment I heard my child sound inconsolable on the phone.

Okay, helicopter mom, but you'd be doing your child no favors. The whole point of doing sleep away camp is to develop independence and self-reliance. If you confirmed with the director that something serious was going on, that would be a very different story.

Not a helicopter mom at all. My kids are grown and completely independent. There is a difference between a homesick child asking to come home, and inconsolable sobbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Director should have called you. It was irresponsible for a counselor to put your daughter on the phone when she was hysterical without an adult to talk with you after.

That said, I would get my child. They know they can call DH or me at any point and we are there for them. It is an incredibly important lesson as they enter their teen years. I was beyond stressed my senior year in college with my workload and I called my mom hysterical at 10:00pm, and at 6:00am she was at my apartment and it was a 4 hour drive. I will always be incredibly thankful because I just needed my mom.

You are so lucky to have a mom like that. I never could have relied on my mom like that and she was a single parent so I had no one else. I felt very alone a lot. I hope I can do better for my kids.

Disagree. The PP was 21-22 yo, and about to graduate college. Calling Mom to vent? Sure. Mom offering advice and sympathy? Absolutely.

Mom driving 4 hours in the middle of the night to . . . what? Offer advice and sympathy in person? That's excessive, counterproductive, and borderline co-dependent.

Yeah that’s insane. I really appreciate what my mom did in a similar situation which was listen to me in my hysteria during a late night phone call and then she checked up on me (call or text) the next few days to make sure I was hanging in there. Much more appropriate.

+3

The PP sounds like an enmeshed family situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Director should have called you. It was irresponsible for a counselor to put your daughter on the phone when she was hysterical without an adult to talk with you after.

That said, I would get my child. They know they can call DH or me at any point and we are there for them. It is an incredibly important lesson as they enter their teen years. I was beyond stressed my senior year in college with my workload and I called my mom hysterical at 10:00pm, and at 6:00am she was at my apartment and it was a 4 hour drive. I will always be incredibly thankful because I just needed my mom.

You are so lucky to have a mom like that. I never could have relied on my mom like that and she was a single parent so I had no one else. I felt very alone a lot. I hope I can do better for my kids.

Disagree. The PP was 21-22 yo, and about to graduate college. Calling Mom to vent? Sure. Mom offering advice and sympathy? Absolutely.

Mom driving 4 hours in the middle of the night to . . . what? Offer advice and sympathy in person? That's excessive, counterproductive, and borderline co-dependent.

Yeah that’s insane. I really appreciate what my mom did in a similar situation which was listen to me in my hysteria during a late night phone call and then she checked up on me (call or text) the next few days to make sure I was hanging in there. Much more appropriate.

+3

The PP sounds like an enmeshed family situation.

LOL. I’m the original poster who told the college story. Mind you, this was in ‘94 so I can say with confidence my mom visiting didn’t cause lasting damage nor did it mean I was overly dependent on my parents. I’m not sure what “an enmeshed family situation” is but we have a normal and healthy family who respect boundaries, but if one of us is really upset we will be there for each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Director should have called you. It was irresponsible for a counselor to put your daughter on the phone when she was hysterical without an adult to talk with you after.

That said, I would get my child. They know they can call DH or me at any point and we are there for them. It is an incredibly important lesson as they enter their teen years. I was beyond stressed my senior year in college with my workload and I called my mom hysterical at 10:00pm, and at 6:00am she was at my apartment and it was a 4 hour drive. I will always be incredibly thankful because I just needed my mom.

You are so lucky to have a mom like that. I never could have relied on my mom like that and she was a single parent so I had no one else. I felt very alone a lot. I hope I can do better for my kids.

Disagree. The PP was 21-22 yo, and about to graduate college. Calling Mom to vent? Sure. Mom offering advice and sympathy? Absolutely.

Mom driving 4 hours in the middle of the night to . . . what? Offer advice and sympathy in person? That's excessive, counterproductive, and borderline co-dependent.

Yeah that’s insane. I really appreciate what my mom did in a similar situation which was listen to me in my hysteria during a late night phone call and then she checked up on me (call or text) the next few days to make sure I was hanging in there. Much more appropriate.

+3

The PP sounds like an enmeshed family situation.

LOL. I’m the original poster who told the college story. Mind you, this was in ‘94 so I can say with confidence my mom visiting didn’t cause lasting damage nor did it mean I was overly dependent on my parents. I’m not sure what “an enmeshed family situation” is but we have a normal and healthy family who respect boundaries, but if one of us is really upset we will be there for each other.

Maybe you're the exception to the rule. I would not recommend this approach in general because it's a missed opportunity for kids to learn that parents don't have to swoop in every time a child is upset about their college workload.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have started driving the moment I heard my child sound inconsolable on the phone.

Go get that baby. Set the standard that you trust her and always have her back. She’ll know she can call later when she is a teenager and in a place where she is uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Sympathies. I was that kid - we tried sleep away twice. Both I freaked out.

She may not be ready. It also may be the type of camp.

[Anonymous]

I would have hated sleepaway camp at that age too. I mean, I would still hate it as an adult. But I was pumped to go to college when I was 18! So don’t read too much into it at this point, OP. She’s probably just not a sleepaway camp kid and that’s ok.