What to do when you get call from camp “I want to come home”

[Anonymous]

I wrote the long post about my DDs experience. The problem is that the camp describes everything as “homesickness”. The counselors are just college kids. And the camp is about preserving its reputation. For some kids camp is wonderful but for others not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have started driving the moment I heard my child sound inconsolable on the phone.

Go get that baby. Set the standard that you trust her and always have her back. She’ll know she can call later when she is a teenager and in a place where she is uncomfortable.

Yessssssss.

Similar to the poster who was stressed out in college. I called my mom on a Sunday afternoon and told her that my husband said he was leaving me, and the babies were napping, she packed up stuff and left. My mother was on a plane in less than two hours. I will never forget that for the rest of my life. And I will be back up for my children just like she was for me

[Anonymous]

I would pick my child up ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, the kids can't call parents whenever they want (or at least at regularly scheduled times) while at camp? I remember phoning my parents nightly from overnight camp (and I also remember lining up with friends to use the phone after dinner).

--A European.

At the camp I went to when I was a kid, you only got a phone call with a parent if it was your birthday. Otherwise it was just letters. Same rules exist today. Camp is 7 weeks long and you see your parents halfway through for visiting day.

I get that people in the northeast think that it is fine to send their elementary schoolers away for 6 weeks. Most of the rest of the nation does not. Summer camp was historically a way to get kids out of the city before the summer polio epidemics swept in. thanks to vaccines, that is no longer necessary. Your 10 yo doesn't need to be THAT independent just yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have started driving the moment I heard my child sound inconsolable on the phone.

Go get that baby. Set the standard that you trust her and always have her back. She’ll know she can call later when she is a teenager and in a place where she is uncomfortable.

Yessssssss.

Similar to the poster who was stressed out in college. I called my mom on a Sunday afternoon and told her that my husband said he was leaving me, and the babies were napping, she packed up stuff and left. My mother was on a plane in less than two hours. I will never forget that for the rest of my life. And I will be back up for my children just like she was for me

That is completely different. Your marriage ending when you have babies is a huge ordeal.

A kid being homesick or a college student being stressed is not. Parents should talk to kids and comfort them in both circumstances, but flying out to see them is way over the top. Whereas getting on a place after your daughter told you her husband is leaving makes sense. If nothing else you could provide stability for the grandchildren and give her time to get her affairs in order and talk to attorneys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have started driving the moment I heard my child sound inconsolable on the phone.

Go get that baby. Set the standard that you trust her and always have her back. She’ll know she can call later when she is a teenager and in a place where she is uncomfortable.

Yessssssss.

Similar to the poster who was stressed out in college. I called my mom on a Sunday afternoon and told her that my husband said he was leaving me, and the babies were napping, she packed up stuff and left. My mother was on a plane in less than two hours. I will never forget that for the rest of my life. And I will be back up for my children just like she was for me

That is completely different. Your marriage ending when you have babies is a huge ordeal.

A kid being homesick or a college student being stressed is not. Parents should talk to kids and comfort them in both circumstances, but flying out to see them is way over the top. Whereas getting on a place after your daughter told you her husband is leaving makes sense. If nothing else you could provide stability for the grandchildren and give her time to get her affairs in order and talk to attorneys.

In both cases, the child (even adult child) needs a hug and total acceptance before all else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have started driving the moment I heard my child sound inconsolable on the phone.

Go get that baby. Set the standard that you trust her and always have her back. She’ll know she can call later when she is a teenager and in a place where she is uncomfortable.

Yessssssss.

Similar to the poster who was stressed out in college. I called my mom on a Sunday afternoon and told her that my husband said he was leaving me, and the babies were napping, she packed up stuff and left. My mother was on a plane in less than two hours. I will never forget that for the rest of my life. And I will be back up for my children just like she was for me

That is completely different. Your marriage ending when you have babies is a huge ordeal.

A kid being homesick or a college student being stressed is not. Parents should talk to kids and comfort them in both circumstances, but flying out to see them is way over the top. Whereas getting on a place after your daughter told you her husband is leaving makes sense. If nothing else you could provide stability for the grandchildren and give her time to get her affairs in order and talk to attorneys.

In both cases, the child (even adult child) needs a hug and total acceptance before all else.

No they don't. they need to know it's okay to call for support and their mom knows they can overcome being stressed.

You literally could not care for the kids and yourself when your H left, you needed help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bunch of crybabies! Teaching your child independence is one of the most important lessons of childhood.

There are many ways to teach your child independence that do not involve over night camp. Not every kid enjoys over night camp and that is ok.

I’ll be interested to hear what the OP did and how it turned out.

It's also okay to not enjoy camp but to stick it out without mommy picking you up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Director should have called you. It was irresponsible for a counselor to put your daughter on the phone when she was hysterical without an adult to talk with you after.

That said, I would get my child. They know they can call DH or me at any point and we are there for them. It is an incredibly important lesson as they enter their teen years. I was beyond stressed my senior year in college with my workload and I called my mom hysterical at 10:00pm, and at 6:00am she was at my apartment and it was a 4 hour drive. I will always be incredibly thankful because I just needed my mom.

You are so lucky to have a mom like that. I never could have relied on my mom like that and she was a single parent so I had no one else. I felt very alone a lot. I hope I can do better for my kids.

Disagree. The PP was 21-22 yo, and about to graduate college. Calling Mom to vent? Sure. Mom offering advice and sympathy? Absolutely.

Mom driving 4 hours in the middle of the night to . . . what? Offer advice and sympathy in person? That's excessive, counterproductive, and borderline co-dependent.

Yeah that’s insane. I really appreciate what my mom did in a similar situation which was listen to me in my hysteria during a late night phone call and then she checked up on me (call or text) the next few days to make sure I was hanging in there. Much more appropriate.

+3

The PP sounds like an enmeshed family situation.

LOL. I’m the original poster who told the college story. Mind you, this was in ‘94 so I can say with confidence my mom visiting didn’t cause lasting damage nor did it mean I was overly dependent on my parents. I’m not sure what “an enmeshed family situation” is but we have a normal and healthy family who respect boundaries, but if one of us is really upset we will be there for each other.

You doesn't sound like you understand good boundaries. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Director should have called you. It was irresponsible for a counselor to put your daughter on the phone when she was hysterical without an adult to talk with you after.

That said, I would get my child. They know they can call DH or me at any point and we are there for them. It is an incredibly important lesson as they enter their teen years. I was beyond stressed my senior year in college with my workload and I called my mom hysterical at 10:00pm, and at 6:00am she was at my apartment and it was a 4 hour drive. I will always be incredibly thankful because I just needed my mom.

You are so lucky to have a mom like that. I never could have relied on my mom like that and she was a single parent so I had no one else. I felt very alone a lot. I hope I can do better for my kids.

Disagree. The PP was 21-22 yo, and about to graduate college. Calling Mom to vent? Sure. Mom offering advice and sympathy? Absolutely.

Mom driving 4 hours in the middle of the night to . . . what? Offer advice and sympathy in person? That's excessive, counterproductive, and borderline co-dependent.

Yeah that’s insane. I really appreciate what my mom did in a similar situation which was listen to me in my hysteria during a late night phone call and then she checked up on me (call or text) the next few days to make sure I was hanging in there. Much more appropriate.

+3

The PP sounds like an enmeshed family situation.

LOL. I’m the original poster who told the college story. Mind you, this was in ‘94 so I can say with confidence my mom visiting didn’t cause lasting damage nor did it mean I was overly dependent on my parents. I’m not sure what “an enmeshed family situation” is but we have a normal and healthy family who respect boundaries, but if one of us is really upset we will be there for each other.

Well, considering that you think that visit is completely normal and appropriate (and that you think OP should have gone to get her kid!), I am not sure I'm prepared to take you at your word that your family is completely normal with appropriate boundaries. But, it's good that you think so.

[Anonymous]

What happened? Did you pick her up?

I would have spoken to the director and gotten more information before making a decision. I would have leaned towards waiting until Sat if it was just general homesickness and there was not a specific incident.

But I am coming from a place where I have seen more kids damaged by being enmeshed and not able to separate and become independent when necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of the things that happened to my DD at expensive sleep away camps ...
If my DD, a strong and level headed kid, called me in hysterics I would pick her up.

Actually it happened 3 times. (different DDs) In one instance DD developed Fifth Disease, which is characterized by fluctuations in temperature and hives that appear and disappear. She developed a temp of 102 the first day but the camp kept saying it would go away and there was no nurse. On the morning of the 3rd day she called while I was at doctors appointment in hysterics. DH left right away a 5 hour drive to pick her up. Very very sick for the next 10 days. The camp was completely nonchalant about it and in their judgment she should have stayed.

In another incident camp counselors did not manage heat protection correctly and she suffered heat stroke. When I got there she was pale and listless lying in the ground. Counselor very busy elsewhere at the time. Yes counselor was fired.

In a third incident DD suffered a deep gash on the foot. It happened the night before the last day. The counselors bound it up and told her it was fine and anyway she was going home. When we took the bandage off it revealed a deep long gash in need of many stitches. However a deep gash that sat for over 24 hours cannot be stitched.

These were expensive camps with high ratings. Things happen. I trust my DDs when they say something is wrong.

They are in college now managing just fine. They would call if it was an emergency but it’s important to support their judgement at times.

Sounds like a problem with choosing camps, not with camp as a whole. You should focus more on finding accredited camps rather than "expensive camps with high ratings."

[Anonymous]

I’m still really upset with any camp that doesn’t have a system in place for this kind of parent contact. So unprofessional. I am a school nurse and with a child complaining of vague symptoms, I call the parent (so the call is from an official line) and out of the child’s earshot and talk to them first to outline the complaint and any info I have. THEN the child can talk. Many, many times there is a social issue that manifests in physical symptoms and a pep talk is all that’s needed. This camp is so very wrong for not giving you any background before or after having you talk to your child, especially when she’s in no condition to give you details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of the things that happened to my DD at expensive sleep away camps ...
If my DD, a strong and level headed kid, called me in hysterics I would pick her up.

Actually it happened 3 times. (different DDs) In one instance DD developed Fifth Disease, which is characterized by fluctuations in temperature and hives that appear and disappear. She developed a temp of 102 the first day but the camp kept saying it would go away and there was no nurse. On the morning of the 3rd day she called while I was at doctors appointment in hysterics. DH left right away a 5 hour drive to pick her up. Very very sick for the next 10 days. The camp was completely nonchalant about it and in their judgment she should have stayed.

In another incident camp counselors did not manage heat protection correctly and she suffered heat stroke. When I got there she was pale and listless lying in the ground. Counselor very busy elsewhere at the time. Yes counselor was fired.

In a third incident DD suffered a deep gash on the foot. It happened the night before the last day. The counselors bound it up and told her it was fine and anyway she was going home. When we took the bandage off it revealed a deep long gash in need of many stitches. However a deep gash that sat for over 24 hours cannot be stitched.

These were expensive camps with high ratings. Things happen. I trust my DDs when they say something is wrong.

They are in college now managing just fine. They would call if it was an emergency but it’s important to support their judgement at times.

Sounds like a problem with choosing camps, not with camp as a whole. You should focus more on finding accredited camps rather than "expensive camps with high ratings."

Fifths Disease is really not at all a big deal. Kid may feel crappy, but usual just cold symptoms and tiredness w/ occasional joint pain and somewhat itchy rash. Not dangerous at all. No "treatment" available other than rest.