What to do when you get call from camp “I want to come home”

[Anonymous]

It’s good training for college.

She needs to learn how to be away.

5 days is a super short sleep away camp.

Besides pick me up did she say why?

Call today when she is calm.

[Anonymous]

I would go get my kid. I want her to trust me and know that I have her back.
If she is hysterical something has happened, she may not want to tell you on the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go get her. My parents left me at a camp till my grandparents and others heard how unhappy I was and they finally got me and sent me to my grandparents. Don't be that parent who ignores their kid. I was so upset at my parents.

+1

I still resent them.

That’s harsh. They thought they were doing what was right for you. What kind of childhoods did you have? We were poor (couldn’t afford camps, overnight or day camps, and I desperately wanted to go), my parents were divorced, I was a major latchkey kid while my mom worked, and I had a lot of responsibilities more than the average kid. My childhood wasn’t easy, but I never resented my mom for making the choices she did.

[Anonymous]

I would be annoyed with the camp director. Why isn't s/he calling you? Why would they give the phone to your child?

Camp needs to have ways in place to handle this. 3-5 days is just about the time that homesickness sets in. The first few days are all new and exciting. Then the homesick starts. And then the real fun of camp begins once that passes.

For most children, homesickness will pass in a few days. The issue you have is that you don't have a few days, camp will be over before it passes. The lasting memory she will take home with her is how miserable she was at the end, not how much fun she had.

I would just go get her on Sat. Assuming this is a reputable accredited camp with a long history and you did your due diligence, I would not worry about abuse occurring at camp.

[Anonymous]

Lots of experience working at camps.

I also find it weird that the director would just have her call you. At the camp I worked at, no parent calls were permitted in the first week because that was the period (PP was right about 3-5 days) when homesickness would flare and a call with parents will only make it worse. The director should have been calling your directly if they had concerns.

I would call the director and talk to them. Is your daughter having fun at all, or constantly upset? Has she been this way the whole time?

It would not rush to get her at this point, but have a long conversation about it over ice cream when she gets back, emphasizing that you didn’t come because you were absolutely confident that she could stick it out for one day and are really proud of her. Try to make it so she ends up on the other side feeling good about herself and what she accomplished by staying. Since she only has a day left, there’s not really time for her to go through the full typical camp cycle many kids experience (fun-homesick-fun) which is one reason longer camps can be better so somehow getting her to frame the whole thing as at least partially a positive experience, even if she never wants to go back, might take some work

[Anonymous]

I went to a one week tennis camp at around that age and also called home crying that I wanted to come home. My mom told me to give it one more night and that if I wasn't happy the next day, they would pick me up. Sure enough, the next morning I loved the breakfast and just felt better, and I stayed and loved it. I think knowing that she would support me comforted me and I didn't feel so stuck.

[Anonymous]

The Director should have called you. It was irresponsible for a counselor to put your daughter on the phone when she was hysterical without an adult to talk with you after.

That said, I would get my child. They know they can call DH or me at any point and we are there for them. It is an incredibly important lesson as they enter their teen years. I was beyond stressed my senior year in college with my workload and I called my mom hysterical at 10:00pm, and at 6:00am she was at my apartment and it was a 4 hour drive. I will always be incredibly thankful because I just needed my mom.

[Anonymous]

That’s tough OP. I would call the camp today and try to figure out what’s going on from an adult. She could just be hot and tired and overwhelmed or it could be something more serious. Ultimately, I would lean toward just getting her on Saturday, seeing as how today is already Friday anyway. But that would depend on the information I got from speaking to an actual adult at the camp first.

[Anonymous]

All of you who say go get her to reinforce that you are always there for her, don’t you see how this is different from you are out with friends or in another situation. I was an overnight camp kid for at least a month for years (another country so cost not an issue) and my parents made me stick it out. (They also had no other child care alternatives) Even when I haaaated it and desperately wanted to go home. I never resented them. Looking back, this experience taught me perseverance and how to make friends anywhere. They did visit one time after a hysterical get me out call and persuaded me to stay. Loved the rest of that summer!

[Anonymous]

PP meaning hated it at first. 3-5 days is the peak homesickness period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of you who say go get her to reinforce that you are always there for her, don’t you see how this is different from you are out with friends or in another situation. I was an overnight camp kid for at least a month for years (another country so cost not an issue) and my parents made me stick it out. (They also had no other child care alternatives) Even when I haaaated it and desperately wanted to go home. I never resented them. Looking back, this experience taught me perseverance and how to make friends anywhere. They did visit one time after a hysterical get me out call and persuaded me to stay. Loved the rest of that summer!

I disagree that it is a different situation. The question is whether parents are there emotionally and physically for a child when they are overwhelmed or whether they let them work it out for themselves. Reasonable people can have different opinions, but I come down on the side of being there for my kid.

[Anonymous]

I would call and talk to the Director. It could be that she called you during a really bad moment but that outside of that, things have been okay or even good.

If the Director tells you she has been sobbing while rocking in a corner for days, I would go get her. Otherwise I would talk to her again at a time when she isn't sobbing (not at night) and talk about strategies to manage one more day. Hopefully the Director or a counselor could also taker her under their wing a little more

[Anonymous]

I'd go pick her up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would call and talk to the Director. It could be that she called you during a really bad moment but that outside of that, things have been okay or even good.

If the Director tells you she has been sobbing while rocking in a corner for days, I would go get her. Otherwise I would talk to her again at a time when she isn't sobbing (not at night) and talk about strategies to manage one more day. Hopefully the Director or a counselor could also taker her under their wing a little more

+1

[Anonymous]

Call the camp today. Talk to the director who let her use their phone and find out if she's OK, or if she needs to be picked up. I used to work at summer camps, and they are very familiar with homesickness, and will know whether she's OK or not.