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Rejected by moms in a playgroup- feeling hurt
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Anonymous
| So you are friends with everyone who has ever entered your life? I don't think that's possible. You get thrown together with lots of people, you get along better with some than others, you choose the ones you want to spend more time with, and if you're lucky, they choose you too. You can call choosing not to be friends with someone "rejecting," but then we're all doing a lot of rejecting every day. |
Anonymous
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I stayed home for 2.5 years and really couldn't stand the "lifestyle," for lack of a better word b/c I didn't click with other SAHMs. I found myself gravitating toward my working pals, who were always so encouraging and ever so cynical and edgy. Many of the SAHMs I encountered created a life that revolved around their children and had left careers that were not fulfilling. I just didn't fit in. I missed my job and realized that I needed that side of me to continue to grow and evolve.
Different strokes for different folks, I suppose. |
Anonymous
But that would require her identity and she wants to remain somewhat anon. She could be any one of the moms in question. Wonder how the other moms in the group will feel when they find out 18 03 told OP the real scoop. |
Anonymous
And I wonder if they'll care that she did it in such a graceless, public way. |
Anonymous
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Dear OP,
I was in two mommy groups and never really felt comfortable. They were more like attachment focused and I am a CIO person so they always looked at me as oh you have an easy baby. No, no easy baby but I guess I was tougher. This has translated into other areas: I wanted an unmedicated vaginal birth and the other women in my birth class looked at me as a freak. Now I am taking a prenatal yoga class (3rd pregnancy) and the other women always talk about how they are hoping to keep the baby (after miscarriage etc), how afraid they are of labor etc. I don't look down on them but honestly, I cannot relate! What I have found is that when you don't have similar problems or chose not to be dramatic about certain things people resent you and are jealous and therefore cast you out instead of learning from each other. And the thing is, I am far from perfect and have other areas where I suck etc. But I am a lot less drama and more practical than most of the women I have run into. Makes for a lonely existence but I keep trying to find women where we will mutually click. Reading some of the responses out here gives me hope! |
Anonymous
That's fine. Maybe they feel the same way about you. Which is also fine. So why is it that you feel you are perfectly reasonable but they are jealous and resentful? |
Anonymous
Agreed. |
Anonymous
| 18:03 I'll give you some of the only support you seem to be attracting on this string - I can relate to you. My first child was a difficult infant that changed my life. I was interested before her arrival in politics and art, but there was a period of about almost a year when she was an infant where I simply was overwhelmed with sever reflux, daily pumping, a milk allergy, inconsolable screaming, and trying to learn how to be a working mother. I could not during this period have tolerated signficant exposure to a person with the qualities you describe. She sounds like a bragger. When your infant is screaming in your arms and you haven't slept in 5 months you don't necessarily want someone asking you if you've read the article on the latest Corcoran exhibit in the Style section or describing how their precious darling slept for 10 hours and has no trouble nursing. You want someone to help you calm your infant and tell you your doing a good job and that things will get better and that they understand your struggling. Life will come around again to where you are able to have such adult conversations and perspective about how easy/hard different parenting stages are for different people, but its perfectly normal in my experience to not be able to do that for a period of time when you are a brand new mom if your child has issues. Some of us in find the introduction to motherhood challenging and need to surround ourselves with the kind of support that will help us be successful, rather then someone that is constantly giving example to our inability to measure up to expectations. |
Anonymous
You wound me. All I was suggesting is it's possible the OP is portraying herself in the best possible light and that the truth is a little more complicated than poor, poor sweet OP and the mean mommies who stopped calling her for no reason at all. But that's fine. |
Anonymous
In my opinion, FWIW, they shut me out as soon as I didn't confess to the same problems. I was open to give helpful advice as to how to get baby to sleep etc but they were only interested in wallowing in their drama with each other. |
Anonymous
Even though I was never formally a SAHM, I attended many playgorups when i was on leave and other SAHM type events on days off in hopes of meeting new friends and I never clicked with anyone. I have met hundreds of mommies, and although very nice, I just never connected. And I can't say it was because they weren't working, I think more of it had to do with social status. Whereas I grew up in an ethnic family in a lower middle class environment, may women (working and SAHM) had more privileged upbringings. We live in bethesda and sometimes I feel so stupid around the people I meet. I can't talk politics, science, pop culture, gossip etc. because i am not real interested and don't have the time to keep up to date. i get most of my flash news updates right here in DCUM. I much prefer my long term friends who are more down to earth and just like to act silly and joke around a lot- unfortunately, none of them have kids. 
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Anonymous
From the tone of your post ("I guess I was tougher"), you didn't think much of these women from the get-go. It's not surprising they weren't receptive to your "helpful advice." |
Anonymous
| Exactly. Sometimes I just want a friendly ear, a sympathetic nod, a sounding board, and not, "Well, what you need to do is..." |
Anonymous
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OP -- fess up -- are you the kind of person who thinks she's doing everything with regards to infants the "right" way? And if people have problems with getting babies to sleep through the night -- do you have definite ideas about how they should be going about doing it?
In other areas of your life, do you come across as an annoying know-it-all? Do you try to fix people's problems, or are you a good and empathetic listener? |
Anonymous
In other words, so you sound anything like this PP? |