Rejected by moms in a playgroup- feeling hurt

[Anonymous]

I recently found out that the moms in my playgroup have been meeting and not inviting me. I email them often and ask if anyone is doing anything and does anyone want to set something up. I get barely any responses so I figured no one is meeting. Well, I find out that they are having lunch on Wednesday and are not inviting me. They are really the only moms in my neighborhood so I don;t have too much choice. It is either that or be alone all day. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

How did you find out about the lunch? Is it possible they missed getting the word out to everyone? But if they left you out intentionally, that's mean and, not to mention, juvenile. And you don't really want to be around a bunch of those kind of people anyway. Move on and find some other groups that are welcoming.

[Anonymous]

Where do you live? There may be more options than you think. For what it's worth-I only made one real friendship from my moms group. It wasn't that I didn't like people but these clubs sort of peter out at some point. I did make friendships from other places--the park, starbucks, going to music programs etc.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been with the group? Have you tried setting an event up? Was the group established before you joined? It does suck, it is so hard to meet people in this area!

[Anonymous]

In your shoes, I'd be very hurt and wouldn't ever want to see those people again. I tend to take that sort of thing pretty hard.

Objectively, though, I'd look at it from both sides. I've certainly been in situations before where certain members of a group just click better than others, and it's nicer to go out with 2-3 friends than with 5-6. Not to mention easier to organize.

How do YOU feel about these women? You make it sound like you have no other options, but if you did, would any of them make the cut? Perhaps you could pick one or two members of this group that you feel like you have the most in common with, and email them individually? Rather than emailing the whole group, that is. Make concrete suggestions, ie, "Billy and I are going to the pool today at 2:00 or a little later. We'd love it if you and Suzy would join us." This tends to work better than "is anyone doing anything any time this week".

[Anonymous]

Wow. I'd give up on these women. If there is one you feel closer to than the rest, I would ask her, in person, to be honest with you - what was it? Maybe it's not you, maybe your child and theirs had trouble getting along? Who knows.... you will never know and can't improve if you don't ask.

[Anonymous]

I felt the same way, when I realized I was being excluded from my mom's group activities. My only advice is to move on and find a new group of mom's. I am still cordial with anyone from the group who might email....and offer advice when I can, but I've come to realize that we will never be friends.

[Anonymous]

We have a mom who is excluded often from our get togethers and I hate to say it, it is intentional. Her child is very agressive and she does not have the backbone to stop the behavior, or at the very least make a serious attempt at discipline. He runs all over her and really bullies the other children. A few of us have gently said something to her about her child's behavior, but she either does not take it seriously or does not know what to do with her very smart, but very ill mannered tot.

Personally, I do not want to expose my child any longer to her son, and the sentiment is accross the board with the other moms. I feel bad because we all like the mom, but her son is a monster and makes the entire dynamic unpleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I felt the same way, when I realized I was being excluded from my mom's group activities. My only advice is to move on and find a new group of mom's. I am still cordial with anyone from the group who might email....and offer advice when I can, but I've come to realize that we will never be friends.

I think this is the best way to handle it. The beauty of being grown up is that we don't have to go to school with these girls every day! You can just find a group that suits your personality better.

[Anonymous]

So high school. Who needs it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I felt the same way, when I realized I was being excluded from my mom's group activities. My only advice is to move on and find a new group of mom's. I am still cordial with anyone from the group who might email....and offer advice when I can, but I've come to realize that we will never be friends.

I think this is the best way to handle it. The beauty of being grown up is that we don't have to go to school with these girls every day! You can just find a group that suits your personality better.

I agree. This is wonderful advice!!

If it were me, I'd be very hurt, to say the least. But I'd try hard to let it roll off of me. Sometimes friendships don't click, and ome people just aren't quite as nice as they seem to be.

I hope you're able to get out there and find a better group of friends soon. I've seen lots of good threads on here lately about ways to meet up.

Big (virtual) hugs to you!

[Anonymous]

I 'm so sorry you're going through this. I know what you mean; I'm in the same predicament in a sense, only I'm a nanny. I've been one for many years, and I have taken my charges to Gymboree, Musikids, and even to preschool. I feel so discriminated against when mothers find out I'm the nanny. I've tried being friendly and take interest in thier children, and I basically just get a cold shoulder.
It really hurts to be treated this way ( I've been ananny sometimes as long as these mothers have been alive).
I can talk babies and kids, LOVE them, but I guess since I've never given birth or breastfed, I don't matter.

[Anonymous]

Haven't we all been on the giving and receiving end of friendships that have petered out? Sometimes after you really get to know someone you find you don't have as much in common as you thought.

Years ago I was friends with a group of women I shared a house with. Or at least I thought I was friends with them until the day they didn't know I was home and I heard them all having a bitch session about me. It devastated me at first, but it was truly petty stuff. Being friends with them was one of the first times I'd been part of a "cool" group of women. They liked to have fun, they liked to have parties, they knew tons of people. When I thought back on our times together, I realized they were always talking crap about their so-called friends, being very judgmental about ridiculous stuff. The kind of stuff most people would just say something to your face about and not hold against you. They were all friends before I moved in, so I think I was an easy target when they felt like venting their anger on someone. I decided I didn't need these types of friendships, no matter how fun and cool the women seemed to be on the surface. I was still cordial to them, but I didn't hang out with them anymore.

On the other hand, I've been in a book group that fell apart because of a single person. I will admit, I stopped going to the group because of her, but continued to hang out with individuals from the group without inviting her along. There was something very immature and hard to deal with about her. Always some self-inflicted drama going. Book club eventually turned into a therapy session for this one person, and it got old after awhile. Many of us said something to her about it, and her response to that was more drama.

If you do a little soul searching you may think of something you do that turned the other women off. Or, you may determine that these women are not worth your time. When I heard my "friends" talking about me, I cried my eyes out that night. But I also did some soul searching and asked myself some hard questions. What I found out about myself is that I like who I am, and I was glad this happened so I didn't have to bother with them anymore. No longer being a part of that group allowed me to form some real friendships that have lasted. People who I don't have to watch my back around.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they are part of the same circle of moms who are part of the "younger mom" playgroup as posted on the Playgroup Forum - ugg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a mom who is excluded often from our get togethers and I hate to say it, it is intentional. Her child is very agressive and she does not have the backbone to stop the behavior, or at the very least make a serious attempt at discipline. He runs all over her and really bullies the other children. A few of us have gently said something to her about her child's behavior, but she either does not take it seriously or does not know what to do with her very smart, but very ill mannered tot.

Personally, I do not want to expose my child any longer to her son, and the sentiment is accross the board with the other moms. I feel bad because we all like the mom, but her son is a monster and makes the entire dynamic unpleasant.

feel sorry for this woman and her child.