Rejected by moms in a playgroup- feeling hurt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18:03 Here- why are you all angry? Isn't it possible that some people don't click? And shouldn't OP know why we left her out??

Anonymously? And after the fact? Yeah, you did her a real kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18:03 Here- why are you all angry? Isn't it possible that some people don't click? And shouldn't OP know why we left her out??

Honestly, because you just don't sound fun. So what if OP wants to talk about something besides...shock...babies!! And guess what, if things are going well for her in these early months, maybe she as a few tips. And while I get that maybe OP is coming across as a little "know it all" or just doesn't click - take a moment to get to know her or tell her in a nice way before you simply just exclude ONE person from a group. Or just graduate high school. either one.

[Anonymous]

Interesting- I think I know you, OP, and am one of the moms that "rejected" you. Ok, so this is the reason. We all felt like you didn't really click with us. You tried talking to us about politics and art while our babies were screaming their heads off. And you always said you had a perfect baby- yes, he sleeps through the night, yes he breastffeds like a champ, yes, he is on the 90th percentile of height and weight, bla bla bla. We get it- you have an amazing baby. And all the while you can keep up with current events, read the latest bestseller, have a great husband, etc. Sometimes we meet up to just.bitch. And I am not trying to be mean right now- I am truly glad you have such good things happening, but motherhood is a challenge for many of us. Does that make sense? I do hope you find people that you can connect with better.

You are such an annoying, small-minded bitch. You and your group of friends sound like absolutely miserable people.

When my son was that age my friends and I did go to art museums all over the city and discussed books and politics. Sure there are days when it was exhausting --but we actually tried to enjoy our babies.

Just wait, OP. These are the same pathetic women who form cliques in nursery schools and make it a job to sit around and complain about their babies, husbands, and lives. And I'm not talking about SAHM's -- I am a SAHM and I know their profile well. Run, don't walk, away from these people. Try going to the Politics and Prose story hour for babies and meet some new people.

[Anonymous]

Lol and OMG you are better off w/out the bitches (and yay to you for owning up to being lucky/blessed...I'm one of those people who was schooled repeatedly that to admit or concur any compliment or achievent was vain or rude or whatever...and consequently I'm the most self-effacing person, probably to the extent I sound disingenuious!

Don't dumb yourself down to fit in, the cost is too great.

[Anonymous]

I am one of those mamas who has never been into play groups or mommy and me musical clubs etc

My kids have turned out fine. I do a lot of things with my kids, I'm just not the mommies group kind of a mom

[Anonymous]

OP, based on 18:03's description. . . . You sound like someone I'd really enjoy knowing. I love it when moms want to talk about art and politics, when they appreciate all the good things in their lives, and they don't complain all the time. I think you sound terrific!

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP. I'm so sorry you got this kind of reception from a bunch of painfully cliquish moms in our n'hood. Welcome to motherhood-- acquaintances can be just as toxic as they were in middle school.

Truth be told, I have a friend (definitely not you) who's a little hard to take because her life seems just perfect, but I have the sense to realize the problem is actually that I'm jealous, not that she has done anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18:03 Here- why are you all angry? Isn't it possible that some people don't click? And shouldn't OP know why we left her out??

Oh man, oh man, oh man. 18:03, people are angry because the reason your group rejected this poor mom is simply because you're upset her life is smoother and easier. Granted, if she's boasting, that's a problem and she should cut it out. But if she's asked, "Does your baby sleep through the night?" and she answers "YES." Or if you ask her, "How's your baby doing in his height/weight?" and she answers,"She's in the 90th percentile" what the hell is she supposed to do, lie to you guys? If all you guys do is bitch when you get together, that's pretty sad. Do you think it's healthy to bitch and do or say or feel nothing positive?

OP, if I had a baby, I'd get together with you for a play group. You sound like a nice mom. Don't feel hurt by moms like this. And don't let the poor behavior of others affect your character either. My suggestion is to try to move on and find better moms to hang out with. I know it hurts, but you have nothing to feel hurt about. They rejected you for inappropriate reasons.

[Anonymous]

*shrug* Without knowing them, none of us can say whether OP is, in fact, insufferable or the group that booted her are "painfully cliquish." You know it's possible there's some truth to both. I don't honestly believe someone asked, "Does your baby sleep through the night," she answered yes and the group simply turned around and stopped calling her as a result. I HAVE known people who never stop going on about how wonderful, fabulous, blessed and lucky their lives are. And good for them! But down here on earth, I want someone who will commiserate with my little tribulations, and I don't know that I could relate to someone who has none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Interesting- I think I know you, OP, and am one of the moms that "rejected" you. Ok, so this is the reason. We all felt like you didn't really click with us. You tried talking to us about politics and art while our babies were screaming their heads off. And you always said you had a perfect baby- yes, he sleeps through the night, yes he breastffeds like a champ, yes, he is on the 90th percentile of height and weight, bla bla bla. We get it- you have an amazing baby. And all the while you can keep up with current events, read the latest bestseller, have a great husband, etc. Sometimes we meet up to just.bitch. And I am not trying to be mean right now- I am truly glad you have such good things happening, but motherhood is a challenge for many of us. Does that make sense? I do hope you find people that you can connect with better.

Holy crap. Is this for real???!!

If it is, I guess you get a point for honesty. But on the other hand, you're a major bitch.

Of course motherhood is hard, especially in the beginning. But to cut someone off because she's HAPPY??! And to do so consciously and in concert with a group of other women. Wow. That's really low.

So how did it feel for you to read OP's post? Did it make you happier to learn that she's feeling hurt and rejected? To see that her seemingly "perfect" life is a little less perfect because you all couldn't manage your jealousy?

I hope this is just a post-partum thing that passes quickly. Otherwise, your kids will follow your lead and will be the ones who envy and ostracize the classmates who seem happier, smarter, more attractive, more balanced etc. than they are. You know what these kids are called? Bullies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- its true- I don't truly click with the group, but it has only been a very short time, and I believe it takes a while to develop true friendships. I am new to the area and live in Adams Morgan and find it very hard to meet other stay at home moms in the area. My baby is only 5 months old so he is not acting out or causing problems. Everyone in the group has an infant and no one really knew each other before. I do not think of myself as overly dramatic or annoying. And if something I did annoy the group, I would want to know about it. Thanks for the kind words- it is very highschool. But it's hard not take it personally and I feel pretty low about it.

Of course it hurts. You wanted to make friends, put yourself out there and were rejected. The woman who thinks she knows you and is in that group did not sound like a nice person. I can't imagine treating someone like this. Move on. You will meet nice women, who have other interests, like you do. I met a great friend at a coffee house one day (try Tryst!)- we just talked while our babies were in their strollers and made a date to walk one day, walking lead to lunches, etc. and flashforward 6 years later and we are still friends. Keep trying. Be friendly and approachable. Museums, Politics and Prose, baby yoga etc. may all be good avenues for you. Hugs and best of luck to you. (And if I had a baby, I would hang out-- but heck, I don't and I still would

[Anonymous]

OP, I have been in a similar situation. I have (had) a friend who doesn't like to be around my kid because my kid is well behaved and hers, well let's just say they are NOT. It just makes her feel.... bad. I don't say a word, just the behaviors of the kids are self evident.

Move on and find some new friends who are happy and well adjusted and have great kids, too.

And the best social advice I have been given: Be INTERESTED, not INTERESTING.

[Anonymous]

NP - just playing devil's advocate here. First just want to say, there is no excuse for excluding or hurting people, and that sucks.

That being said, I had an incredibly easy baby - great sleeper from about 3 weeks on (gave 7-8 hour stretches of sleep), breast feeding went great, I have family nearby so had help, lost the baby weight very easily and actually had trouble maintaining a good weight while breast feeding (meaning I was always eating yet still hovering underweight).

I'm sure that could have turned people off - but I still had plenty of stuff to complain about or talk about with other moms and I was not all sunshine. I was incredibly nervous and unsure, totally freaked out about taking the baby in public (germs, what if she cried???, would people be able to tell I had no idea what I was doing, etc.), stressed about finding child care and wondering if I could balance work and motherhood down the road, nervous about going to the pediatrician, etc. In other words, I think any new mom, no matter how easy some of the notoriously difficult things about having a newborn are, are NOT sunshine and roses all the time.

If someone in that situation is so overly upbeat and sure of herself, confident in her abilities, having such an easy time, honestly I would think it was weird and that she was hiding something or faking.

This is NOT to say OP was doing this. I have no idea. It doesn't sound like it. Just an idea and like I said, devil's advocate. I would also not want to be around a group of moms who bitched and complained all the time either - neither extreme sounds healthy.

Anyway, I was glad and ready to get back to work - the mom group thing never appealed to me. Fun and important in the beginning and I definitely have some great mom friends I talk with and get advice from, but the whole "mom group" dynamic was just not me. Either way, sorry your feelings got hurt OP - no one deserves that, and any group of grown women should be able to figure that out.

[Anonymous]

I think the piling on 18:03 is excessive. She was frank, not obnoxious. Sometimes people don't click, so they move on. It sounds like this is a casual playgroup; it's not like a workplace, where everyone is stuck together and should try to play nice.

Setting aside the reasons 18:03 gave, what should the other moms have done? Should they have formally kicked OP out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18:03 Here- why are you all angry? Isn't it possible that some people don't click? And shouldn't OP know why we left her out??

If you meant to be constructive, you would have said something tactfully and privately. You really meant to be hurtful here, which is why the forum has turned on you.