S/O Why do you care if moms stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because bored housewives do their children's homework and then my kid has to compete with David and David's mom. Because they live through their kids which changes parent dynamics and classroom dynamics. Because they perpetuate stereotypes and myths like all women love baking and house cleaning. Because it makes it harder to get your husband to step up and do laundry when he can point to Annie whose husband never has to do anything.

I’m a sahm and don’t do my kids’ homework. My husband also does all laundry except for mine. I will also say that I’m not bored — I have a family that I love and support, as well as my own hobbies and volunteer responsibilities. I don’t think I perpetuate a stereotype. I also don’t care if a woman works or stays home. I will be happy if my sons’ wives can stay home with their children — as cliche as it sounds, it truly is time you will never get back (this stands for whether you choose to work or stay home...these are important years for both). It’s awful for women to assume something about another woman without being in her shoes. If I had a life changing career or above average IQ I would work...fact is that I had neither when we had kids and working barely covered the childcare costs. I’m happy where I am and hope you are, too.

The SAHMs on this thread need to stop responding to these obvious trolls. Maybe if we ignore them they will go away.

I am happy, PP, and I'm glad you are, too.

--a WOHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny. Wohms don’t want to talk to me, because they’re frequently disconnected (not intentionally). Sahms don’t like me because I demand that they parent their child, not my charge, and that means actually parenting theirs (especially if theirs needs something).

what?

[Anonymous]

I have done both and currently work. Snide comments come from WOHMs for sure. Never heard a SAHM say anything. WOHMs make comments. “Why did they plan x event? Some of us WORK.” Etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have done both and currently work. Snide comments come from WOHMs for sure. Never heard a SAHM say anything. WOHMs make comments. “Why did they plan x event? Some of us WORK.” Etc

Oh for pity's sake, enough with this.

There are nasty people on both sides but most people don't really care what other women do.

Let it go, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care if moms stay home. I worry about their finances and what they’d do if their husbands left.

In general, I find SAHMs dull. Many have nothing to talk about but their children. Of course there are exceptions; I have wonderful, vibrant SAHM friends who have outside interests and are nowhere near dull.

OTOH my MIL never worked and feels sorry for me for going to work every day.

Stop lying. You don’t care one whit about their finances and potential divorce. Jesus.

Not OP and but agree 100%. I can not count the # of women in my life who were financially and / or emotionally devastated by their husbands leaving (or early death in a few cases)

Although if they are not close friends I don't really care.

Studies have shown that married men with stay-at-Home wives have more negative attitudes Of working women.

I have found this to be true in my experiences which is why I care.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM who doesn’t give a crap about whether moms SAH, WAH, or WOH.

But I do love talking some s**t about the SAHDs I see. Like the one who needs a full time nanny to handle two kids, or the one who is constantly glued to his phone and tells his adorable daughter to leave him alone.

I’m sure there are some good ones out there. Somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) it doesn’t affect me on a personal level, but make no mistake it affects me from the level that when they retire, they haven’t paid into the system for however many years. Just coatailling their husband and taking money working people have put into the system through FICA.
Claiming to have “the most important and hardest” job in the world. Sorry babe, once your kids are in elementary school, you are living a life of leisure, stop pretending otherwise.
2) I don’t care other than believing they are lazy and persist on continuing the stereotype of dependence on men versus contributing to equality.

This exactly. I believe that they are bringing all women down by allowing companies to justify the fact that all women quit when they have kids etc. Even worse when they have daughters and push them so hard academically. SAHMs of a daughter at a fancy private school? And they don’t even see the hypocrisy.

Goes double for those who have degrees from fancy institutions that could’ve gone to someone who would actually use them.

No, I actually think it is people with attitudes like this who bring all women down. Think it through.

No way. When a girl gets accepted to college, she should be required to sign a contract stating that she will work for 40 years. Structure it as a modest proposal of sorts. Consequences should include substantial fines enough to bankrupt her. However the debt could be forgiven if the girl agrees to give birth to a child to be adopted by a fellow alumnus who is struggling with infertility.

This approach removes incentives for unambitious girls to take university spots from ambitious boys.

It also provides a pathway to motherhood for ambitious women who waited too long to have their own biological children. And of course, it gives the child a better mother who can instill a love of work and prioritizing the collective in the next generation.

Girls who do not sign the contract will be relegated to the breeding masses. We can call them proles, slaves, whatever second or third class citizens we want. We can have ethical debates about the ideal amount of non-contractual education. It has to be enough so the girl can understand the contract she’s signing BUT not so much that she can waste societal resources by taking away university spots from people who would choose work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny. Wohms don’t want to talk to me, because they’re frequently disconnected (not intentionally). Sahms don’t like me because I demand that they parent their child, not my charge, and that means actually parenting theirs (especially if theirs needs something).

what?

I think she’s trying to say parents never want to hang out with her - Finally, something SAHM and WOHM can agree on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care if moms stay home. I worry about their finances and what they’d do if their husbands left.

In general, I find SAHMs dull. Many have nothing to talk about but their children. Of course there are exceptions; I have wonderful, vibrant SAHM friends who have outside interests and are nowhere near dull.

OTOH my MIL never worked and feels sorry for me for going to work every day.

Stop lying. You don’t care one whit about their finances and potential divorce. Jesus.

Not OP and but agree 100%. I can not count the # of women in my life who were financially and / or emotionally devastated by their husbands leaving (or early death in a few cases)

Although if they are not close friends I don't really care.

Studies have shown that married men with stay-at-Home wives have more negative attitudes Of working women.

I have found this to be true in my experiences which is why I care.

I have negative attitude towards parents who neglect their children. Most of the "care" out there is shameful.

[Anonymous]

I don't care who does what as long as it doesn't cause unintended consequences for me and society. I have a small issue with women who go on maternity leave at work and then don't come back although they knew they weren't going to leaving colleagues in the lurch and thereby making it harder for those of us who do come back and having to prove again our dedication and capability. Otherwise, everyone makes decisions which are best for their families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't care who does what as long as it doesn't cause unintended consequences for me and society. I have a small issue with women who go on maternity leave at work and then don't come back although they knew they weren't going to leaving colleagues in the lurch and thereby making it harder for those of us who do come back and having to prove again our dedication and capability. Otherwise, everyone makes decisions which are best for their families.

PP here who has been WOHM and SAHM, and I agree. Although I know of some companies who have terminated employees while the employee is out on maternity leave, so it goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny. Wohms don’t want to talk to me, because they’re frequently disconnected (not intentionally). Sahms don’t like me because I demand that they parent their child, not my charge, and that means actually parenting theirs (especially if theirs needs something).

what?

I think she’s trying to say parents never want to hang out with her - Finally, something SAHM and WOHM can agree on!

I wouldn't hang out with her because she's dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) it doesn’t affect me on a personal level, but make no mistake it affects me from the level that when they retire, they haven’t paid into the system for however many years. Just coatailling their husband and taking money working people have put into the system through FICA.
Claiming to have “the most important and hardest” job in the world. Sorry babe, once your kids are in elementary school, you are living a life of leisure, stop pretending otherwise.
2) I don’t care other than believing they are lazy and persist on continuing the stereotype of dependence on men versus contributing to equality.

This exactly. I believe that they are bringing all women down by allowing companies to justify the fact that all women quit when they have kids etc. Even worse when they have daughters and push them so hard academically. SAHMs of a daughter at a fancy private school? And they don’t even see the hypocrisy.

Goes double for those who have degrees from fancy institutions that could’ve gone to someone who would actually use them.

No, I actually think it is people with attitudes like this who bring all women down. Think it through.

No way. When a girl gets accepted to college, she should be required to sign a contract stating that she will work for 40 years. Structure it as a modest proposal of sorts. Consequences should include substantial fines enough to bankrupt her. However the debt could be forgiven if the girl agrees to give birth to a child to be adopted by a fellow alumnus who is struggling with infertility.

This approach removes incentives for unambitious girls to take university spots from ambitious boys.

It also provides a pathway to motherhood for ambitious women who waited too long to have their own biological children. And of course, it gives the child a better mother who can instill a love of work and prioritizing the collective in the next generation.

Girls who do not sign the contract will be relegated to the breeding masses. We can call them proles, slaves, whatever second or third class citizens we want. We can have ethical debates about the ideal amount of non-contractual education. It has to be enough so the girl can understand the contract she’s signing BUT not so much that she can waste societal resources by taking away university spots from people who would choose work.

What kind of dystopian future is this?
What about boys? What about men who choose to retire early? What about men who go to medical school, but decide that they would rather open a Harley shop? Would they be required to go through a period of bankruptcy first? What about people with medical conditions? Cancer treatment?
What about working part time? I work 15 hours a week. Would I be required to birth a child?

Also, doesn't it seem kind of ridiculous to ask people to sign a contract when they are 18, agreeing to do something for 40 years? What do we think about people who get married that young?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM who doesn’t give a crap about whether moms SAH, WAH, or WOH.

But I do love talking some s**t about the SAHDs I see. Like the one who needs a full time nanny to handle two kids, or the one who is constantly glued to his phone and tells his adorable daughter to leave him alone.

I’m sure there are some good ones out there. Somewhere.

The ones I’ve known (admittedly only 3-4, plus another one who went PT after his kid was born) are amazing. Relaxed, don’t complain, don’t saddle themselves with unreasonable expectations or tasks. They’re not burdened with guilt because they’re still so unusual. They benefit from the fact that society has no expectations of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't care who does what as long as it doesn't cause unintended consequences for me and society. I have a small issue with women who go on maternity leave at work and then don't come back although they knew they weren't going to leaving colleagues in the lurch and thereby making it harder for those of us who do come back and having to prove again our dedication and capability. Otherwise, everyone makes decisions which are best for their families.

I agree, but only if their children are well cared for.

Most child care qualifies as "custodial" care, without the stability, competence and love that your little children require.