S/O Why do you care if moms stay home?

[Anonymous]

This discussion is so dated and out of bounds, like formula vs breast feeding. FFS, it doesn’t matter what anyone else does or says. Period. Focus on what works and is best for you, your kids, and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been both a WOHM and a SAHM, and the vitriol spewed by the WOHMs is way worse. Not even close.

]

Who are these WOHMs? Do they say things to your face or are you just referring to weirdos on these threads? On this forum, there are weirdos on both sides.

I am comparing how WOHMs talked about SAHMs when I worked v how SAHMs tales about WOHMs when I SAH. I think most of it was just insecurity with life decisions. All of the SAHMs I knew were rich ones with great educations and work history. These weren’t naive little girls with a power imbalance and husband giving a monthly allowance.

I actually never heard much criticism at all of WOHMs. It was all, good for her. It is a tough thing to balance.

This is interesting. I am the only WOHM on either side of my family, and nobody has told me i should quit, it's just thoughtless comments like "it must be so hard for the kids to have to rush out of the house every day" and "I could never pay someone else to raise my kids" where i don't even think they're talking about ME, they just fail to think about how hearing this stuff hurts.

On the other hand. the moms I work with and am friends with have never even mentioned SAHMs, much less insulted them. Homeschooling SAHMs do get some judgment, but they're not the norm.

Yeah, the vitriol definitely comes from those without a lot of perceived choices. My guess is these SAHMs are a different breed than the ones who really don’t think of WOHMs much.

[Anonymous]

I don’t care if moms stay home. I worry about their finances and what they’d do if their husbands left.

In general, I find SAHMs dull. Many have nothing to talk about but their children. Of course there are exceptions; I have wonderful, vibrant SAHM friends who have outside interests and are nowhere near dull.

OTOH my MIL never worked and feels sorry for me for going to work every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) it doesn’t affect me on a personal level, but make no mistake it affects me from the level that when they retire, they haven’t paid into the system for however many years. Just coatailling their husband and taking money working people have put into the system through FICA.
Claiming to have “the most important and hardest” job in the world. Sorry babe, once your kids are in elementary school, you are living a life of leisure, stop pretending otherwise.
2) I don’t care other than believing they are lazy and persist on continuing the stereotype of dependence on men versus contributing to equality.

This exactly. I believe that they are bringing all women down by allowing companies to justify the fact that all women quit when they have kids etc. Even worse when they have daughters and push them so hard academically. SAHMs of a daughter at a fancy private school? And they don’t even see the hypocrisy.

Goes double for those who have degrees from fancy institutions that could’ve gone to someone who would actually use them.

So... Even though it makes me happier to stay home with my daughter while she's little, I'm supposed to keep working for the benefit of YOUR career....?
Also, I did use my degree for several years before having children, and I plan to use it again. But I don't agree that a career is the only reason to get a college degree. I'm an educated citizen, which in the end is probably the bigger benefit to society of my education, vs what I'd be doing with my degree in some corporate office. Should I have stopped at a high school degree if I planned to stay home for a few years with my kids? Should I have not gone to school at all....?

You are obviously about you and not about the greater good. Your daughter will not benefit from that. Read the studies.

I did. They say all I have to do is work before she's 14. But yea, sorry, I do care more about my happiness and my own family than about your career.

Or your own pride or equality within your family or how your pre-teens perceive you. But that’s awesome. You do you.

I think you’re proving OP’s point. You seem to care a lot about what I do with my life, whereas I don’t care whether you work or not.

Of course you don’t. Because you only care about what makes your life easier. Not what is better for women overall, not what is better for our daughters’ generation, just what keeps your husband’s paycheck in the bank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care if moms stay home. I worry about their finances and what they’d do if their husbands left.

In general, I find SAHMs dull. Many have nothing to talk about but their children. Of course there are exceptions; I have wonderful, vibrant SAHM friends who have outside interests and are nowhere near dull.

OTOH my MIL never worked and feels sorry for me for going to work every day.

Stop lying. You don’t care one whit about their finances and potential divorce. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) it doesn’t affect me on a personal level, but make no mistake it affects me from the level that when they retire, they haven’t paid into the system for however many years. Just coatailling their husband and taking money working people have put into the system through FICA.
Claiming to have “the most important and hardest” job in the world. Sorry babe, once your kids are in elementary school, you are living a life of leisure, stop pretending otherwise.
2) I don’t care other than believing they are lazy and persist on continuing the stereotype of dependence on men versus contributing to equality.

This exactly. I believe that they are bringing all women down by allowing companies to justify the fact that all women quit when they have kids etc. Even worse when they have daughters and push them so hard academically. SAHMs of a daughter at a fancy private school? And they don’t even see the hypocrisy.

Goes double for those who have degrees from fancy institutions that could’ve gone to someone who would actually use them.

So... Even though it makes me happier to stay home with my daughter while she's little, I'm supposed to keep working for the benefit of YOUR career....?
Also, I did use my degree for several years before having children, and I plan to use it again. But I don't agree that a career is the only reason to get a college degree. I'm an educated citizen, which in the end is probably the bigger benefit to society of my education, vs what I'd be doing with my degree in some corporate office. Should I have stopped at a high school degree if I planned to stay home for a few years with my kids? Should I have not gone to school at all....?

You are obviously about you and not about the greater good. Your daughter will not benefit from that. Read the studies.

I did. They say all I have to do is work before she's 14. But yea, sorry, I do care more about my happiness and my own family than about your career.

Or your own pride or equality within your family or how your pre-teens perceive you. But that’s awesome. You do you.

I think you’re proving OP’s point. You seem to care a lot about what I do with my life, whereas I don’t care whether you work or not.

Of course you don’t. Because you only care about what makes your life easier. Not what is better for women overall, not what is better for our daughters’ generation, just what keeps your husband’s paycheck in the bank.

Yeah I’m sure most women work for the greater good and not because they need to feed, clothe, and house their own families. Let’s be real — the vast majority of people would not work if they didn’t need to financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) it doesn’t affect me on a personal level, but make no mistake it affects me from the level that when they retire, they haven’t paid into the system for however many years. Just coatailling their husband and taking money working people have put into the system through FICA.
Claiming to have “the most important and hardest” job in the world. Sorry babe, once your kids are in elementary school, you are living a life of leisure, stop pretending otherwise.
2) I don’t care other than believing they are lazy and persist on continuing the stereotype of dependence on men versus contributing to equality.

This exactly. I believe that they are bringing all women down by allowing companies to justify the fact that all women quit when they have kids etc. Even worse when they have daughters and push them so hard academically. SAHMs of a daughter at a fancy private school? And they don’t even see the hypocrisy.

Goes double for those who have degrees from fancy institutions that could’ve gone to someone who would actually use them.

So... Even though it makes me happier to stay home with my daughter while she's little, I'm supposed to keep working for the benefit of YOUR career....?
Also, I did use my degree for several years before having children, and I plan to use it again. But I don't agree that a career is the only reason to get a college degree. I'm an educated citizen, which in the end is probably the bigger benefit to society of my education, vs what I'd be doing with my degree in some corporate office. Should I have stopped at a high school degree if I planned to stay home for a few years with my kids? Should I have not gone to school at all....?

You are obviously about you and not about the greater good. Your daughter will not benefit from that. Read the studies.

I did. They say all I have to do is work before she's 14. But yea, sorry, I do care more about my happiness and my own family than about your career.

Or your own pride or equality within your family or how your pre-teens perceive you. But that’s awesome. You do you.

I think you’re proving OP’s point. You seem to care a lot about what I do with my life, whereas I don’t care whether you work or not.

Of course you don’t. Because you only care about what makes your life easier. Not what is better for women overall, not what is better for our daughters’ generation, just what keeps your husband’s paycheck in the bank.

Yeah I’m sure most women work for the greater good and not because they need to feed, clothe, and house their own families. Let’s be real — the vast majority of people would not work if they didn’t need to financially.

A lot of women in this area and especially on this board – myself included – fall into that category.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) it doesn’t affect me on a personal level, but make no mistake it affects me from the level that when they retire, they haven’t paid into the system for however many years. Just coatailling their husband and taking money working people have put into the system through FICA.
Claiming to have “the most important and hardest” job in the world. Sorry babe, once your kids are in elementary school, you are living a life of leisure, stop pretending otherwise.
2) I don’t care other than believing they are lazy and persist on continuing the stereotype of dependence on men versus contributing to equality.

This exactly. I believe that they are bringing all women down by allowing companies to justify the fact that all women quit when they have kids etc. Even worse when they have daughters and push them so hard academically. SAHMs of a daughter at a fancy private school? And they don’t even see the hypocrisy.

Goes double for those who have degrees from fancy institutions that could’ve gone to someone who would actually use them.

So... Even though it makes me happier to stay home with my daughter while she's little, I'm supposed to keep working for the benefit of YOUR career....?
Also, I did use my degree for several years before having children, and I plan to use it again. But I don't agree that a career is the only reason to get a college degree. I'm an educated citizen, which in the end is probably the bigger benefit to society of my education, vs what I'd be doing with my degree in some corporate office. Should I have stopped at a high school degree if I planned to stay home for a few years with my kids? Should I have not gone to school at all....?

You are obviously about you and not about the greater good. Your daughter will not benefit from that. Read the studies.

I did. They say all I have to do is work before she's 14. But yea, sorry, I do care more about my happiness and my own family than about your career.

Or your own pride or equality within your family or how your pre-teens perceive you. But that’s awesome. You do you.

I think you’re proving OP’s point. You seem to care a lot about what I do with my life, whereas I don’t care whether you work or not.

Of course you don’t. Because you only care about what makes your life easier. Not what is better for women overall, not what is better for our daughters’ generation, just what keeps your husband’s paycheck in the bank.

Yeah I’m sure most women work for the greater good and not because they need to feed, clothe, and house their own families. Let’s be real — the vast majority of people would not work if they didn’t need to financially.

A lot of women in this area and especially on this board – myself included – fall into that category.

LOL. No. There is no such thing as altruism is working. None. You work because for whatever reason working > not working for YOU. Maybe because you giving value sanctimony. Who knows. But let’s not pretend it isn’t 100% for you.

[Anonymous]

There are too many “I don’t care but *insert long hateful statement*” posts here, obviously they care a lot about these other moms.

I’ve never heard a sahm criticize a wohm in real life but I have heard wohms make biting comments about being role models or harp on the “what will you do if you get divorced or something happens? I could never live like that!” Great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Of course you don’t. Because you only care about what makes your life easier. Not what is better for women overall, not what is better for our daughters’ generation, just what keeps your husband’s paycheck in the bank.

But... I’M a woman. Does what I want not count? But okay, let’s say I agree, I’ll go back to work immediately for “the greater good.” Do I have to go back full time, or can I be part time? Can I go back to work as a novelist and write during naps and after bed, or does my job have to be in an office? What if the job I want only pays $30k - is that alright, or do I have to match my husband’s salary? What if I go back to work and my husband stays home - is that allowed, or no? And can I ever take time off - what about maybe a year to hike the PCT? Or no, do I have to work straight through for 30 years? Actually, do I get to retire when I want, or do I have to work til you’ve decided I’ve put in enough time for the greater good? And if I have another baby, how much time can I take off? Do I have to do just 3 months, or can I pretend I’m in Canada and take a year - or Germany and take 3 years? Or should I go back at 6 weeks for the sake of “solidarity”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) it doesn’t affect me on a personal level, but make no mistake it affects me from the level that when they retire, they haven’t paid into the system for however many years. Just coatailling their husband and taking money working people have put into the system through FICA.
Claiming to have “the most important and hardest” job in the world. Sorry babe, once your kids are in elementary school, you are living a life of leisure, stop pretending otherwise.
2) I don’t care other than believing they are lazy and persist on continuing the stereotype of dependence on men versus contributing to equality.

This exactly. I believe that they are bringing all women down by allowing companies to justify the fact that all women quit when they have kids etc. Even worse when they have daughters and push them so hard academically. SAHMs of a daughter at a fancy private school? And they don’t even see the hypocrisy.

Goes double for those who have degrees from fancy institutions that could’ve gone to someone who would actually use them.

So... Even though it makes me happier to stay home with my daughter while she's little, I'm supposed to keep working for the benefit of YOUR career....?
Also, I did use my degree for several years before having children, and I plan to use it again. But I don't agree that a career is the only reason to get a college degree. I'm an educated citizen, which in the end is probably the bigger benefit to society of my education, vs what I'd be doing with my degree in some corporate office. Should I have stopped at a high school degree if I planned to stay home for a few years with my kids? Should I have not gone to school at all....?

You are obviously about you and not about the greater good. Your daughter will not benefit from that. Read the studies.

I did. They say all I have to do is work before she's 14. But yea, sorry, I do care more about my happiness and my own family than about your career.

Or your own pride or equality within your family or how your pre-teens perceive you. But that’s awesome. You do you.

I think you’re proving OP’s point. You seem to care a lot about what I do with my life, whereas I don’t care whether you work or not.

Of course you don’t. Because you only care about what makes your life easier. Not what is better for women overall, not what is better for our daughters’ generation, just what keeps your husband’s paycheck in the bank.

Yeah I’m sure most women work for the greater good and not because they need to feed, clothe, and house their own families. Let’s be real — the vast majority of people would not work if they didn’t need to financially.

A lot of women in this area and especially on this board – myself included – fall into that category.

LOL. No. There is no such thing as altruism is working. None. You work because for whatever reason working > not working for YOU. Maybe because you giving value sanctimony. Who knows. But let’s not pretend it isn’t 100% for you.

+1. The sanctimoniousness of these people kills me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are too many “I don’t care but *insert long hateful statement*” posts here, obviously they care a lot about these other moms.

I’ve never heard a sahm criticize a wohm in real life but I have heard wohms make biting comments about being role models or harp on the “what will you do if you get divorced or something happens? I could never live like that!” Great.

Enough with you anecdotes. Here’s one for you. As a mom who works, the vast majority of my friends are working moms. Know how much we talk about SAHMs? Not at all. Zilch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because bored housewives do their children's homework and then my kid has to compete with David and David's mom. Because they live through their kids which changes parent dynamics and classroom dynamics. Because they perpetuate stereotypes and myths like all women love baking and house cleaning. Because it makes it harder to get your husband to step up and do laundry when he can point to Annie whose husband never has to do anything.

I’m a sahm and don’t do my kids’ homework. My husband also does all laundry except for mine. I will also say that I’m not bored — I have a family that I love and support, as well as my own hobbies and volunteer responsibilities. I don’t think I perpetuate a stereotype. I also don’t care if a woman works or stays home. I will be happy if my sons’ wives can stay home with their children — as cliche as it sounds, it truly is time you will never get back (this stands for whether you choose to work or stay home...these are important years for both). It’s awful for women to assume something about another woman without being in her shoes. If I had a life changing career or above average IQ I would work...fact is that I had neither when we had kids and working barely covered the childcare costs. I’m happy where I am and hope you are, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Of course you don’t. Because you only care about what makes your life easier. Not what is better for women overall, not what is better for our daughters’ generation, just what keeps your husband’s paycheck in the bank.

But... I’M a woman. Does what I want not count? But okay, let’s say I agree, I’ll go back to work immediately for “the greater good.” Do I have to go back full time, or can I be part time? Can I go back to work as a novelist and write during naps and after bed, or does my job have to be in an office? What if the job I want only pays $30k - is that alright, or do I have to match my husband’s salary? What if I go back to work and my husband stays home - is that allowed, or no? And can I ever take time off - what about maybe a year to hike the PCT? Or no, do I have to work straight through for 30 years? Actually, do I get to retire when I want, or do I have to work til you’ve decided I’ve put in enough time for the greater good? And if I have another baby, how much time can I take off? Do I have to do just 3 months, or can I pretend I’m in Canada and take a year - or Germany and take 3 years? Or should I go back at 6 weeks for the sake of “solidarity”?

Bravo

[Anonymous]

I’m a nanny. Wohms don’t want to talk to me, because they’re frequently disconnected (not intentionally). Sahms don’t like me because I demand that they parent their child, not my charge, and that means actually parenting theirs (especially if theirs needs something).