Spouse wants to accompany on work travel; I don't want her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What DW does not get is that I am not reachable during the day. Period. And I need the car -- I can not get to my work site without a car, and she is not allowed on the complex.

So for her to accompany me, we would have 1K in airfare (that is what my ticket cost) and 4 days of a second car rental. So, about $1300. Plus, she is not working for those three days. (plus what about the teen)?.

I would blow 1/2 of our family vacation budget and she is the only one getting a vacation.

My wife thinks work travel is glamorous. I half want to take her so she can see what it is about.

Or your wife thinks you have the potential to mess around with a coworker on your work trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is going NE of San Diego pretty much everyone knows where he is going. Whether it is a good idea or not for his wife to come, contempt, selfishness, and petulance seips from his every post.

What a tool

He definitely hasn't phrased things in the best light, but the bottom line is, this trip doesn't make sense as a couples trip. I am kind of curious why the wife is suggesting this after a 16 year hiatus.

Would anyone on here really want to travel from DC to middle of nowhere CA to stay in a Hampton Inn for three days? Really? I love spending time with my husband but that does not sound worth it.

It sounds amazing to me. My kids aren’t going to be there. I don’t have to go to work, cook, or do housework. I can just hang out and read, take a walk, and see what there is to see. Maybe have an actual, uninterrupted conversation with my spouse, get my hair done, go to a movie, have hotel sex. You can say that you could do all of that without paying for airfare, but no one ever does, and it doesn’t feel the same.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Team OP. When my DH goes to "Miami" he is actually way out in the burbs at a dull office complex. He's working for 9-10 hours then eating quickly then working in his hotel. He's not on the beach in a banana hammock. And I would rather stay athome with the kids than vacation alone...we take trips together when he is off work.

But if she won't quick bugging you- take her and let her be bored.
What part of CA?

I am flying in to San Diego, but have to drive an hour NE. I can not say exactly where I will be.

Omg is that the boring desert part of CA? Just no OPs wife. No. Stay home. San Deigo is awesome but not the outskirts.

So You are working at a complex and staying at a Hampton but don’t know where? How is that possible?

OP, like many situations on DCUM, yours seems like a symptom of a larger issue. You and your DW need to work on communicating better.

And, as a former SAHP, I would like to acknowledge all the digs PPs made about SAHMs. It seems OP’s wife does indeed have a job. Care to re-visit your comments? Thought not.

Omg PP he "can not say" because it's a freaking Classified location! Didnt you read about how the wife can't go to the complex?? Or were you too busy looking for digs about SAHMs?

So he can’t say which part of California on an anonymous message board?

So you agree with the SAHM digs?

NP. Read the thread you are quoting. He stated the location.

He stated: “am flying in to San Diego, but have to drive an hour NE. I can not say exactly where I will be.”

[Anonymous]

Op’s Wife sounds suspicious OR ready for a change of pace for a weekend. Either way op is not putting enough attention into his marriage and needs to step it up.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Team OP. When my DH goes to "Miami" he is actually way out in the burbs at a dull office complex. He's working for 9-10 hours then eating quickly then working in his hotel. He's not on the beach in a banana hammock. And I would rather stay athome with the kids than vacation alone...we take trips together when he is off work.

But if she won't quick bugging you- take her and let her be bored.
What part of CA?

I am flying in to San Diego, but have to drive an hour NE. I can not say exactly where I will be.

Omg is that the boring desert part of CA? Just no OPs wife. No. Stay home. San Deigo is awesome but not the outskirts.

So You are working at a complex and staying at a Hampton but don’t know where? How is that possible?

OP, like many situations on DCUM, yours seems like a symptom of a larger issue. You and your DW need to work on communicating better.

And, as a former SAHP, I would like to acknowledge all the digs PPs made about SAHMs. It seems OP’s wife does indeed have a job. Care to re-visit your comments? Thought not.

Omg PP he "can not say" because it's a freaking Classified location! Didnt you read about how the wife can't go to the complex?? Or were you too busy looking for digs about SAHMs?

So he can’t say which part of California on an anonymous message board?

So you agree with the SAHM digs?

NP. Read the thread you are quoting. He stated the location.

He stated: “am flying in to San Diego, but have to drive an hour NE. I can not say exactly where I will be.”

Yea? That tells you the part of CA he’ll be in. You could also google it since he’s given enough clues as to where he’ll be.

[Anonymous]

If the hotel is really going to be in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do then his wife should know that. If it was actually going to be close to San Diego that would be fun.

[Anonymous]

My DH often wants me and DC to tag along on work trips to NY. Sometimes it’s fun, and sometimes (when he’s really busy and not even free for dinner) it’s not worth it. He doesn’t get that it’s sometimes not fun, we miss activities or school and fall out of a good sleep routine, and in the winter there’s too much time cooped up in the hotel room.

OP, you have my sympathy. I agree with PPs who said you should plan a real vacation with her.

[Anonymous]

Plan a real vacation for later.

Take the red eye home. You’ve got a teen and unless she is one of those wives who will yell at you the moment you cross the door, then you can suck it up.

Don’t bring up 20 years ago.

Also operational security. No fatal mistakes here but you could’ve been vaguer than “1 hour NE of San Diego.”

[Anonymous]

She wants to come. Let her come. Make clear you won't be able to spend much time with her, if any. Why fight over this rather than just be nice and let her come?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He definitely hasn't phrased things in the best light, but the bottom line is, this trip doesn't make sense as a couples trip. I am kind of curious why the wife is suggesting this after a 16 year hiatus.

Would anyone on here really want to travel from DC to middle of nowhere CA to stay in a Hampton Inn for three days?Really? I love spending time with my husband but that does not sound worth it.

This. It makes me wonder what the heck is going on. Is this one of those tickle truth posts where we find out he had an affair with a co-worker like that one post a few years ago on DCUM that started our with the wife wanting to move to CA for a new job and leave the dream house here and around page 3 it turns out the OP cheated with a co-worker and refused the leave that job. Or maybe it’s less dramatic and it’s because they don’t have real vacation plans. Also curious why OP refuses to take the red-eye home. Most folks eager to get back to their family and minimize the away time take the red-eye home.

[Anonymous]

Op here. There is no history of affairs or anyth8bg like that. But I have been traveling a lot to this location. I will not take a red eye. I am too old for that. If I take a red eye I lose the next day because I am too tired to do anything. I am not in my 30s anymore,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plan a real vacation for later.

Take the red eye home. You’ve got a teen and unless she is one of those wives who will yell at you the moment you cross the door, then you can suck it up.

Don’t bring up 20 years ago.

Also operational security. No fatal mistakes here but you could’ve been vaguer than “1 hour NE of San Diego.”

That assumes That is really the location. In stead it could be a placeholder for 5he real location

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. There is no history of affairs or anyth8bg like that. But I have been traveling a lot to this location. I will not take a red eye. I am too old for that. If I take a red eye I lose the next day because I am too tired to do anything. I am not in my 30s anymore,

Previous poster her, then you need to ask wife point blank if she really wants to take off 3 days, spend the money for a plane ticket and rental car (limiting what you can do for vacation as a family), figure out what to do with teen daughter to stay at a Hampton Inn not in a major walkable/public transportation city and have to drive/entertain herself and barely see you. If she says yes, ask why/what she wants to get out of the trip and see if there is maybe a different solution that gets her what she wants (maybe she doesn’t travel for work and just wants to get away and have time for herself).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally don’t understand this. Our kids are grown and I travel with my DH all the time. We just returned from two weeks in Africa. While he works, I hang out at the pool, go shopping, rest, ....We meet up for dinner and enjoy spending the evening together. It works out well. His per diem more than covers meals. The hotel is paid for. Our only real cost is air travel. We have been married for almost 30 years and really enjoy spending time together.

That sounds really nice, but there is a huge variety in what it means to travel for work. I know in my husband's case, even when he goes to places which double as vacation spots - London, Geneva, San Francisco - he is booked breakfast - dinner. There isn't much point in my joining him unless we tack on time on the front or back end which he doesn't have time for.

In OP's case, it sounds like they are not empty nesters and his work experience does not make sense for a spouse to tag along.

Or there may be more to this - or the wife suspects there is.

Why don't you want to explore those cities by yourself?

[Anonymous]

Who wants to fly across the country to stay three days in a Hampton inn? Sounds awful. Take your wife on a real vacation!