Spouse wants to accompany on work travel; I don't want her

[Anonymous]

yikes! posted twice!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you just simply sit her down and tell her it’s too distracting, but then also try to start planning an actual vacation? Maybe she is desperate for a getaway, and having a plan set in stone for the summertime or whenever will make her feel better. It would show her 1) that you really do want to go away with her, just not on a work trip, and 2) something definite to look forward to.

THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. When my DH goes to "Miami" he is actually way out in the burbs at a dull office complex. He's working for 9-10 hours then eating quickly then working in his hotel. He's not on the beach in a banana hammock. And I would rather stay athome with the kids than vacation alone...we take trips together when he is off work.

But if she won't quick bugging you- take her and let her be bored.
What part of CA?

I am flying in to San Diego, but have to drive an hour NE. I can not say exactly where I will be.

Omg is that the boring desert part of CA? Just no OPs wife. No. Stay home. San Deigo is awesome but not the outskirts.

So You are working at a complex and staying at a Hampton but don’t know where? How is that possible?

OP, like many situations on DCUM, yours seems like a symptom of a larger issue. You and your DW need to work on communicating better.

And, as a former SAHP, I would like to acknowledge all the digs PPs made about SAHMs. It seems OP’s wife does indeed have a job. Care to re-visit your comments? Thought not.

Omg PP he "can not say" because it's a freaking Classified location! Didnt you read about how the wife can't go to the complex?? Or were you too busy looking for digs about SAHMs?

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like an A-HOLE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. When my DH goes to "Miami" he is actually way out in the burbs at a dull office complex. He's working for 9-10 hours then eating quickly then working in his hotel. He's not on the beach in a banana hammock. And I would rather stay athome with the kids than vacation alone...we take trips together when he is off work.

But if she won't quick bugging you- take her and let her be bored.
What part of CA?

I am flying in to San Diego, but have to drive an hour NE. I can not say exactly where I will be.

Omg is that the boring desert part of CA? Just no OPs wife. No. Stay home. San Deigo is awesome but not the outskirts.

So You are working at a complex and staying at a Hampton but don’t know where? How is that possible?

OP, like many situations on DCUM, yours seems like a symptom of a larger issue. You and your DW need to work on communicating better.

And, as a former SAHP, I would like to acknowledge all the digs PPs made about SAHMs. It seems OP’s wife does indeed have a job. Care to re-visit your comments? Thought not.

Omg PP he "can not say" because it's a freaking Classified location! Didnt you read about how the wife can't go to the complex?? Or were you too busy looking for digs about SAHMs?

So he can’t say which part of California on an anonymous message board?

So you agree with the SAHM digs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. When my DH goes to "Miami" he is actually way out in the burbs at a dull office complex. He's working for 9-10 hours then eating quickly then working in his hotel. He's not on the beach in a banana hammock. And I would rather stay athome with the kids than vacation alone...we take trips together when he is off work.

But if she won't quick bugging you- take her and let her be bored.
What part of CA?

I am flying in to San Diego, but have to drive an hour NE. I can not say exactly where I will be.

Omg is that the boring desert part of CA? Just no OPs wife. No. Stay home. San Deigo is awesome but not the outskirts.

So You are working at a complex and staying at a Hampton but don’t know where? How is that possible?

OP, like many situations on DCUM, yours seems like a symptom of a larger issue. You and your DW need to work on communicating better.

And, as a former SAHP, I would like to acknowledge all the digs PPs made about SAHMs. It seems OP’s wife does indeed have a job. Care to re-visit your comments? Thought not.

Omg PP he "can not say" because it's a freaking Classified location! Didnt you read about how the wife can't go to the complex?? Or were you too busy looking for digs about SAHMs?

So he can’t say which part of California on an anonymous message board?

So you agree with the SAHM digs?

NP. Read the thread you are quoting. He stated the location.

[Anonymous]

If he is going NE of San Diego pretty much everyone knows where he is going. Whether it is a good idea or not for his wife to come, contempt, selfishness, and petulance seips from his every post.

What a tool

[Anonymous]

NP. I am working mom, and NO. I do not agree with the digs at SAHP. I also think OP is a first class douche canoe with his whining. "oohh no. My wife gets a vacation that I do not." Suck it.

[Anonymous]

She wants to go because the room is paid for and Op has his meals, air fare, etc paid for. All they have to do is pay for her airplane ticket and meals.

During the day while her husband is working she can do some sight seeing. They can eat dinner together and maybe catch a show or do something else fun.

If Op talks to his wife about sticking to a budget and keeping expenses down they should still be able to go on a vacation, too.

When I've gone on trips like this with my husband, I've packed breakfast bars to eat in the morning and brought along some snacks (like nuts) to eat for lunch. I did mostly free things during the day. That way we only had to pay for my dinner in the evening and whatever we did for entertainment. I even packed a couple of bottles of wine to bring along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally don’t understand this. Our kids are grown and I travel with my DH all the time. We just returned from two weeks in Africa. While he works, I hang out at the pool, go shopping, rest, ....We meet up for dinner and enjoy spending the evening together. It works out well. His per diem more than covers meals. The hotel is paid for. Our only real cost is air travel. We have been married for almost 30 years and really enjoy spending time together.

That sounds really nice, but there is a huge variety in what it means to travel for work. I know in my husband's case, even when he goes to places which double as vacation spots - London, Geneva, San Francisco - he is booked breakfast - dinner. There isn't much point in my joining him unless we tack on time on the front or back end which he doesn't have time for.

In OP's case, it sounds like they are not empty nesters and his work experience does not make sense for a spouse to tag along.

Or there may be more to this - or the wife suspects there is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did this a couple of times 16-20 years ago, and what happens is 1) we blow our vacation budget, and 2) I do not get a vacation. I travel for about 4 days a month. In January, I will be working in Ca from Wed-Fri, flying out tues even, and home on Sat (I could take a red eye on Friday, but um...no).

She thinks my work travel involves frolicking. In fact, I will be sitting in a windowless office for three days. I will be working from about 7:00 AM to 6 PM, eat dinner, then sleep. Sure, it will not be cold there.

And frankly, the last time we traveled together while I was at work, she got mad at me for showering at 7 AM local time, waking her up.

Take her with you but arrange for business dinners so she is solo and miserable the whole time. When she bitches tell her it's a business trip - what does she expect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an awful lot of drama for a three-day work trip.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What DW does not get is that I am not reachable during the day. Period. And I need the car -- I can not get to my work site without a car, and she is not allowed on the complex.

So for her to accompany me, we would have 1K in airfare (that is what my ticket cost) and 4 days of a second car rental. So, about $1300. Plus, she is not working for those three days. (plus what about the teen)?.

I would blow 1/2 of our family vacation budget and she is the only one getting a vacation.

My wife thinks work travel is glamorous. I half want to take her so she can see what it is about.

Got it. So those of us posting that you can use her interest in traveling as an opening to discuss a real vacation at another time didn't get through to you at all. You'd rather fume at DW and complain to strangers here than actually talk to your wife like an adult, explain that schedule you'll have is totally untenable for a joint trip, and say "Let's plan a trip that isn't a work trip."

Do you have any interest at all in taking a vacation with her at some point?

Do you have larger money issues and that's why you're mad she'd miss three days of her work?

I'm betting you and DW have larger issues than just this one work trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he is going NE of San Diego pretty much everyone knows where he is going. Whether it is a good idea or not for his wife to come, contempt, selfishness, and petulance seips from his every post.

What a tool

He definitely hasn't phrased things in the best light, but the bottom line is, this trip doesn't make sense as a couples trip. I am kind of curious why the wife is suggesting this after a 16 year hiatus.

Would anyone on here really want to travel from DC to middle of nowhere CA to stay in a Hampton Inn for three days? Really? I love spending time with my husband but that does not sound worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no such thing as the "end of the day" on a work trip for most people. You're either socializing with your client or networking with colleagues or prepping for the next day while falling asleep and trying to figure out your hair and clean underwear.

A night "off" on a business trip where I DON'T have to go to a dinner is like a gift from heaven. Ordering room service in PJs, prepping materials with some time to spare, answering emails, speaking to ABSOLUTELY NO ONE - heaven. Rare, special heaven.

If my spouse showed up on one of those nights wanting to hang out I would punch him in the face.

I think that a lot of people do not believe what you said. It sounds like a cover for a lot of after hour drinking and screwing.