Spouse wants to accompany on work travel; I don't want her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As I have said before, unless we stay in separate places, she will not be seeing San Diego. I land at about 9:00, I will go to a nearby hotel. Sleep to 4 and arrive at my destination by 7:00. I will be in that location -- where she is not allowed -- until sunset. Then I will check into my motel, get dinner. Problem 1: what to do before I check into the motel with her? Problem two: there is nothing to see in this location.

If I stay in San Diego, I have to leave for work at about 4:00 and will not get in until about 7:00 PM each day. And I do not get reimbursed for more than the destination hotel rate, not the San Diego hotel rate.

You see I need to be working sun up to sundown for the three days. Outside, in the field.

O.k. that does not sound like a doable scenario - she is better off staying home. Maybe the two of you can plan a pleasure trip to San Diego some time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeahhhh as per usual the actual information Mr Rigidity OP first gave belies his description of reality. So now the hotel Tuesday and Friday will be in San Diego and the middle of no where ‘Hampton Inn’ you now say is only for Wednesday and Thursday. Since it has been (according to you OP) ‘16-20 years’ since she last asked to come with you on a business trip you can’t drive that hour those 3 days?? Since you say you’ve been doing this 4 day a month trip regularly that means she’s been alone at home presumably with extra work for however many years you’ve been doing this (and how long have you tacked on that extra night because you’re too delicate to do the redeye return.

OP while no one really believes she’s now backed off the trip (you most likely kept your roadblocks in front of her) you’ve gone out of the way to paint your wife as ignorant of the real world, incapable of knowing her mind and able to ‘entertain herself’-and frivolously spending $$ to deny you a vacation.

If this were my DH-he’d sure as hell drive those miles and keep base hotel in SD but then again like most people including your wife-if need be I’d be flexible and enjoy tge novelty of time by myself knowing that Lyft even in that isolation could take me where I’d want to go. My DH, if he was ridiculously loud in morning would shower in the hotel gym, he would figure out a way to extend the trip an extra day if that’s what I wanted (you said you have a teenager so childcare can’t be a huge concern) and he’d do everything possible to enjoy what we’d both know would be limited time during needed work hours. You cannot stand the idea that your wife might enjoy herself OP: just admit that!!!

Are you drunk? —NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeahhhh as per usual the actual information Mr Rigidity OP first gave belies his description of reality. So now the hotel Tuesday and Friday will be in San Diego and the middle of no where ‘Hampton Inn’ you now say is only for Wednesday and Thursday. Since it has been (according to you OP) ‘16-20 years’ since she last asked to come with you on a business trip you can’t drive that hour those 3 days?? Since you say you’ve been doing this 4 day a month trip regularly that means she’s been alone at home presumably with extra work for however many years you’ve been doing this (and how long have you tacked on that extra night because you’re too delicate to do the redeye return.

OP while no one really believes she’s now backed off the trip (you most likely kept your roadblocks in front of her) you’ve gone out of the way to paint your wife as ignorant of the real world, incapable of knowing her mind and able to ‘entertain herself’-and frivolously spending $$ to deny you a vacation.

If this were my DH-he’d sure as hell drive those miles and keep base hotel in SD but then again like most people including your wife-if need be I’d be flexible and enjoy tge novelty of time by myself knowing that Lyft even in that isolation could take me where I’d want to go. My DH, if he was ridiculously loud in morning would shower in the hotel gym, he would figure out a way to extend the trip an extra day if that’s what I wanted (you said you have a teenager so childcare can’t be a huge concern) and he’d do everything possible to enjoy what we’d both know would be limited time during needed work hours. You cannot stand the idea that your wife might enjoy herself OP: just admit that!!!

Are you drunk? —NP

This. You sound like an ass OP. You could be earning skymiles for your wife. My husband is more then happy to take me on work trips. I can work from anywhere and we have great hotel sex. Op sounds like he doesn't even like his wife.

[Anonymous]

Op here. It depends on the work trip. These are trips where I am working in restricted areas. I work and sleep. And I am not in a place anyone wants to visit. I do not know what other people do on travel...but, for me on these type of trips it is work sun up to sundown, short status meeting before and after, so I need to be on site from about 7 am to 6 pm. I am tired and grimy at 6....go to the room, shower, grab a quick dinner and crash by eight.

I get up at 430, get ready, bet breakfast, and enter the facility at 630 to ensure I can be at work from the 700 mtg.

I am not willing to add to my day by staying further away than I have to.

[Anonymous]

Since you work so hard, why not send her in a small getaway by herself? Something in your relationship is lacking and she is telling you. You sent taking the hint. She should be more direct.

You dont want to spend time with her so treat her to a trip by without you in addition to your normal vacation. Even sring for some friends to go along. She will learn to be more independent.

[Anonymous]

Since you work so hard, why not send her in a small getaway by herself? Something in your relationship is lacking and she is telling you. You arent taking the hint. She should be more direct.

You dont want to spend time with her, so treat her to a trip without you. This should be in addition to your normal vacation. Even spring for some friends to go along. She will learn to be more independent. Perhaps she will gain the independence to not want to be with a guy who seems to have so much contempt for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you work so hard, why not send her in a small getaway by herself? Something in your relationship is lacking and she is telling you. You arent taking the hint. She should be more direct.

You dont want to spend time with her, so treat her to a trip without you. This should be in addition to your normal vacation. Even spring for some friends to go along. She will learn to be more independent. Perhaps she will gain the independence to not want to be with a guy who seems to have so much contempt for her.

I am ok with her going away. I love time together, but this trip will not provide it. It is neither a good destination for alone time for her.

[Anonymous]

At first I couldn't understand why OP couldn't simply explain to his wife why this trip didn't make sense but given some of the responses on here, I am starting to see the problem. Not all business travel is the same. This trip sounds like a drag.

People are getting caught up in the attitude in some of the early posts - "she will be on vacation while I'm working" and aren't listening to the logistics.

[Anonymous]

OP: any chance your wife can land in SD on Friday and then you two enjoy a long weekend? Maybe fly back home on Tuesday (take two days off).

This way, work pays for your flights and the Friday night hotel. It saves some money and your wife ends up happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At first I couldn't understand why OP couldn't simply explain to his wife why this trip didn't make sense but given some of the responses on here, I am starting to see the problem. Not all business travel is the same. This trip sounds like a drag.

People are getting caught up in the attitude in some of the early posts - "she will be on vacation while I'm working" and aren't listening to the logistics.

OP have you tried asking her what she expects this trip to be like/what she wants from the trip? That might help her get to "this isn't going to work logistically" on her own, rather than her feeling like you just shut her ideas down. Or maybe she would be happy vacationing in the same region as you while you work. Or maybe you can plan a non-working vacation together at a mutually agreeable time and place.

[Anonymous]

Wife here. For god’s sake, give the man his space.

OP, tell her no. That’s the only solution if you don’t want her to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: any chance your wife can land in SD on Friday and then you two enjoy a long weekend? Maybe fly back home on Tuesday (take two days off).

This way, work pays for your flights and the Friday night hotel. It saves some money and your wife ends up happy.

This is a good idea if possible.

[Anonymous]

OP. Oy. Now I found out I need to be in San Diego on Wed. Just San Diego. I do not want this trip. How am I going to tell my wife...LOL.(sometimes, you have to laugh).

(airfare is north of 1K).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Oy. Now I found out I need to be in San Diego on Wed. Just San Diego. I do not want this trip. How am I going to tell my wife...LOL.(sometimes, you have to laugh).

(airfare is north of 1K).

I am not sure why I am so invested in this story, but at this point, I would lay out the whole situation to my spouse :

We fly out Tues night, stay Wed in San Diego where spouse can enjoy warm weather, fun city. Leave early Thurs morning to middle of nowhere - drop spouse at Hampton Inn on way to job. If she can't check in early will have to wait in lobby, etc. Drive back to San Diego on Friday afternoon/evening for morning flight out.

If that still appeals to her, and she understands you really aren't available for anything fun, and that it will cost $1,000 for the flights you need to take plus meals, then give it a go. Perhaps you will enjoy the evenings together, and she will gain first hand insight into what your job is like - i.e. not glamorous travel.

Personally, I still wouldn't want to go, but that is just me.

[Anonymous]

I keep checking this thread to see if it’s still going, and it still is, inexplicably.