Spouse wants to accompany on work travel; I don't want her

[Anonymous]

What if she comes to meet you later...say Friday and she gets a day of sightseeing alone then you spend Saturday and Sunday morning together then come back.

Then it’s a bit of a break for both of you? Also, you can make it a point to discuss a future vacation together later.

[Anonymous]

OP here. What DW does not get is that I am not reachable during the day. Period. And I need the car -- I can not get to my work site without a car, and she is not allowed on the complex.

So for her to accompany me, we would have 1K in airfare (that is what my ticket cost) and 4 days of a second car rental. So, about $1300. Plus, she is not working for those three days. (plus what about the teen)?.

I would blow 1/2 of our family vacation budget and she is the only one getting a vacation.

My wife thinks work travel is glamorous. I half want to take her so she can see what it is about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What DW does not get is that I am not reachable during the day. Period. And I need the car -- I can not get to my work site without a car, and she is not allowed on the complex.

So for her to accompany me, we would have 1K in airfare (that is what my ticket cost) and 4 days of a second car rental. So, about $1300. Plus, she is not working for those three days. (plus what about the teen)?.

I would blow 1/2 of our family vacation budget and she is the only one getting a vacation.

My wife thinks work travel is glamorous. I half want to take her so she can see what it is about.

You are over estimating costs ...DC to CA is not $1k RT...can find tickets in the $300 range. She can drop you at the complex and pick you up. The teen can stay with a friend. You seem very rigid. Why not want to make your wife happy? Let her have a vacation?

[Anonymous]

I know when I travel, it's long days at the site I'm working, then grab a quick dinner and back to the hotel for more work. That's literally all I have time for. I stopped trying to bring my workout clothes or make plans to see the local sites. I not only have zero time for that, I'm also exhausted from the long work days plus just jet lag.

While it might be nice to have dinner and spend time with my partner in the hotel for some sense of normalcy and relaxation, having her there would almost be an annoyance and she'd be getting in the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What DW does not get is that I am not reachable during the day. Period. And I need the car -- I can not get to my work site without a car, and she is not allowed on the complex.

So for her to accompany me, we would have 1K in airfare (that is what my ticket cost) and 4 days of a second car rental. So, about $1300. Plus, she is not working for those three days. (plus what about the teen)?.

I would blow 1/2 of our family vacation budget and she is the only one getting a vacation.

My wife thinks work travel is glamorous. I half want to take her so she can see what it is about.

You are over estimating costs ...DC to CA is not $1k RT...can find tickets in the $300 range. She can drop you at the complex and pick you up. The teen can stay with a friend. You seem very rigid. Why not want to make your wife happy? Let her have a vacation?

I would have to walk about 4 miles into the gated complex to get where I need to go. Not going to work. As for the travel costs, I am basing it on my ticket cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What DW does not get is that I am not reachable during the day. Period. And I need the car -- I can not get to my work site without a car, and she is not allowed on the complex.

So for her to accompany me, we would have 1K in airfare (that is what my ticket cost) and 4 days of a second car rental. So, about $1300. Plus, she is not working for those three days. (plus what about the teen)?.

I would blow 1/2 of our family vacation budget and she is the only one getting a vacation.

My wife thinks work travel is glamorous. I half want to take her so she can see what it is about.

You are over estimating costs ...DC to CA is not $1k RT...can find tickets in the $300 range. She can drop you at the complex and pick you up. The teen can stay with a friend. You seem very rigid. Why not want to make your wife happy? Let her have a vacation?

They can have a vacation if the budget isn’t blown letting her tag along. Why should he have to rearrange all of his plans and routine on an already stressful trip so she can have a day out of the house, when they can just save the money and plan a real vacation? Are you a bored, snoopy SAHM too?

[Anonymous]

I totally don’t understand this. Our kids are grown and I travel with my DH all the time. We just returned from two weeks in Africa. While he works, I hang out at the pool, go shopping, rest, ....We meet up for dinner and enjoy spending the evening together. It works out well. His per diem more than covers meals. The hotel is paid for. Our only real cost is air travel. We have been married for almost 30 years and really enjoy spending time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally don’t understand this. Our kids are grown and I travel with my DH all the time. We just returned from two weeks in Africa. While he works, I hang out at the pool, go shopping, rest, ....We meet up for dinner and enjoy spending the evening together. It works out well. His per diem more than covers meals. The hotel is paid for. Our only real cost is air travel. We have been married for almost 30 years and really enjoy spending time together.

I love how you add the last line as if you’re so much better than OP. Just had to get that in there didn’t you! Do you feel better now?

[Anonymous]

My dad used to travel to all sorts of cool places— San Diego, New Oeans, Toronto, for five or six day trips. Mom would be left home with five kids. I know she got sick of hearing about his trips. Even if he did nothing but work he was still working in Toronto, eating out, etc.

My clueless dad never quite got how much she hated those trips.

I would suggest as others have that you make clear you will work on a vacation plan, but have a little empathy for the person left behind in the grind at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally don’t understand this. Our kids are grown and I travel with my DH all the time. We just returned from two weeks in Africa. While he works, I hang out at the pool, go shopping, rest, ....We meet up for dinner and enjoy spending the evening together. It works out well. His per diem more than covers meals. The hotel is paid for. Our only real cost is air travel. We have been married for almost 30 years and really enjoy spending time together.

I love how you add the last line as if you’re so much better than OP. Just had to get that in there didn’t you! Do you feel better now?

It sounds like your dhs work trips are very different from OPs. My DHS work trips are similar to yours and we can have a good time together. When I go on the rare work trip (2 times a year) I would not be able to hang out with DH for dinner and evenings. Dinners are planned events with other people at the meeting, and our evenings are often booked until 9. My work trips aren't fun , DHS usually are.

You don't understand it because you can't seem to grasp not all work travel is the same. Must be difficult to be so simple minded.

[Anonymous]

This is an awful lot of drama for a three-day work trip.

[Anonymous]

Just say no. In the end it is about who is in charge.

[Anonymous]

I must be the only DW who didn't enjoy traveling with my DH. Who wants to be stranded in a hotel? I found it eternally boring and would rather be at home reading my book. My DH's travel mainly involved conferences and even when I was included in dinners, I really didn't enjoy making small talk.

[Anonymous]

It's better that you keep her company vs some young buck. Suck it up and let her tag along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16-20 years ago?

Why don't you try talking?

If you are basically using this for a cheap hotel room and she does her own thing, fine.

If she things business travel is a holiday, then you two really aren't talking enough.

+1

Don't leave her at home. Stop up and be a man and take your woman away for a few days. What are you running from, OP? Yourself?