What is SIL's problem with me?

[Anonymous]

I’m glad. My family is not this dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Stop dissecting every single glance, tone and gesture, OP. It's not healthy, and not normal. You're looking for ways to be offended at this point.

Your SIL may or may not be trying to get a rise out of you, but that's HER problem. Don't make it yours.

+1
I also noticed that you tried to be the “good one” for FIL. That’s your SIL’s dad and they have special relationship with him that none of your buisness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Stop dissecting every single glance, tone and gesture, OP. It's not healthy, and not normal. You're looking for ways to be offended at this point.

Your SIL may or may not be trying to get a rise out of you, but that's HER problem. Don't make it yours.

+1
I also noticed that you tried to be the “good one” for FIL. That’s your SIL’s dad and they have special relationship with him that none of your buisness.

OP here. I was not trying to play "the good one." I have very little interaction with the IL because they do not like me and because of the aggression displayed by SIL. I literally only interact with them 2-3 times a year. I do not butt in her business or attempt to talk to her as she has made it clear I am not welcome. I felt bad for FIL and was merely attempting to help him.


Also previously SIL had bitched to MIL about how I don't help out when I am at their house. I heard this and was trying to contribute and help more when I was over. But now...apparently my helping out is also a problem. I just don't know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Stop dissecting every single glance, tone and gesture, OP. It's not healthy, and not normal. You're looking for ways to be offended at this point.

Your SIL may or may not be trying to get a rise out of you, but that's HER problem. Don't make it yours.

+1
I also noticed that you tried to be the “good one” for FIL. That’s your SIL’s dad and they have special relationship with him that none of your buisness.

OP here. I was not trying to play "the good one." I have very little interaction with the IL because they do not like me and because of the aggression displayed by SIL. I literally only interact with them 2-3 times a year. I do not butt in her business or attempt to talk to her as she has made it clear I am not welcome. I felt bad for FIL and was merely attempting


Also previously SIL had bitched to MIL about how I don't help out when I am at their house. I heard this and was trying to contribute and help more when I was over. But now...apparently my helping out is also a problem. I just don't know what to do.

As someone who also deals with mean sil, my take is do what you want. Regarding dress of what you say or do your sil will have an issue. So it may as well be what makes you the happiest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP sat there and said nothing people would say she was a door mat. The SIL was a brat. There was no need for SIL to say what she did. I think that SIL was upset because OP and her husband supported each other, she sounds bitter.

Maybe, but the grand show of support that Op and Op's dh gave for each other was entirely unnecessary and only goaded SIL into saying more unfortunate things.

Someone worked hard on that nice meal being served (MIL?), the concern should have been more for the host than setting rude SIL straight.

This. The SIL was rude, and I think it's fine that OP stood up to help her FIL. But the "supportive" comments by OP and her husband were unnecessary. Much better to ignore SIL's rude comments completely. He didn't need to tell OP she was "doing a wonderful job," (barf) or ostentatiously serve her, and OP didn't need to make that smarmy comment about him being a good husband. (double barf) Just ignore her. She'll look stupid all on her own. But the show of mutual support would have been grating to anyone watching. And feeling the need to respond to every one of her comments (and no, your husband didn't ignore her question, he answered it) just fed the drama. Better not to add even a single stick to the fire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to know if you were on each others nerves going into that dinner. Was there a lead up to this whole incident, Op?

Seems strange that she would just suddenly fly off the handle like that. Or is she usually easily triggered?

I'm sensing bad blood....

OP here.

There is no bad blood that I know of, other than the fact that she and MIL were extremely unwelcoming and extremely resistant to the idea of me dating and marrying my DH. SIL is always difficult and rude so I avoid her and am forced in her company 2-3 times a year. Usually she will use that time to pick on me and act out or ice me out. We don't have any relationship.

That sounds awful. What does your husband make of all this? Is he on good terms with his family? Are they known as terrible people? Do you get along with your own family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP sat there and said nothing people would say she was a door mat. The SIL was a brat. There was no need for SIL to say what she did. I think that SIL was upset because OP and her husband supported each other, she sounds bitter.

Maybe, but the grand show of support that Op and Op's dh gave for each other was entirely unnecessary and only goaded SIL into saying more unfortunate things.

Someone worked hard on that nice meal being served (MIL?), the concern should have been more for the host than setting rude SIL straight.

This. The SIL was rude, and I think it's fine that OP stood up to help her FIL. But the "supportive" comments by OP and her husband were unnecessary. Much better to ignore SIL's rude comments completely. He didn't need to tell OP she was "doing a wonderful job," (barf) or ostentatiously serve her, and OP didn't need to make that smarmy comment about him being a good husband. (double barf) Just ignore her. She'll look stupid all on her own. But the show of mutual support would have been grating to anyone watching. And feeling the need to respond to every one of her comments (and no, your husband didn't ignore her question, he answered it) just fed the drama. Better not to add even a single stick to the fire.

OP here. She ALWAYS does things like this. Usually we ignore her and pay her no heed. However sometimes we can't help but respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL and SIL have disliked me since the day my DH brought me home. Over the years we have had a lot of drama with the MIL but after repeated confrontations and talks, she seems to have toned it down. She treats me politely but coldly and that is fine with me. She KNOWS her treatment of me is not cool and when she says acts crazy again, we all know its on her, not me or my DH.

My SIL has never liked me and goes out of her way to treat me as a stranger. She is passive aggressive and MEAN.

Over the years I have been busy focusing on MIL so I have generally brushed her behavior aside but at a recent thanksgiving her meanness come up front and center and has been on my mind.

Example:

FIL is getting up there and had some trouble serving our plates at dinner. He was having difficulty giving SIL the right about of stuffing, she gets annoyed, yells at him gets up and serves her own plate with a huff and sits back down. I look at FIL and felt bad he was struggling so I gently ask him if he needs help. He says yes thank you. I stand up and start serving everyone's dinner, filling every plate passed to me and adjusting according to their preferences. This seems to make SIL mad for some reason. She visibly recoils. Then she starts mean commentary, " guys! look at Larla! What is she doing?! She is giving everyone tiny portions! we need to eat!" I am too busy serving to comment and let it slide. Then, " OMG guys lets all give Larla tips for serving us! hahah!"

I give mu husband an angry "wtf" look. He looks at me back and says, "Laria is doing a wonderful job. Thank you honey!"

Then when its my plate, DH gets out of his seat and says, "you shouldn't have to serve yourself. Let me get yours." I say thanks, kiss him, and sit down.

SIL freaks out. "What??!! That is not fair! I had to get my own plate! Why do you have to serve Larla's?!"

"My husband ignores her and casually mutters, "she's my wife."

I look at SIL and say gently, "Britney you should be proud your brother is being a good husband."

She then visibly recoils, mutters something under her breath and gives me the most icy angry stare and then a fake plastic exaggerated smile"

I'm so shocked at it Im left staring at the obvious display of hatred. Out of the blue!

I am utterly confused. She always does things like this, criticize me, call me out, make fun of me. I have no idea what is going on? What is her deal? How do I deal?

Your SIL is an insufferable jerk and there's no way you can change her. Give up on that. OTOH, this was a hostile statement and it would have pissed me off, too. Disengage from your SIL. She's a lost cause. But don't play these kinds of passive aggressive games in response to your SIL's aggression.

[Anonymous]

Dysfunctional family and crazy SIL. My in laws are similar, and after 16 years, I’ve finally realized that nothing I do will change their behavior or opinions of me. It became even more apparent after having kids. Do yourself a favor and spend even less time with these people. Send your husband off to see his family by himself- then their anger, unhappiness, and aggression will have to find another target that doesn’t have your name on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t see why people can’t serve themselves.

+1 While I cringed at your SUL’s behavior, I keep getting stuck on the fact that there’s this much drama over serving the food, as PP said. I’ve never been to a Thanksgiving meal where one person serves every single item to every single person. It’s either buffet style or people serve themselves at the table. It’s a non-issue. And then your DH got up to serve you because you “shouldn’t serve yourself?” That’s sweet, but I don’t really get it. But I guess that’s beside the point.

Your SIL sounds like a wretched four year old. If she’s truly that awful then she’s a miserable, miserable person and it would be a waste of time to give her the time of day or wonder why she treats you so poorly. She’s not a healthy person. Just you be you and ignore her.

[Anonymous]

Also, if your FIL is struggling due to his age and your SIL expected him to serve each everyone and then yelled at him...c’mon, you can’t take that level of a$$holery personally.

[Anonymous]

Your SIL was being peevish and you were chastising her as if she was a spoiled brat with your lovey dovey husband and wife routine. So not your place, Op.

You can't control your SIL's bad behavior but you can tone your own self down a notch. It was nice of you to help your FIL and it was ridiculous that no one else at the table thought to do so. The bad part was making a show of it, which you did whether you initially intended to do so or not.

It's over. Just learn from it and don't allow yourself to react to her like that again.

I a agree with the poster above that it sounds as though there might be some mental heath issues involved with your SIL. She sounds on edge and very stressed out to be lashing out like that. Maybe she is having a hard time relaxing around you?

[Anonymous]

I assume SIL is not 13? Or a teen? Who are these pps that are nasty to OP nitpicking on her serving after FIL was struggling? I must assume they are themselves nasty, petulant people who think that their pouting and nastiness should cause people to walk on eggshells. That is the most nuts part about this thread! That people think OP should have KEPT quiet and not "interfered/hurt" with her SIL's feelings!? Plus, even that is crazy, as I see nothing in SIL's behavior. OP did something nice and now she is to blame for it, because it made SIL more nasty? Certainly, OP's DH was a bit over the top with "you shouldn't serve yourself," shtick, but that is not of OP's doing. In my family, no matter the age and family "position?!"(yes I am sarcastic...to all pps who are insane) all of us would have told such a member to shut up asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your SIL was being peevish and you were chastising her as if she was a spoiled brat with your lovey dovey husband and wife routine. So not your place, Op.

You can't control your SIL's bad behavior but you can tone your own self down a notch. It was nice of you to help your FIL and it was ridiculous that no one else at the table thought to do so. The bad part was making a show of it, which you did whether you initially intended to do so or not.

It's over. Just learn from it and don't allow yourself to react to her like that again.

I a agree with the poster above that it sounds as though there might be some mental heath issues involved with your SIL. She sounds on edge and very stressed out to be lashing out like that. Maybe she is having a hard time relaxing around you?

Oh yes, SIL is having a hard time relaxing around op and he brother?! Quite frankly,you sound as crazy as her SIL. One good, "what the hell is your problem" is what I would have told that nasty SIL brat.

[Anonymous]

Op is not to blame for her SIL's outrageous behavior. Op is only responsible for the ooey gooey lovey dovey talk between herself and her husband. She and her dh were poking the crazy lady with their comments. That wasn't right of them.