What is SIL's problem with me?

[Anonymous]

My MIL and SIL have disliked me since the day my DH brought me home. Over the years we have had a lot of drama with the MIL but after repeated confrontations and talks, she seems to have toned it down. She treats me politely but coldly and that is fine with me. She KNOWS her treatment of me is not cool and when she says acts crazy again, we all know its on her, not me or my DH.

My SIL has never liked me and goes out of her way to treat me as a stranger. She is passive aggressive and MEAN.

Over the years I have been busy focusing on MIL so I have generally brushed her behavior aside but at a recent thanksgiving her meanness come up front and center and has been on my mind.

Example:

FIL is getting up there and had some trouble serving our plates at dinner. He was having difficulty giving SIL the right about of stuffing, she gets annoyed, yells at him gets up and serves her own plate with a huff and sits back down. I look at FIL and felt bad he was struggling so I gently ask him if he needs help. He says yes thank you. I stand up and start serving everyone's dinner, filling every plate passed to me and adjusting according to their preferences. This seems to make SIL mad for some reason. She visibly recoils. Then she starts mean commentary, " guys! look at Larla! What is she doing?! She is giving everyone tiny portions! we need to eat!" I am too busy serving to comment and let it slide. Then, " OMG guys lets all give Larla tips for serving us! hahah!"

I give mu husband an angry "wtf" look. He looks at me back and says, "Laria is doing a wonderful job. Thank you honey!"

Then when its my plate, DH gets out of his seat and says, "you shouldn't have to serve yourself. Let me get yours." I say thanks, kiss him, and sit down.

SIL freaks out. "What??!! That is not fair! I had to get my own plate! Why do you have to serve Larla's?!"

"My husband ignores her and casually mutters, "she's my wife."

I look at SIL and say gently, "Britney you should be proud your brother is being a good husband."

She then visibly recoils, mutters something under her breath and gives me the most icy angry stare and then a fake plastic exaggerated smile"

I'm so shocked at it Im left staring at the obvious display of hatred. Out of the blue!

I am utterly confused. She always does things like this, criticize me, call me out, make fun of me. I have no idea what is going on? What is her deal? How do I deal?

[Anonymous]

Easy solution everyone serves the self and gets the exact portion that they want. So much drama over nothing.

[Anonymous]

OP and her husband love the drama.

[Anonymous]

OMG you sound like the most passive aggressive bunch of nutjobs. Putting food on plates shouldn't require this much debate or drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG you sound like the most passive aggressive bunch of nutjobs. Putting food on plates shouldn't require this much debate or drama.

...how did I create the drama?

[Anonymous]

She’s insecure and stupid. Ignore.

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing SIL is not married correct? Just ignore her.

[Anonymous]

I don't know..you made her look bad and she was trying to make you look foolish?

Maybe she thought she was being cute and funny and you were taking everything she said the wrong way?

You were not wrong to help your FIL. Unless you were doing it in some sort of big showy way I would just relax in the knowledge that you did NOTHING wrong and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Stop dissecting every single glance, tone and gesture, OP. It's not healthy, and not normal. You're looking for ways to be offended at this point.

Your SIL may or may not be trying to get a rise out of you, but that's HER problem. Don't make it yours.

[Anonymous]

Next time there's a "should we serve this meal family-style or buffet" thread in the Food forum, I'm linking to this.

Buffet allows everyone to get what they want without observation and commentary from obnoxious people.

[Anonymous]

She treats me politely but coldly and that is fine with me

You say this, now live it
Every time you re-hash a story it hurts you, more than it helps you. Work harder at forgetting about it instead of reciting it, every detail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time there's a "should we serve this meal family-style or buffet" thread in the Food forum, I'm linking to this.

Buffet allows everyone to get what they want without observation and commentary from obnoxious people.

+1 If obnoxiousness is a potential problem...this might be the way for your family to go, Op. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

[Anonymous]

Your comment about your DH being a good husband would have annoyed me, too, OP. You have to let things roll off your back sometimes.

[Anonymous]

OP, both you and SIL are playing a sad game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, both you and SIL are playing a sad game.

What game is that? I wasn't playing any game. I just wanted to help FIL as I felt bad for it. Also I thought it would be efficient.