homecoming and socially aggressive moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the girl’s moms my sons group of friends from an EC arranged a nice dinner beforehand at their country club and coordinated rides freshman and sophomore years. Nice pictures before. I wrote her a check. By junior year, the kids made their own plans.

I have a socially clueless boy, so I appreciated it. The loved being invite, and it took the pressure off a date. Left to his own devices, my kid would never have made a plan and probably would have skipped homecoming. But this was a very inclusive, all freshmen or sophomores in the extracurricular got an invite thing. My kid had a nice dinner and a good time, we have a nice picture of his friend group in a suit and it took a lot of social pressure off him. It cost me about $25 for dinner. Plus the cost of the ticket. No flowers because he didn’t have a date.

Moms can do snobby micromanaging, or they can be helpful and inclusive for 14 year olds who are poor planners . My sons friends mom was the later, and it was really nice of her. I’m pretty sure no one was excluded and no one had their feelings hurt.

+1

There is a third group of moms, OP. Be grateful if you don't come across the "forced inclusion" type. They are nuts! I heard of one parent who tried to go to the high school admin, to have their son included forcibly (!!!), into a group of boys attending homecoming. The boys had made their own plans - as it should be, it is high school. As you would suspect, that parent is now and forever on that school's radar, by their own doing - and NOT for good reason. Their poor DC! It would have been so much better for that DC, in the long run to find people who wanted to include (NOT forcibly, which will always backfire, for obvious reasons).

High school is the perfect time for our children to learn to make plans for themselves, *without* parental micromanagement. When I have seen micromanaging for homecoming, it is usually a family of all girls, whose mom is trying to live vicariously - or (rather obviously) have their daughters pair up with someone in particular. Everyone knows who that is, it is kind of the running joke. Sometimes a group of girls will invite a shy kid, and that is kind of nice, but it really sticks out, so it could go either way (by drawing to much attention, not always in a good way).

I don't really understand the moms who feel the need to send so many texts and/or make so many phone calls about anything, but I do think they need professional help. Since you asked, OP.

Sorry, I'm getting a mean vibe from your post. I can just picture a parent of a quirky or special needs child requesting a little bit of social help from the counseling department and everyone finding a resolution by inviting this boy into an existing group. As a PTA board member, I can assure you that high school administrations do NOT look down on such requests, it's just that they usually can't intervene.
I hope you can be a little more open to atypical situations, PP. Tolerance goes a long way. Not everyone fits in ALL the time, and perhaps one day you or your children may have to rely on the goodwill of others.

Get over yourself. No one cares you are a PTA board member. Do you think that lends more credibility to your opinion on the social aspects of Homecoming?

Other PP here, also a PTA board member. That PP sounds nuts, I doubt the PTA allows her to make many decisions, don't sweat it. And yeah, the school admin definitely knows who is who, by their own doing.

[Anonymous]

Wondering about the moms who dwell on this stuff, and why they see nothing wrong with their fixations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering about the moms who dwell on this stuff, and why they see nothing wrong with their fixations?

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering about the moms who dwell on this stuff, and why they see nothing wrong with their fixations?

My children are too young for homecoming but I guess parents want their kids to be happy and some kids are shy or don’t reach out or don’t have those social networks that some other kids have mostly from their parents. Be honest at certain schools the parents who are friends from their clubs plan events so I could see other parents feeling left out. No, my kids usually have plans so I’m not talking about me but that doesn’t mean I don’t have empathy for those families that maybe don’t know other people or often get forgotten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering about the moms who dwell on this stuff, and why they see nothing wrong with their fixations?

My children are too young for homecoming but I guess parents want their kids to be happy and some kids are shy or don’t reach out or don’t have those social networks that some other kids have mostly from their parents. Be honest at certain schools the parents who are friends from their clubs plan events so I could see other parents feeling left out. No, my kids usually have plans so I’m not talking about me but that doesn’t mean I don’t have empathy for those families that maybe don’t know other people or often get forgotten.

Homecoming age is high school - teens. At that point, DC *should* be choosing their own friends, regardless of who their parents spend time with (or not). I nor my friends hang out with their DC's friend's parents, nor do most in our rather large high school. I have never heard of the parents intermingling with their friends' parents. Instead, parents usually make their own friends, independent of their children, as far as I know. It does not seem healthy to intermix DC's friends and their parents and us together, frankly. I am sure they are fine people, but we make our own friends, and encourage DC to do the same. It is a life long skill that DC needs, and I am DC's parent, so that is my job to teach DC how to make their own friends, and keep them.

High school friendships ebb and flow, and if Larlo and Larla aren't talking this week, I am certainly not getting wrapped up in their teen drama (usually who sat next to whom for lunch period); because next week they will be getting along fine - unless a parent steps in and ruins any possibility of that! Why on earth would parents not see something so obvious, especially if they "need" to be so socially astute - and "need" to police their DCs social calendar? That would be base level Sociology 101 - *not* interfering! Why is that not obvious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering about the moms who dwell on this stuff, and why they see nothing wrong with their fixations?

My children are too young for homecoming but I guess parents want their kids to be happy and some kids are shy or don’t reach out or don’t have those social networks that some other kids have mostly from their parents. Be honest at certain schools the parents who are friends from their clubs plan events so I could see other parents feeling left out. No, my kids usually have plans so I’m not talking about me but that doesn’t mean I don’t have empathy for those families that maybe don’t know other people or often get forgotten.

Even parent wants their child to be happy. You don't go arranging "playdates" in high school!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I try to stay away from moms like that. I prefer for my kids to create their own social lives. I cannot deal with people like you have described. I was recently cornered by a mother who asked me about my daughter’s homecoming experience and then proceeded to tell me how she went to her daughter’s friend’s homecoming pre-party with all the other parents of the friends and how lovely it was and on and on and on. Apparently all of the parents bought their daughters wrist corsages. So glad I don’t see her that much. It makes me nauseous to listen to that kind of meaningless drivel.

So weird. I had a mom tell me the same thing. I wonder if it was the same person! I didn't take it the way you did, though. I thought it was very nice for the parents to get together with their kids. It's important to know what is going on with your children and to make sure they are not getting into drinking or drugs. One way to do that is to help with organizing and meet the other parents. If your kids can organize something on their own, the more power to them. Otherwise, there is nothing wrong with parents arranging a get together for their children, as long as they don't exclude anyone who wants to join in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I try to stay away from moms like that. I prefer for my kids to create their own social lives. I cannot deal with people like you have described. I was recently cornered by a mother who asked me about my daughter’s homecoming experience and then proceeded to tell me how she went to her daughter’s friend’s homecoming pre-party with all the other parents of the friends and how lovely it was and on and on and on. Apparently all of the parents bought their daughters wrist corsages. So glad I don’t see her that much. It makes me nauseous to listen to that kind of meaningless drivel.

So weird. I had a mom tell me the same thing. I wonder if it was the same person! I didn't take it the way you did, though. I thought it was very nice for the parents to get together with their kids. It's important to know what is going on with your children and to make sure they are not getting into drinking or drugs. One way to do that is to help with organizing and meet the other parents. If your kids can organize something on their own, the more power to them. Otherwise, there is nothing wrong with parents arranging a get together for their children, as long as they don't exclude anyone who wants to join in.

I agree - also, if my child ever felt excluded, I would encourage DC to be around people who actually want DC around! You can’t make someone like you. I don’t want my DC known as the stalker with the mom who doesn’t get it.

[Anonymous]

OP why can't you just ignore people you find tiresome? Find some new friends.

[Anonymous]

Where do you all you people live that parents are this involved in their high school students' lives and so up in everybody's business? What a nightmare for everybody.

My son attends Wilson High School in DC and thank goodness, there is none of this parental nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I noticed this in our 9th grade too. Perfect location, perfect camera, perfect lighting (which means they must have had to get there several hours before the dance started just for pictures.) A select group of kids with photos all over FB. Corsages, dinner at nice restaurants or the country club. Sounded a bit much for 9th grade. Maybe we'll work up to the big deal day-long event by Junior year.

Do people do this for Homecoming? I didn't think it was that big of a deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I noticed this in our 9th grade too. Perfect location, perfect camera, perfect lighting (which means they must have had to get there several hours before the dance started just for pictures.) A select group of kids with photos all over FB. Corsages, dinner at nice restaurants or the country club. Sounded a bit much for 9th grade. Maybe we'll work up to the big deal day-long event by Junior year.

Do people do this for Homecoming? I didn't think it was that big of a deal.

Depends where. The places your expect, have moms who go overboard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I noticed this in our 9th grade too. Perfect location, perfect camera, perfect lighting (which means they must have had to get there several hours before the dance started just for pictures.) A select group of kids with photos all over FB. Corsages, dinner at nice restaurants or the country club. Sounded a bit much for 9th grade. Maybe we'll work up to the big deal day-long event by Junior year.

Do people do this for Homecoming? I didn't think it was that big of a deal.

Yes. I thought it was a bit much too. Almost like a pre-wedding party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has Homecoming at your child’s school brought out the worst in some moms? I’m talking about freshman in high school with their moms talking about it constantly for weeks and working behind the scenes to plan their cchild’s dates and pre-parties. For example, one started about a month in advance, calling many even people with children who aren’t her child’s good friends, and advised her child to wait to decide until the last minute to make sure the child had the most options and could go with the “best” possible party, then posted endless pictures on social media tagging everyone. Our child was there too, so this isn’t about being excluded, but it has been eye opening to see how involved some of moms are in their teenagers’ social lives, and I wondered if this is unique to our child’s school. Maybe it is because this is the first big event of the year.

you can't fix stupid. sounds like the parents are living vicariously thru their child. stage mom syndrome.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has Homecoming at your child’s school brought out the worst in some moms? I’m talking about freshman in high school with their moms talking about it constantly for weeks and working behind the scenes to plan their cchild’s dates and pre-parties. For example, one started about a month in advance, calling many even people with children who aren’t her child’s good friends, and advised her child to wait to decide until the last minute to make sure the child had the most options and could go with the “best” possible party, then posted endless pictures on social media tagging everyone. Our child was there too, so this isn’t about being excluded, but it has been eye opening to see how involved some of moms are in their teenagers’ social lives, and I wondered if this is unique to our child’s school. Maybe it is because this is the first big event of the year.

Who knows OP. If she’s not doing anything malicious then who cares. Some people have shitty lives and the only joy they get is seeing their kids happy. Unless they’re being exclusive or purposely hurting someone who gives a care if they’re excited about their kids homecoming. Let them be happy.