homecoming and socially aggressive moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the girl’s moms my sons group of friends from an EC arranged a nice dinner beforehand at their country club and coordinated rides freshman and sophomore years. Nice pictures before. I wrote her a check. By junior year, the kids made their own plans.

I have a socially clueless boy, so I appreciated it. The loved being invite, and it took the pressure off a date. Left to his own devices, my kid would never have made a plan and probably would have skipped homecoming. But this was a very inclusive, all freshmen or sophomores in the extracurricular got an invite thing. My kid had a nice dinner and a good time, we have a nice picture of his friend group in a suit and it took a lot of social pressure off him. It cost me about $25 for dinner. Plus the cost of the ticket. No flowers because he didn’t have a date.

Moms can do snobby micromanaging, or they can be helpful and inclusive for 14 year olds who are poor planners . My sons friends mom was the later, and it was really nice of her. I’m pretty sure no one was excluded and no one had their feelings hurt.

+1

There is a third group of moms, OP. Be grateful if you don't come across the "forced inclusion" type. They are nuts! I heard of one parent who tried to go to the high school admin, to have their son included forcibly (!!!), into a group of boys attending homecoming. The boys had made their own plans - as it should be, it is high school. As you would suspect, that parent is now and forever on that school's radar, by their own doing - and NOT for good reason. Their poor DC! It would have been so much better for that DC, in the long run to find people who wanted to include (NOT forcibly, which will always backfire, for obvious reasons).

High school is the perfect time for our children to learn to make plans for themselves, *without* parental micromanagement. When I have seen micromanaging for homecoming, it is usually a family of all girls, whose mom is trying to live vicariously - or (rather obviously) have their daughters pair up with someone in particular. Everyone knows who that is, it is kind of the running joke. Sometimes a group of girls will invite a shy kid, and that is kind of nice, but it really sticks out, so it could go either way (by drawing to much attention, not always in a good way).

I don't really understand the moms who feel the need to send so many texts and/or make so many phone calls about anything, but I do think they need professional help. Since you asked, OP.

What’s the harm in including him if he did idn’t have anywhere else to go? I would’ve suggested to my son that they include someone. Its not like he’s going to make or break their night by being there but it could really ruin his night if he didn’t have somewhere to go. What happened to sense of community and being nice to other people? And no, I’m not that parent you’re talking about But I am a parent and I do have empathy for others.

If you are forcing other moms to include your child, that can never be good. Believe me, I have seen it. My sister is a control freak and she tries to pull stunts like this all the time with her teens. Each and every time, it backfires. The parents may "yes" you to your face, but behind your back, your child (and you!) will never live it down.

My sister is socially awkward and narrow minded, and she is trying to do the same to her kids, whether she realizes it or not. In her world, everyone that disagrees with her is "wrong", but honestly, she doesn't hav many friends, nor do her teens. I try to talk to her about it, but it is her way or the highway. She married a much older man to "protect" her, and he tries to go along with her crazy as much as he can, but it is grating on him, and he is the most patient guy I know. Her behaviors adversely affect her entire family, but she refuses to get the help she needs, and sh refuses to back off. It is like a train wreck. She doesn't WANT to understand the reality and repercussions of her actions, because she really believes she is not wrong. It is kind of sad. What sh should be doing is letting her teen steer what HE wants to do, and stop fixating on him "missing homecoming" (or whatever dram it is that week). Honestly, the kid doesn't even care if he misses it or not. It's all her, unfortunately.

I’m not the mom that forced her kid to go anywhere but I do have empathy for her. Secondly, you some pretty mean and should resolved your issues with your sister.

I am not only very supportive of my sister, but she appreciates it. We are very close. You sound terribly mean and especially judgmental. Dial it down some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the girl’s moms my sons group of friends from an EC arranged a nice dinner beforehand at their country club and coordinated rides freshman and sophomore years. Nice pictures before. I wrote her a check. By junior year, the kids made their own plans.

I have a socially clueless boy, so I appreciated it. The loved being invite, and it took the pressure off a date. Left to his own devices, my kid would never have made a plan and probably would have skipped homecoming. But this was a very inclusive, all freshmen or sophomores in the extracurricular got an invite thing. My kid had a nice dinner and a good time, we have a nice picture of his friend group in a suit and it took a lot of social pressure off him. It cost me about $25 for dinner. Plus the cost of the ticket. No flowers because he didn’t have a date.

Moms can do snobby micromanaging, or they can be helpful and inclusive for 14 year olds who are poor planners . My sons friends mom was the later, and it was really nice of her. I’m pretty sure no one was excluded and no one had their feelings hurt.

+1

There is a third group of moms, OP. Be grateful if you don't come across the "forced inclusion" type. They are nuts! I heard of one parent who tried to go to the high school admin, to have their son included forcibly (!!!), into a group of boys attending homecoming. The boys had made their own plans - as it should be, it is high school. As you would suspect, that parent is now and forever on that school's radar, by their own doing - and NOT for good reason. Their poor DC! It would have been so much better for that DC, in the long run to find people who wanted to include (NOT forcibly, which will always backfire, for obvious reasons).

High school is the perfect time for our children to learn to make plans for themselves, *without* parental micromanagement. When I have seen micromanaging for homecoming, it is usually a family of all girls, whose mom is trying to live vicariously - or (rather obviously) have their daughters pair up with someone in particular. Everyone knows who that is, it is kind of the running joke. Sometimes a group of girls will invite a shy kid, and that is kind of nice, but it really sticks out, so it could go either way (by drawing to much attention, not always in a good way).

I don't really understand the moms who feel the need to send so many texts and/or make so many phone calls about anything, but I do think they need professional help. Since you asked, OP.

Sorry, I'm getting a mean vibe from your post. I can just picture a parent of a quirky or special needs child requesting a little bit of social help from the counseling department and everyone finding a resolution by inviting this boy into an existing group. As a PTA board member, I can assure you that high school administrations do NOT look down on such requests, it's just that they usually can't intervene.
I hope you can be a little more open to atypical situations, PP. Tolerance goes a long way. Not everyone fits in ALL the time, and perhaps one day you or your children may have to rely on the goodwill of others.

You have no idea what my situation is. None.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious--are these mom's of daughter, mom's of sons or a mix?

I have sons only and never experienced this.

At our school it is moms of girls.

Seems more like the girls at my kids' HS too, based on the Facebook photos. My 10th grade DS and his friends didn't want to go. If it involves dressing up, it's not worth doing.

My 10th grade DS is the same way. He only went last year because he was in JROTC and was 'voluntold' to go. He's not going this year and couldn't care less.

[Anonymous]

No. Because I don't have mom friends from my DD's HS. I have acquaintances that I say hi to. I even helped decorate and heard nothing of the kind. Maybe they just don't talk about it at DD's school. Nobody certainly said a word who should be whose date and to keep your options open! Do you people even have your own lives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Because I don't have mom friends from my DD's HS. I have acquaintances that I say hi to. I even helped decorate and heard nothing of the kind. Maybe they just don't talk about it at DD's school. Nobody certainly said a word who should be whose date and to keep your options open! Do you people even have your own lives?[/quote]

x10000

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the girl’s moms my sons group of friends from an EC arranged a nice dinner beforehand at their country club and coordinated rides freshman and sophomore years. Nice pictures before. I wrote her a check. By junior year, the kids made their own plans.

I have a socially clueless boy, so I appreciated it. The loved being invite, and it took the pressure off a date. Left to his own devices, my kid would never have made a plan and probably would have skipped homecoming. But this was a very inclusive, all freshmen or sophomores in the extracurricular got an invite thing. My kid had a nice dinner and a good time, we have a nice picture of his friend group in a suit and it took a lot of social pressure off him. It cost me about $25 for dinner. Plus the cost of the ticket. No flowers because he didn’t have a date.

Moms can do snobby micromanaging, or they can be helpful and inclusive for 14 year olds who are poor planners . My sons friends mom was the later, and it was really nice of her. I’m pretty sure no one was excluded and no one had their feelings hurt.

+1

There is a third group of moms, OP. Be grateful if you don't come across the "forced inclusion" type. They are nuts! I heard of one parent who tried to go to the high school admin, to have their son included forcibly (!!!), into a group of boys attending homecoming. The boys had made their own plans - as it should be, it is high school. As you would suspect, that parent is now and forever on that school's radar, by their own doing - and NOT for good reason. Their poor DC! It would have been so much better for that DC, in the long run to find people who wanted to include (NOT forcibly, which will always backfire, for obvious reasons).

High school is the perfect time for our children to learn to make plans for themselves, *without* parental micromanagement. When I have seen micromanaging for homecoming, it is usually a family of all girls, whose mom is trying to live vicariously - or (rather obviously) have their daughters pair up with someone in particular. Everyone knows who that is, it is kind of the running joke. Sometimes a group of girls will invite a shy kid, and that is kind of nice, but it really sticks out, so it could go either way (by drawing to much attention, not always in a good way).

I don't really understand the moms who feel the need to send so many texts and/or make so many phone calls about anything, but I do think they need professional help. Since you asked, OP.

Sorry, I'm getting a mean vibe from your post. I can just picture a parent of a quirky or special needs child requesting a little bit of social help from the counseling department and everyone finding a resolution by inviting this boy into an existing group. As a PTA board member, I can assure you that high school administrations do NOT look down on such requests, it's just that they usually can't intervene.
I hope you can be a little more open to atypical situations, PP. Tolerance goes a long way. Not everyone fits in ALL the time, and perhaps one day you or your children may have to rely on the goodwill of others.

You have no idea what my situation is. None.

DO. It doesn't change that fact that your post sounds intolerant and judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Wow- mom of DD going to one and love the boy, as well as the group. No drama, just going...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nerd freshman kid and his nerd freshman friends from a nerd school, went bowling instead of HoCo, had a big meal at a restaurant and then came back home. Bless the lack of stress! Could not care one way or the other. If they wanted to attend they could.

+1. My nerd freshman daughter has a movie night with two friends, and pizza. She is constantly telling me that she can't wait for HS to be over, because she can't wait to get away from her classmates and their even worse parents. She is looking at ways to take summer classes so she can graduate HS a bit earlier because the people are "just so basic and so horrible". I feel her pain and I'm researching ways to help her graduate HS earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nerd freshman kid and his nerd freshman friends from a nerd school, went bowling instead of HoCo, had a big meal at a restaurant and then came back home. Bless the lack of stress! Could not care one way or the other. If they wanted to attend they could.

+1. My nerd freshman daughter has a movie night with two friends, and pizza. She is constantly telling me that she can't wait for HS to be over, because she can't wait to get away from her classmates and their even worse parents. She is looking at ways to take summer classes so she can graduate HS a bit earlier because the people are "just so basic and so horrible". I feel her pain and I'm researching ways to help her graduate HS earlier.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the girl’s moms my sons group of friends from an EC arranged a nice dinner beforehand at their country club and coordinated rides freshman and sophomore years. Nice pictures before. I wrote her a check. By junior year, the kids made their own plans.

I have a socially clueless boy, so I appreciated it. The loved being invite, and it took the pressure off a date. Left to his own devices, my kid would never have made a plan and probably would have skipped homecoming. But this was a very inclusive, all freshmen or sophomores in the extracurricular got an invite thing. My kid had a nice dinner and a good time, we have a nice picture of his friend group in a suit and it took a lot of social pressure off him. It cost me about $25 for dinner. Plus the cost of the ticket. No flowers because he didn’t have a date.

Moms can do snobby micromanaging, or they can be helpful and inclusive for 14 year olds who are poor planners . My sons friends mom was the later, and it was really nice of her. I’m pretty sure no one was excluded and no one had their feelings hurt.

+1

There is a third group of moms, OP. Be grateful if you don't come across the "forced inclusion" type. They are nuts! I heard of one parent who tried to go to the high school admin, to have their son included forcibly (!!!), into a group of boys attending homecoming. The boys had made their own plans - as it should be, it is high school. As you would suspect, that parent is now and forever on that school's radar, by their own doing - and NOT for good reason. Their poor DC! It would have been so much better for that DC, in the long run to find people who wanted to include (NOT forcibly, which will always backfire, for obvious reasons).

High school is the perfect time for our children to learn to make plans for themselves, *without* parental micromanagement. When I have seen micromanaging for homecoming, it is usually a family of all girls, whose mom is trying to live vicariously - or (rather obviously) have their daughters pair up with someone in particular. Everyone knows who that is, it is kind of the running joke. Sometimes a group of girls will invite a shy kid, and that is kind of nice, but it really sticks out, so it could go either way (by drawing to much attention, not always in a good way).

I don't really understand the moms who feel the need to send so many texts and/or make so many phone calls about anything, but I do think they need professional help. Since you asked, OP.

Sorry, I'm getting a mean vibe from your post. I can just picture a parent of a quirky or special needs child requesting a little bit of social help from the counseling department and everyone finding a resolution by inviting this boy into an existing group. As a PTA board member, I can assure you that high school administrations do NOT look down on such requests, it's just that they usually can't intervene.
I hope you can be a little more open to atypical situations, PP. Tolerance goes a long way. Not everyone fits in ALL the time, and perhaps one day you or your children may have to rely on the goodwill of others.

You have no idea what my situation is. None.

DO. It doesn't change that fact that your post sounds intolerant and judgmental.

Of whom? If I don't agree with PP, then my DC must be "popular"? No, they are not, and they do NOT care. That is the point. OP needs to focus on other issues. For instance, issue that matter.

[Anonymous]

I am the mom of a freshman girl in a DC area private school. She played at a sporting event all day long and then we hightailed out back to DC with barely enough time for her to shower and get ready for her first HoCo. She looked great and there was no drama. She didn't get home in time to meet up with her friends ahead of time so she just met them at dinner. She had a blast. At her school it didnt seem like a huge deal. My son is at a different all-boys private in DC and I have seen moms of other boys act like you describe but my son is pretty independent and other than needing the credit card for a corsage or dinner, doesn't require much from me. I have never understood the moms of boys who are so invested in their son's social lives and dances but there are lots of them. The girl moms I know are actually less obssessed.

[Anonymous]

The photos on facebook do seem a bit over the top. Not surprised since so many other events are also over the top. People around here can be very lavish and social climbing. Looks like fun for the kids though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nerd freshman kid and his nerd freshman friends from a nerd school, went bowling instead of HoCo, had a big meal at a restaurant and then came back home. Bless the lack of stress! Could not care one way or the other. If they wanted to attend they could.

+1. My nerd freshman daughter has a movie night with two friends, and pizza. She is constantly telling me that she can't wait for HS to be over, because she can't wait to get away from her classmates and their even worse parents. She is looking at ways to take summer classes so she can graduate HS a bit earlier because the people are "just so basic and so horrible". I feel her pain and I'm researching ways to help her graduate HS earlier.

Sorry to hear that. I understand but honestly my advice to you is to help her find some positive things she likes about school or some of the girls and boys there so she has some positive memories when she looks back. Encourage her to reach out or try new things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nerd freshman kid and his nerd freshman friends from a nerd school, went bowling instead of HoCo, had a big meal at a restaurant and then came back home. Bless the lack of stress! Could not care one way or the other. If they wanted to attend they could.

+1. My nerd freshman daughter has a movie night with two friends, and pizza. She is constantly telling me that she can't wait for HS to be over, because she can't wait to get away from her classmates and their even worse parents. She is looking at ways to take summer classes so she can graduate HS a bit earlier because the people are "just so basic and so horrible". I feel her pain and I'm researching ways to help her graduate HS earlier.

Sorry to hear that. I understand but honestly my advice to you is to help her find some positive things she likes about school or some of the girls and boys there so she has some positive memories when she looks back. Encourage her to reach out or try new things.

I think PPs point is that many of these things are for the moms, more than anyone. I know people who did not go to the prom, which to me, is a much bigger deal than homecoming. I ran into those people at reunions, and they are very successful, accomplished people. Their not having gone to prom had literally zero impact on anything in the rest of their life, whatsoever. The moms that are dwelling on this stuff are over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the girl’s moms my sons group of friends from an EC arranged a nice dinner beforehand at their country club and coordinated rides freshman and sophomore years. Nice pictures before. I wrote her a check. By junior year, the kids made their own plans.

I have a socially clueless boy, so I appreciated it. The loved being invite, and it took the pressure off a date. Left to his own devices, my kid would never have made a plan and probably would have skipped homecoming. But this was a very inclusive, all freshmen or sophomores in the extracurricular got an invite thing. My kid had a nice dinner and a good time, we have a nice picture of his friend group in a suit and it took a lot of social pressure off him. It cost me about $25 for dinner. Plus the cost of the ticket. No flowers because he didn’t have a date.

Moms can do snobby micromanaging, or they can be helpful and inclusive for 14 year olds who are poor planners . My sons friends mom was the later, and it was really nice of her. I’m pretty sure no one was excluded and no one had their feelings hurt.

+1

There is a third group of moms, OP. Be grateful if you don't come across the "forced inclusion" type. They are nuts! I heard of one parent who tried to go to the high school admin, to have their son included forcibly (!!!), into a group of boys attending homecoming. The boys had made their own plans - as it should be, it is high school. As you would suspect, that parent is now and forever on that school's radar, by their own doing - and NOT for good reason. Their poor DC! It would have been so much better for that DC, in the long run to find people who wanted to include (NOT forcibly, which will always backfire, for obvious reasons).

High school is the perfect time for our children to learn to make plans for themselves, *without* parental micromanagement. When I have seen micromanaging for homecoming, it is usually a family of all girls, whose mom is trying to live vicariously - or (rather obviously) have their daughters pair up with someone in particular. Everyone knows who that is, it is kind of the running joke. Sometimes a group of girls will invite a shy kid, and that is kind of nice, but it really sticks out, so it could go either way (by drawing to much attention, not always in a good way).

I don't really understand the moms who feel the need to send so many texts and/or make so many phone calls about anything, but I do think they need professional help. Since you asked, OP.

Sorry, I'm getting a mean vibe from your post. I can just picture a parent of a quirky or special needs child requesting a little bit of social help from the counseling department and everyone finding a resolution by inviting this boy into an existing group. As a PTA board member, I can assure you that high school administrations do NOT look down on such requests, it's just that they usually can't intervene.
I hope you can be a little more open to atypical situations, PP. Tolerance goes a long way. Not everyone fits in ALL the time, and perhaps one day you or your children may have to rely on the goodwill of others.

Get over yourself. No one cares you are a PTA board member. Do you think that lends more credibility to your opinion on the social aspects of Homecoming?