homecoming and socially aggressive moms

[Anonymous]

Has Homecoming at your child’s school brought out the worst in some moms? I’m talking about freshman in high school with their moms talking about it constantly for weeks and working behind the scenes to plan their cchild’s dates and pre-parties. For example, one started about a month in advance, calling many even people with children who aren’t her child’s good friends, and advised her child to wait to decide until the last minute to make sure the child had the most options and could go with the “best” possible party, then posted endless pictures on social media tagging everyone. Our child was there too, so this isn’t about being excluded, but it has been eye opening to see how involved some of moms are in their teenagers’ social lives, and I wondered if this is unique to our child’s school. Maybe it is because this is the first big event of the year.

[Anonymous]

Its literally their LAST chance to be everything in their childs life. Their control reach is coming to a quick end once their kid gets a few friends that drive and then their own license. It really tappers off by sophomore year and completely ends by JR. A few end up coming back around senior prom but they quickly see they have no playmates and go back to making their younger kids life miserable.

[Anonymous]

Could not be further from my experience. (9th grade boy).

Hey is anyone going? Not sure. OK. Hey looks like they decided to go, wanna car pool? Yes, great idea.

So how was it? Not sure, but I think they had fun. Good, glad they decided to go.

[Anonymous]

I noticed this in our 9th grade too. Perfect location, perfect camera, perfect lighting (which means they must have had to get there several hours before the dance started just for pictures.) A select group of kids with photos all over FB. Corsages, dinner at nice restaurants or the country club. Sounded a bit much for 9th grade. Maybe we'll work up to the big deal day-long event by Junior year.

[Anonymous]

The PP experience above sounds much more like we expected. Maybe it is just a few outlier moms who happen to. D in my group of friends, so I thought it was happening throughout the grade.

[Anonymous]

Not for us, super laid back (9th grade boys). I (a mom) asked my DS where he and his friends wanted to eat beforehand and made the reservation for them. Another mom, on the morning of, texted the rest of us, letting us know we could do pics at her house before dinner. Another mom drove them to dinner, and I drove them to dance. Everyone was responsible for their kid's ride home. No special lighting, no excessive texting between moms, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has Homecoming at your child’s school brought out the worst in some moms? I’m talking about freshman in high school with their moms talking about it constantly for weeks and working behind the scenes to plan their cchild’s dates and pre-parties. For example, one started about a month in advance, calling many even people with children who aren’t her child’s good friends, and advised her child to wait to decide until the last minute to make sure the child had the most options and could go with the “best” possible party, then posted endless pictures on social media tagging everyone. Our child was there too, so this isn’t about being excluded, but it has been eye opening to see how involved some of moms are in their teenagers’ social lives, and I wondered if this is unique to our child’s school. Maybe it is because this is the first big event of the year.

Private or public?

[Anonymous]

As a foreigner, I have no idea what homecoming is. My son will be in high school next year. The parents appear very hands-off in his middle school, but perhaps I have this impression because my son doesn't run into the social circles with lots of parties? Or is this a thing for parents of girls, mostly?

Could someone please enlighten me? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I try to stay away from moms like that. I prefer for my kids to create their own social lives. I cannot deal with people like you have described. I was recently cornered by a mother who asked me about my daughter’s homecoming experience and then proceeded to tell me how she went to her daughter’s friend’s homecoming pre-party with all the other parents of the friends and how lovely it was and on and on and on. Apparently all of the parents bought their daughters wrist corsages. So glad I don’t see her that much. It makes me nauseous to listen to that kind of meaningless drivel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has Homecoming at your child’s school brought out the worst in some moms? I’m talking about freshman in high school with their moms talking about it constantly for weeks and working behind the scenes to plan their cchild’s dates and pre-parties. For example, one started about a month in advance, calling many even people with children who aren’t her child’s good friends, and advised her child to wait to decide until the last minute to make sure the child had the most options and could go with the “best” possible party, then posted endless pictures on social media tagging everyone. Our child was there too, so this isn’t about being excluded, but it has been eye opening to see how involved some of moms are in their teenagers’ social lives, and I wondered if this is unique to our child’s school. Maybe it is because this is the first big event of the year.

Private or public?

This sounds soooo Whitmanesque.

[Anonymous]

This was my child’s experience in private, single sex school

[Anonymous]

One of the girl’s moms my sons group of friends from an EC arranged a nice dinner beforehand at their country club and coordinated rides freshman and sophomore years. Nice pictures before. I wrote her a check. By junior year, the kids made their own plans.

I have a socially clueless boy, so I appreciated it. The loved being invite, and it took the pressure off a date. Left to his own devices, my kid would never have made a plan and probably would have skipped homecoming. But this was a very inclusive, all freshmen or sophomores in the extracurricular got an invite thing. My kid had a nice dinner and a good time, we have a nice picture of his friend group in a suit and it took a lot of social pressure off him. It cost me about $25 for dinner. Plus the cost of the ticket. No flowers because he didn’t have a date.

Moms can do snobby micromanaging, or they can be helpful and inclusive for 14 year olds who are poor planners . My sons friends mom was the later, and it was really nice of her. I’m pretty sure no one was excluded and no one had their feelings hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has Homecoming at your child’s school brought out the worst in some moms? I’m talking about freshman in high school with their moms talking about it constantly for weeks and working behind the scenes to plan their cchild’s dates and pre-parties. For example, one started about a month in advance, calling many even people with children who aren’t her child’s good friends, and advised her child to wait to decide until the last minute to make sure the child had the most options and could go with the “best” possible party, then posted endless pictures on social media tagging everyone. Our child was there too, so this isn’t about being excluded, but it has been eye opening to see how involved some of moms are in their teenagers’ social lives, and I wondered if this is unique to our child’s school. Maybe it is because this is the first big event of the year.

How do you know the bolded part is true? The the mom tell you this?

[Anonymous]

I didn't notice this at all. I have two college age kids (boy and girl) that went to all 4 of their homecomings in high school. This was a large mostly middle/upper middle class NOVA public school. One of them was the partier type that went with a big group of guys/girls, the other was more lowkey, and it was more about a evening with a small group of her best girlfriends. In all cases, it was the kids who were doing all the planning. I sometimes texted moms in the group that I knew well to confirm that we were all on the same page with the details we were given, but that was it. I posted a few pictures on Facebook, but it wasn't a big ordeal. Maybe it's just your kid's school? Or your kid's friend group in particular?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I try to stay away from moms like that. I prefer for my kids to create their own social lives. I cannot deal with people like you have described. I was recently cornered by a mother who asked me about my daughter’s homecoming experience and then proceeded to tell me how she went to her daughter’s friend’s homecoming pre-party with all the other parents of the friends and how lovely it was and on and on and on. Apparently all of the parents bought their daughters wrist corsages. So glad I don’t see her that much. It makes me nauseous to listen to that kind of meaningless drivel.

PP— my DD is at a private school.