homecoming and socially aggressive moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the girl’s moms my sons group of friends from an EC arranged a nice dinner beforehand at their country club and coordinated rides freshman and sophomore years. Nice pictures before. I wrote her a check. By junior year, the kids made their own plans.

I have a socially clueless boy, so I appreciated it. The loved being invite, and it took the pressure off a date. Left to his own devices, my kid would never have made a plan and probably would have skipped homecoming. But this was a very inclusive, all freshmen or sophomores in the extracurricular got an invite thing. My kid had a nice dinner and a good time, we have a nice picture of his friend group in a suit and it took a lot of social pressure off him. It cost me about $25 for dinner. Plus the cost of the ticket. No flowers because he didn’t have a date.

Moms can do snobby micromanaging, or they can be helpful and inclusive for 14 year olds who are poor planners . My sons friends mom was the later, and it was really nice of her. I’m pretty sure no one was excluded and no one had their feelings hurt.

+1

There is a third group of moms, OP. Be grateful if you don't come across the "forced inclusion" type. They are nuts! I heard of one parent who tried to go to the high school admin, to have their son included forcibly (!!!), into a group of boys attending homecoming. The boys had made their own plans - as it should be, it is high school. As you would suspect, that parent is now and forever on that school's radar, by their own doing - and NOT for good reason. Their poor DC! It would have been so much better for that DC, in the long run to find people who wanted to include (NOT forcibly, which will always backfire, for obvious reasons).

High school is the perfect time for our children to learn to make plans for themselves, *without* parental micromanagement. When I have seen micromanaging for homecoming, it is usually a family of all girls, whose mom is trying to live vicariously - or (rather obviously) have their daughters pair up with someone in particular. Everyone knows who that is, it is kind of the running joke. Sometimes a group of girls will invite a shy kid, and that is kind of nice, but it really sticks out, so it could go either way (by drawing to much attention, not always in a good way).

I don't really understand the moms who feel the need to send so many texts and/or make so many phone calls about anything, but I do think they need professional help. Since you asked, OP.

Your opinion on this speaks volumes about you, and not in a good way. I would never try to force any of my kid into a group because they would never speak to me again, but I can empathize with parents who are trying to help their socially awkward kid, even in a very misguided way. A little empathy goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

The mom's of girls are out of control. They have control the whole scene, then act like a martyr for "doing everything".


Just show up, do pictures, pay your portion and let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious--are these mom's of daughter, mom's of sons or a mix?

I have sons only and never experienced this.

At our school it is moms of girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious--are these mom's of daughter, mom's of sons or a mix?

I have sons only and never experienced this.

At our school it is moms of girls.

Seems more like the girls at my kids' HS too, based on the Facebook photos. My 10th grade DS and his friends didn't want to go. If it involves dressing up, it's not worth doing.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm sure that this may well happen at several schools in this area and yes, particularly Whitman - but personally I am so far removed from anything school or "school mom" related that it just does not get on my radar.

You need more interesting things in your life.

[Anonymous]

This is crazy. My DS is double dating with a buddy - zero drama... maybe it will be different with my DD...

[Anonymous]

At our son’s school there were five large pre-parties in the grade, hosted by parents or organized at restaurants, so it was hard for the boys who weren’t invited to one - some were based around sports teams, but others were just friends of the host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the girl’s moms my sons group of friends from an EC arranged a nice dinner beforehand at their country club and coordinated rides freshman and sophomore years. Nice pictures before. I wrote her a check. By junior year, the kids made their own plans.

I have a socially clueless boy, so I appreciated it. The loved being invite, and it took the pressure off a date. Left to his own devices, my kid would never have made a plan and probably would have skipped homecoming. But this was a very inclusive, all freshmen or sophomores in the extracurricular got an invite thing. My kid had a nice dinner and a good time, we have a nice picture of his friend group in a suit and it took a lot of social pressure off him. It cost me about $25 for dinner. Plus the cost of the ticket. No flowers because he didn’t have a date.

Moms can do snobby micromanaging, or they can be helpful and inclusive for 14 year olds who are poor planners . My sons friends mom was the later, and it was really nice of her. I’m pretty sure no one was excluded and no one had their feelings hurt.

+1

There is a third group of moms, OP. Be grateful if you don't come across the "forced inclusion" type. They are nuts! I heard of one parent who tried to go to the high school admin, to have their son included forcibly (!!!), into a group of boys attending homecoming. The boys had made their own plans - as it should be, it is high school. As you would suspect, that parent is now and forever on that school's radar, by their own doing - and NOT for good reason. Their poor DC! It would have been so much better for that DC, in the long run to find people who wanted to include (NOT forcibly, which will always backfire, for obvious reasons).

High school is the perfect time for our children to learn to make plans for themselves, *without* parental micromanagement. When I have seen micromanaging for homecoming, it is usually a family of all girls, whose mom is trying to live vicariously - or (rather obviously) have their daughters pair up with someone in particular. Everyone knows who that is, it is kind of the running joke. Sometimes a group of girls will invite a shy kid, and that is kind of nice, but it really sticks out, so it could go either way (by drawing to much attention, not always in a good way).

I don't really understand the moms who feel the need to send so many texts and/or make so many phone calls about anything, but I do think they need professional help. Since you asked, OP.

Your opinion on this speaks volumes about you, and not in a good way. I would never try to force any of my kid into a group because they would never speak to me again, but I can empathize with parents who are trying to help their socially awkward kid, even in a very misguided way. A little empathy goes a long way.

How on earth, in anyone's world, would forcing your child into a group be HELPING one's child??!! Yikes.

[Anonymous]

My nerd freshman kid and his nerd freshman friends from a nerd school, went bowling instead of HoCo, had a big meal at a restaurant and then came back home. Bless the lack of stress! Could not care one way or the other. If they wanted to attend they could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the girl’s moms my sons group of friends from an EC arranged a nice dinner beforehand at their country club and coordinated rides freshman and sophomore years. Nice pictures before. I wrote her a check. By junior year, the kids made their own plans.

I have a socially clueless boy, so I appreciated it. The loved being invite, and it took the pressure off a date. Left to his own devices, my kid would never have made a plan and probably would have skipped homecoming. But this was a very inclusive, all freshmen or sophomores in the extracurricular got an invite thing. My kid had a nice dinner and a good time, we have a nice picture of his friend group in a suit and it took a lot of social pressure off him. It cost me about $25 for dinner. Plus the cost of the ticket. No flowers because he didn’t have a date.

Moms can do snobby micromanaging, or they can be helpful and inclusive for 14 year olds who are poor planners . My sons friends mom was the later, and it was really nice of her. I’m pretty sure no one was excluded and no one had their feelings hurt.

+1

There is a third group of moms, OP. Be grateful if you don't come across the "forced inclusion" type. They are nuts! I heard of one parent who tried to go to the high school admin, to have their son included forcibly (!!!), into a group of boys attending homecoming. The boys had made their own plans - as it should be, it is high school. As you would suspect, that parent is now and forever on that school's radar, by their own doing - and NOT for good reason. Their poor DC! It would have been so much better for that DC, in the long run to find people who wanted to include (NOT forcibly, which will always backfire, for obvious reasons).

High school is the perfect time for our children to learn to make plans for themselves, *without* parental micromanagement. When I have seen micromanaging for homecoming, it is usually a family of all girls, whose mom is trying to live vicariously - or (rather obviously) have their daughters pair up with someone in particular. Everyone knows who that is, it is kind of the running joke. Sometimes a group of girls will invite a shy kid, and that is kind of nice, but it really sticks out, so it could go either way (by drawing to much attention, not always in a good way).

I don't really understand the moms who feel the need to send so many texts and/or make so many phone calls about anything, but I do think they need professional help. Since you asked, OP.

What’s the harm in including him if he did idn’t have anywhere else to go? I would’ve suggested to my son that they include someone. Its not like he’s going to make or break their night by being there but it could really ruin his night if he didn’t have somewhere to go. What happened to sense of community and being nice to other people? And no, I’m not that parent you’re talking about But I am a parent and I do have empathy for others.

If you are forcing other moms to include your child, that can never be good. Believe me, I have seen it. My sister is a control freak and she tries to pull stunts like this all the time with her teens. Each and every time, it backfires. The parents may "yes" you to your face, but behind your back, your child (and you!) will never live it down.

My sister is socially awkward and narrow minded, and she is trying to do the same to her kids, whether she realizes it or not. In her world, everyone that disagrees with her is "wrong", but honestly, she doesn't hav many friends, nor do her teens. I try to talk to her about it, but it is her way or the highway. She married a much older man to "protect" her, and he tries to go along with her crazy as much as he can, but it is grating on him, and he is the most patient guy I know. Her behaviors adversely affect her entire family, but she refuses to get the help she needs, and sh refuses to back off. It is like a train wreck. She doesn't WANT to understand the reality and repercussions of her actions, because she really believes she is not wrong. It is kind of sad. What sh should be doing is letting her teen steer what HE wants to do, and stop fixating on him "missing homecoming" (or whatever dram it is that week). Honestly, the kid doesn't even care if he misses it or not. It's all her, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nerd freshman kid and his nerd freshman friends from a nerd school, went bowling instead of HoCo, had a big meal at a restaurant and then came back home. Bless the lack of stress! Could not care one way or the other. If they wanted to attend they could.

+1. It’s the crazy moms who bring the drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the girl’s moms my sons group of friends from an EC arranged a nice dinner beforehand at their country club and coordinated rides freshman and sophomore years. Nice pictures before. I wrote her a check. By junior year, the kids made their own plans.

I have a socially clueless boy, so I appreciated it. The loved being invite, and it took the pressure off a date. Left to his own devices, my kid would never have made a plan and probably would have skipped homecoming. But this was a very inclusive, all freshmen or sophomores in the extracurricular got an invite thing. My kid had a nice dinner and a good time, we have a nice picture of his friend group in a suit and it took a lot of social pressure off him. It cost me about $25 for dinner. Plus the cost of the ticket. No flowers because he didn’t have a date.

Moms can do snobby micromanaging, or they can be helpful and inclusive for 14 year olds who are poor planners . My sons friends mom was the later, and it was really nice of her. I’m pretty sure no one was excluded and no one had their feelings hurt.

+1

There is a third group of moms, OP. Be grateful if you don't come across the "forced inclusion" type. They are nuts! I heard of one parent who tried to go to the high school admin, to have their son included forcibly (!!!), into a group of boys attending homecoming. The boys had made their own plans - as it should be, it is high school. As you would suspect, that parent is now and forever on that school's radar, by their own doing - and NOT for good reason. Their poor DC! It would have been so much better for that DC, in the long run to find people who wanted to include (NOT forcibly, which will always backfire, for obvious reasons).

High school is the perfect time for our children to learn to make plans for themselves, *without* parental micromanagement. When I have seen micromanaging for homecoming, it is usually a family of all girls, whose mom is trying to live vicariously - or (rather obviously) have their daughters pair up with someone in particular. Everyone knows who that is, it is kind of the running joke. Sometimes a group of girls will invite a shy kid, and that is kind of nice, but it really sticks out, so it could go either way (by drawing to much attention, not always in a good way).

I don't really understand the moms who feel the need to send so many texts and/or make so many phone calls about anything, but I do think they need professional help. Since you asked, OP.

What’s the harm in including him if he did idn’t have anywhere else to go? I would’ve suggested to my son that they include someone. Its not like he’s going to make or break their night by being there but it could really ruin his night if he didn’t have somewhere to go. What happened to sense of community and being nice to other people? And no, I’m not that parent you’re talking about But I am a parent and I do have empathy for others.

If you are forcing other moms to include your child, that can never be good. Believe me, I have seen it. My sister is a control freak and she tries to pull stunts like this all the time with her teens. Each and every time, it backfires. The parents may "yes" you to your face, but behind your back, your child (and you!) will never live it down.

My sister is socially awkward and narrow minded, and she is trying to do the same to her kids, whether she realizes it or not. In her world, everyone that disagrees with her is "wrong", but honestly, she doesn't hav many friends, nor do her teens. I try to talk to her about it, but it is her way or the highway. She married a much older man to "protect" her, and he tries to go along with her crazy as much as he can, but it is grating on him, and he is the most patient guy I know. Her behaviors adversely affect her entire family, but she refuses to get the help she needs, and sh refuses to back off. It is like a train wreck. She doesn't WANT to understand the reality and repercussions of her actions, because she really believes she is not wrong. It is kind of sad. What sh should be doing is letting her teen steer what HE wants to do, and stop fixating on him "missing homecoming" (or whatever dram it is that week). Honestly, the kid doesn't even care if he misses it or not. It's all her, unfortunately.

I’m not the mom that forced her kid to go anywhere but I do have empathy for her. Secondly, you some pretty mean and should resolved your issues with your sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At our son’s school there were five large pre-parties in the grade, hosted by parents or organized at restaurants, so it was hard for the boys who weren’t invited to one - some were based around sports teams, but others were just friends of the host.

Is it a small private school? If so that means that most of the boys had somewhere to go and only a handful didn’t which is sad. I know people that have hosted events for 150 kids some years just so everyone had somewhere to go and I think those parents are the most amazing people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the girl’s moms my sons group of friends from an EC arranged a nice dinner beforehand at their country club and coordinated rides freshman and sophomore years. Nice pictures before. I wrote her a check. By junior year, the kids made their own plans.

I have a socially clueless boy, so I appreciated it. The loved being invite, and it took the pressure off a date. Left to his own devices, my kid would never have made a plan and probably would have skipped homecoming. But this was a very inclusive, all freshmen or sophomores in the extracurricular got an invite thing. My kid had a nice dinner and a good time, we have a nice picture of his friend group in a suit and it took a lot of social pressure off him. It cost me about $25 for dinner. Plus the cost of the ticket. No flowers because he didn’t have a date.

Moms can do snobby micromanaging, or they can be helpful and inclusive for 14 year olds who are poor planners . My sons friends mom was the later, and it was really nice of her. I’m pretty sure no one was excluded and no one had their feelings hurt.

+1

There is a third group of moms, OP. Be grateful if you don't come across the "forced inclusion" type. They are nuts! I heard of one parent who tried to go to the high school admin, to have their son included forcibly (!!!), into a group of boys attending homecoming. The boys had made their own plans - as it should be, it is high school. As you would suspect, that parent is now and forever on that school's radar, by their own doing - and NOT for good reason. Their poor DC! It would have been so much better for that DC, in the long run to find people who wanted to include (NOT forcibly, which will always backfire, for obvious reasons).

High school is the perfect time for our children to learn to make plans for themselves, *without* parental micromanagement. When I have seen micromanaging for homecoming, it is usually a family of all girls, whose mom is trying to live vicariously - or (rather obviously) have their daughters pair up with someone in particular. Everyone knows who that is, it is kind of the running joke. Sometimes a group of girls will invite a shy kid, and that is kind of nice, but it really sticks out, so it could go either way (by drawing to much attention, not always in a good way).

I don't really understand the moms who feel the need to send so many texts and/or make so many phone calls about anything, but I do think they need professional help. Since you asked, OP.

Sorry, I'm getting a mean vibe from your post. I can just picture a parent of a quirky or special needs child requesting a little bit of social help from the counseling department and everyone finding a resolution by inviting this boy into an existing group. As a PTA board member, I can assure you that high school administrations do NOT look down on such requests, it's just that they usually can't intervene.
I hope you can be a little more open to atypical situations, PP. Tolerance goes a long way. Not everyone fits in ALL the time, and perhaps one day you or your children may have to rely on the goodwill of others.

[Anonymous]

Weird.

-- Dad of a sophomore DD who didn't go to Homecoming because of another school event scheduled the same day.