homecoming and socially aggressive moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the girl’s moms my sons group of friends from an EC arranged a nice dinner beforehand at their country club and coordinated rides freshman and sophomore years. Nice pictures before. I wrote her a check. By junior year, the kids made their own plans.

I have a socially clueless boy, so I appreciated it. The loved being invite, and it took the pressure off a date. Left to his own devices, my kid would never have made a plan and probably would have skipped homecoming. But this was a very inclusive, all freshmen or sophomores in the extracurricular got an invite thing. My kid had a nice dinner and a good time, we have a nice picture of his friend group in a suit and it took a lot of social pressure off him. It cost me about $25 for dinner. Plus the cost of the ticket. No flowers because he didn’t have a date.

Moms can do snobby micromanaging, or they can be helpful and inclusive for 14 year olds who are poor planners . My sons friends mom was the later, and it was really nice of her. I’m pretty sure no one was excluded and no one had their feelings hurt.

+1

There is a third group of moms, OP. Be grateful if you don't come across the "forced inclusion" type. They are nuts! I heard of one parent who tried to go to the high school admin, to have their son included forcibly (!!!), into a group of boys attending homecoming. The boys had made their own plans - as it should be, it is high school. As you would suspect, that parent is now and forever on that school's radar, by their own doing - and NOT for good reason. Their poor DC! It would have been so much better for that DC, in the long run to find people who wanted to include (NOT forcibly, which will always backfire, for obvious reasons).

High school is the perfect time for our children to learn to make plans for themselves, *without* parental micromanagement. When I have seen micromanaging for homecoming, it is usually a family of all girls, whose mom is trying to live vicariously - or (rather obviously) have their daughters pair up with someone in particular. Everyone knows who that is, it is kind of the running joke. Sometimes a group of girls will invite a shy kid, and that is kind of nice, but it really sticks out, so it could go either way (by drawing to much attention, not always in a good way).

I don't really understand the moms who feel the need to send so many texts and/or make so many phone calls about anything, but I do think they need professional help. Since you asked, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't notice this at all. I have two college age kids (boy and girl) that went to all 4 of their homecomings in high school. This was a large mostly middle/upper middle class NOVA public school. One of them was the partier type that went with a big group of guys/girls, the other was more lowkey, and it was more about a evening with a small group of her best girlfriends. In all cases, it was the kids who were doing all the planning. I sometimes texted moms in the group that I knew well to confirm that we were all on the same page with the details we were given, but that was it. I posted a few pictures on Facebook, but it wasn't a big ordeal. Maybe it's just your kid's school? Or your kid's friend group in particular?

+1

Depends on the parents and their level of crazy. YOU sound perfectly normal, and I am sure your DC thank you for it, in retrospect, PP.

[Anonymous]

another perspective...freshmen group of kids "planned" their own pre-party dinner, but some communicated with their parents about it, some parents were clueless. in the end, parents had to communicate with each other to help figure out the rides and other logistics. parental involvement will be less as the kids mature, become better planners, and start to drive/uber on their own.

[Anonymous]

Totally understand parental involvement in helping with driving & reservations, just not the attempt to force their child into a certain group so they’re sure to be able to post social media with a popular group, I think I’m very burned out of hearing so much about all the drama of who’s going to which party - mainly from one particular mom friend

[Anonymous]

Clearly no parent is driving my DD's plans. Every time I try to extract details I get "it's TWO WEEKS AWAY!!." Of course they waited so long to make dinner reservations that they had to change plans last minute. Now it's this weekend and the parents at the house my DD thought they were hanging at after the dance the may not be home so looking for a plan B there too. Love the teen-age run plans . . . Still waiting to find out where I 'm driving and when. )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the girl’s moms my sons group of friends from an EC arranged a nice dinner beforehand at their country club and coordinated rides freshman and sophomore years. Nice pictures before. I wrote her a check. By junior year, the kids made their own plans.

I have a socially clueless boy, so I appreciated it. The loved being invite, and it took the pressure off a date. Left to his own devices, my kid would never have made a plan and probably would have skipped homecoming. But this was a very inclusive, all freshmen or sophomores in the extracurricular got an invite thing. My kid had a nice dinner and a good time, we have a nice picture of his friend group in a suit and it took a lot of social pressure off him. It cost me about $25 for dinner. Plus the cost of the ticket. No flowers because he didn’t have a date.

Moms can do snobby micromanaging, or they can be helpful and inclusive for 14 year olds who are poor planners . My sons friends mom was the later, and it was really nice of her. I’m pretty sure no one was excluded and no one had their feelings hurt.

+1

There is a third group of moms, OP. Be grateful if you don't come across the "forced inclusion" type. They are nuts! I heard of one parent who tried to go to the high school admin, to have their son included forcibly (!!!), into a group of boys attending homecoming. The boys had made their own plans - as it should be, it is high school. As you would suspect, that parent is now and forever on that school's radar, by their own doing - and NOT for good reason. Their poor DC! It would have been so much better for that DC, in the long run to find people who wanted to include (NOT forcibly, which will always backfire, for obvious reasons).

High school is the perfect time for our children to learn to make plans for themselves, *without* parental micromanagement. When I have seen micromanaging for homecoming, it is usually a family of all girls, whose mom is trying to live vicariously - or (rather obviously) have their daughters pair up with someone in particular. Everyone knows who that is, it is kind of the running joke. Sometimes a group of girls will invite a shy kid, and that is kind of nice, but it really sticks out, so it could go either way (by drawing to much attention, not always in a good way).

I don't really understand the moms who feel the need to send so many texts and/or make so many phone calls about anything, but I do think they need professional help. Since you asked, OP.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally understand parental involvement in helping with driving & reservations, just not the attempt to force their child into a certain group so they’re sure to be able to post social media with a popular group, I think I’m very burned out of hearing so much about all the drama of who’s going to which party - mainly from one particular mom friend

+1

Preach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the girl’s moms my sons group of friends from an EC arranged a nice dinner beforehand at their country club and coordinated rides freshman and sophomore years. Nice pictures before. I wrote her a check. By junior year, the kids made their own plans.

I have a socially clueless boy, so I appreciated it. The loved being invite, and it took the pressure off a date. Left to his own devices, my kid would never have made a plan and probably would have skipped homecoming. But this was a very inclusive, all freshmen or sophomores in the extracurricular got an invite thing. My kid had a nice dinner and a good time, we have a nice picture of his friend group in a suit and it took a lot of social pressure off him. It cost me about $25 for dinner. Plus the cost of the ticket. No flowers because he didn’t have a date.

Moms can do snobby micromanaging, or they can be helpful and inclusive for 14 year olds who are poor planners . My sons friends mom was the later, and it was really nice of her. I’m pretty sure no one was excluded and no one had their feelings hurt.

+1

There is a third group of moms, OP. Be grateful if you don't come across the "forced inclusion" type. They are nuts! I heard of one parent who tried to go to the high school admin, to have their son included forcibly (!!!), into a group of boys attending homecoming. The boys had made their own plans - as it should be, it is high school. As you would suspect, that parent is now and forever on that school's radar, by their own doing - and NOT for good reason. Their poor DC! It would have been so much better for that DC, in the long run to find people who wanted to include (NOT forcibly, which will always backfire, for obvious reasons).

High school is the perfect time for our children to learn to make plans for themselves, *without* parental micromanagement. When I have seen micromanaging for homecoming, it is usually a family of all girls, whose mom is trying to live vicariously - or (rather obviously) have their daughters pair up with someone in particular. Everyone knows who that is, it is kind of the running joke. Sometimes a group of girls will invite a shy kid, and that is kind of nice, but it really sticks out, so it could go either way (by drawing to much attention, not always in a good way).

I don't really understand the moms who feel the need to send so many texts and/or make so many phone calls about anything, but I do think they need professional help. Since you asked, OP.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

It sure does! Thanks for outing yourself!

[Anonymous]

^^Signed, Guilty As Charged

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. Fortunately, we are in a school situation where that didn't happen but in my DD's prior school the moms were very socially aggressive.

This year we had HC at our house and a group of girls came. I told my DD to make sure that no one would feel left out.

[Anonymous]

Just curious--are these mom's of daughter, mom's of sons or a mix?

I have sons only and never experienced this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. Fortunately, we are in a school situation where that didn't happen but in my DD's prior school the moms were very socially aggressive.

This year we had HC at our house and a group of girls came. I told my DD to make sure that no one would feel left out.

Even the other kids, all of them-not just yours - right??!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I try to stay away from moms like that. I prefer for my kids to create their own social lives. I cannot deal with people like you have described. I was recently cornered by a mother who asked me about my daughter’s homecoming experience and then proceeded to tell me how she went to her daughter’s friend’s homecoming pre-party with all the other parents of the friends and how lovely it was and on and on and on. Apparently all of the parents bought their daughters wrist corsages. So glad I don’t see her that much. It makes me nauseous to listen to that kind of meaningless drivel.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the girl’s moms my sons group of friends from an EC arranged a nice dinner beforehand at their country club and coordinated rides freshman and sophomore years. Nice pictures before. I wrote her a check. By junior year, the kids made their own plans.

I have a socially clueless boy, so I appreciated it. The loved being invite, and it took the pressure off a date. Left to his own devices, my kid would never have made a plan and probably would have skipped homecoming. But this was a very inclusive, all freshmen or sophomores in the extracurricular got an invite thing. My kid had a nice dinner and a good time, we have a nice picture of his friend group in a suit and it took a lot of social pressure off him. It cost me about $25 for dinner. Plus the cost of the ticket. No flowers because he didn’t have a date.

Moms can do snobby micromanaging, or they can be helpful and inclusive for 14 year olds who are poor planners . My sons friends mom was the later, and it was really nice of her. I’m pretty sure no one was excluded and no one had their feelings hurt.

+1

There is a third group of moms, OP. Be grateful if you don't come across the "forced inclusion" type. They are nuts! I heard of one parent who tried to go to the high school admin, to have their son included forcibly (!!!), into a group of boys attending homecoming. The boys had made their own plans - as it should be, it is high school. As you would suspect, that parent is now and forever on that school's radar, by their own doing - and NOT for good reason. Their poor DC! It would have been so much better for that DC, in the long run to find people who wanted to include (NOT forcibly, which will always backfire, for obvious reasons).

High school is the perfect time for our children to learn to make plans for themselves, *without* parental micromanagement. When I have seen micromanaging for homecoming, it is usually a family of all girls, whose mom is trying to live vicariously - or (rather obviously) have their daughters pair up with someone in particular. Everyone knows who that is, it is kind of the running joke. Sometimes a group of girls will invite a shy kid, and that is kind of nice, but it really sticks out, so it could go either way (by drawing to much attention, not always in a good way).

I don't really understand the moms who feel the need to send so many texts and/or make so many phone calls about anything, but I do think they need professional help. Since you asked, OP.

What’s the harm in including him if he did idn’t have anywhere else to go? I would’ve suggested to my son that they include someone. Its not like he’s going to make or break their night by being there but it could really ruin his night if he didn’t have somewhere to go. What happened to sense of community and being nice to other people? And no, I’m not that parent you’re talking about But I am a parent and I do have empathy for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious--are these mom's of daughter, mom's of sons or a mix?

I have sons only and never experienced this.

Both