About to present divorce papers to long-time serial cheating spouse that doesn’t know spouse knows..

[Anonymous]

Here's what they should do. If they're only in their 20s and this is a multiple cheater situation, this isn't ever going to get better. So, your friend should talk to a lawyer on the appropriate steps, serve the papers (possibly right before the trip -- the idea of distance is good, but if the spouse who will need to pay child support and be able to be a functioning parent after this is all over is likely to lose their job, then I'd wait) and then be determined to be the best coparent they can be going forward. Don't use kids as weapons or hostages and yes, it's going to hurt for a while -- friend will need to "fake it until they make it".

Do not drag anyone else's spouse into it. It is never because "the other spouse needs to know and I'm doing it for them". It's for revenge. Keep your own house in order and let other people deal with their own stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the people saying not to tell. Your friend will not look as bad as the cheater, nor will he be the subject of ire.

What about the kid? The more you tell, the more likely the kid will suffer.

Apparently we don’t care about the kid. We only care about OP getting his pound of flesh.

What the hell are you talking about? It’s not about revenge. It’s about doing the right thing and telling an innocent person that their health and welfare are at risk.

Nobody does this for revenge because they know personally how painful it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's what they should do. If they're only in their 20s and this is a multiple cheater situation, this isn't ever going to get better. So, your friend should talk to a lawyer on the appropriate steps, serve the papers (possibly right before the trip -- the idea of distance is good, but if the spouse who will need to pay child support and be able to be a functioning parent after this is all over is likely to lose their job, then I'd wait) and then be determined to be the best coparent they can be going forward. Don't use kids as weapons or hostages and yes, it's going to hurt for a while -- friend will need to "fake it until they make it".

Do not drag anyone else's spouse into it. It is never because "the other spouse needs to know and I'm doing it for them". It's for revenge. Keep your own house in order and let other people deal with their own stuff.

You are really ignorant about the continued damage it does not to tell. It just makes things worse for the other betrayed spouse. It is easier to recover from an affair the sooner it is discovered and ended. The longer t goes on, the worse it gets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's what they should do. If they're only in their 20s and this is a multiple cheater situation, this isn't ever going to get better. So, your friend should talk to a lawyer on the appropriate steps, serve the papers (possibly right before the trip -- the idea of distance is good, but if the spouse who will need to pay child support and be able to be a functioning parent after this is all over is likely to lose their job, then I'd wait) and then be determined to be the best coparent they can be going forward. Don't use kids as weapons or hostages and yes, it's going to hurt for a while -- friend will need to "fake it until they make it".

Do not drag anyone else's spouse into it. It is never because "the other spouse needs to know and I'm doing it for them". It's for revenge. Keep your own house in order and let other people deal with their own stuff.

You are really ignorant about the continued damage it does not to tell. It just makes things worse for the other betrayed spouse. It is easier to recover from an affair the sooner it is discovered and ended. The longer t goes on, the worse it gets.

It is not your obligation to be the police of someone else's marriage. And as we can see, people don't the email from the other spouse and thinks they're nuts. I didn't give two effs about the spouse of the other person when I found out. I don't blame them, but there was no feeling of "sisterly solidarity" going on. I dealt with my own train wreck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post should be deleted for stupidity

You are trash

[Anonymous]

If you want to support your friend, stay away from giving her advice and listen to her.

Your posts reeks of drama and making a bad situation worse. Zip your mouth and listen to your friend. Nothing you say or do is going to help her. You'll help her best by being there and listening.

[Anonymous]

I understood the OP but really what they need to know to do next is whatever their attorney tells them to do, not what anon randoms on the Interwebz say to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's what they should do. If they're only in their 20s and this is a multiple cheater situation, this isn't ever going to get better. So, your friend should talk to a lawyer on the appropriate steps, serve the papers (possibly right before the trip -- the idea of distance is good, but if the spouse who will need to pay child support and be able to be a functioning parent after this is all over is likely to lose their job, then I'd wait) and then be determined to be the best coparent they can be going forward. Don't use kids as weapons or hostages and yes, it's going to hurt for a while -- friend will need to "fake it until they make it".

Do not drag anyone else's spouse into it. It is never because "the other spouse needs to know and I'm doing it for them". It's for revenge. Keep your own house in order and let other people deal with their own stuff.

You are really ignorant about the continued damage it does not to tell. It just makes things worse for the other betrayed spouse. It is easier to recover from an affair the sooner it is discovered and ended. The longer t goes on, the worse it gets.

Where did you get your Psych degree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's what they should do. If they're only in their 20s and this is a multiple cheater situation, this isn't ever going to get better. So, your friend should talk to a lawyer on the appropriate steps, serve the papers (possibly right before the trip -- the idea of distance is good, but if the spouse who will need to pay child support and be able to be a functioning parent after this is all over is likely to lose their job, then I'd wait) and then be determined to be the best coparent they can be going forward. Don't use kids as weapons or hostages and yes, it's going to hurt for a while -- friend will need to "fake it until they make it".

Do not drag anyone else's spouse into it. It is never because "the other spouse needs to know and I'm doing it for them". It's for revenge. Keep your own house in order and let other people deal with their own stuff.

You are really ignorant about the continued damage it does not to tell. It just makes things worse for the other betrayed spouse. It is easier to recover from an affair the sooner it is discovered and ended. The longer t goes on, the worse it gets.

It is not your obligation to be the police of someone else's marriage. And as we can see, people don't the email from the other spouse and thinks they're nuts. I didn't give two effs about the spouse of the other person when I found out. I don't blame them, but there was no feeling of "sisterly solidarity" going on. I dealt with my own train wreck.

People in affairs are like cockroaches. They don't being exposed to the light of day. So exposing the affair might be their best chance at having the affair end. But you are right - it is better to have evidence to show them rather than letting their cheating spouse paint you as crazy.

My sister's ex cheated on her with a married woman. Her husband discovered the affair 6 months before my sister finally did. She is resentful to this day that he didn't let her know what was going on. But the time she figured it out, her DH and his AP were hitting their one year anniversary.

It's not "sisterly solidarity" - it's spousal survival. It's not about dealing with your own train wreck - it's about stopping more trains from derailing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they still living together as married people?

What is the husband hoping to gain?

Is the husband afraid for his or the child’s safety?

I don’t think a real lawyer was consulted here.

Separation agreements are negotiable, and this ambush is not going to make the negotiation go well. Likely, the wife will cancel the business trip and stay in the house, dragging out the drama for the child to witness.

All this is doing is setting up a very dramatic, likely expensive divorce, which isn’t in the child’s best interest. It also doesn’t make you look like the best parent. Yes, she is banging dudes on worktrips, but you are crazymaking in front of the child. Which action is going to be more traumatic to a kid? Not one that your child is ignorant of.

If you are truly wanting to end your marriage, and there is no physical threat, tell your spouse, and then decide who is leaving immediately for the night/weekend/whatever, and what the schedule will be with the child. No, this is not “abandonment” as the DCUM armchair lawyers will tell you.

On the other hand, if you just want the hysterical trauma bonding, go ahead and do this, but please send the child someplace first (grandparents, etc).

You can’t go batshit insane scorched earth once you have a kid.

You absolutely can. Sounds like spouse is on here trying to manipulate cheater on spouse to sticking around because ‘ think of the child!

Lawyer up!!

Yup. I would scorch all the earth. All. Send letters to the spouses too. Especially if I were financially stable without STB ex. If you do dirt,you get dirt.

Have at it. But be prepared to look just as shitty as the cheating wife.

Nope, the only shitty people here are the cheaters. Send a letter to each spouse along with a copy of evidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the people saying not to tell. Your friend will not look as bad as the cheater, nor will he be the subject of ire.

What about the kid? The more you tell, the more likely the kid will suffer.

Apparently we don’t care about the kid. We only care about OP getting his pound of flesh.

What the hell are you talking about? It’s not about revenge. It’s about doing the right thing and telling an innocent person that their health and welfare are at risk.

Nobody does this for revenge because they know personally how painful it is.

In your brain you can use this to manipulate the other person but it just doesn’t work this way. This is ABUSE of the partner - mentally and physically - and that’s not tolerable and it’s not a good thing for ‘the kid’ to witness either. Seek therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's what they should do. If they're only in their 20s and this is a multiple cheater situation, this isn't ever going to get better. So, your friend should talk to a lawyer on the appropriate steps, serve the papers (possibly right before the trip -- the idea of distance is good, but if the spouse who will need to pay child support and be able to be a functioning parent after this is all over is likely to lose their job, then I'd wait) and then be determined to be the best coparent they can be going forward. Don't use kids as weapons or hostages and yes, it's going to hurt for a while -- friend will need to "fake it until they make it".

Do not drag anyone else's spouse into it. It is never because "the other spouse needs to know and I'm doing it for them". It's for revenge. Keep your own house in order and let other people deal with their own stuff.

You are really ignorant about the continued damage it does not to tell. It just makes things worse for the other betrayed spouse. It is easier to recover from an affair the sooner it is discovered and ended. The longer t goes on, the worse it gets.

Where did you get your Psych degree?

Cracker Jack box.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the people saying not to tell. Your friend will not look as bad as the cheater, nor will he be the subject of ire.

What about the kid? The more you tell, the more likely the kid will suffer.

Apparently we don’t care about the kid. We only care about OP getting his pound of flesh.

What the hell are you talking about? It’s not about revenge. It’s about doing the right thing and telling an innocent person that their health and welfare are at risk.

Nobody does this for revenge because they know personally how painful it is.

Lol give me a break. Posters to the rescue!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the people saying not to tell. Your friend will not look as bad as the cheater, nor will he be the subject of ire.

What about the kid? The more you tell, the more likely the kid will suffer.

Apparently we don’t care about the kid. We only care about OP getting his pound of flesh.

What the hell are you talking about? It’s not about revenge. It’s about doing the right thing and telling an innocent person that their health and welfare are at risk.

Nobody does this for revenge because they know personally how painful it is.

In your brain you can use this to manipulate the other person but it just doesn’t work this way. This is ABUSE of the partner - mentally and physically - and that’s not tolerable and it’s not a good thing for ‘the kid’ to witness either. Seek therapy.

Manipulate the other person? What the hell are you talking about?

Telling the innocent spouse reveals the "ABUSE" that the cheater is subjecting their spouse to through their affair. Revealing the affair isn't abusive; having the affair is.

[Anonymous]

Let's be really realistic about OP. OP is getting involved in someone else's marriage (her friends) and wants DCUMs approval to send letters to get involved in marriages of people s/he doesn't even really know. Because s/he heard from someone that they are cheating. The people cheering this on out of cheater-rage need to get a grip-- OP is a psycho.