About to present divorce papers to long-time serial cheating spouse that doesn’t know spouse knows..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's be really realistic about OP. OP is getting involved in someone else's marriage (her friends) and wants DCUMs approval to send letters to get involved in marriages of people s/he doesn't even really know. Because s/he heard from someone that they are cheating. The people cheering this on out of cheater-rage need to get a grip-- OP is a psycho.

OP isn’t planning to contact the other spouses. The friend (whose wife is cheating on him with multiple people) thinks that they should know. If OP were sending this info, then yes, he or she should instead myob. Cheated-on friend should make the decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's be really realistic about OP. OP is getting involved in someone else's marriage (her friends) and wants DCUMs approval to send letters to get involved in marriages of people s/he doesn't even really know. Because s/he heard from someone that they are cheating. The people cheering this on out of cheater-rage need to get a grip-- OP is a psycho.

OP isn’t planning to contact the other spouses. The friend (whose wife is cheating on him with multiple people) thinks that they should know. If OP were sending this info, then yes, he or she should instead myob. Cheated-on friend should make the decision.

Sure. OP and "friend" are a blurry distinction. Even if you buy your line of reasoning, why is OP this involved in minutiae like when papers are served and who exactly the stbx was sleeping with? OP has an agenda.

[Anonymous]

It seems spiteful to blindly serve divorce papers prior to an out of town business trip. Especially if this business trip is high stress.

It seems you’re starting the divorce process from a petty standpoint of inflicting maximum hurt/damage. I know you’re hurting.

I’d recommend getting the kids away and having a frank discussion in person. You always have the option of scorch the earth. Don’t start there.

[Anonymous]

Here’s the deal. The OP has a young dearly loved child, so writing an email to the spouses of men who are with your DW will 100% negatively impact your child. The kids of those other families and their friends will hate on your kid because you will be blamed for the destruction that is sure to come about. Don’t do it!

[Anonymous]

Don't involve other spouses. If she's cheating with colleagues, you could jeopardize her job. If she loses her job, your alimony and child support go up. Fact.

[Anonymous]

So he is a male and you are female friend with this much vested interest? Will it come out in court that you two have a thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't involve other spouses. If she's cheating with colleagues, you could jeopardize her job. If she loses her job, your alimony and child support go up. Fact.

I totally agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he is a male and you are female friend with this much vested interest? Will it come out in court that you two have a thing?

+10000. OP is obvi a psycho.

[Anonymous]

I had to make this choice - serve before a business trip or after. It was in my interest that my DH disn’t lose his job, so I kept my cool and told him when he came back. I felt comfortable because due to circumstances I had leverage to make him leave the house quickly.

I fantasized a lot about moving out or moving him out while he was gone, but didn’t have the guts to do either.

[Anonymous]

My mom went “scotched earth” on my cheating dad. It was scary and traumatizing as a 9 year old. Please don’t lose control in front of your kids, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for non-obvious advice for a dear friend. Friend has evidence & legally drafted separation agreement. There is a young dearly loved child involved. Has selected moment when cheater is about to leave for critical work trip for presentation of papers. Friend feels they need the confrontation after the hell spouse has put them through. Also feels other spouses (yes plural - it’s a mess) need to know. Any advice? I feel like they should make appointment with therapist. Any other advice?

My advice is for you to talk to a psychologist asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. The OP has a young dearly loved child, so writing an email to the spouses of men who are with your DW will 100% negatively impact your child. The kids of those other families and their friends will hate on your kid because you will be blamed for the destruction that is sure to come about. Don’t do it!

You’re just going to have to take your medicine, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom went “scotched earth” on my cheating dad. It was scary and traumatizing as a 9 year old. Please don’t lose control in front of your kids, people.

Yeah agree. It’s akin to a cheated on spouse (most often the DW) taking the cheating spouse to court (most often the DH) and fleecing them for everything in order to punish them. The reality is that the kids get to feel the impact

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here... how jaded are you people? Seriously how sheltered have I been all my life... wtf. Not a poly anything relationship. Friend has been monogamous to spouse for over a decade and has learned in the past few weeks that spouse is “in love” with co-worker but also cheating with at least another and infidelity with at least a coup,e others have been going on during most if not all of marriage.

NP here but FFS why are you insulting PPs?? Your OP was not clear, and you didn’t include this clarifying information. I was wondering the same thing when you mentioned that other spouses needed to know. That was very confusing and unclear so this is on you. It sounds like your friend has legal counsel and has a plan.