About to present divorce papers to long-time serial cheating spouse that doesn’t know spouse knows..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they still living together as married people?

What is the husband hoping to gain?

Is the husband afraid for his or the child’s safety?

I don’t think a real lawyer was consulted here.

Separation agreements are negotiable, and this ambush is not going to make the negotiation go well. Likely, the wife will cancel the business trip and stay in the house, dragging out the drama for the child to witness.

All this is doing is setting up a very dramatic, likely expensive divorce, which isn’t in the child’s best interest. It also doesn’t make you look like the best parent. Yes, she is banging dudes on worktrips, but you are crazymaking in front of the child. Which action is going to be more traumatic to a kid? Not one that your child is ignorant of.

If you are truly wanting to end your marriage, and there is no physical threat, tell your spouse, and then decide who is leaving immediately for the night/weekend/whatever, and what the schedule will be with the child. No, this is not “abandonment” as the DCUM armchair lawyers will tell you.

On the other hand, if you just want the hysterical trauma bonding, go ahead and do this, but please send the child someplace first (grandparents, etc).

You can’t go batshit insane scorched earth once you have a kid.

You absolutely can. Sounds like spouse is on here trying to manipulate cheater on spouse to sticking around because ‘ think of the child!

Lawyer up!!

Yup. I would scorch all the earth. All. Send letters to the spouses too. Especially if I were financially stable without STB ex. If you do dirt,you get dirt.

Have at it. But be prepared to look just as shitty as the cheating wife.

Yep. It is the quintessential Anti-MYOB. Not only will you be affecting other peoples relationships unnecessarily, but you will also draw the ire of many people against you. Why would you want that in your life ?

[Anonymous]

I would make copies of all the financial documents including bank statements. I would then make a plan regarding the child and agree with a prior poster that seeing a therapist together on how to tell the child and how to do-parent post separation is a good idea. I’d also decide do I want to move out or do I want the STBX to move. Do we both need to move as financially the house cannot he kept. I’d also decide what custody schedule I wanted as STBX won’t be prepared and the status quo can be pushed for later. I personally would not tell the spouses. No matter how pissed I am, I wouldn’t want it getting back to my child. Also, if a coworker or work related, I would not want STBX’s job risked as it may mean I pay more spousal or child support, and if also hurts my kid.

[Anonymous]

I would tell the friend that it's totally appropriate to feel angry, but to put his(?) energy into himself and his child. Get the papers served, work out a temporary plan for custody, talk to the child, but don't waste your energy on the spouses of the AP or on trying to burn down the cheating spouses life. I know from personal experience that people don't view having an affair or multiple affairs as worthy of shunning, and the more your friend tries to tear down his STBX, the more people will judge him for being dramatic and bitter.

He needs to focus on what comes next in his own life and for his child.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the people saying not to tell. Your friend will not look as bad as the cheater, nor will he be the subject of ire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the people saying not to tell. Your friend will not look as bad as the cheater, nor will he be the subject of ire.

What about the kid? The more you tell, the more likely the kid will suffer.

[Anonymous]

Encourage a paternity test on the kid.

Then myob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the people saying not to tell. Your friend will not look as bad as the cheater, nor will he be the subject of ire.

What about the kid? The more you tell, the more likely the kid will suffer.

Apparently we don’t care about the kid. We only care about OP getting his pound of flesh.

[Anonymous]

This post should be deleted for stupidity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the people saying not to tell. Your friend will not look as bad as the cheater, nor will he be the subject of ire.

What about the kid? The more you tell, the more likely the kid will suffer.

Apparently we don’t care about the kid. We only care about OP getting his pound of flesh.

Yeah...if it was a DW...we’d get posts about sticking out for DCs, therapy, forgiveness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the people saying not to tell. Your friend will not look as bad as the cheater, nor will he be the subject of ire.

What about the kid? The more you tell, the more likely the kid will suffer.

Apparently we don’t care about the kid. We only care about OP getting his pound of flesh.

Yeah...if it was a DW...we’d get posts about sticking out for DCs, therapy, forgiveness

No we’d be asked no why you and so many women don’t have the self-respect to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the people saying not to tell. Your friend will not look as bad as the cheater, nor will he be the subject of ire.

What about the kid? The more you tell, the more likely the kid will suffer.

Apparently we don’t care about the kid. We only care about OP getting his pound of flesh.

Yeah...if it was a DW...we’d get posts about sticking out for DCs, therapy, forgiveness

No we’d be asked no why you and so many women don’t have the self-respect to leave.

If you have kids, you need to take them into consideration, regardless of who is cheating on whom or the gender of the person who wants to leave. Stay or leave, it doesn’t matter, but do it in a way that minimizes the children’s exposure to your adult problems.

[Anonymous]

If you want to write spouses, you better be 100% certain of the facts. If someone sent a letter to my spouse claiming I cheated (and I have never cheated), I would take legal action.

[Anonymous]

Ok.

OP's friend is the cheated on DH. His wife is acting like she's in a poly marriage but she isn't.

OP, tell your friend to get his financials in order before filing. Serve the papers. I would do it at work and let the AP's worry about their own crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to write spouses, you better be 100% certain of the facts. If someone sent a letter to my spouse claiming I cheated (and I have never cheated), I would take legal action.

Unlikely anything would come of it as long as the person acted in good faith. Also person doesn’t have to sign the letter or say who they are. Could act like they are another co worker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP clarification: Cheater DW has been cheating on friend with various co-workers for years. All of cheater partners are married.

Okay, no don't drag other spouses into this. Handle their own sh*t and be done with it. No need for dramatics and revenge. Just tell your friend to be the mature one here, there is a child involved for crying out loud.

This

Unless she feels like looking like a total psycho