About to present divorce papers to long-time serial cheating spouse that doesn’t know spouse knows..

[Anonymous]

Looking for non-obvious advice for a dear friend. Friend has evidence & legally drafted separation agreement. There is a young dearly loved child involved. Has selected moment when cheater is about to leave for critical work trip for presentation of papers. Friend feels they need the confrontation after the hell spouse has put them through. Also feels other spouses (yes plural - it’s a mess) need to know. Any advice? I feel like they should make appointment with therapist. Any other advice?

[Anonymous]

Whoa. I'm not quite understanding this. Why does your friend want to do this as her spouse is leaving for a work trip? Because she thinks she can drop this bomb, and then spouse will leave because their trip is critical, rather than staying around to argue/deal with it? Is she hoping spouse will cancel work trip, thus proving he loves her, or that he'll be such a mess on work trip that he'll damage his career? This timing seems like it's very intentional, but could blow back in her face, depending on what she's expecting.

[Anonymous]

Dafuq??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for non-obvious advice for a dear friend. Friend has evidence & legally drafted separation agreement. There is a young dearly loved child involved. Has selected moment when cheater is about to leave for critical work trip for presentation of papers. Friend feels they need the confrontation after the hell spouse has put them through. Also feels other spouses (yes plural - it’s a mess) need to know. Any advice? I feel like they should make appointment with therapist. Any other advice?

Okay so if I am following correctly. Your "friend" is in a poly relationship and caught the spouse she is legally married to cheating. She wonders why someone who is poly-amorous might have multiple relationships at once and has decided to confront her spouse just before they go out of town and serve them with divorce papers.

And you want advice, because this is so common people will know how to navigate this situation...

My question is if she breaks up with him and he doesn't break up with her other partners how awkward is thanksgiving?

[Anonymous]

I didn’t get that friend was in a poly relationship. I thought it meant friend was 3rd (or 4th) wife due to hubs having multiple previous marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whoa. I'm not quite understanding this. Why does your friend want to do this as her spouse is leaving for a work trip? Because she thinks she can drop this bomb, and then spouse will leave because their trip is critical, rather than staying around to argue/deal with it? Is she hoping spouse will cancel work trip, thus proving he loves her, or that he'll be such a mess on work trip that he'll damage his career? This timing seems like it's very intentional, but could blow back in her face, depending on what she's expecting.

I thank you for response but soooooo many assumptions here including gender of friend. Friend is done and has no intention of staying in marriage. Timing was lawyer’s idea to have house alone (with child) to regain composure. Friend really wants spouse to continue as planned with work trip. All known cheating buddies are work buddies so work trip is mixed business and pleasure. Friend is financially self sufficient so no financial blow back. Looking for advice on what else to do immediately after presenting paper and starting clock. Removing spouse from shared credit card, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP here... how jaded are you people? Seriously how sheltered have I been all my life... wtf. Not a poly anything relationship. Friend has been monogamous to spouse for over a decade and has learned in the past few weeks that spouse is “in love” with co-worker but also cheating with at least another and infidelity with at least a coup,e others have been going on during most if not all of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t get that friend was in a poly relationship. I thought it meant friend was 3rd (or 4th) wife due to hubs having multiple previous marriages.

OP again... first marriage for both in their 20s. I have to re-read what I wrote because clearly it was not clear...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t get that friend was in a poly relationship. I thought it meant friend was 3rd (or 4th) wife due to hubs having multiple previous marriages.

I don't know..."Also feels other spouses (yes plural - it’s a mess)" seems like they are one big happy family.

[Anonymous]

OP clarification: Cheater DW has been cheating on friend with various co-workers for years. All of cheater partners are married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t get that friend was in a poly relationship. I thought it meant friend was 3rd (or 4th) wife due to hubs having multiple previous marriages.

OP again... first marriage for both in their 20s. I have to re-read what I wrote because clearly it was not clear...

Did you mean the cheaters AP is also married? That is the other spouse?

Did you write the OP drunk?

[Anonymous]

Stop being so gender neutral and using “they” instead of the proper singular pronoun and maybe people won’t think your “friend” is in a poly relationship.

My advice: let your friend seek out advice on his or her own. MYOB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP clarification: Cheater DW has been cheating on friend with various co-workers for years. All of cheater partners are married.

Okay, no don't drag other spouses into this. Handle their own sh*t and be done with it. No need for dramatics and revenge. Just tell your friend to be the mature one here, there is a child involved for crying out loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop being so gender neutral and using “they” instead of the proper singular pronoun and maybe people won’t think your “friend” is in a poly relationship.

My advice: let your friend seek out advice on his or her own. MYOB

OP is totally the "friend".

[Anonymous]

OP your post is weird and makes no sense. Also why all the drama?