Advice from women - sexual jealousy is good, in doses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like it if my DH was in shape enough to be hit on at a bar. He's not.

You'd definitely like it if he was in better shape. But, if you've been with him for any length of time, there's a pretty good chance you still wouldn't want to have sex with him.

I'm genuinely sorry that this is your experience, but this is really not true of all women. The women in my family have always been horndogs all through the lifespan in their marriages. Maybe it's a hormonal profile thing? I don't know. But I do not think it is universally true that all women stop wanting sex with their husbands after a couple of years.

+1000. I still have near daily sex with my significantly overweight husband, but I resent that I keep myself up and he doesn't. Fitness is not just about yourself. It's about what you think your spouse deserves.

Thank you, this. I have sex 2-3x/week with my overweight husband. I'd have it more, but I'm not particularly attracted to him when he lets himself go. I keep myself up (or technically, weight down) and he doesn't. I exercise. I watch what I eat. He doesn't. We took a hike earlier this summer when we were on vacation, and I found myself wondering if I was going to have to call 911 off the mountain. But sex, I love.

To be frank, though, I don't keep myself up for my husband. I do it for me.

A DH here. I do this, too. Unlike your husband, I have always kept myself in shape. But I learned a long time ago that for my DW, it doesn't matter if I have a six pack, full head of hair, look ten years younger than my age and get looks from women everywhere I go. She has very little interest in me sexually and I could just let myself go and we'd probably have the same amount and quality of sex as we do now. I make the effort to look and feel good for my own sanity.

How do you keep your full head of hair? I just turned 47 and mine is starting to shed. I’m going to see a doc next week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like it if my DH was in shape enough to be hit on at a bar. He's not.

You'd definitely like it if he was in better shape. But, if you've been with him for any length of time, there's a pretty good chance you still wouldn't want to have sex with him.

I'm genuinely sorry that this is your experience, but this is really not true of all women. The women in my family have always been horndogs all through the lifespan in their marriages. Maybe it's a hormonal profile thing? I don't know. But I do not think it is universally true that all women stop wanting sex with their husbands after a couple of years.

+1000. I still have near daily sex with my significantly overweight husband, but I resent that I keep myself up and he doesn't. Fitness is not just about yourself. It's about what you think your spouse deserves.

Thank you, this. I have sex 2-3x/week with my overweight husband. I'd have it more, but I'm not particularly attracted to him when he lets himself go. I keep myself up (or technically, weight down) and he doesn't. I exercise. I watch what I eat. He doesn't. We took a hike earlier this summer when we were on vacation, and I found myself wondering if I was going to have to call 911 off the mountain. But sex, I love.

To be frank, though, I don't keep myself up for my husband. I do it for me.

A DH here. I do this, too. Unlike your husband, I have always kept myself in shape. But I learned a long time ago that for my DW, it doesn't matter if I have a six pack, full head of hair, look ten years younger than my age and get looks from women everywhere I go. She has very little interest in me sexually and I could just let myself go and we'd probably have the same amount and quality of sex as we do now. I make the effort to look and feel good for my own sanity.

How do you keep your full head of hair? I just turned 47 and mine is starting to shed. I’m going to see a doc next week.

Sorry, bad example. That's just the genetic lottery. Some guys are hung like a horse. I have all my hair. Shrug. Point I was making is that I'm not fat, balding and bad in bed and it apparently makes no difference in how sexually attracted to me my wife is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Sorry, bad example. That's just the genetic lottery. Some guys are hung like a horse. I have all my hair. Shrug. Point I was making is that I'm not fat, balding and bad in bed and it apparently makes no difference in how sexually attracted to me my wife is.

Do you wonder if it’s your behavior or personality?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Sorry, bad example. That's just the genetic lottery. Some guys are hung like a horse. I have all my hair. Shrug. Point I was making is that I'm not fat, balding and bad in bed and it apparently makes no difference in how sexually attracted to me my wife is.

Do you wonder if it’s your behavior or personality?

Well, this is DCUM so it's clearly my fault.

On a more serious note, marriage is a team sport, so yeah, of course I bear an equal part of the "blame". I can be difficult to live with at times and I'm far from perfect. The difference is that, like most men, the things I resent about her almost never affect my level of desire for her. She will let me know when I'm being difficult and when it affects her attraction to me. But in the end, it doesn't matter how we're getting along or even if we're on vacation, there just isn't that much attraction there to begin with even though she insists she's very attracted to me. Her actions speak louder than her words, however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Sorry, bad example. That's just the genetic lottery. Some guys are hung like a horse. I have all my hair. Shrug. Point I was making is that I'm not fat, balding and bad in bed and it apparently makes no difference in how sexually attracted to me my wife is.

Do you wonder if it’s your behavior or personality?

OP here and in the same situation as PP. I can absolutely guarantee you us men - who keep themselves up, make money, good fathers, reasonably good shape and who would be in utmost demand if single - are the silent majority on DCUM. That there is a major desire disparity between the genders isn't disputed, despite some amazing unicorns on here professing their desire for sex with overweight husbands.

My wife, for example, wanted little to no sex for years and years in my 30s. I was in best shape of my life, kids were little, I was hitting every professional and father metric, date nights, didn't matter. Talked about it, didn't matter.

Fast forward, my wife took up running, she got herself in better shape, kids are less demanding. Me? I am objectively older and in worse shape, but now she wants sex at least some times.

Point - her desire has zero to do with me, it's how she feels about her. Extra point - it seems like if she feels threatened by another woman flirting with me, she revs up her game. I didn't look any different when we went out than when the flirting started. But for the younger woman paying me attention that night, our end of the night would have been platonic.

I chalk it up to basic female biology. Trying to rationalize it seems pointless. Figuring out how to exploit it without ruining my marriage is the point of this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Sorry, bad example. That's just the genetic lottery. Some guys are hung like a horse. I have all my hair. Shrug. Point I was making is that I'm not fat, balding and bad in bed and it apparently makes no difference in how sexually attracted to me my wife is.

Do you wonder if it’s your behavior or personality?

OP here and in the same situation as PP. I can absolutely guarantee you us men - who keep themselves up, make money, good fathers, reasonably good shape and who would be in utmost demand if single - are the silent majority on DCUM. That there is a major desire disparity between the genders isn't disputed, despite some amazing unicorns on here professing their desire for sex with overweight husbands.

My wife, for example, wanted little to no sex for years and years in my 30s. I was in best shape of my life, kids were little, I was hitting every professional and father metric, date nights, didn't matter. Talked about it, didn't matter.

Fast forward, my wife took up running, she got herself in better shape, kids are less demanding. Me? I am objectively older and in worse shape, but now she wants sex at least some times.

Point - her desire has zero to do with me, it's how she feels about her. Extra point - it seems like if she feels threatened by another woman flirting with me, she revs up her game. I didn't look any different when we went out than when the flirting started. But for the younger woman paying me attention that night, our end of the night would have been platonic.

I chalk it up to basic female biology. Trying to rationalize it seems pointless. Figuring out how to exploit it without ruining my marriage is the point of this thread.

Guy here - I definitely agree that one component of a woman’s drive is how she feels about herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Sorry, bad example. That's just the genetic lottery. Some guys are hung like a horse. I have all my hair. Shrug. Point I was making is that I'm not fat, balding and bad in bed and it apparently makes no difference in how sexually attracted to me my wife is.

Do you wonder if it’s your behavior or personality?

OP here and in the same situation as PP. I can absolutely guarantee you us men - who keep themselves up, make money, good fathers, reasonably good shape and who would be in utmost demand if single - are the silent majority on DCUM. That there is a major desire disparity between the genders isn't disputed, despite some amazing unicorns on here professing their desire for sex with overweight husbands.

My wife, for example, wanted little to no sex for years and years in my 30s. I was in best shape of my life, kids were little, I was hitting every professional and father metric, date nights, didn't matter. Talked about it, didn't matter.

Fast forward, my wife took up running, she got herself in better shape, kids are less demanding. Me? I am objectively older and in worse shape, but now she wants sex at least some times.

Point - her desire has zero to do with me, it's how she feels about her. Extra point - it seems like if she feels threatened by another woman flirting with me, she revs up her game. I didn't look any different when we went out than when the flirting started. But for the younger woman paying me attention that night, our end of the night would have been platonic.

I chalk it up to basic female biology. Trying to rationalize it seems pointless. Figuring out how to exploit it without ruining my marriage is the point of this thread.

Guy here - I definitely agree that one component of a woman’s drive is how she feels about herself.

This is actually something that certain morally challenged guys who "date" married women exploit very effectively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Sorry, bad example. That's just the genetic lottery. Some guys are hung like a horse. I have all my hair. Shrug. Point I was making is that I'm not fat, balding and bad in bed and it apparently makes no difference in how sexually attracted to me my wife is.

Do you wonder if it’s your behavior or personality?

OP here and in the same situation as PP. I can absolutely guarantee you us men - who keep themselves up, make money, good fathers, reasonably good shape and who would be in utmost demand if single - are the silent majority on DCUM. That there is a major desire disparity between the genders isn't disputed, despite some amazing unicorns on here professing their desire for sex with overweight husbands.

My wife, for example, wanted little to no sex for years and years in my 30s. I was in best shape of my life, kids were little, I was hitting every professional and father metric, date nights, didn't matter. Talked about it, didn't matter.

Fast forward, my wife took up running, she got herself in better shape, kids are less demanding. Me? I am objectively older and in worse shape, but now she wants sex at least some times.

Point - her desire has zero to do with me, it's how she feels about her. Extra point - it seems like if she feels threatened by another woman flirting with me, she revs up her game. I didn't look any different when we went out than when the flirting started. But for the younger woman paying me attention that night, our end of the night would have been platonic.

I chalk it up to basic female biology. Trying to rationalize it seems pointless. Figuring out how to exploit it without ruining my marriage is the point of this thread.

Guy here - I definitely agree that one component of a woman’s drive is how she feels about herself.

This is actually something that certain morally challenged guys who "date" married women exploit very effectively.

It’s always those evil guys! How do they exploit that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Sorry, bad example. That's just the genetic lottery. Some guys are hung like a horse. I have all my hair. Shrug. Point I was making is that I'm not fat, balding and bad in bed and it apparently makes no difference in how sexually attracted to me my wife is.

Do you wonder if it’s your behavior or personality?

OP here and in the same situation as PP. I can absolutely guarantee you us men - who keep themselves up, make money, good fathers, reasonably good shape and who would be in utmost demand if single - are the silent majority on DCUM. That there is a major desire disparity between the genders isn't disputed, despite some amazing unicorns on here professing their desire for sex with overweight husbands.

My wife, for example, wanted little to no sex for years and years in my 30s. I was in best shape of my life, kids were little, I was hitting every professional and father metric, date nights, didn't matter. Talked about it, didn't matter.

Fast forward, my wife took up running, she got herself in better shape, kids are less demanding. Me? I am objectively older and in worse shape, but now she wants sex at least some times.

Point - her desire has zero to do with me, it's how she feels about her. Extra point - it seems like if she feels threatened by another woman flirting with me, she revs up her game. I didn't look any different when we went out than when the flirting started. But for the younger woman paying me attention that night, our end of the night would have been platonic.

I chalk it up to basic female biology. Trying to rationalize it seems pointless. Figuring out how to exploit it without ruining my marriage is the point of this thread.

Guy here - I definitely agree that one component of a woman’s drive is how she feels about herself.

This is actually something that certain morally challenged guys who "date" married women exploit very effectively.

It’s always those evil guys! How do they exploit that?

Not today, ISIS, not today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. I’ve experienced the same. I’m 47 and stay fit/well dressed. My company has a college hire program and there are literally a 1000+ post college professional women in my office. They do flirt occasionally but I honestly have zero interest. I’ve got a great marriage family and wouldn’t do anything to put that at risk. My wife knows this and is a very confident and accomplished person.

When my wife and are out we’ll invariably run into some of the people that I work with - male and female. They’ll come up and hug me, offer to buy us drinks, etc. They’ll be dressed like a girl in their 20’s going out - sexy. Anyway, my usually too tired wife turns into a sex machine when we get home. I’ve seen this happen over and over. There’s nothing I do that influences it - it’s just luck of the draw on who we run into that night.

Also, she never leaves for, or lets me leave for work travel without doing it first.

Smart wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Guy here - I definitely agree that one component of a woman’s drive is how she feels about herself.

This is actually something that certain morally challenged guys who "date" married women exploit very effectively.

Those guys have an advantage over husbands. A DH can do all kinds of things to try to tell and show his DW that he thinks she's sexy, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't count. He "has" to say she's sexy. If he shows her, it's just because he's horny and can't go anywhere else for sex. If some rando hits on her though, it's flattering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Guy here - I definitely agree that one component of a woman’s drive is how she feels about herself.

This is actually something that certain morally challenged guys who "date" married women exploit very effectively.

Those guys have an advantage over husbands. A DH can do all kinds of things to try to tell and show his DW that he thinks she's sexy, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't count. He "has" to say she's sexy. If he shows her, it's just because he's horny and can't go anywhere else for sex. If some rando hits on her though, it's flattering.

100% correct

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Guy here - I definitely agree that one component of a woman’s drive is how she feels about herself.

This is actually something that certain morally challenged guys who "date" married women exploit very effectively.

Those guys have an advantage over husbands. A DH can do all kinds of things to try to tell and show his DW that he thinks she's sexy, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't count. He "has" to say she's sexy. If he shows her, it's just because he's horny and can't go anywhere else for sex. If some rando hits on her though, it's flattering.

100% correct

What you guys seeming don’t understand is this also works to YOUR benefit. Just be that random guy hitting on a married woman. There is a reason that married men are well known for philandering behind their wives back: it’s often easiest way to get laid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Guy here - I definitely agree that one component of a woman’s drive is how she feels about herself.

This is actually something that certain morally challenged guys who "date" married women exploit very effectively.

Those guys have an advantage over husbands. A DH can do all kinds of things to try to tell and show his DW that he thinks she's sexy, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't count. He "has" to say she's sexy. If he shows her, it's just because he's horny and can't go anywhere else for sex. If some rando hits on her though, it's flattering.

100% correct

What you guys seeming don’t understand is this also works to YOUR benefit. Just be that random guy hitting on a married woman. There is a reason that married men are well known for philandering behind their wives back: it’s often easiest way to get laid.

No, we do understand. Some of us have taken advantage of that fact, others of us don't want to cheat on our wives. The vast majority of us would prefer it if our wives responded to us the same way they would respond to that rando hitting on them so we didn't have to face the choice between guilt and resentment. Despite the posts from a few guys who want to bang everything that moves (like PP I assume), most of us really do just want our wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Sorry, bad example. That's just the genetic lottery. Some guys are hung like a horse. I have all my hair. Shrug. Point I was making is that I'm not fat, balding and bad in bed and it apparently makes no difference in how sexually attracted to me my wife is.

Do you wonder if it’s your behavior or personality?

OP here and in the same situation as PP. I can absolutely guarantee you us men - who keep themselves up, make money, good fathers, reasonably good shape and who would be in utmost demand if single - are the silent majority on DCUM. That there is a major desire disparity between the genders isn't disputed, despite some amazing unicorns on here professing their desire for sex with overweight husbands.

My wife, for example, wanted little to no sex for years and years in my 30s. I was in best shape of my life, kids were little, I was hitting every professional and father metric, date nights, didn't matter. Talked about it, didn't matter.

Fast forward, my wife took up running, she got herself in better shape, kids are less demanding. Me? I am objectively older and in worse shape, but now she wants sex at least some times.

Point - her desire has zero to do with me, it's how she feels about her. Extra point - it seems like if she feels threatened by another woman flirting with me, she revs up her game. I didn't look any different when we went out than when the flirting started. But for the younger woman paying me attention that night, our end of the night would have been platonic.

I chalk it up to basic female biology. Trying to rationalize it seems pointless. Figuring out how to exploit it without ruining my marriage is the point of this thread.

Guy here - I definitely agree that one component of a woman’s drive is how she feels about herself.

This is actually something that certain morally challenged guys who "date" married women exploit very effectively.

It’s always those evil guys! How do they exploit that?

I suspect that they actually pay attention to her, give compliments, and plan activities she enjoys. Unlike the DH. Which goes back to the behavior of these DH? If you are so hot, why is she not into you, but ripe and willing for someone else?